Words & Stuff

I write words and stuff, and this is where I dump them.

[wampersands]

Apricity

His smile reminds me

Of the warmth of the sun

In winter

A ray of light blinding

But good and cozy

On my skin

Like my favorite sweater

You feel like home

In the middle of

A thunderstorm

[wampersands]

Follow wampersands for more.

[wampersands]

Pine

He nods and pretends

That everything's okay

Even when he's broken

Cos you're far away

*

You're with another

With him, seems like never

*

Yet he waits and he yearns

And he thinks he can earn

A love that isn't his

A love you can't give

[wampersands]

Used to

A mess

Like tangles in my brain

Faded pictures of your face

A film overexposed

Or a poet's forgotten words

I don't think I know

How your nose

Points and slopes

Anymore

Your crooked teeth

The smile that beats

A thousand stars

Shining in the night sky

You call my name

And they burst into flames

Yet I am left with coals

A dying ember

I wish I can remember

But I don't

The image is ruined

Forever

*

I used to love you

But not anymore

[wampersands]

To the single girls:

He'll never make you feel guilty

For texting him "too much"

And you won't have to feel clingy

Cos he's around enough

*

You won't have to explain why you

Leave voice mails at the tone

Cos he won't always wait for you

To pick up the damn phone

*

You won't have to wonder why he

Hasn't returned your call

Or worry that he's out there with

Someone hot, blonde, and tall

*

He'll wake you up with good mornings

Even if he's away

He'll always be understanding

When you say he's your bae

*

He may not like the corny things

Or watch rom-coms alone

But for you he'll see Four Weddings

With a tub of popcorn

*

He'll show you that he loves you in

A thousand diff'rent ways

Your heart he will forever win

With love - a love that stays

[wampersands]

Overseas Addiction

Surely

There's another way

I can hold you

Beyond this

Two-dimensional

Black mirror

Diffusing random

Colors of light

*

Barely

I can barely catch

My breath

Seeing you

Where it's day

When here it's dark

And we're thousands

Of miles apart

*

One day

I'll hold you

In my arms

Your scent

Like clouds of merry

Swirling inside

My brain

My cocaine

*

I'll get high

With your presence

You're the only

Addiction

I'll ever need

Ever want

Ever miss

Ever love

[wampersands]

Me

I've had my share of trials and tribulations

Adored failed heroes and losing champions

I stand by my choices, all my decisions

And own up to my mistakes, my delusions

*

Every day I learn to love myself more

To embrace my faults and misdemeanor

To let go of my doubts, my fear of error

And to like the girl I see inside the mirror

*

One day I hope to accept myself fully

The kinks and bruises I've earned deservedly

To love and be loved equally, wholeheartedly

And to let myself learn and grow perpetually

[wampersands]

Him

Even the smell of fresh laundry

Reminds me of him

I have slowly grown weary

Always thinking of him

*

Every night, I lie awake

Haunted by him

How much more can I take?

All these thoughts of him

*

I am consumed, I am taken

By memories of him

Don't be fooled or mistaken

He doesn't love me

[wampersands]

Universe

I write

To express

The mess

I hide inside

*

It's been weeks and I'm still thinking about him. Our memories are like the stars at night, irreplaceable. Even if they're hiding in the dark, they still take up the sky, the universe. He's the Universe. And I'm just a speck in his being. Irrelevant, probably. An unseen dot in his vastness and mystery.

But, like the Earth and its inhabitants, I'd like to think that I was special. That I am special. That, of all the floating rocks in space, he chose me and gave me life. Forever I'll wonder if it was all by chance or if he thought I was deserving. Missing him is unnerving. I wish I can pretend that nothing happened between us. Or at least find the will to file our memories into vaults and lock them up, lock them in, lock them away.

I wish he had stayed.

But even if he did who's to say he would've still wanted me?

He is such a mystery.

[wnq-writers]

I can’t sleep, just like that night. I stayed up, watching you sleep wondering what was on your mind. Wondering when the universe pictured us meeting, if our starts aligned. Wondering if there would be a last time for us to lay down just as we did that night. Time went by so flawlessly, so fast, I stared at you until my eyes grew weary and even then I couldn’t sleep. I wondered if deep inside you really wanted me to be there or if it was just so obvious that I was full of pain and ached for love, so you pitied me. In reality, I wasn’t full of anything. Well at least now I’m sure I’m not. Empty, vacant, unoccupied—Abandoned. Such a reoccurring theme in my life. Whatever. Somehow I fell asleep as soon as the light began to crawl. When everyone’s asleep, I’m awake playing with the lost and disregarded thoughts thrown into the unwanted pile of this world. They belong to me, they dance over my head until my soul surrenders and my body responds, then I sleep. Finally. All of a sudden I am awaken by the soft meet of your skin to mine. I felt your fingers gracing across the surface of my hip and slowly moving down to my leg. It was a wonderful awakening, my heart began to race, my lips quivered and I turned over to see that you were still sleep. I didn’t know whether to smile or to be disappointed. Were you dreaming of me? Am I on your unconscious mind? Or are you imagining the comfort of someone else? I could never know. I turned back over. I remember wishing you felt what I felt. Intensity. Every moment with you, I cherished and I feared. Even watching you sleep terrified me because it was like being on time out as a kid when all you really want is to play outside. Well, when you woke up, you took another piece of my away. Your hands wrapped around my body, your lips slither all over my skin, you travel to places inside of me unknown by the rest of the world and I cry aloud “I love you.” I wish I would’ve said more. I wish all the words I know went to use, I wish I found the right ones to say. But that probably still wouldn’t have stopped you from leaving. If you were poison then I was ready to die. What a fool.

daniellegazi (via wnq-writers)

[wampersands]

Danger

He's fucking charming, okay? He's cool without trying. And every movie I've ever seen and every book I've ever read have warned me about him. Still...STILL this stupid brain of mine won't stop thinking about him.

I want to be with him again. To feel his hands all over me. His lips all over me. His body pressed against mine. I want to bite his bottom lip and nibble on his ear and put his finger in my mouth. I want to taste his sweat, to be drenched with it, to see him work and hear him groan and watch him enjoying me. I want to be wrapped around him when we're done and to watch him fall asleep beside me and to hear him snoring in the middle of the night when the moon shines bright through the windows. I want to regret him in the morning when I'm sober and less stupid yet still yearn for the way he breathed my name through his lips. I want him bad and I want him now and I want him again and again and again...

I've been warned. But he's exactly the kind of danger I want.

[wampersands]

Break of dawn

The words she lets slip

Fills a void dark and deep

Where her monsters fall asleep

With forgotten memories and sunken ships

*

But he doesn't hear

He never does - even when near

All the tears she's shed, a martyr

And an oblivious, mysterious, self-centered ameer

*

Every morning

She craves for their goings-

On; but, oh, how his aloofness stings

His love - both a gift and a reckoning

Once the dawn breaks

He leaves and she aches

[wampersands]

Unreliable images

A pedestal

I have put him on a pedestal

In my mind

Our memories

Blown up and out of proportion

He's just a person

But I look up to him

And reach out

As if he's a mountain taller

More breathtaking

Than he actually is

I fall for him over and over again

Though he in my mind

Is not who he actually is

[wampersands]

Wouldn't it be nice if he loved me too?

Yes, but I deserve a love so much better than his half-hearted adoration.

[wampersands]

Long weekend

When he asked me out late Friday night, I said yes without thinking.

Try as I might, I can't deny: Yes, I have been waiting.

For him to notice the way I've changed, how I've grown, how puberty has benefited me.

When before I was small, a little bit of a bore, I now pride myself as smart and funny, even somewhat pretty.

And so he took me out, and then took me in, and then finally he took me whole.

And I gave him all, all in one night, my body, my heart and even my soul.

For three nights, he was mine, and I was his, two warm bodies in the dark.

But every morning, as I lay in bed watching him sleeping, I knew this was nothing to him but a spark.

A fling, a short thing, a summer love in winter.

A hope and hope's disappointment, a fleeting thing, never forever.

I should have known better. I know. I should have been more careful.

But each time he kissed me, I couldn't help but feel a little hopeful.

That maybe this infatuation can turn into adoration.

Though now I know, I admit, it was just a stupid speculation.

He didn't like me the way I want him to.

He never saw me the way I do.

But it's alright. I swear it's okay.

At least our memories are here to stay.

[wampersands]

LDR

They say distance

Makes the heart grow fonder

And so I wonder

Where we stand

In this international

Love affair

Where I'm here

And you're there?

[wampersands]

In a far away land

Mesmerized

By the palm of your hands

A sacred thing

The shape of your heart

You're the prize

I came here to withstand

The long longing

Of being apart

A haze, a maze

I crave for a place

To win, a prince

An unattainable kiss