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Is it possible to be aromantic and want to be in a romantic relationship? Or is it me just wanting to be in a close platonic relationship?? - a very confused asexual that's possibly aromantic too

Mmm, not totally sure. It’s definitely possible to want to spend a bunch of time with and be close to people in platonic ways, including through sex. If you want to be with someone who is romantic, while you’re aromantic, it’s totally possible to want to do romantic things with or for that person.

Regardless, words are here to be useful for you. If describing yourself as aromantic is helpful, in setting expectations in a relationship, finding other people to share experiences with, etc. Then cool! If you pursue a relationship and it ends up being more romantic than you expected (either from you or the other person) then that can help you understand yourself and describe yourself to other people. Who you are is great. Being aware of maybe being aro sounds introspective and awesome.

Hi. I’m a 17 year old non-binary, asexual, and aro-spec person, but recently I’ve been working a lot with this girl on my robotics team and I kind of think I have feelings for her. She’s really funny and sweet and we both like writing a lot, and I kinda want to ask her out. But she’s also 15, and even though she’s only one grade level younger than me I don’t want to come across as creepy or weird for being into her. Is this a weird age gap? I don’t have much knowledge of romantic relationships.

One grade level different is generally not a big deal, especially if you’re asking her out on a date - not propositioning her for sex. Also, most states in the US have rules about people under the age of consent, who are close in age, being able to be with one another without repercussions. With that as a baseline, hanging out, cuddling up if you want, and sharing how you feel about each other seems totally legit.

I identify as biromantic. Am I grey-aromantic too or arospec? -When I have crushes, they disappear later on -I want to be in relationship in the future but not right now -I can’t see myself getting married/ nor do I want to be. -I don’t get crushes on my friends -If someone had a crush on me, I’d question why and find it kinda weird -I don’t really get a lot of crushes. I just find people attractive. I’ve probably had 1 or 2 serious crushes where I wanted a relationship.

From what you describe, grey-aromantic sound like it could totally fit - but it’s more important that you feel comfortable with how you describe yourself. If grey-aromantic is a description that works for you, or works for you currently that’s awesome. If not and if there’s something else that seems better to you, feel free to go with that.

If I’m aegosexual, does that mean that I’m sex neutral or sex positive?

My version of myself being sex positive is that I believe that people should be able to have risk-aware consensual sex however and with whomever they would like to. That also means if I don’t want to have any sex, that’s ok too. I think of being sex positive in terms of my being supportive of people choosing what kind of sex they want to have, and refraining from judging or shaming people for their decisions and desires.

So, I’m not sure I have any idea if you’re sex neutral or sex positive, and I’m not sure that being aegosexual has anything to do with whether or not you would be supportive and accepting of people and their choices, including your own.

for a very long time, i've identified with the term ace, but lately, i just don't know. i think i'd be open to having sex, but i don't know if i would truly engage? like i'm okay with stuff being done to me, but not the idea of touching someone else sexually? i don't know if it's really just genitals that freak me out (even as a transmasc person, the reason i haven't started t is because i don't want bottom growth). does this make me ace or something else, i guess i just really need advice.

If you don’t feel comfortable identifying with the ace spectrum, even if you have been you don’t have to continue to do so. That being said, there are aces who have sex and enjoy it. There are those who don’t. There are those who have sex for their partners. There are those who don’t experience sexual attraction, but enjoy the physical pleasure of it. So if you’d like to still identify as ace, even if you truly engage, you’re more than welcome to.

On the other hand, there is a significant number of trans, and specifically transmasc people that have expressed personally to me, in a variety of ways, that as their comfort with their own bodies increases, they feel less drawn to identifying as ace. That’s cool too. It’s a beautiful journey where people are finding more understanding and comfort in themselves, and that should always be celebrated.

So, I’m not sure that’s helpful, but I do know you’re not alone in what you’re expressing, at least in terms of how to identify and that it’s complicated.

What would it be called when someone has no sex drive, but feels (faint) sexual attraction? I'm so confuseddd

If there’s something you identify with, then that’s a good one to go with. There’s no authority on your own sexuality besides you. If you’re looking for suggestions I personally might go with gray-asexual or asexual, depending on how comfortable I felt with each of those. The community came together with both those who felt no sexual attraction as well as those who experienced sexual attraction but had no desire for sex. So, whatever you feel most comfortable with is cool.

I get greatly annoyed at sex scenes. I strongly dislike the noises they make, and the very fact that they felt the need to have a sex sceen.

That sounds frustrating! Sorry that happens so frequently

So recently I’ve been still unsure about my romantic orientation. I identify currently as biromantic. I’m going to state some points: ~I am very romantic ~I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with a boy or girl ~When I have crushes, I want to be in a relationship with them. Later on the feelings disappear. ~I find people, regardless of gender, sexuality anything, to be attractive. ~I’m unsure if I have commitment issues or just don’t want to be in a relationship

There is a common chemical reaction that happens in the brain during new relationships - often called new relationship energy - that encourages people to have more enthusiasm for someone at the beginning. I believe, but please don’t take my word for it without looking it up, those are norepinephrine and dopamine. However, that fades over time, while oxytocin I believe is more for attachment or the longer haul. That doesn't necessarily help with determining what your orientation is, but it’s certainly rather common.

However, it might be worth looking into what kinds of relationships you’re interested in that are less romantic, because it could be possible that heavy romance to begin with can settle down into something still fulfilling to you and whomever you’re relating to.

I've recently started to question if I might be asexual. Recently I had a (almost) relationship with someone who might've been interested in sex or sexual things, but whenever he inquired about it my immediate response was one of "ew no, never". And the other day some friends of mine were talking about sex I had the same feeling. I'm not sure if it's because I'm just "pure and innocent" as some of my friends put it, or if waiting until marriage has been drilled into my head, or if I'm asexual.

If it feels like something that describes you, or describes you well enough to use it, please feel free to. It’s quite common to think of description and labels as tools, maybe a hammer, to use when they work. If you find a different word or tool, maybe a screwdriver, which works better for you later put one down and pick up the other. If you’re not sure and want to feel it out for a bit that’s totally ok too. You’re welcome here if it seems like it fits.

So I currently do identify as asexual but I don’t know how exactly to tell for sure since I don’t really know what sexual attraction feels like? So how can you tell for sure?

If you’re not sure what sexual attraction feels like, you’re still more than welcome to identify as asexual. If something else that fits better comes along, that’s cool too. It’s often helpful to think of the word/label as a description as opposed to a life long commitment you have to live up to. I’ve found that the difference between an emotional reaction, romantic attraction, and sexual attraction are very confusing and am not sure I know the difference. I’m also not sure if I don’t know the difference because I’ve never experienced sexual attraction or because they all overlap. So it’s complicated. If it’s helpful to you to describe yourself as asexual that’s all that’s necessary to do so.

Is it possible to be repulsed/disgusted by sex but still have sexual desires? I remember watching this movie with a sex scene and I was disgusted, but I've also caught myself having sex fantasies about people like my crush. But then again, it was really just us making out in the fantasy. Not really doing much at all. I can't tell if I'm ace or demi. It's all really confusing because I'm already pan, even though I know theres a ton of pan aces out there.

A study looking at asexual people and their fantasies showed that about half of asexual people have sexual fantasies (Brotto & Yule off the top of my head). Separately, if you identify as asexual and have sexual fantasies, you’re asexual. If you identify as demi and have sexual fantasies you’re demi. All up to you and completely ok.

I think I might somehow be hypersexual and asexual at the same time. Sometimes I act on sexual impulses (a lot actually) and it always grosses me out and it’s what I hate most about myself

It’s possible to have a strong sex drive, but no attraction to other people, so that could be one way to be hypersexual and asexual at the same time. I made this somewhat jumpy video, and terrible stick figure drawing to illustrate the difference a few years ago.

That being said, being hypersexual is a-ok, acting on it is also a-ok, and the asexuality aspect of life doesn’t dictate anything about it being gross or hate worthy. I’m sorry it makes you feel that way :( I hope that those feelings can subside somehow.

Hi, im 17 and Ive thought I was asexual for a long time but I’m unsure. Probably gross, tmi coming up but I still masturbate sometimes but afterwards I feel extremely disgusted with myself and disturbed. I hate being a girl because I feel like I can’t escape being sexualized and no matter what I hate the idea of being personally sexualized so much. I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable actually having sex either. Am I asexual??

Just more than half of asexual people masturbate at least a few times a month, or at least according to the Asexual Census 2015 Summary Report which can be found here: https://asexualcensus.wordpress.com/past-censuses/

Feeling disgusted and disturbed on the other hand seem not so great, regardless of whether or not you’re asexual. That might be worth exploring or working through if possible.

A number of people who helped create and shape the community did not want to have sex, although they experienced sexual attraction.

So, if you feel like you can identify with being asexual, you’re more than welcome to. If it’s currently a soft place to land and that might change later, that’s also totally cool. If you’d rather not identify with asexuality then that’s fine also!

Hi, sex-repulsed ace kid here. I’m currently involved in an extracurricular activity with a group of upperclassmen (I’m a sophomore) and they talk about sex/sex jokes a fair bit. I’m not sure how to “fit in” and seem cool (or at least not be really awkward if the topic comes up) while still being myself and trying not to push myself too far out of my comfort zone. Any advice?

If your sex-repulsion involves listening to your friends describe sexual situations then that sounds like a tough situation.If the issue is you feel like you need to contribute, but would rather not/don’t have things to contribute in terms of sexual things, I’d pay attention to what other topics make it in to funny things they say and see if you have things to add there. Sometimes I’ve found that commenting on the non-sexual aspects of the situation can give me a way to participate and show I’m listening, and sometimes end up being funny in my own way. Like when people have shown me to shock me certain scenes of tv shows and my comments ignore the 4 people in bed and instead focus on how difficult it must be to get circular sheets, and those pasties are so shiny!~bauer

Would you consider squishes as rather a big deal or just something that regularly happens (for some people)? I found myself desperately wanting to be friends with people and thinking they were super awesome etc... a bunch of times, I just never considered it a platonic crush or anything. The term is new to me so it‘s kind of confusing!

I find it to be a super fun awesome feeling that is even more awesome if getting to be friends or good friends ends up happening. I don’t find it to be nerve wracking in a, I have to admit “I like you” kind of way. ~ Bauer

This is gonna sound weird but... I‘ve been trying to impress this girl from a my school club because I just really wanna be friends with her and I always get super happy when we talk etc.. But I noticed that whenever I text my friend about how I successfully talked to her, it sounds like I‘m crushing on her. And I always excuse it with how I‘m just anxious and that’s why I get happy. I never had a crush or a squish before and I was wondering... could I possibly have a Squish? What would you say?

That sounds like an awesome squish to me! But you’re opinion matters the most :)~Bauer

So I️ think I’m aro/ace and I’ve just come across your blog and I️ was wondering are there queer platonic relationships where it’s that love between you and them without romantic feelings or sexual feelings but it’s just you two. Like a monogamous romantic relationship where it’s exclusively you two but without the romantic feelings? Like they don’t have someone they’re dating or other qps it’s just you and them but without romantic and sexual feelings?

Yup! Absolutely. That’s the platonic part. Whether or not it’s monogamous is up to you.

This is a pretty cute form to figure out some basic boundaries http://qpadvice.tumblr.com/image/98302305387

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