constant diary @whatimthinkingaboutrightnow - Tumblr Blog

this might go badly in the future (misgendering) but for now im very into the constant oggling of his body (i have a love toward fetishation of transmasc bodies. the way his existance between the binary is highlighted as something which makes him better than anything inside those binaries)

#he ofcourse is me #yuureitou

usually when i’m intoxicated i have something to say something to fixate on. but oh, it seems i’m empty right now. in a very good sense.

#maybe a long lasting crush but yeah. for now guess ill actually enjoy and just be

whatimthinkingaboutrightnow

so bored by how my body screams for him. like we get it. you want to swallow him whole and shape yourself to be his ideal. weight, mass, glimmer. spit. want him to watch you and see his eyes stunned, obsessed. want to take his shirt off and make him see the mutt in you. but it’s so boring, so immature and, once again, such a rejection of the part of yourself you’ve sacrificed everything for.

whatimthinkingaboutrightnow

nvm he’s not that hot tbh

why is hypertension a thing ugh

so bored by how my body screams for him. like we get it. you want to swallow him whole and shape yourself to be his ideal. weight, mass, glimmer. spit. want him to watch you and see his eyes stunned, obsessed. want to take his shirt off and make him see the mutt in you. but it’s so boring, so immature and, once again, such a rejection of the part of yourself you’ve sacrificed everything for.

had a bad comedown from shrooms and my friend asked if she could hug me to make me better and i blurted like a hurt animal that it would only make things worse, because it would. only on that moment did i realise that wow in still unable to be touched when vunerable, or just over all. been a big weekend of just realising all my trauma.

#i don’t know why i cant be touched.#im pretty sure its a trans thing

yes yes yes yes finished a painting yes vittu jesss jessssssss

turha äijä!!!!!

head in my hands crying bawling my eyes out inside the high class academic system ”i don’t belong here!!”

#so often just the sheer amount of feeling of alienation when i sit in this table and think about how i dont get what these people think of #th world

i feel like i haven’t heard an interesting idea in ages

or like even a thing i didn’t already know about

when did it get like this

my brain is fucking burning. it feels as if no amount of work is enough.

#i feel like once again i don’t really want to do anything #outside of like. stuff that’s impossible to me rn like moving to japan or smth #god what am i to doooo #everything feels so bland i dont want to party i dont want to do drugs i dont want to hang out with people tbh i dont want to do art #well ok i do want to do art but everything takes so much time and the stuff i want to start is back at home with my parents #i need a big canvas..#fuck. yea i guess im just lost as fuck since for the first time ever i don’t have a plan for the upcoming year and its weird and uncomfortab #i need a better job. that’s the issue i think. i need a job and i need money #i need to meet new people but i feel like every time i meet new people i couldn’t care less about them #maybe i hang out in wrong places #should i befriend older people?#i need to befriend more artists but everything feels so small here #even though im small as well!!! i don’t understand myself i dont get it #and ishould prolly have sex but that brings us back to the im so bored of other people thing #and none of my older kinks even get me going ughhhhh #borig boring boring

just thinking about how after mastectomy im never going to wear a shirt again.

honestly, i sometimes used to get kinda bored and annoyed at body/self love posting by cishet able bodied skinny people for ”not understanding the social context of their bodies” etc. but that was so stupid. as if all forms of self love aren’t radical and counter to the norm. none of us are taught to love or respect our bodies we are only taught to use them. be punished for not fitting a mold or fear punishment if you loose that mold body.

plus its not like most of these pieces actually take away any space from other body discussion. your old schoolmate posting a pseudo artistic bodymovement video on ig isn’t taking anything from anyone. its actually guite beautiful.

people really truly can’t be seriously talking about hyperpop without mentioning pc music like i assumed its like the most known surface level fact about it but ive resently seen a weird amount of hyperpop explanations which have NO MENTION?? howww the people from pc music are literally still big names in the gendre what??? the whole beef about the sporify list’s monopoly on the genre is a constant discussion isn’t it??

i never get suprised by braindead takes anymore but how did i just see someone’s take on the ravi situation to be ”they need to investigate this more bcs more people could have faked a way out of service” girl WHAT. yeah slay the rightful take on a militant country putting a dude in jail for TWO YEARS to use him as an example to everyone who might not want to enlist to the LITERAL MILITARY is that the government should go secret police on everyone who isn’t willing to give their life for their country.

#idk as a citizen of a country with mandatory enlistment the fact that the police / military police will eventually come get you if you don’t #show up to callings is seen as barbaric at least to most people i interact with.#its a huge discussion here as to what we should do and yada yada huge unstable borderneighbour and lack of any actual power makes it so that #mandatory enlistment will prolly never go away. the only part of that’ll change is that all genders might be forced. ugh idk.

get a gay photographer to do an editorial with minguy. he deserves that. trad-beauty men always get locked into the lost boring uninspired pics bc their looks are expected to do the work for the concept. but the concept should highlight the looks! get someone who is horny fr there

me when im being horribly harassed in my own home (inviting my own friends whom i love very very much to come eat food ive made for them) and forced to abandon last drops of my bodily autonomy (kinda feel like i should put pants on)

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constant diary