Xander Spelling

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

Paige’s eyes were fixed on Xander as he sucked in a breath, and as he named off the woman who’d given him the information, her thin brown eyebrows stitched together in confusion. “Lana?” she quipped, skepticism clear in her hazel hues, “You mean the new guard?” 

It didn’t make any sense to her. Why would a guard at Radley stick her neck out for the better of any patient, even with guilt over bringing them to this hell hole? She’d been at Radley for over a year now and she’d never known an employee to do such a thing. “D-Don’t be sorry,” she shook her head, having watched his lips move to tell the story of how Lana had brought him here and told him about the games. 

“I-I just…” she started back up hesitantly, “I don’t un-understand it…” There was a short silence between the two of them. Not that Paige would have noticed if Xander spoke up either way, her eyes had fallen to her lap, staring at her hands as she picked at her fingernails in an anxious habit. The gears in her head were turning - working to put together the pieces. 

Finally, Paige spoke again, “Why w-w-would a guard put h-herself at risk l-like that?”

The silence was heavy as was the guilt Xander felt for exposes Lana’s secret. Paige stuttered as she tried to comprehend this new information and asked why a guard would risk herself.

Xander bit his bottom lip, he knew Paige wouldn’t tell anyone but this wasn’t his secret to just tell anyone. One part of himself knew she deserved an answer but the other was far to loyal to Lana.

Lifting her chin gently up to face him he told her, “I can’t say much but just know that person is trustworthy, okay?” he hoped Paige would understand.

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

Paige kept what he said in mind. It was more difficultly done than said, but she would try. She would try to focus on herself and her strength. As they entered the room, Paige just stood in place, watching Xander admiringly as he went to the drawing of himself and gazed upon it. A smile sat on her lips, a bright pink tint to her cheeks as he went on about how good her artwork was. She’d only had a few people praise her so highly, and it always hit her the same way. 

“Th-Thank you,” she nodded her head, then gestured to the bed at his question, “Go ah-ahead.” A small chuckle came from her, wondering why he felt the need to ask, but loving how respectful he was in doing so. She followed him, taking a seat at the edge of the bed beside him and tucking her hands beneath her thighs. 

Once she was seated, she reached over to her desktop and took the sketchbook which had the rest of her drawings. She flipped it open to show Xander the ones she’d been working on recently. The first was of herself and Malcolm in the courtyard the first time they’d met. It made her sad to see it, but the only way she felt she could get over the circumstances with Malcolm was to sketch out her memories with the man who was no longer there. 

“I-I know you might th-think this is crazy,” she said, “But… maybe dr-drawing out these m-moments will help me. S-S-Somehow…” She bit her lip and looked to Xander, “He j-joined in.”

Xander nodded, he understood the situation and again he fell into treating Paige like a child. I need to seriously stop pussy footing around her. She was obviously upset by the way she bit her lip but she also nodded in understanding. That’s when Paige asked for the person who told him about the brainwashing.

He sucked in a breath through his teeth. He just thought to himself he wouldn’t tip toe around her and their relationship has grown over the months a lot. he was comfortable with her and Xander knew she wouldn’t tell on him so why not tell her who informed him of her.

“It was Lana.” He said simply. he met her eyes and explained his relationship to Lana and how she told him of the games and bringing back Malcolm. “I’m sorry I kept that from you.”

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

Paige kept what he said in mind. It was more difficultly done than said, but she would try. She would try to focus on herself and her strength. As they entered the room, Paige just stood in place, watching Xander admiringly as he went to the drawing of himself and gazed upon it. A smile sat on her lips, a bright pink tint to her cheeks as he went on about how good her artwork was. She’d only had a few people praise her so highly, and it always hit her the same way. 

“Th-Thank you,” she nodded her head, then gestured to the bed at his question, “Go ah-ahead.” A small chuckle came from her, wondering why he felt the need to ask, but loving how respectful he was in doing so. She followed him, taking a seat at the edge of the bed beside him and tucking her hands beneath her thighs. 

Once she was seated, she reached over to her desktop and took the sketchbook which had the rest of her drawings. She flipped it open to show Xander the ones she’d been working on recently. The first was of herself and Malcolm in the courtyard the first time they’d met. It made her sad to see it, but the only way she felt she could get over the circumstances with Malcolm was to sketch out her memories with the man who was no longer there. 

“I-I know you might th-think this is crazy,” she said, “But… maybe dr-drawing out these m-moments will help me. S-S-Somehow…” She bit her lip and looked to Xander, “He j-joined in.”

Xander sat on Paige’s bed admiring her work. all the love she put into each sketch that she informed him were memories was easy to feel, he was about to praise Paige when she mentioned a ‘he’. Xander didn’t have to think long to know who ‘he’ was.

He sighed and turned to the woman. “Paige I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do to make this all stop but the only thing I could tell you is don’t latch onto Malcolm anymore. he’s...he’s not well.” Xander didn’t like speaking badly about her former love and “well” wasn’t the right term in the slightest.

“It’s gonna hurt and that’s what they’ll expect.” He said, “I think these memory sketches is just the therepy you need to mourn the past.” Malcolm wasn’t dead but he might as well be. that might be better on Paige then the sadistic fuck he’s become

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

As he spoke, Paige nodded her head, reading his lips as he explained the extent of what he knew. Which was mostly everything. “It f-figures,” she said with a wry laugh, “Nothing st-stays hidden here for long. I… I think I was k-kind of famous h-here before I even went to the i-island.” She shook her head, speaking as they started to walk toward her room, “To ev-everyone here, it’s a joke. Ha-ha, look at Paige, shes b-been raped again!” She scoffed at the sad truth of what she said. 

She found herself growing sad. Not weak, not breaking. Just sad. So as they neared her room, Paige did reach over and take Xander’s hand. She looked over to his face as they walked side by side, mostly to make sure his expression didn’t show distaste for her actions. 

As they got to Paige’s door, she let Xander’s hand go, though. Opening the door and stepping in, she showed him in. It was the same as any other patient room in Radley, but she had made it her own with her sketches and paintings hung to the wall. It was a slice of Paige most did not care to see. “These are my sketches,” there was no stutter, and a sense of pride behind her voice. She pointed over to the wall where a detailed sketch of Xander himself hung from a thumbtack. 

“I dr-drew that after the first t-time I met you,” Paige said with a small smile, feeling a bit bashful and hoping he didn’t find it weird she had sketched him in such detail, “Y-You stuck up for me. I d-d-didn’t forget that.”

Xander turn her so she could see his next words, “Don’t worry about them. Focus on being Paige and show them just how strong you are.” He said and when Paige took her hand he gave her a brilliant smile.” This small gesture let him know she still trusted and wanted him near and it was all he could ask for.

As Xander entered Paige’s room he was quickly floored. her room was covered in the most detailed sketches he’d ever seen, some of places others of people and that’s when Paige showed him a picture she made of him when they first met. He felt honored and amazed at how beautiful Paige saw him and the world around her.

“These are incredible!” He said. “I never knew were so creative, I mean I’ve seen you drawing a few times but I would never guess-” He was rambling and decided to just shut up. “May I sit on your bed?” Xander asked making sure it was okay before making himself at home in his room.

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

She shook her head at his apologies. Everyone did it. Malcolm did it, Charles did it. Even her enemies saw her as weak and childish. She didn’t need an apology, just a change in her image to him. And she was sure that she had instilled that in him by the way he now spoke to her. “We can tr-train together,” she nodded her head, a small smile on her lips, “I have to pr-prepare you for the games anyw-ways.”

They could teach each other a few tricks, that much Paige was sure of. She tilted her head to the side, looking up at Xander, “D-Do you know anything about me?” It was odd to think of. That her reputation as the sex slave of Radley had perhaps not made it past his ears. 

“Would you l-like to come to my room?” she offered, which was not something she offered to just anyone since it had become her only real safe-haven. If you could even find one within the confines of Radley. There, she could talk to him. She could tell him her past. She trusted him now, but she would not break down. She had that set in her mind. Paige Wolfe chose only to tell him so that he had a better understanding of her as his friend.

Xander nodded and said he’d like training together also but her next question took him by surprise. Everyone knew about Paige Wolfe, the sex slave who’d disappear for a few hours to a couple days and reappear with marks, burns, cuts, bruises, bite marks ect.  

Xander did his best not to listen and usually because its so frequent gossip died down quickly due to loss of interest so Xander hadn’t heard anything new he’d hoped it was because she was safe. 

“I’ll be honest Paige, you’re kinda famous around here. I do my best not to overhear but I catch some things. I know Matthew rapes you and I sometimes see the markings that’s all.” Xander couldn’t imagine her psychologically issues and he guessed he ignored them or more like rejected the idea of them for whatever reason.

Xander wanted to take Paige’s hand and hold it tight as they walked to her room but now that she’s decided to be on her own he wasn’t sure what actions to take with her that wouldn’t feel like he was degrading or treating her childlike. “Lead the way.” he said simple and chose instead to just follow along.

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

Paige stared up at him as he spoke. She could tell through the things he said that he was somewhat insulted by that she’d said. She hadn’t meant to hurt him at all. A small frown sat on her lips as she watched his lips quietly and followed his gesture for just a split second to the dummy. He was right in his own way, but he didn’t know how much it had helped her to simply beat on that thing. 

“Xander…” her voice was quiet and she shook her head, expression apologetic, “We’re friends… a-and I never would w-want to hurt you…” She swallowed again. Perhaps it was a bad case of cotton mouth, or just a nervous habit she had. Her eyes drifted from him for a moment, “You h-haven’t been on that island yet… and… if you s-saw the things I d-did there… m-m-maybe you wouldn’t think of me so weak…” 

She looked back to him and reached out to take his hand and give it a little reassuring squeeze before speaking again, trying to explain herself, “M-Malcolm… He used to th-think of me that way. H-He used to pr-protect me all the time…” She looked incredibly sad, but didn’t shed a tear, “I was too used to it, y-you know? I just w-went to him for everyth-thing that went wrong and…” 

The girl paused and shook her head, “He was t-too solid a rock to st-stand on and now he’s gone and I… I h-have to learn to stick up for my-myself…”

Paige was right, Xander never went to the Games yet but he could imagine the horrible things she had to do to not only survive but win. the more he thought on it the more Paige really didn’t seem that fragile. Perhaps her disability did automatically giver pity in life and Xander too had fallen for the ‘big man, save helpless girl’ cliche, for that he was regretful . “I know you’re not weak and I’m very sorry if I made you feel that way.”

“I’m also sorry for whatever happen to Malcolm but if you’ll allow my I’ll be someone you could lean on, not your shield.” 

Xander didn’t know much of the extent of Paige’s problems nor would he bring them up or treat her any different any longer. He told her he’d train her more to defend herself from bigger opponents among other things and Xander got slightly excited to see this new Paige, a kickass who wouldn’t take anyone’s shit. “What do you think. You’ll still let me help you.”

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

She looked at him as he spoke, knowing very well that what he said was true. Paige knew she didn’t look well, she’d seen it in the mirror that morning. She wasn’t used to bottling everything up and throwing it out the window. She was scared for things to progress the way they did yesterday. Scared that maybe from now on, this is how things would be. 

She could almost still feel the sickly sticky mess on her face. 

Paige shook her head, a couple chocolate locks of hair falling in her face as she did so. She didn’t wish to be rude to the boy, she just wanted to beat something up. Turning her back on Xander, Paige fired off two quick jabs to the dummy’s face. With how hard and long she’d been hitting it, she was surprised it was still on its hinges. 

The girl stopped, looking down at her hands. Her knuckles ached and would probably form to bruises later on. Silently, she pondered on continuing the torment to the training dummy. Biting her lip, though, she decided to face Xander again. “I’m so s-sick of being walked all over.” She was honest with the boy. She trusted him, forced herself to. Because he was her friend. 

Xander’s brow lowered as Paige questioned his friendship. “that’s... That’s it. your my friend and I want to help you. I want to protect you like I would anyone else I like.” She was a small girl and had a disability that inhibited her ability to protect herself in the case someone should attack her from behind.

Paige ranted she didn’t want protection, she didn't want to be a ‘flower’ and even though Xander felt insulted he could understand her need for independence,

Xander nodded, “Well what will you do?” he asked and gestured to the dummy. “beating a mannaquin like that won’t help anything but prove your emotionally vulnerable.” he didn’t wannt to say it but being blunt was what Paiige needed. “If I could tell something was wrong before even looking at your face anyone could have and taken advantage of you without hesitation.”

Xander didn’t want to sound harsh but since she asked for it he won’t treat her like a delicate object anymore

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

[xanderspelling-blog]

paige-wolfe:

She looked at him as he spoke, knowing very well that what he said was true. Paige knew she didn’t look well, she’d seen it in the mirror that morning. She wasn’t used to bottling everything up and throwing it out the window. She was scared for things to progress the way they did yesterday. Scared that maybe from now on, this is how things would be. 

She could almost still feel the sickly sticky mess on her face. 

Paige shook her head, a couple chocolate locks of hair falling in her face as she did so. She didn’t wish to be rude to the boy, she just wanted to beat something up. Turning her back on Xander, Paige fired off two quick jabs to the dummy’s face. With how hard and long she’d been hitting it, she was surprised it was still on its hinges. 

The girl stopped, looking down at her hands. Her knuckles ached and would probably form to bruises later on. Silently, she pondered on continuing the torment to the training dummy. Biting her lip, though, she decided to face Xander again. “I’m so s-sick of being walked all over.” She was honest with the boy. She trusted him, forced herself to. Because he was her friend. 

Xander knew better then that, Paige was hiding something. something happened to her and lord only knows what that could possible be but something told him she was hurting, emotionally or physically...possibly both.

 He watched Paige give the dummy two quick jabs then gently placed a hand on the lower part of her back leading her away from the dummy to a farther part of the Rec Room, away from the door.

“Okay Paige you can’t hide anything from me. I know something is wrong now please tell me.” His eyes were gently, hoping she’ll open up to him and tell him whatever. Xander felt protective of small Paige, ready to support her in anything

[paige-wolfe-blog]

Down, but Not Out || Xander & Paige

The day after she’d been double-teamed by Matthew and Malcolm, Paige was sitting in her room sketching when she felt a wave of emotions start to overtake her. She refused to let herself cry and wallow. So instead, she dressed in her training clothes quickly and started out for the sparring room. If she couldn’t cry, she needed to get those emotions out some other way. As she entered the sparring room, she was glad to find that it was empty. 

Paige went to one of the supplies bins, pulling out one pair of sparring gloves and putting them on before finding her place in front of one of the dummies. For a little while, she just stared at the dummy. In her mind, the inanimate face before her began to morph into some mixture between Matthew and Malcolm. The girl remembered every moment of the previous day and used it to fuel her rage. 

Then she was off. Hard fist after hard fist fired into the face, chest, and abdomen of the dummy before her. A film of sweat formed on her forehead, wetting her brunette hair which was tied in a loose ponytail. She punched and punched and punched for close to an hour, grunting and breathing heavily, but never stopping. She did everything to that dummy that she wanted to do to Matthew - that she wanted to do to Malcolm. 

That is, until she felt a hand on her shoulder. Quickly, Paige whipped around, ready to defend herself if need be. But there was no threat, that was apparent. The girl exhaled, chest heaving with her shallow pants, “Xander. Don’t sn-sneak up on m-me like that…”

[xanderspelling-blog]

Xander had entered the training room to get some stress off his shoulders when he saw a girl going to town on a poor dummy. She quickly figured out it was Paige and she was not herself, she was angry and out of breath not so much training or working out as much as trying to throttle someone.

Xander didn’t know how to get her attention without scaring her and just went ahead and placed a hand on her shoulder. Paige was quick to defend herself and he held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry to startle you.” He said giving her a friendly grin. “Are...you okay?”

He thought she looked kind of sick and very pale. “You really don’t look good. if you want to talk we can.”

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

Lana let out a little moan, “Oh, that sounds lovely.” Actually she was quite hungry and just about anything sounded good in that moment. As he kissed her forehead Lana leaned into him closer if that was even possible.

She ignored his question, didn’t want for him to stop talking. Didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts.

But his first question, she did think on. She thought of him in a different environment. Wearing an apron as sweet aromas filled their home. Was it too early to dream of a home with him? She yawned again, “Lobster… Raviolis… Mmm..” And moments later she was lightly snoring on his chest.

Xander looked down at Lana’s beautiful face as she made a little happy noise at the thought of food. yup, he’d certainly have to cook for her one day. Will we have a ‘one day’?

He could only dream of a white picket fence with a smiling unharmed Lana laying together on the couch watching Netflix. they’re too early in a relationship, if you could call it a romantic relationship yet, to think of living together but hel if it didn’t sound nice.

Lana mumbled something about lobster and raviolis when she cuddled closer and drifted off to sleep. 

Xander smiled and pushed her hair from her face to see more of peacefulness and run his thumb over her cheek lovingly. “Sweet Dreams Lana.”

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep, Mr. Spelling,” she teased with a smirk on her lips. But the smirk slowly faded as he went into a description of his mother. Xander was alone in this world, and Lana played on that to bring him hear. She still harbored guilt over that.

“Abuse victims tend to do that,” she replied, “It’s a coping mechanism. A shitty one, but still…” Lana had never been one to go empty, even when enduring abuse from her ex. There were people that needed her, she tended to focus on that and in the meantime, forget about her own problems.

Lana shifted onto her side, wincing just a little as she rested her newly burnt stomach against his side. She yawned, “What was your favorite thing to eat that your mother cooked you?” These little things were filling the space between them, all things she longed to know about him.

Xander nodded, he knew now hiding within herself was how she fought to keep herself and even though Xander wished they could have escaped in the middle of the night she just couldn’t and he was forced to leave alone.

Lana asked about his favorite food and thought back again to the days he helped his mom happily slave away over a stove. “Definitely her shrimp and mushroom pasta. Best thing you’ll ever eat.” he mentioned the cupcakes and other sweet things she’d offer as well.

“I’m a pretty good cook myself given the right ingredients. So what could I possible make you?” Xander kissed her forehead then, noting her yawn. he didn’t want to keep her awake. “Are you ready to sleep?”

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

It was nice to daydream of a day after Radley. It was dangerous as well. To get your hopes up when in reality you may just be killed or be stuck here just as long as Charles Spradley . Still, she nudged him, “Even if we have to kick your father’s ass, we’re getting those photos.”

She was not oblivious to the thickness of the air between them. She hated to be the Debbie downer. At his question, she understood the pretenses. “My mom was good to me. Always. And even when she got pissed off, she only meant well,” thankfully Lana’s answer was easy. Her family had never been an enemy to her.

“I got along with pretty much everyone in my family. Up until I got with Joseph, of course. He was an abusive ass and they wanted me to leave him, and I was blind…” Lana shrugged her small shoulders, then glanced up at Xander, “What about your mom? I know your dad was a dick, but what about her?”

Xander played around with the idea of holding his father down while Lana kicked him in the face. Damn, he was becoming crazed. “Just promise not to laugh when you see them, they. are. embarrassing.” he shook his head with a grin.

“As for my mom...” he trailed off. Xanders mom had the same eyes and hair as him but she was much shorter. “She was a sweetheart. She’d cook until your stomach burst and keep filling you.” he said remembering the Thanksgiving she made enough food for the neighborhood. “I was probably 11 when I noticed her change. it was like a light flickered out, She was...A shell.”

His dad never to rarely beat her. Xander was the target for his emotions but he was very verbally abusive. it’d make sense she’d eventually go into a depression.

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

Lana laughed under her breath, eyes fixated now on her fingers which were making much more deliberate motions gentle on his abdomen. “I would pay to see that,” she said teasingly with a little sudden poke of his stomach. Just imagining the boy brought a smile to her lips.

This was working, taking her mind off of what just happened not long ago slowly.

“Shaving was a big thing growing up,” she started her own anecdote, “Girls just can’t wait to grow up. So I was… six, I think? My mom found me in the bathtub with a razor. Shaving my legs. Or trying to, but there wasn’t any hair to shave. I had nicks all over my legs for the next few weeks.”

She chuckled, shaking her head, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mom so mad.” Then realization set in, her mother was more angry now than ever with her, “Except now maybe. In order to go undercover, they had to lie about why I was ‘kicked out’ of the force. I couldn’t tell the truth to my family… To anyone.”

“Perhaps I’ll find the photos for you one day.” Xander laughed.

As Lana told him about her shaving incident and the possible fall out with her mother he felt the air grow tense again. he didn’t want to upset the little moment they had but he also wanted to know, “Was your mom good to you?”

Xander of all people knew parents can be the worse to their children and he figured she had demons from the past. It’s wasn’t fair of him to ask for such details though he asked anyways. “Were you close to anyone else?”

Rubbing her back he waited patiently for her response.

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

She was glad for his presence beside her in the bed, glad for his arm around her. She nodded slightly at what he said, trying to embed it in her mind, trying to believe every word of it. She would probably carry this guilt forever though, Lana didn’t know if there was any way of stopping that.

She sighed, feeling as if she’d gotten her fill of wallowing. So she switched the subject, shifting her gaze up to meet his as she scooted closer to him in the bed and rested her head on his chest. “Tell me a story,” she said quietly, “Anything about your past.”

Anything to get her mind off this place and to remember that there is a world outside Radley’s walls. She waited patiently for his story to begin, her right hand laying lazily on his stomach while her fingers traced small absent patterns lightly into his skin.

Xander could feel her settle and her resolve and it in turned relaxed him.

When she asked for a story he quickly thought of a happier time before his dad began his abuse and told her. “There was a this neighbor girl who was a little older than me, probably eight or nine and she wanted to do makeup so she would ask to practice on me.” he chuckled. He felt embarrassed now but back then he didn’t know makeup on boys was considered weird.

“She smeared my face in lipstick and eye shadow she stole from her sister and when we showed our moms they took pictures upon pictures. I’m sure they still have them rotting away in some drawer.” 

Xander missed those few moments when laughter filled his home. It was really a fun day...until his father came home. “Dad wasn’t as impressed. I didn’t see that girl much after that.”

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

The kiss was so unexpected, but it was a warm burst that Lana very much welcomed. She breathed against him, feeling herself instantly settling into a state of calm. As the kiss broke, her eyes slowly opened to find his. She swallowed thickly at the lump in her throat before speaking again, “You’re the only friend I have in this world.” 

A small laugh lingered from her lips, once again laughing at how pathetic she sounded. “Thank you…” Lana shivered, standing and walking over to her bed. She climbed in, cuddling up to the top with all the pillows and pulling the plush comforter over herself. “Come lay with me?” she asked him, holding out a hand and making grabbing motions at him. 

“I’m sorry…” Lana apologized as she waited for Xander to join her in the bed, “For piling all of this on you. I just wish I’d been stronger, that’s… that’s all.”

Xander was so worried about how she would react to the sudden kiss that when she responded by leaning closer he could have cried for joy right then and there. This woman whom he met in a diner and never thought to have met again became his reason to continue living.

he returned her chuckle and watched her move to her small bed grabbing at the air like a child. So adorable. 

He laid with her, bringing his arm around her shoulder, careful of the gash, to message lightly.

“You can talk to me anytime, you know that. All of this...” he gestured to her bruised body, “No one is strong enough for this. This isn’t your fault.”

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

“He would torture me, and once I screamed… or cried… t-too loud, he would rape her right in front of me,” the woman looked disgusted as she explained what had only transpired perhaps an hour ago. She shook her head as if she couldn’t believe it was a reality herself, “And once Sophia broke the rules… he’d come back to me…” 

Her lip quivered as she held back the sobs that threatened to escape her. Every word sounded as if she would crumble to pieces, “I tried. So hard, Xander. I tried not to scream, I didn’t want her to get hurt… Not just because of me…” At first. 

Lana sniffled, lowering her head. She was unable to look at him as she said the next part, because it was the greatest guilt on her mind. She whimpered, shaking her head violently, struggling to admit to him how she felt. “But after a while… e-everything hurt so bad… I just wanted it to end. I just wanted her to follow the rules, I just…” 

She stopped talking, chugging down the last of the bourbon in her glass before slamming it onto the table in anger. “I fucking want to kill him. I’ve still got his taste in my fucking mouth, and– and his voice ringing in my fucking ears.”

The more she spoke the more Xander felt sick to his stomach. He could just imagine Lana and that other girl tied up, being abused and tormented far worst then his father could have done.

One thing he noticed was she mentioned the name Sophia. I’ll have to ask her some question. Xander thought.

 she continued again about rules and how she desperately wanted to follow them. Then, Lana’s anger raged! She said she wanted to kill him and Xander hoped she would permit his man-hunt. If not, Xander would still get him, it’d simply take longer.

Eventually his emotions got the best of him and when Xander leaned closer bringing her up her him and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

[bigbad-lana-blog]

A Pain So Deep || Xana

[xanderspelling-blog]

bigbad-lana:

Lana just shook her head at him. She could do this. She needed to do this. For one reason or another. “I have to do this, Xander…” she said quietly, meeting his gaze as she did, “If you don’t want to hear it, I understand. You can leave. I’ll just talk about it to myself in here, if I have to. I just… need to get it out of my head.” 

Perhaps putting it into words would help to remove those sick images and voices still echoing. She was silent for a moment, gaze a bit distant as she tried to put together words and thoughts. 

“It would have been easier if it was just me, you know?” Lana finally spoke up again, “But it wasn’t just me. That fucker had me… and that woman I let leave the party…” Her voice broke. Lana gulped, then took her glass to her lips again and sipped for a good ten seconds before pulling it away again. More tears fell, it seemed there was no stopping them now, so the blonde woman didn’t even bother wiping them away. 

“I didn’t know that she belonged to him,” Lana actually let out a laugh, unable to look at herself or the things she was saying as anything more than a mockery. “He’s been raping her I guess, the sick bastard has a sex slave and I stepped on his toes by letting her leave that party and I guess that was worthy of torture.” It all came spewing out. 

Xander listened quietly as she explained the situation, his eyes swam as his own tears flowed freely down his face. He wanted to be angry again, needed to destroy something but he made a promise not to hurt anyone, though it was getting harder to keep it.

“I won’t leave. go ahead and tell me.” Xander took Lana’s small hand continued to listen as she told him the girl was apparently a sex slave and so-called owner wasn’t happy with Lana’s actions. 

He ran his thumb across the back of her hand in soothingly.