She doesnāt answer. Lenaās presence doesnāt surprise her; Kara Danvers always knows where Lena Luthor is, at least as long as thereās a way for the sound of her heart to find Karaās ears, no matter how soft or faint it might be. In her ruminations Kara thinks on that before she speaks. Even when they were at their worst, when they were hurting each other in every way that mattered, Kara would stop and listen.
It was a secret and sacred thing, a transgression that she would never admit. She would confess to scoping Lena out with her x-ray vision first. Sheād never actually done that, but sheād pretend-admit before confessing that, sometimes, sheād listen to Lenaās heart as she slept and drift off to its slow and steady beat.
Theyāre by the sea, at the Danvers family home. Itās been a year since Alex and Kelly married and a small, core group have gathered here in this house by the waves to celebrate the anniversary. Itās just Alex and Kelly of course and Esme, and Lena and Kara. And Eliza.
She lives here, after all.
Nia and Brainy are in town in an AirBnB, and theyāve been by the house but are mostly doing their own thing. Theyāll marry soon, Kara thinks. They have that air about them, the way that Alex and Kelly did before the proposal.
There is a sense of finality to it all that has fallen over Kara like the shadow of a passing storefront, and she sits where she can watch the ocean waves roll in, chin propped on arms resting on knees, curled up and watching the waves reach the high water mark and roll back.
Lena stands beside her now, seemingly unconcerned that Kara hasnāt answered her. This happens a lot now. There are companionable silences. Lena spends half her days in Karaās home, working from a laptop on Karaās kitchen counter while Kara writes at the kitchen table.
A lot has happened. Cat Grant offered her the role of EIC at CatCo; Kara rejected it. Sheād mad furtive plans to reveal her identity, then canceled them. Sheād told Cat but asked that it end there and Cat had respected it, then gone on an esoteric retreat at an eel farm orā¦ something. Kara still submitted articles to CatCo but on a freelance basis, and she was submitting more articles elsewhere lately.
Actually, very little had happened. Kara had more time to really write, now. She put on her suit and flew out the window less and less, being less needed.
Lena sits down next to her and assumes a similar pose. Kara canāt help but look at her; she has never been able to resist looking at Lena Luthor. That too has changed. She doesnāt steal a glance this time, she studies, lets her gaze linger. She looks at the way the light of the golden hour plays with Lenaās soft, easy beauty. Her sort-of-roommate skipped putting on makeup this morning and her hair is down in a mop of air-dried dark curls, some of them lazily riding the breeze around her head. Some of it falls across her face and Kara fights the urge to sweep it back with a soft brush of her fingers.
Lena is beautiful. The warm light makes her pale skin glow, brings out the sparkle in her blue-green eyes, as deep as the sea they watch. There is a soft playful hint of a smile on her lips, but her brows are furrowed.
Kara thinks back to the last time she spoke to Jāonn. She told the man, the closest thing she had left to a father in the world, about how she was wearing the cape less and working more, about Lena, about how Alex and Kelly seemed to be moving on, both of them now retired from the insanity of her lives and Alex actually planning to practice medicine.
āThatās what happens,ā Jāonn told her. āThings pass. Stories end. The great deeds are done, the archenemies vanquished, the miracles all performed. After that is just life.ā
Kara wasnāt sure what that meant. In her life -almost sixty years, that sheād experienced as less than thirty- sheād packed in the experiences of a hundred lifetimes. Sheād watched her world die, found her family, lost them, made a new one. Sheād loved and lost and sheād even died- twice. Sheād spent two eternities in her own personal hell.
Kara lets out a slow sigh. Sheās still looking at Lena.
They have to have this conversation. Kara just doesnāt know what to say or how to say it. The problem is obvious. Lena and Kara had arrived this morning a few hours after Kelly and Alex, and found that Eliza had, as to be expected, already planned out who was bunking where.
āAlex and Kelly have Alexās old room,ā Eliza had told them, after hugging Lena. āEsme has Karaās old room, and you and Lena can take the guest bedroom.ā
When the words left her foster motherās mouth, Karaās heart raced. If Lena thought anything of it, she gave no sign. Kara was on the verge of panic.
Eliza had given the two of them a room with one bed. A small room, a shared room that would give two people no privacy.
Does she think weāreā¦?
Kara had considered the possibility before. She wasnāt blind or oblivious to a fluttering heart beat or lip bites or long stares, butā¦
āIām scared,ā Kara says, and she looks away.
She can feel Lena looking at her, gaze unwavering.
Kara swallows hard. She doesnāt know if Lena realizes what Eliza has assumed yet, if sheās put it together. She must have, because she came out here looking for Kara. Kara hadnāt run away exactly, but she had fled. She needed to think.
āOne thing Iāve learned,ā Kara says, āis that once you say something, you canāt un-say it. You canāt change the truth once itās been told.ā
Lena nods softly. She knows. They learned the same lesson from the same cruel trick.
āDo you know why I held on to my secret for so long?ā
āYou always said it was to protect me, and I didnāt accept that. Then whenā¦ā Lena pauses heavily, āwhen we moved on, I never really asked again.ā
Kara swallows. āI lied. I did it for me.ā
āI was scared. I was afraid that once I told you, it would be the same with you as it was with everyone else. Once people know Kara is Supergirl, then Kara stops being Kara. Kara is just Supergirlās real name.ā
Karaās breath hitches. She glances at Lena, who watches intently.
āI was wrong. I should have known better. I should have trusted you.ā
āYes,ā said Lena. āYou should have. I should have tried to understand you. To understand why instead of projecting my own insecurities onto your choice. But it doesnāt matter anymore. I forgave you.ā
Waves crash in the silence.
āI would forgive you anything.ā
āEven beating the last potsticker?ā
āIām serious, Lena.ā
Lena sighs. āAre we going to talk about it?ā
āYour mom seems to be assuming that we share a bed,ā Lena says.
āThe last time I was with Nia, she asked when Iām selling the penthouse, because she assumed Iāve been planning to move into your loft.ā
Kara groped her knees because her hands are shaking. She grips her knees to stop them but it makes her legs shake instead.
Lena shifts closer, scooting across the grass. Sheās not touching Kara but it feels like she is. Her touch becomes and threatens. They share space, the sea breeze passing over them as one. Lena looks at her through a tangle of inky curls and her eyes are infinite, searching Kara for something.
āI have deemed a dream,ā Kara whispers. āI fear if I dream it too deeply Iāll suddenly wake, and when I wake itāll be gone the way dreams always are, and it will fade as fast as any dream. The thought of losing it hurts so bad it makes it feel like my chest is caving in.ā
Kara looks at Lena now. She looks so young, she is young. Her power suits and makeup and air of command and defiance all make her seem almost matronly but here with Kara that mask is gone and beneath it is her true self, her secret self that not even their friends see, a young girl whoās never been young.
āWhat if you woke up and the dream came true?ā
āSometimes,ā Kara admits, āI wonder if youāre real. I used to dream of things when I floated in my pod and they seemed so realā¦ā
āItās real, Kara,ā Lena whispers, soft and breathy. āItās real and Iām not going anywhere. Nothing has to change. Itās just going to evolve. I know what you want to say and Iāve been scared of it too. What youāre saying, I can feel it in my soulā¦ when the Luthors took me in, I used to dream that my mom was alive. Iād wake up smelling breakfast and hearing her sing and when I realized it was just a dream it was like she died again every morning.ā
Lena stares at her. Kara hears Lenaās steady pulse flutter and begins to stammer.
āI know Iāve said it before. I mean Iām in love with-ā
Lena presses a finger to her lips.
āI know. Stop telling me and show me.ā
Kara freezes, not sure what she meant. Lena twisted languidly and leaned towards her. Kara freezes briefly and then just lets go, moving on instinct. Using a little strength she pulls Lena into her lap, gently touches her chin, and tilts her back a touch, to kiss her.
It is at once tentative and soft and absolutely explosive. Kara forces back tears, as Lena embraces her with all her strength, molding herself to Kara as if she means to climb inside her. For all her urgency, her kiss is just as delicate, just as tender and exploratory.
It is as it has always been. They compliment each other perfectly, moving together without a word needed, Kara breaks the kiss because Lena needs air and lowers her to the grass, fully on top of her now, brushing lose strands of hair back from her face to kiss her again and again and again, each kiss ah apology, each brushing of lips a lament for time lost.
They could have been doing this for years.
Lena arches under her, grinding hungrily, kissing her furiously. She moans softly as Karaās hands find bare skin and Kara murmurs a Kryptonian prayer against her lips, and her thighs rise to bracket Karaās hips.
Kara feels it all. The desire, the lust, the need, and above all the unbridled joy. This is no dream. Itās real. Itās happening. Itāsā¦
Kara snaps up, acutely aware that her hand is halfway up Lenaās now-askew top, and that Lena has leg-locked them together. Lena lets her head fall back and peers up at Alex.
āEliza sent me to find you two. Dinner is ready,ā Alex sighs, then turns, muttering,
āGet a room. Sheesh.ā
Lena cracks first, unleashing a gale of laughter.
āLet me go,ā she protests.
Kara lets herā¦. briefly. Play-wrestling ensues, and Lena just know that Kara is letting her win as they roll in the grass, but it no longer matters. Lena is flushed and grass-stained and joy burns her in her eyes and-
āCome on!ā Alex bellows.
Kara helps her up, and they head for the house.
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