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@xiaosenthusiast
š¦ įÆ info
āĖąæ ella ; she/her ; 9teen ; esfp ; xiao favoritism ššĖā
Basic DNI criteria.į Will not write dark content.į Genshin ONLY.į ā Ėććććā¦ććć.ćć. ćāĖć.ććććć . ā¦ććć ćĖćććć . ā ā.
MLIST āāā Ėš Ģ !! fitymi! REMAKE
Ā© xiaosenthusiast 2026 || do not copy, repost, or translate my work anywhere
hiii!! i'm back from vacation and so the grind starts againš«”
į°. She's Dating The Gangster !?
PAIRING ; lohen x f!reader
STATUS ; ongoing
āį¢..į¢ā ā” SYNOPSIS // assuming he obtained the right number, lohen begs for his ex to come back to him and you find yourself on the other end of the line listening to the pleas of the guy who stole the position of student body vice president from you. he was none the wiser, and you found it so entertaining to watch as he poured his heart out to the wrong girl. so much so that you forgot how unpredictably cunning he was. he then stole something of value from you and dangled it over your head, using it as leverage to rope you into a deal. as payback for playing the role of his ex, you'll now be playing the role of his new, loving girlfriend to make his actual ex so jealous that she gets back together with him. should be simple enough, right?
TAGS ; fake dating, enemies to lovers (kinda), forced proximity, crack, fluff, angst, idiots to lovers, slowburn, social media au, university au, modern au, characters may be seen as OOC, TBA
WARNINGS ; dottore, lohen smokes, drvg usage, profanity, vulgar jokes, self-deprecating jokes, alcohol, class of 09 references, danganronpa references, columbina's personality is a mix of her canon and fanon, mentions of underage pregnancy, mentions of cheating (not lohen dw), TBA
TAGLIST ; open
DISCLAIMER ; this fanfiction is heavily inspired by Star Cinema's "She's Dating The gangster". It's a classic filipino romance film that i rewatched recently and took inspiration from:)
įÆāāŖ NOW PLAYING // till i met you
ā They say that when you're in love, your world stops. Your heart beats faster and - and you wouldn't be able to breathe. ā - Athena Dizon, She's Dating The Gangster 2014
PROFILES ; kuni's mom has got it goin on || Five Nights At Diluc's
āā į¢..į¢ā . PROLOGUE !!
ACT I //
01. u da real yearner // 02. ajaxina // 03. clefairy (š) // 04. ringtone (š) // 05. boredom-busting cocktail // 06. beauty and the beast // 07. tonic immobility (š) // 08. K-I-S-S-I-N-G // 09. proposal // 10. do a flip (š) // 11.
ACT II //
tba . . .
a/n: i lost his 50/50 killmenow!!!! made this on a whim bc lohen has me on a chokehold like that. Constructive critisism is always welcomed, and just to clarify, im not a university student yet and i only take what i know from browsing and what i see in other smaus in a university setting so pls do correct me if im wrong on stuff. I hope you guys enjoy :))
hiii sorry guys i didn't update fitymi because i'm not done with the next part yet ;; i'm on vacation atm so updates will be a bit slow
again i'm sorry, but trust fitymi WILL be completed by the end of summer break!!
lots of love!
14. uncertainty
Originally, Yanfei wanted to ask Xiao's group to leave the Inn so that you guys could have the girls trip that was planned, but you convinced her to let them be since they arrived before you guys, and it was a four hour drive back. She backed off after hearing that (knowing how it felt to be the driver), so she reluctantly accepted their presence.
A week of this vacation had gone by, and the days were spent exploring the surrounding area--in separate groups of course, this was still a girls trip after all. However...it was difficult to keep such a strict boundary during dinner time when everyone ended up in the same room with empty stomachs. At first, you all decided to take turns eating on the balcony and in the kitchen; but after 5 days it got annoying and you all just decided to eat together.
After this, the stifling awkward tension between everyone slowly dissipated and it was replaced by a lightness in the air. The quiet clattering quickly turned into chatter and laughter. You didn't even move seats when Xiao decided to take a seat in front of you as you were too occupied listening in on Childe's story about how they got to the Inn in the first place. You laughed at his dramatics and bit into a dumpling, not taking notice to a certain eye glancing at you as he ate quietly.
"How long are you guys staying for?" Xiao spoke up suddenly in an attempt to grab your attention, and it worked. You turned to him and the moment you made eye contact, you could feel your cheeks begin to heat up. It was a question directed towards your whole friend group, but his stare felt like he was asking you specifically. Noticing the tension, Yunjin started up a conversation with everyone else, trying to distract from your interaction.
He was quiet, but he was definitely not shy, and he showed this in the way his stare didn't back down as he patiently waited for your response. Your face became hotter by the second, and your feelings of playful rivalry flared up.
"We're staying for a month, so 3 weeks from now we'll be leaving." You held his gaze, and it proved to be worth the blush on your face since he looked away first and returned his gaze to his food while slowly nodding. The rest of the meal time was spent quietly between you two, but instead of feeling discomfort with the interaction, you felt a sense of tranquility between you two.
This small interaction opened the door to more, and Xiao became more proactive. He started changing in ways that were so subtle that it felt normal, and it had you puzzled to say the least. It started with a little "What did you do today?" while eating dinner, and while those conversations lasted for about 10 minutes, they became more frequent. He didn't only talk to you during dinner, but before everyone left in the morning as well.
This continued until the 12th night. At around 1 in the morning when you found yourself unable to sleep. You tossed and turned in your bed as you couldn't stop thinking. You sighed and decided to get up, go up to that balcony at the very top of the Inn to clear your head. You knew it was Xiao's favorite spot, but you didn't think he was still awake. So you walked up the stairs in your light pajamas, the floorboards creaking under you before you paused at the very last step.
Xiao was standing right there, his back facing you as he leaned on the railing. It was like looking at a painting, and you became incredibly conscious of your own being in that moment. You shifted your weight to turn back, but the floorboard creaked louder than you expected and he looked in your direction. Xiao made eye contact with you and you both just stared at each other for a couple of seconds before you broke the silence.
"Sorry I just couldn't sleep and..."
"And you needed some air." It went quiet for a couple of seconds after that, and you were unsure what to say or do. You smiled nervously and turned around, "It's pretty chilly huh? I'll be leaving now." He didn't stop you, he just looked at your retreating figure as you disappeared from view.
Something changed after that. Later in the day, he stayed quiet and didn't attempt to make conversation with you like he did before. He became less proactive. His change in attitude had you questioning yourself, and you it made your stomach twist uncomfortably.
And then you found yourself in the same situation from 2 night ago. It was 2:30 in the morning this time.
However, instead of going to the balcony, you grabbed a glass of water and took sips from it at the kitchen counter. The Inn was so quiet this late at night, it was hard to tell that it was an Inn at all with it being empty and all.
You washed the cup and started making your way back to your room, but just as you made it back into the lobby, you saw the moonlight peeking in through the entrance of the balcony. The stair case leading up to it was right there, and against your better judgement, you took quiet steps up. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears as you took every step slowly, your mind telling you to turn back.
You knew in your mind that this wasn't going to help you move on. The quiet expectation that he would always be there wasn't helping you, but you were doomed from the very start of this vacation. The second you accepted your feelings, your heart became louder than your brain.
You didn't really think he'd be up there again, but there was a sliver of hope that he was. And maybe he was up there. Because as much as you wanted to stay in his life, you hoped that he wanted a place in yours.
So you took in a deep breath, and began to take the last set of steps that would lead to the balcony. To your surprise, he wasn't there. You frowned and stepped out into the breezy air as you sighed in slight disappointment. The view was still as beautiful as you remembered, so you decided to lean on the railing as you took it in. You picked at the wood underneath your elbows and sighed again. You knew it wasn't really something to be upset about as the chances of him being here were slim. It was also much later than when you saw him two nights ago, and just as you were about sigh again, you heard a creak behind you.
You froze and turned slowly to make eye contact with the green eyes that were looking straight at you with an emotion you couldn't quite place. You felt your face become warm and you quickly looked at the floor.
"Ah. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone." He spoke quickly, noting your reaction and turning to leave. But before he could, you stepped over to hold onto his hand. "No it's okay...Couldn't sleep?" You gazed into his eyes and squeezed his hand lightly as if to insist that he stay. Your heart felt like it was going to explode from the way it was beating. You felt your face getting warmer and you swiftly turned away to walk towards the railing again. You heard his quiet footsteps stop next to yours as he took his place there, leaning on the rail and stepping closer to you.
"...I woke up and then I couldn't fall asleep again." He spoke quietly before looking at you, "Why are you still awake?" You glanced at him and debated on whether you should tell him the truth or not. You knew you shouldn't, and that it wouldn't help you in moving on; but your heart wanted some clarity; What did he really want from you?
So you gave him a vague answer. "I couldn't stop thinking." You whispered, and turned around to take a seat on the floor, leaning against the railing while you played with your fingers. You could feel his eyes linger on you before they shifted back onto the view. It stayed quiet with the occasional rustling of the tree which Wangshuu Inn was built on before he eventually took a seat next to you. His warmth radiating off his body caused your head to spin and scooted away on instinct. Your mind was telling you to keep the silence, that this quiet was better than knowing altogether; but the blood rushed to your fingers and you felt so uncomfortable with yourself that you just had to ask him.
"Xiao what am I-" You turned to look him and stopped yourself upon making eye contact with him. Do you really want to know? What if you're less than what he is to you? Your thoughts came rushing and your brain started short-circuiting.
"I..." You blinked and bit your lip as you looked at the floor and your shoes again. You decided against it and shook your head before smiling and exhaling, "What am I going to do? It's already so late. There's no way I'm going along with Yanfei and everyone tomorrow." You spoke quietly with a tone of acceptance. Quietly accepting that you were too afraid to ask such a simple question of clarity.
Your palms pushed your weight back onto your feet and you dusted yourself off. He seemed confused by your question, almost as if he knew that you wanted to ask something else.
He stood up along with you and before you could take any steps away from him, he intertwined his fingers with yours, his eyes bore into your own and it felt like he was looking straight through you. "You're my friend, Yn. If anything is troubling you, you can share it with me. I'll try my best to help you."
Your breath hitched while his hand squeezed yours. Your eyes felt glassy as he tore his gaze away from you, and started leading you back inside, his hand never letting go of yours. It was warm, and you could feel your hands beginning to sweat from the blood rushing to it. You stayed silent on the walk back and kept your gaze glued to the shoes that were walking in front of you. How did he know what you were going to ask? Is he a mind reader?
He stopped and he let go of your hand too soon for your liking as you reached your door. You stared at it, not looking forward to ending the night so early(even though it was 3:30 in the morning). You hesitantly reached for the door handle and it creaked as you opened it. Everyone was still sleeping, and Xiao tapped on your shoulder before whispering quietly.
"If you have trouble sleeping again, you know where to find me." He gazed into your eyes once more and a smiled ghosted his lips before taking a step back and walking away. You shut the door softly behind you and quietly slipped into bed.
Your heart beat was still racing as you thought about his words. He had clearly called you a friend, so why couldn't these feelings just go away? You felt discomfort creep up your spine as you frowned and turned in your bed. At least now you knew that he did want to stay friends, and he thought of you as a friend. But why wasn't that enough? It should be enough.
That night you couldn't go back to sleep.
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š ; while i was writing this i lost my progress like three time holy cow. this was not beta read, i'm sorry for any errorsš«
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how it feels when your favorite fic gets updated and it's genuinely better than everything you've fantasized about
13. unexpected, not unwelcome
It was now Friday, the day you were all heading off on a roadtrip to Wangshuu Inn. You all could've teleported to the Inn, but Yanfei insisted on driving since 'it'd be like going on a roadtrip.' So here you were, packing your bags into the van and taking a seat next to Yunjin. Beside her was Xiangling who was stuffing her face with some food her dad had made her. Yanfei and Hu Tao were in the front, Hu Tao eating a bag of chips and Yanfei starting up the car while her 2000's pop playlist played in the background.
"Okay guys! This is going to be the best, most awesome girls trip to ever grace the Wangshuu Inn walls!" Hu Tao proclaimed excitedly while raising her fist in the air. It was obvious she was ecstatic about the trip, but she also seemed nervous for some reason. It was like she was trying to hype everyone up in order to hide behind the commotion. 'Hm. I have to ask her about it later.'
Xiangling quickly agreed with Hu Tao and joined in, Yunjin laughed and sang along with the music. The atmosphere was light, and you couldn't help but feel giddy with excitement as well. You hadn't been back to Wangshuu Inn since you were in middle school, and the place was dear to you.
ā§āĖāŖ šāĖā¹
The energy levels stayed high until about the third hour into the drive. Xiangling and Hu Tao were napping while Yunjin was reading a book, and you were listening to music. The sun was still high in the sky and the scenery had changed from the harbor you were so familiar with, to mountains colored in various greens. In the far distance you could see Qingyun Peak and the mountains surrounding it, the sight feeling distant but familiar.
ā§āĖāŖ šāĖā¹
An hour and a half later, the car crossed Guilli Plains and now you could see the outline of Wangshuu Inn in the distance. It was still as impressive as the first time you saw it.
Everyone was asleep now except you and Yanfei, and she took her chance to start a conversation. "Hey Yn..."
You took your earbuds out and focused your attention on Yanfei instead of the Inn. Her brows furrowed, and it seemed like she had something important she wanted to say, but she was hesitating. "We've been friends since we were basically babies, and I just want to say that..."
She bit her lip and sighed before speaking softly. "I'm sorry. I know I was being really pushy about you and Xiao, and...I didn't consider your feelings with my actions. I'm sorry."
Her apology took you off-guard, and she was glancing at you in the rearview mirror to gauge your expression. Yes, you were stressed out because of how public the whole situation was; but it also stirred the feelings you hid away in a deep dark pit. A part of you liked being paired up with Xiao, but not because you liked him anymore.
You shook your head and smiled, reaching your hand out to pat her shoulder. "Apology accepted. I just don't want to be paired up with him anymore, so...promise me you won't force us together anymore?" She smiled in response and nodded, "I promise." The short yet meaningful conversation lifted a weight off of your shoulders. Maybe moving on with your life could be possible.
After that, the rest of the drive was peaceful. When it was time to drive over the bridge, everyone except Xiangling woke up. Seems like a food coma hit her.
The inn looked the same as it did when you were younger, and you couldn't help the smile that tugged at your lips. Yanfei parked the car in front of the pathway that led up to the Inn and opened her door to step out.
"Finally! I thought my legs were gonna go numb." Hu Tao proclaimed as she opened her door and stepped out to stretch.
You followed suit and opened the door, feeling a soft breeze hit you. The ground crunched under you as you stepped to the back of the van while taking a look at your surroundings. It was sunset and the light seemed to hit the inn perfectly as the sun created a golden hue against the building. Seeing the familiar scenery stirred your heart, and your thoughts naturally drifted to Xiao. I wonder what he's doing for the break...maybe studying?
"Okay! Let's grab our things, settle down, and then we can make barbecue for dinner!" Yanfei's voice pulled you out of your thoughts and you turned your attention to her.
"We'll go to one of the big rooms and set down a bunch of beds, yeah?" Yanfei exclaimed excitedly as she led everyone to the wooden elevator. "Yn, you remember how we used to come up here every summer when we were younger?" She nudged your elbow and laughed lightly. You couldn't help but smile and nod along, "Yeah, we would race up the stairs. I didn't even know there was an elevator until right now."
"Wait, you would RUN up those stairs?!" Xiangling questioned skeptically while pointing to the staircase that wrapped around the tree.
"Yeah! Xiao always-" Yanfei stopped herself and you made eye contact, and instead of the deadpan face she was expecting, you laughed as the memory replayed through your mind. "He always lost to the both of us until middle school! That's when he started carrying us to the top."
"US?! You mean you? He never once offered to carry me up." Yanfei answered quickly and everyone laughed, but once you heard that, your heart fluttered. Xiao had a tendency to help you out when he could. Of course you would never confront him if he brought you a drink while you were studying, or if he offered to drive you home from the library after studying until late at night. Your relationship(if you could even call it that) was already complicated as is, and with everything going on, you couldn't hide behind the "rivalry" relationship title anymore.
The elevator stopped at the lobby and Hu Tao tapped on your shoulder, snapping you out of your thoughts. "Hey are you okay? We have to get off now or else this elevator is gonna go back down." You nodded and responded quickly, "Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about something."
"Xiao, right?"
"Huh? How did you know?" You suddenly looked at her with confusion as the two of you stepped out of the elevator. Yanfei was behind the desk grabbing the key as Xiangling and Yunjin chatted with each other.
"You've had that look on your face since Fei mentioned him. Or--more specifically when she mentioned that he used to carry you up the stairs."
"Ah...I'm that obvious huh? Sorry, I guess I just feel sort of melancholic about this place."
"It's nothing to apologize for. You guys have some deep history, and I mean, he was your childhood friend."
"You're right. I guess I'm just trying to figure out how to move o-"
"Guys! Come on! I found the room!! Xiangling and Yunjin are already putting their things away." Yanfei called out for you guys from the hallway before disappearing into the corridor with the rooms.
"It's fine. We can continue this conversation later? Maybe tell everyone too? You know we're your friends and that we're here for you."
You smiled at Hu Tao and reassured her with a quick "I will," before heading to the room Yanfei walked into. These rooms were typically reserved for large groups, and it fit all of you just perfectly with a lot of extra room. Once you all finished setting up the beds, Yanfei led the way to the kitchen and handed everyone things to bring while she walked to the balcony to set up the table.
You grabbed the small tabletop grill and headed to the big open balcony while Xiangling followed closely behind with a bag of variety meats in one hand and vegetables in the other. Hu Tao was holding cans of beer and Yunjin was holding the plates and utensils.
As everyone took their seats, Hu Tao began handing everyone a can of beer. "Everyone open up their beers! We're gonna toast to our first girls trip!"
Everyone raised their beer, but before anyone could utter the word 'cheers!' Childe walked onto the balcony. Heizou and Scaramouche followed behind him, and your heart suddenly dropped to your stomach.
Xiao appeared behind all of them and made eye contact with you. Yanfei stood up and started questioning what they were doing here as she was obviously upset and shocked at their presence.
You tuned the conversation out and sat down, deciding to drink your beer before joining Yanfei. You took a sip, and the alcohol slid down your throat. You sighed and downed it before getting up and stepping next to Yanfei.
"Yn! My mom contacted Xiao and invited him-!"
"I already told you that I initially declined, but Childe overheard the conversation and told her that we would be here."
"Wait, did you know that we would be here?" You butted into the conversation and addressed him directly, something you haven't done in a little under a month...
"No. She said we would have the place to ourselves. We also got here about a week ago." His tone remained calm, and it pissed you off. Were you the only once concerned about what would become of the two of you?
Wait, why did it even matter? You didn't even like him anymore.
Yanfei shared your sentiments and pulled out her phone. Sure, it was around 10 at night already, but her mom would answer...right?
Her mom picked up and she walked off, leaving you and Xiao standing in front of each other. Hu tao, Yunjin, Xiangling, and Xiao's friends stood there awkwardly. Not knowing how to deal with the current situation.
Xiao wasn't one to break the silence, and you weren't willing to do so anymore. So you sighed and walked back to the table, grabbing a beer before turning on your heel to head into the building. You stepped past Xiao without a second glance, ignoring whatever fuss your heart was making. Before you walked inside, you turned to your friends, "Let Yanfei know that I'm gonna head in early. I'm not feeling very well."
Hu Tao nodded in response, and you turned back around to walk to your room. The beer can opened with a click and the alcohol fizzed.
You eventually reached your room and walked inside. As you shut the door behind you, you debated taking a shower quickly before sitting in your bed.
The thing about these rooms is that they didn't come with full bathrooms built into them. Only half-bathrooms, so you opted to sit against the wall as you finished your can of beer. The wall was refreshing against your back, and it provided you with a clear view of the moon and sky. The moonlight seeped through the curtains as a light breeze cooled your skin. The quietness and alcohol began to make you think about the current situation between you and Xiao.
How were you supposed to move on when he was everywhere? It was like you were walking in circles and his over-looming presence kept your hopes up that maybe you could be something else. Maybe the first step in getting over Xiao was to finally accept your feelings instead of denying them and writing them off as feelings of rivalry or dislike.
Your heart began to beat faster as you begrudgingly accepted your feelings. As much as you didn't want to admit it, this realization lifted a weight off of your shoulders.
You liked Xiao, and you weren't going to deny it anymore.
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š ; this was a little longer than i expected it to be, and it went through a looot of editing LOL see you guys next week ^^
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12. summer vacation
Finally.
Summer break.
You were doing the chores you had been procrastinating as music echoed through your apartment. Once the laundry was done, you walked to the kitchen to start the dishes. You were already looking forward to sitting on your couch and scrolling through social media as a break, but then you heard your phone 'ding!' as it lit up to show a text message on your lock screen Deciding to ignore it, you continued doing the dishes until you heard it again. And again.
After the fifth time you pulled the gloves off and walked over to your phone. Unlocking it to see messages from Yanfei.
'Huh. What perfect timing.' You thought. 'Wangshuu Inn...Isn't that where...No. Yanfei said it was a girls trip.' Shaking your head, your thoughts drifted back to the way Xiao held your hand at the festival. His grip was tight, and thinking back to it made your heart skip a beat; but you knew better than to give in to these feelings. You knew better and yet you still entertained the idea of being something more. Maybe all those years of pining were finally going to pay off, or maybe you were just being delusional.
It was such a lovely delusion though. If you were together then maybe you would be going on vacation with him instead. But that's how crazy people think. So you snapped yourself out of it and pushed down whatever you were feeling. At least this vacation will serve as a good distraction. You'll be away from everything and everyone.
You took your laptop and sat on the couch, deciding to research popular things to do around Wangshuu Inn. However, while looking at all these websites and photos of things to do, memories from when you a were kid flooded your mind. You remembered how you, Yanfei, and Xiao used to run around the place during vacations like this.
Seems like it won't be as easy to forget as you'd like. No matter. You won't be seeing him for the next month, and you'll be hanging out with your friends instead.
'It's a good time to make new memories.'
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š ; i was thinking about skipping over the break as a whole, but i wanted to test myself and include a location from the game! also, i'm sorry this part is so short, the next one will be much longer and it'll mostly be writing! bare with meš©·
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11.different perspectives
"Xiao I..."
She tugged on his school blazer, stopping him from leaving the classroom. The two stood in silence, the hallways echoing with the chatter of students excited about finally moving on from middle school.
Xiao turned to Yn, puzzled. His silence coaxing them to continue what they were saying. Her grip tightened and she lowered her head, avoiding eye contact as her ears turned red. She muttered something quietly and glanced at him, gauging his reaction to her words. Xiao's eyebrows furrowed as he softly pulled his blazer out of their grip, but keeping a hold on her hand.
"I'm sorry, but I've only ever seen you as a friend."
Her breath hitched and her grip on the bouquet of qingxin tightened. Her eyes stayed glued to the ground, as she pulled her hand back. She nodded slowly in response before looking at him again with a sheepish smile. "I know--I just..wanted to tell you how I felt." She whispered softly as her gaze moved to back to the floor.
She took a step closer, and stiffly patted his shoulder, whispering a quick "Have a good break," before walking out of the classroom. Leaving Xiao alone in his thoughts as the door creaked shut behind you. A warmth creeped up Xiao's neck as he turned to the door.
He knew she felt that way about him, and he knew the confession was going to come eventually; but Xiao couldn't see you as anything more than a childhood friend of his. In his mind, the two of you were still far too young, and your relationship was precious to him. Xiao couldn't bring himself to take the risk of ruining your current relationship to become something more when neither of you were mentally ready for a commitment like that.
He took that confession as a sign to distance himself, maybe could return to normal after the break; but he was unaware of just how strongly your feelings were, and that you'd never go back to how you were before.
ā§āĖāŖ šāĖā¹
The sunlight peeked in through the curtains, snapping Xiao out of his daze. It was around this time 7 years ago when you confessed to him in that quiet classroom. It was 7 years ago, and yet he somehow felt different about it; but he didn't know how to describe it. Middle school Xiao thought pushing you away was the right thing to do, but all he felt now was regret.
He got up from his chair, deciding to get ready for the festival. While picking something from his closet, Xiao looked back on your relationship.
Due to the mental distance, Xiao found himself unable to take care of you directly; so he took action behind the scenes, and this became his way of staying connected to you. Having Yanfei check up on you, and maintaining close relations with your other friends in order to make sure you were always taken care of. Small things like getting you a snack when you skipped lunch, or getting you that chiikawa keychain you were staring at during the school trip. All of this would go through Yanfei, of course, she was your best friend after all. However, he also played along with your perceived idea of this relationship.
Both of you understood the importance of your connection since it was the only thing tying you together. The sassy remarks, the one-upping each other...It's why you pushed for this sort of dynamic in the first place, and why Xiao entertained the idea even though he never saw you as a rival. If either one of you quit, or gave up on this, then what else would you have left?
It also served as a shield. One which you could use to justify pushing yourself to your limits in order to stand on the same ground as him. One which Xiao could hide behind, and say that this was better than no contact at all. He knew your feelings as well as you did, but under the guise of 'rivals,' you could both pretend those feelings were long gone--like they never existed in the first place.
Xiao grabbed his keys and headed to his car while thinking back to the night which started this whole fiasco.
If this fragile relationship was so important, why would you risk it and say you had feelings for Xiao? That's what he failed to understand. Maybe it was a spur of moment decision, like you had told him. Maybe it was because you didn't think he'd hear it.
In his mind he thought of what ifs, and tried to justify your reasoning for saying what you did. Trying to grasp at straws in order to continue pretending--like everything could go back to how it was, but his guilt and inner conscience ate at him. The guilt for letting the gap widen over the years. For hurting you the way he did.
And then a chance fell into his hands.
Xiao snapped himself out of his thoughts, and looked for a parking spot. While pulling up to the festival, he spotted you, Yanfei and Hu tao. Xiao couldn't stop the way his heart skipped a beat when he saw you. You looked beautiful. But just before he could collect himself, Scaramouche showed up at your side. Xiao froze in his spot as he watched you walk away from Yanfei and Hu Tao towards the festival. He frowned at the sight and a pit formed in his stomach as he stepped out of his car.
During most of his time at the festival , Xiao thought about where it started to go wrong.
For so long, Xiao believed--or convinced himself to believe--that your feelings had gone away over time; and that he never had any of his own to begin with. However, Xiao liked having people believe you were a couple. His inner wants telling him to be greedy, and to actively confirm the rumors, but he didn't. He decided to say nothing at all.
Xiao knew it was wrong, but he saw his chance and took it. And it worked, for a bit. You were talking to him directly again, albeit a little angry, but he believed this would be a good time to mend your already struggling relationship. Since he only saw the surface, he didn't realize you were being agitated by everything. Your friends, himself, and the whole 'dating' situation. All of it was causing unnecessary distress for you. Xiao's poor judgement of the situation is what caused you to grow tired of the whole thing.
So when he saw you pulling away and slowly getting closer with Scaramouche, Xiao felt sick to his stomach. He was--and still is--unsure as to why he felt this way about it. He should be happy enough to sit back like he usually did, but then he thought about Scaramouche doing the things Xiao always did for you.
Was he going to be replaced?
Wait. Did Xiao even have a spot in your life to begin with? All he was to you was an academic rival. Was that enough though? He wanted to be more--to be friends again, of course. Xiao didn't want to watch you walk away like the many times before. His mind was racing with a million thoughts, and before he could think about what to do, he reached out for your hand.
"Oh."
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š ; i know im a little rusty, but my goal is to finally finish this smau during the summer! next ep drops next week 10am pst!š
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hi guys!! i've come to let you all know that i accidentally set the post time for part 11 as 5pm instead of 10amš„²
so for today it will be posted at 5pm, but the usual time will be fridays at 10am pst!
omg guys im nervy
i keep rereading part 11 of fitymi to make sure that it's readablešµāš«
i am excited to announce the official comeback of fitymi!! i've been working on it for the last two months, and now that finals are over, i'm ready to start posting it again. part 11 drops on friday 10am pst, and then weekly after that.
please look forward to it!š©·
fitymi
Happpyy bdayyy!!
thank you!!
happy birthday to meš
i am backed up omg finals are kicking my ass
u guys will never believe what's in progress rn.
it'll be a little slow cause finals are coming up but trust something is in progress
im trying to write and i think i might have forgotten how omg
