Sweet Seals For You, Always
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Part 1 here
Enid's learns how to drive Part 2
*Enid's phone rang with Y/N's caller ID on it*
Enid: Hello?
Y/N: Where are you?
Enid: Uhh. On my way home?
Y/N: Where were you at?
Enid: At the gas station?
Y/N: Who were you with?
Enid: Oh my God! You don't trust me or something?
*Realization...*
Enid: Oh my God, I forgot you at the gas station! Oh my God, I'm turning around now! I'll be there in a minute.
Wonder Woman caught Super Woman trying to seduce her husband AKA Y/N.
Superwoman: You stole my life!
Wonder Woman: How dare you try to steal the life that I stole from you!
Superwoman: Let him go, Diana. I love him!
Wonder Woman: Never! He's my husband and I love him more!
Y/N, who is enjoying this: Ladies! Ladies! Stop!
How to make DSMOM not violent...
Dr. Strange: It would be so easy to destroy you in spells.
Scarlet Witch: Oh yeah? Hit a spell then.
Dr. Strange: I have my favourite one: FIREBALL!
Dr. Strange: *proceeds to drink Fireball*
Loki, watching them from the TVA: Hahaha!
Scarlet Witch: Yo, that's not a spell, you're just drinking Fireball!
Dr. Strange: That was a good one!
Scarlet Witch: You don't have magic, you're just drinking Fireball.
Dr. Strange: FIREBALL! *drinks Fireball*
Loki: Hahaha!!!
Scarlet Witch: You are not doing anything those are just Fireballs!
Dr. Strange: I think a lot happened!
Scarlet Witch: What just happened?!
Dr. Strange: I'm a lot happier now.
Loki: *Died from laughing so hard*
Based on this short from YouTube
Eris: Well, well, well, what do we have here? Another cutie that somehow managed to get to Tartarus.
Y/N: Your puzzle ain't that difficult.
Eris: Looks like I've been defeated at my own game.
Y/N: Don't flatter yourself, Your Divinity. You were never even a player.
Eris: Ooh, I love it when my playthings are feisty.
Y/N: I'm not someone's toy, I have a soul, a heart. I bleed, I sweat, and I tear.
Eris: Poor thing, you've been through so much. As a reward, I will give you whatever your heart desires, and relieve you from your sufferings. In exchange for your hand in matrimony.
Y/N: Ironic coming from the goddess of discord.
Eris: Ouch, trust issues that much?
Y/N: Yeah, your literal function is to cause chaos to the world, and it's your fault why I'm always miserable.
Eris: Well, you did play my game.
Y/N: Only because it would finally be over for this nightmare! Why should I trust you?! Why should I believe a single word of what you're saying?!
Eris: Y/N my dear, when the goddess gives her word, she is bound to it for all eternity.
Y/N: What's the point of eternal binding if I'm not even eternal myself? I am just a mortal.
Eris: We can have that arranged.
Fifteen years later...
Y/N: And that my children is the story of how I met your mother.
Illusio & Skiá: Oh wow, what a simp.
At the Ashcroft resident's dinner table...
Alyssa: So, how long have you been dating my daughter?
Y/N: Well, we just started dating for only a couple of weeks actually, and I gotta tell ya, your daughter is amazing.
*clink*
Grace: Oops, dropped the spoon, let me go grab it. *went down under the table*
Y/N: Clumsy now, are we? *faces back to Alyssa* Your daughter is loving and caring, especially when she's with Emily and all that-
Grace: *unzips Y/N's pants from under the table*
Y/N: Babe?! Babe! The table is see through! The table is see through! Abort! Abort! Abort!
Alyssa: *cocks a shotgun* What have you done to my daughter?
Y/N: Yo, Kimiko.
Kimiko: What?
Y/N: Did you know that if you put your two index fingers on your two cheeks, it is impossible for you to tilt your head sideways?
Kimiko: *puts two fingers on her two cheeks*
Y/N: Onii Chan
Kimiko: F*ck You!
Anissa: *grouching by the family couch.*
Y/N: Why the face?
Anissa: Our son, he called me a b*tch this morning.
Y/N: That's awful.
Anissa: I know, right?
Y/N: Now where's that son of a b*tch?!
Anissa: *gagged*
It was a bright and sunny day for Y/N and Lucia and usually they start their morning for a good lightsaber sparring as an energizer.
Y/N: Do you remember the time we first met?
Lucia: Tch, you were under Palpatine's command at that time, and tried to kill me.
Y/N: Let's recreate that scene.
Lucia is now panicking and starts to slowly back away.
Lucia: Now Dear, you don't have to do this. We can be gentle at our first sparring.
Y/N now approaches her with malicious intent.
Y/N: Please, since when do you want gentle, I thought you like it rough? Not to mention last night.
Lucia starts blushing in embarrassment.
Lucia: Please don't you ever mention that.
Y/N: How can I not? I literally remember you moaning loudly and saying thinks like: "Oh Y/N! Use your force to yourself on me!" You basically wanted to be violated.
Lucia: WHY YOU LITTLE-!
Lucia is now mad and starts to aggressively strike Y/N with her lightsaber.
Y/N: Now there's my girl!
And so it begins the supposed morning stretch, became an intense battle between the couple just from a mere lover's banter.
Lucia strikes here, Lucia strikes there, Lucia strikes everywhere, but at Y/N.
When Lucia was exhausted, that's when it is the perfect moment for Y/N to make his move.
Y/N: My turn.
Y/N then jabs Lucia's acupoints of her body, temporarily paralysing her.
Y/N grabs the now discouraged lightsaber and pointed at Lucia who is now lying down on the floor unable to move.
Y/N: Looks like I win this round, Jedi.
Lucia: You're not playing fair.
Y/N: What are you talking about? You're the one who has a weapon, I just dodge your attacks and strike your weak spots with only my bare hands.
Lucia has no other option but to embrace defeat.
Lucia: Hmph, fine, you won.
Y/N: See? I know that you will see reason. Now let's get you up shall we?
Umi: Okay, who's the hottest person that you could think of?
Y/N: *inhale and exhale* Your mother.
Umi: Okay... Dad, Mom isn't here right now. You can be honest with me.
Y/N: *whimpering* Your mother is a ten.
Umi: She's a six at best!
Y/N: *choking Umi* You take that back!
Name origin - Japanese: 海 Romaji: Umi Meaning: "Sea" or "Ocean"
Y/N: I bought deep dish pizza everybody.
Peach: Finally some real food from the real world.
Rosalina: It's been a while since I ate from the real world.
Luigi: Yeah, I have only eaten mushrooms here in this kingdom.
Mario: *looking at the pizza intensely* Where's the cheese?
Y/N: It's under the sauce.
Mario: There's no cheese on it.
Y/N: It's under the sauce.
Mario: Like I'm Italian and this is hurting me.
Y/N: It's from Chicago.
Mario: It's just sauce.
Y/N: Cheese is under the sauce.
Mario: That's not enough cheese!
Y/N: Cheese is under the sauce.
Mario: That's not enough!
Y/N: IT'S UNDER THE SAUCE!!!
The Other Three: *left with the pizza with them*
Nico: *looking down at her belly* Aah! This baby is energetic today.
Y/N: Robin, Dear? Are you alright?
Nico: Yes, it's just that the baby is kicking.
Y/N: Wait a minute, 1 2 3 4. This baby has four feet!
Nico: WHAT?!
Y/N: It must've inherited your flower-flower fruit ability.
Nico: That explains why I feel multiple kicks.
Y/N: Looks like I can't teach my kid swimming lessons.
Nico: It's alright, we can teach our child other than swimming.
Y/N: I mean yeah, they can be an archaeologist like you.
Robin: Or they will be a great gunslinger someday just like their papa.
Y/N: Ah, so many opportunities.
Lore break: Devil fruit abilities are not genetically inheretable.
Enid learns how to drive Part 1
Y/N: Okay, first things first: Have you adjusted your mirrors?
Enid: All three of them, and I can see myself perfectly.
Y/N: Oh no, they're not for vanity. Your rearview mirrors are for seeing the view to your rear.
Enid: *looks down at her butt.*
Y/N: Not your behind—behind you.
Enid: But I won't be able to see myself having fun.
Y/N: Driving a motor vehicle is not fun, it's serious business. Now, have you buckled your seat belts?
Enid: I was going to, but this outfit wrinkles so easily so I thought–
Y/N: Just do it.
Enid: But my outf-
Y/N: It's the Law!
Enid: *buckles down her seat belt.*
Y/N: Okay. Now, are you familiar with the gear shift?
Enid: You mean the Prindle?
Y/N: The what?
Enid: The Prindle.
Y/N: Are you referring to the shift lever that says P-R-N-D-L?
Enid: I'm not a child, Y/N. I know how to spell PRNDL.
Y/N: It is not something you spell, it is a gear shift. The letters stand for PARK, REVERSE, NEUTRAL, DRIVE, AND LOW!
Enid: You're making me nervous with all this technical talk!
Y/N: Oh I'm sorry! Why don't we just relax and turn on the radio?! Would you like "AM" or "FM?!"
Selina: *turns on the tv while enjoying a pb & j sandwich.*
TV Reporter: Breaking News! Catwoman strikes again at in unusually broad daylight. The lady in cat broke into billionaire playboy, Y/N Y/L/N's mansion stealing millions of dollars worth of jewellery, alcoholic beverages, and many more potentially priceless items in the mansion.
Journalist: Do you have any more information of what she stole?
Y/N: I don't know, but as long as she doesn't touch the peanut butter, *grins* cuz I did stuff to it.
Selina: *spits out the sandwich.*
Bat-Y/N: *looking through her apartment window with binoculars* April fools, Motherf*ck*r.
Before getting together...
Fem Y/N: Yo, how big is that d down there, boy?
Guy Wednesday: Small, now leave me alone.
After being together...
Fem Y/N: I just want you to know that if you ever feel insecure about your size, just remember I appreciate the "little things" in life.
Guy Wednesday: *whimpering* We've been over this. It's not funny.
Fem Y/N: Wends, it was a joke.
Guy Wednesday: Well, it's not funny!
Fem Y/N: Wait, are you crying?
Guy Wednesday: Yeah! Waaaaahhh!
Y/N: *holding a bouquet* Happy Valentine's Day, dear.
Sabrina: Aw thank you, you really shouldn't have, but it's sweet of you to bring me flowers.
Y/N: Yeah, I got it for discount.
Sabrina: Is that so? As a reward for the bouquet, especially you bought my favourites. What would you like from me in return?
Y/N: I don't know. I don't really need anything from you, being together is more than enough for me.
Sabrina: Smooth, but I must give you something in return. I insist.
Y/N: Well, all I ask of you is to blow me-
Sabrina: *suddenly kneels down* Yes! This is finally happening!
Y/N: -a kiss.
Sabrina: A kiss? *stands up* Right, of course a kiss would suffice. *nervous laughter* Why didn't I think of that?
Y/N: Are you okay?
Sabrina: Okay?! Of course I'm okay!
Y/N: Then why are yelling?
Sabrina: I am just expressing how appreciative I am for years of being together that's all!
Sabrina then gave a long and hard pressing kiss to Y/N's lips, and snatched the flowers.
Sabrina: Now if you'll excuse I will just set these beautiful flowers to a big vase before they wilt.
She walked away to set up the flowers and went straight to her room, leaving Y/N in a whirlpool of confusion.
Sabrina: Why lord? *kneels and pray* Why can't you let me suck his di-
Meanwhile at the other side...
Y/N: I will never fully understand that woman.
Message to all of you: Happy Valentine's day to everyone. I hope your valentine is treating you well, and as for the other team I hope you're treating your valetine well.
Inside the interrogation room...
Chris: *Just staring at Y/N*
Y/N: *In utter confusion*
Meanwhile at the observation room...
Leon, who is watching through the two-way mirror: This is b*llsh*t, we're here for almost 2 hours.
Jill, who is with Leon: Yeah, and he haven't said a single word.
Back at the interrogation...
Chris: *stands up* So you're the guy that Claire keeps talking about?
Y/N, with complete stoicism: Yes, I am.
Chris: And how long have you two been dating?
Y/N, completely unbothered: For about a year now.
Chris: *slams the table* What are your intentions with her?
Y/N, still unbothered: To make her happy, keep her safe, protected, and comfortable.
Observation room...
Jill: Man, I gotta give it to Y/N, he's seriously unfazed by Chris.
Leon: I know, right? I mean it's scary that how calm he is towards Chris.
Jill: I wonder what scares Y/N.
Interrogation...
Chris: Well that settles it. You can have her.
In the observation room...
Leon and Jill: *Spat their drink* What!?
Interrogation room...
Y/N: Um, thank you?
Chris: This is a crucial role for you now that you are part of the Redfield. You must continue the bloodline.
Y/N: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Slow down there.
Chris: I have already set up all the equipment that you need at your place. Now you just have to f*ck her.
Y/N and JilLeon, in separate rooms: WTF!!!
Chris: She'll be on her heat cycle in 5 4 3 2 1.
Claire: *breaks the door* Y/N-boo, *snatches Y/N* it's time.
Y/N: Babe, please be gentle.
Chris: Call me if you survive the first round.
Wednesday: *Doing the Dishes.*
Y/N: *Grabs her by the waist and embraces her.*
Y/N: You know that I love you right?
Wednesday: *in confusion* Um, yes?
Y/N: And we are married for like 6 years now.
Wednesday: *is suspicious* Okay?
Y/N: You have given our family two beautiful twins-
Wednesday: Alright stop beating around the bush. What is it that you want?
Y/N: Well, the children and I are playing by the yard.
Wednesday: Go on.
Y/N: And we saw this big ice cream truck and we were wondering if we could-
Wednesday: *sigh* Go get my purse.
Y/N: Thanks darling, you're a lifesaver. *kisses Wednesday by the cheek*
Humphrey: Daddy, quick! The ice cream truck is about to leave!
Woeden: Yeah Daddy, go get Mommy's purse!
Y/N: Coming, boys!
Wednesday: Can you order me a rocky road? Because I'm literally riding in a "rocky road."
Y/N: Of course, honey. Why would I ever say no to you?