Not Too Late
san x reader
lovers to strangers to lovers au
genres and warning: fluff, angst, young immature love gone wrong but they get back together so it's all good <33 very lowkey vibes!
wc: 4k
synopsis: no relationship is perfect, and you learn that with san. you may be meant for each other, but your relationship has its fair shares of trials and tribulations.
being with choi san was one of the most natural things in the world. at least for you.
you became friends in college. he was not an unfamiliar face at all, but back when you were both in school, you never expected to exchange anything more than greetings– or assignments, at the most. just a peek to make sure you were both on the same page.
you never expected to find each other in college, but there he was, the silly country boy with the funny accent that charmed the pants off everyone. except… there was nothing silly about the boy that appeared in front of you.
boy.
this was a man. choi san had changed– he was tall and had grown beautifully in his height. his shoulders were a bit broader now, waist narrower and he carried himself with natural confidence. his hair was slightly longer too, accentuating the sharp curves of his face.
choi san had changed, yet he was still the boy that you exchanged homework with– the boy with a shy smile that formed dimples in his cheeks. the boy with a warm, welcoming gaze.
he was still the same boy with his politeness and his mannerisms. he was familiar, but he suddenly felt like a stranger– or so you thought.
as soon as he spotted you, his eyes curved into crescents and he waved enthusiastically, almost hopping as he rushed towards you. you couldn’t help but laugh.
“it really is you!” he grinned. “a familiar face after one week! i almost gave up.”
you understood. you almost gave up too– making new friends was no easy feat.
one thing common between the two of you was that you were both shy to the bone. being in the same school with the same people for years meant that you were comfortable, but anyone who knew you was aware of how introverted you were.
you had a tendency to stay in the shadows until someone would physically pull you out. when choi san approached you, you felt like you were back in those comfortable shadows.
with him, maybe you could muster the courage to step out into the light too.
it was very easy to fall for san.
how could you not?
at first, you thought that it was just because you were comfortable with him. he was someone that you knew, someone you could trust amidst navigating the fragile environment of college where anything you said could be twisted and used against you.
he was someone who was there to help you, whether it be with assignments or the anxious thoughts inside your head:
“i miss being a teen,” you pouted. “remember when all we looked forward to was one of the teachers taking off?”
“and when your section and ours would have free lessons together…”
“ultimate chaos,” you both echoed, laughing simultaneously.
“you’ll make friends here too,” san assured you. “i met some nice people. you will too.”
“how do you know if they’re nice?”
“they speak their mind,” san said. “like wooyoung.”
wooyoung was one of your best memories of school. he was san’s best friend but that boy was friends with the entire school and naturally, you had enough interactions to remember him fondly.
“i’ll try to find someone like wooyoung then, but he’s one of a kind,” you reminisced with a smile.
“if you don’t find someone, you always have me,” san said and you locked eyes with him.
there he was, smiling innocently, a promise in his eyes. you have me.
with the first signs of spring bloom scattered on his hair from the pink cherry tree under which you sat, from the cool breeze of the last signs of winter caressing your cheeks and drawing a pale flush on the apples, to the telltale signs of unexpected feelings blossoming in your heart.
perhaps, that was the moment when you first fell in love with him. you did not know it yet.
you were not sure– not until you found him napping across you in the library while he waited for you to finish your work so you both could head to the dorms together.
you silently sat next to him and resisted the urge to tuck his hair away from his eyes– the strands could be poking him, but he looked so at peace, as if he did not have a care in this world.
you were not sure until you found him with a bunch of daisies in his hands that he collected near the pond on his way to the cafe where you were meeting up to try a new flavour and discuss your group assignment.
the daisies reminded me of you. you asked him what exactly was it about the daisies that made him think of you. “they’re pretty,” he answered as if it was a given.
you’re pretty, he said right after, making you two share shy laughter, the feeling in your heart blooming further.
you did not know that you were in love with him until you had a bad day and he found you in one of your spots– the spots that you had never shared with anyone.
“the whole purpose of a hiding spot is that i do not wish to be found,” you announced.
“i know,” he tsk-ed. “but i also know that the whole purpose of going to your hiding spots is that you wish to be found by someone who understands and tells you that you are not alone.”
the stars were particularly bright that night, especially from the rooftop of the abandoned dorm building. that dorm building was situated between your and san’s dorms and you were good at picking locks.
whenever you needed to get away from the world, you found yourself at the rooftop.
the moon was nowhere in sight, though.
it did not need to be present. there was san who looked like a beautiful night sky– star-like freckles littered across his neck and face. the crescents of his eyes. the depth in his gaze.
he was the night sky, his presence like a mountain, true to his name. san. someone you could always lean on.
he placed his hand on top of yours– shy at first, but sure. you rested your head on his shoulder only because you could look him in the eyes no longer without ruining whatever dynamics you had.
friends, but closer. friends, but more intimate.
“i am not alone,” you realised. “i have you.”
you were sure that you loved him when he wrapped one arm around you and leaned against you, resting his cheek on top of your head.
he let you be, allowing you to relax into his embrace before asking if you wanted to talk about whatever was bothering you.
you talked. he listened– he always did. he offered advice. you thanked him, and then your troubles were gone, leaving you both with the reality of your proximity.
“san,” you breathed, pulling away. you felt dizzy now that your body was not leaning against his.
san licked his lips, pursing them as he scanned your face. “are you alright?”
“i’m more than alright,” you laughed.
“then… can i?”
his gaze was stuck on your lips. yours parted in answer and he leaned in– experimental, restrained but sure.
all you could think at that moment was that he liked you just as much as you did.
everything was going to be fine.
being with san romantically was the most natural thing. it was ingrained in his core to take care of you.
wiping your face with napkins when you ate lunch together, fussing over your clothes (you shouldn’t dress so light in winters! what if you catch a cold?), making you walk on the other side of the footpath so you weren’t near the road, looking out for you on every occasion– he was perfect.
he was everything that you ever wanted in a partner. a shoulder to lean on and a sleeve to wipe your tears away.
his warm personality was something you would never get tired of.
you basked in his presence endlessly, taking and taking.
you shared company, friendship and a love like none other. you were both so innocent but so perfect.
he was perfect.
the problem with perfection, though, is that it can be overwhelming.
it started with the little things.
arguments. over the pettiest of things.
“i told you so many times not to sit on my bed when you come from your study sessions,” you reprimanded san. “your guy friends are filthy.”
“come on, that’s too harsh,” san got up with a sigh and took to the chair near your desk. from your nervous lip bite, he could tell that you were still uncomfortable.
“i just don’t like it,” you rolled your eyes. it wasn’t harsh. “you don’t like when i bite my nails, and i have stopped doing that. see?”
when you outstretch your hands, san actually leans forward and inspects the state of your hands. he looks at you and his gaze falls to your mouth.
“you bite your lips now. they’re all bruised.”
“some vaseline ought to fix that,” you point at the lip therapy balm and san tosses it to you. “maybe you should change into one of my clothes before we cuddle in bed.”
“my clothes are clean,” san was starting to sound impatient. “we do not roll around in mud when we study, y/n.”
“i have been to mingi’s place too. you guys had crumbs of food everywhere.”
“that’s when seonghwa was absent!” san took a deep breath. “you know seonghwa is a neat freak and we don’t mess around with him.”
when you don’t appear convinced, san pulls closer and tries to hold your hand. however, you recoil.
you realise how petty you were being right away.
“i’m– i’m sorry. i didn’t mean it–”
a sorry can’t fix the hurt that flashed in his eyes.
“i’m going back to my room.”
you make it up later when you take snacks to his room, eat and play around. everything is fine.
except everything is not perfect. the foundation of your relationship starts to crack further with more arguments.
especially over the more serious matters.
“i don’t think nari likes me,” san runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. “you’re overthinking. you always do.”
you always do. did he have to say that?
“what if i’m right about this?” you square up in front of san and he chuckles as if it is the most hilarious thing you have ever done. “i’m serious. the girls in my class confirmed that nari, in fact, does like you. a lot. she’s planning to confess soon, when she knows that you and i are dating.
“baby, i thought you felt secure in our relationship,” san holds you by the shoulders, meeting your eyes. “do you think that if she confesses, i would break up with you and start dating her?”
“no, but–”
“then her feelings shouldn’t be a problem, especially when she hasn’t said them out loud.”
“but she’s always hanging around you!” you cry out and pull away from him, hurt. “she keeps hovering around you, and you keep entertaining her! do you like the attention, san? do i not give you enough?”
san doesn’t realise what you meant by that at that time. he continues to pretend that you are the one overthinking
even after his friends start to complain about nari
it isn’t until nari goes ahead and kisses san– without his consent– that things blow up.
the news spreads like wildfire. nari and san kissed.
it reaches your ears, and a strange sort of satisfaction fills you.
you were right.
san finds you in your hiding spot. this time, you are not turned towards the sky.
this time, you are facing the door so when he steps out on the roof, he sees you right away.
“y/n,” he begins. “i can explain–”
“hold it,” you raise your hand in the air. “i don’t want to hear anything.”
“she kissed me! i didn’t– i pushed her away! please believe me–”
“of course i believe you,” you laugh and san frowns, confused.
“you do?”
“yes, san,” you stand up, folding your arms and smiling, looking away. fighting to keep the tears at bay.
“i believe you. i know that you would never kiss nari when we are in a relationship.”
“then… there isn’t a problem, right?”
“there is,” your voice turns steel. “i warned you, and you didn’t heed my warning. you disrespected me by allowing things to get to this point. you could have told nari off and she wouldn’t have pulled this stunt. you kept her around, kept her close until she felt safe enough to kiss you, and then you pushed her away?”
you scoff. san looks as if he has been kicked in the stomach.
“you hear my concerns. you hear my rants. you let me yap your ears off, but you don’t listen. you never do. it’s like your heart doesn’t allow you to.”
“that’s not true,” san grows angry. “don’t assume things about me– don’t you dare say that i don’t care about you enough to listen to you–”
“then why didn’t you listen to me when i told you about nari?”
this time, your voice breaks.
it hurts san– it hurts him as if a knife has been wedged into his heart. he grows almost short of breath as he apologises, but you have had enough.
you tell him that you need a break.
it isn’t your first break, but it is starting to look like it would last longer than the others.
your relationship takes a sour turn, and it turns ugly and bitter as you start to take more breaks.
it turns into something toxic. you can’t let each other go. you want to let each other go but you can’t see each other with someone else.
when college ends, it signifies the end of an era in more than one way.
you and san part ways for good. you don’t promise to stay friends, but you promise to stay in contact and check in on each other every once in a while.
you do that for a few months, but life gets busy when you find work. checking in becomes harder when he finds work as well. your schedules never match, and a phone call sounds like the last thing you would do.
you find new friends. girl friends. you don’t need a man in your life. you have your two roommates who are incredible and respect your boundaries– unlike a certain someone.
san sticks with wooyoung. when he has wooyoung, he doesn’t have to search for anything else. wooyoung keeps him entertained and busy.
just like that, you both move on. there are the occasional nights of drinking and crying over what you both lost, but it doesn’t weigh on you as heavily.
it just becomes a memory.
choi san becomes a memory– a memory that seems to be fading.
as soon as you realise it, you cling to it. he was your best friend. he loved you like no one else.
even though he is not a part of your life anymore, you will always be fond of him.
so you collect all your memories in a box– photos, cards, gifts and notes. you tuck it inside your cupboard. out of sight, out of mind.
the box of memories in your head? you tuck it away too. you only go near it in your weakest moments for a momentary sense of relief
a few years pass before your paths cross again
it happens as a coincidence, or perhaps, the lord has decided to test you both again
you are attending a company conference in a beautiful town near the sea, and you have an amazing view from your room
however, the view right outside your room is no less beautiful
you open your door and find him standing right in front of you
choi san
he is still the dimpled-smile boy you fell in love with… except he has turned into a man
his face has sharpened and softened at the same time, making his features sit better
his shoulders are broad and you could fit two of you in his arms
there is a certain elegance and a sense of maturity in his aura
and those eyes
it takes a moment for him too, before it clicks for him. that it’s you
his eyes slowly scan you up and down, taking everything in and he realises he has stopped breathing when he almost gasps for air
“y/n.”
your heart does the same little tumble that it always does when he called your name
“sannie–”
when you call him by his nickname, san breaks into a smile and you both instantly relax.
“this is… a surprise, to say the least,” you shake your head. “what brings you here?”
“research,” san replies. “a team project. what about you?”
“a conference.”
“the conference organised by that food technology company?” a smile creeps up on san’s lips and it only grows when you nod.
“i knew you would make it.”
you smile back earnestly. your phone rings and you check the time before rejecting the call.
“i’m sorry, i really have to go. but… should we meet up for drinks later? how long are you here for?”
“i’m here for a couple of days. i’ll text you the address, i know a good place. you haven’t changed your number, right?”
“i haven’t,” you lock your door. “see you later?”
san nods and you leave with a grin, your heart filling with something that resembles hope.
the drinks late night help you both loosen up just enough to catch up on what you have missed
you learn that san is still living with wooyoung although they have moved to a bigger apartment
they work in different companies and fields but they make good roomies hence they stick with each other
san learns that you have finally started to work towards your dream of working for the biggest food technology company in this country
he tells you that he is proud of your accomplishments
you tell him that you are proud of the man he has become
one meetup leads to another, and then another
“wanna go to the beach?”
“wanna check the cafe at the corner of the street?”
you make the most of the couple of days that you spend together in the same town
you spend almost all of your free time together, to the point that you delay going into your rooms and prefer rooftops
“i see your love for heights hasn’t changed one bit,” san teases.
“neither has your love for cats,” you comment, eyes pointed at the kitten that he has befriended. the kitten lives on the roof but has made home in the man’s lap
the five days that you spend together heals something inside you– something that had cracked when you broke up with san
the breakup was done in a civilised manner, but it had shattered the little bubble that you had created
the bubble of familiarity and comfort
the bubble remained so until you met san again and you found yourself feeling young and hopeful
when it is time to go back, you decide to stay in contact
this time, you move with caution
this time, you have learnt the price of taking things for granted
when a position in your company opens up– the one you had been eyeing for a long time, you find that you will have to move
and you find that you will be much, much closer to san
you take it immediately. you will miss your girls, but you have wanted this position forever
when you tell san, he loops wooyoung in and they help you move
it is so good to reunite with the people that you have spent a good chunk of your teen years with
wooyoung decides to play cupid, as per usual, and this time his goal is to reunite you both
he emphasises that it’s not too late to start again
you’re both mature now, and you both know how to set boundaries
you both know what to prioritise
that’s what he tells you
to san, wooyoung says something else
he threatens to date you if san doesn’t up his game
that’s all the push that san needs
he finds yourself on your doorsteps on a wednesday night
you have just showered and you are still wearing a towel in your hair, dressed in the most comfortable penguin pjs
when the bell rings, you think it’s delivery– isn’t it too quick for delivery to arrive?
you open the door to find san looking disheveled
his cheeks are flushed as if he had too much to drink– or did he decide to run up the stairs?
he is still wearing a white shirt that you assume he wore to work, a few buttons undone and the tie loose around his neck
his hair is long and falls on his face even though they must have been slicked back earlier
“would you like to come in?” you frown in confusion, but your heart rate picks up
you recognise the look in his eyes
you’ve seen it so many times
you’ve missed it
“san–”
you don’t get to even call him by his full nickname before he is entering your apartment and towering over you, watching you intently with glazed eyes
“if you tell me to stop, i will,” san says and hesitantly brings his hands to your shoulders
“just tell me that it is too late for us.”
“it’s not,” you shake your head. “it’s not too late.”
san looks like he could cry
he leans down and meets your lips with his
the sigh that escapes your mouth is one of relief and it only prompts him to crane your neck with one hand and hold you by the waist with the other
soon, your back is against the wall and you are making out
it is slow and deep, full of promises and apologies
i’m sorry for letting you down
i’m sorry for letting you go
i promise that i will treat you better
some of these, he says out loud
the others, he doesn’t need to. his actions speak louder
curled in his lap on the sofa with his hand in your hair and lips on your forehead, you find yourself at home
you find yourself content and whole
choi san. the boy you fall in love with over and over again
it is still very easy to fall in love with him
it is still the most natural thing to be with him like this
you create new memories with him
the box that you tucked under your bed once is empty now, its content all over your apartment
his handwritten notes of affirmation on the fridge, his photos on the wall in your room along with the cards, and his gifts sprawled all over your place
you have new memories that you tuck in your heart
though you may still argue or fight, you know better now, for you both have experienced the pain of staying apart
you are meant for each other, through the ups and downs
and it will never be too late to be with each other.
Okay, first off, you had absolutely no right to make me cry like this on a lazy Sunday afternoon. 😬
I read this while I had Not Too Late on loop and it did not help with my case at all. Such an underrated song, honestly, easily in my top 5 Ateez songs of all time, and your interpretation of it was so beautiful.
Gah, I’m just a sucker for writing like this in general. I love intricate writing that focuses on the details, but to me, nothing will hit better than simplistic (for the lack of a better word) and realistic writing where your imagination can roam free the more you read rather than a fixed scenario. I love this, ugh, I will reread this again tonight.
omg reading this on a sunday afternoon with not too late on loop wow 🤌 you were prepared!
thank you so much for the lovely feedback, aren. yes as a writer, sometimes i need to go down this simplistic and realistic route to get back in touch with my writing! it acts like a cleanser for me haha and i always feel fresh after writing short little slice-of-life bits like this one. hope you have fun rereading!!
