Xing in words

I write to learn, in that order.

[xinginwords]

Exam Prep #2

Last year when I got the notice for the exams and interviews I was so excited and nervous. I had a hopeful expectation that I would get it as if by miracle a chance is enough.

This year, I anticipated my shortlisting as my written application was slightly better than last year. Indeed the lead time for this year's exams is a bit better being 4 weeks instead of 2. I didn't dwell on the emotions so much, instead I immediately began to make preparations by taking a couple days off work. Hopefully, knowing what it looks like this year, I can prepare much more thoroughly.

This year however, I want to keep doing all the things I'm doing. I don't want to put my life on pause and give up my other goals, of running a 3:30 marathon, of improving in my piano skills, of serving in church and Bible College. All these things ground me in who I really am, not just a candidate betting their entire hopes and dreams on a specific type of job.

Because at the end of the day, it's all for a particular job. It's not a sudden cancellation of my mortgage, it doesn't detract that I'll have to keep working, it doesn't really give more satisfaction than the work I do now. It gives me a long term flexibility and different enjoyment and options of the work I'd like to do. But work is inevitably work.

No one ever came to the end of their days saying

I wish I was a specialist in life.

I'd like to say, I was glad at the chance of all of life, and I took every opportunity in all I did. I loved as much as my heart could take, I strove for things I enjoyed and found meaningful, and I held true to myself and God of what I was meant to be and do.

I'll always try my best, and try to love the journey of ups and downs too.

[xinginwords]

Finding yourself at any age.

I think somewhere past the age of highschool and before the age of getting married, we're finding ourselves. What we're made of and who we want to become. The best part of growing up is growing.

The fact that we're constantly changing, constantly expanding our vision, our insight, our strengths and recognising our weaknesses. Again and again, I've started at the bottom of what I knew because I never knew what I never knew. A sheer awareness that I was at the beginning of something rather than the end.

And here, I start again, not in finding myself, but growing the confidence to be myself, to explore the things I loved but put aside due to embarrassment, lack of opportunity, or some misconception.

I will always be at the beginning, and there's no more exciting place, than the beginning because the dream is still alive.

I can still change, even at this age.

[xinginwords]

Swift Winds

Swift winds blew change into our lives We didn't have time to grow only the time to hold our ground I swayed once, but not twice God is the anchor, against the current of time. --- Psalm 91

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

[xinginwords]

Goggles

I was 30+ years old when I wore goggles for the first time swimming. I couldn't believe it. My eyes didn't hurt when my head went below waters. And it was crystal clear, it wasn't a hazy blur. It was wild, as if a psychological trauma was lifted. I was expecting pain in my eyes, and there was nothing but beauty. It's like a raised hand that pats you instead of hits you.

It makes me think, maybe I could have been alot better at swimming as a child. You see I struggled with swimming, I failed level 3, 3 times. Most people take a level a year with the primary school, but my parents signed us up for Summer swimming as well, so we got a second chance to pass more levels. I stayed roughly with my age group despite the help.

I struggled with breathing, I was mostly drinking pool water, and some days I would vomit the water when I got home, feeling sick. I learnt not to drink the water, but I didn't learn to swim very quickly. When we went to highschool, we continued the swimming classes in the Summer, and as puberty hit, I grew taller compared the kids taking lessons. So much so that I was 15 when the next oldest was 12. This may only sound like 3 years, but I was easily a head taller. The last year, I'm grateful that I was in the same swimming level as my brother, so we could suffer together. We both passed. But most years, especially when we were younger, the teacher would give out all the certificates then hold us back to give us a consolation speech about why we didn't pass.

It sucked.

Now, as I watch youtube videos on swimming, I see that swimming has changed. Even though we still do freestyle and breast stroke, what they taught us and what's taught now is different. They study olympians now. It turns out, a 2 beat kick is the most efficient. Just 1 kick per arm stroke... It turns out, the ear doesn't have to be next to the head, and the face can be out of the water. It turns out there are many ways to do freestyle.

But I'm still fascinated by one thing, goggles.

You see, swim teachers know that the most important thing to learn is water comfort. That psychologically you want to feel relaxed and comfortable, so you can breathe easier, so you can be efficient. And now I know, I was always dying because I was always dying. We thought goggles were nice-to-haves. Like automatic windows in a car, the meal set at mcdonald's rather than a single burger, or first hand text books.

We never sought it out, because it was an added expense. I'm sure we could afford it, but a pair of goggles was the same price as our once a year birthday and christmas present.

Today I used Kmart's $3 goggles. They worked. I still can't believe it.

Sometimes in life, you don't know what you don't know. And maybe most people never find out what they were missing or could have been. But I know now, and I'm gonna get real good at swimming and tell my brothers all about it.

[xinginwords]

Immersion

As I put together an orthodontic study schedule for myself, I quickly recognise how difficult it is to study without an upcoming case or exam. Like all things, a reason why is the most important key.

I've thought about how the best become the best, and it seems to come down to immersion. Completely surrounding yourself by the very thing you need to grow in. Whats the fastest and best way to learn a language? To become fit? To become rich?

Surround yourself with the idea, the means and the volume of activity required to become great at it.

It's really simple, but so difficult in practice. Even changing one meal a day to be devoid of added fat and sugar can be difficult. But if you're creative enough, you can almost certainly find a food you like that's a permanent healthy alternative.

I think Ali Abdaal poised the idea that willpower alone is certainly not enough. A series of enjoyment and environment are necessary. If by all means a bit of luck, and the hope in luck is needed too.

I haven't really figured it out yet, but I'm still pushing at the next level, trying to break into a place I've never been before. I think I can see what it takes, but I'm just at the beginning.

I'll let you know when I break sub 20mins 5km, hit the next tax bracket, play any song by ear.

[xinginwords]

After Exam list of things I want to do

Sleep

Baseball batting cage

Call mum

Have dimsum

Piano Practice

Get Dexa Scan

Costco run for pork collar (Char Siew)

Sign up for Runna Strava Plan

Weights Workout

[xinginwords]

A chance at a dream

Today I received an email saying I had been short listed for an interview and exam for Doctor of Clinical Dentistry Orthodontics at USyd. It had taken me 2 years just to get the chance to interview.

I was estatic, just this week I had a dream I couldn't get in. Yet now just to have a chance, I couldn't believe it.

I'm so grateful, for everyone, for everything. Nick and my colleague David advised me to meet the year coordinator to build connection, but I wanted to leave it in God's hands. I felt it was unethical and played into a system I didn't want to be a part of. Instead, I was willing to let go of this dream if God closed the door.

Now I can say, after doing RACDS and navigating the first 6 months of marriage that getting in last year would have been a more difficult timing.

I still might not get in and that's ok. But if I do... I think I'll quit my jobs and spend the last couple months of freedom with my parents in Perth. 3 years goes in the blink of an eye, but the time I have with them is so short already. I'd want to spend it with them while I can.

Later, I'll also plan to have the nicest steak dinner with flippity flop, a kids free night. And I'll still plan a family with my wife, but it's totally ok to not have a house. We already have the most important people in our lives.

I realised over the next 2 weeks before my interview, I need to study hard for an unplanned exam, but walk spiritually closer with God for his peace.

After I received the email, I was so nervous with adrenaline, I wanted to try the winhoff method to calm down. It didn't work, it made me want to faint from hyperventilating and holding my breath. Then I tried Vinh Giang's 4 second Box breathing in method, and a couple pushups and exercise. It was better, but I knew the best was to listen to a worship song focussing on God.

And I realised, I didn't need to suppress these emotions to succeed. I needed to embrace the highs and lows, and see the excitement and share that with the examiners as hope and joy. God has not given us a life of chaos to be controlled, he gave us a gift to choose a life of joy amidst the chaos, injustice and pain. A choice to love and to glorify Him, the creator as people made in his image.

If I have learned anything in my 20s, it was that God has always been with me and heaven on Earth, was never a goal or success but any place in the presence of the King.

[xinginwords]

Nothing moves life forward more than actually doing the thing:

Practicing piano, hitting keys Running, actually running Cooking, new recipes Writing, something complex simply Praying, knees on the floor Loving, in hugs and words

[xinginwords]

Restaurant Grade

I've been cooking a few dishes for lifegroup, and every time I know I've nailed a recipe, I call it restaurant grade.

It's actually quite simple to get restaurant grade, you just need to follow a recipe perfectly.

One thing that always stumped me in butter chicken was carmeralising the onions all the way, and the second was blending and sieving the final mix. After tasting the sediment, I can see I was not meant to blend the spices, and the sediment made it a little more bitter.

The other recipes that really improved was my japanese katsu curry that was mastered by deep frying the vegetables, and following the steps including pounding the chicken before shallow frying. Tiramisu finally reached a good level too, as well as my cookies by adding bread flour instead of plain flour. By whisking the cream slowly and the patabomb slowly and using the right ratios.

I suppose ratios and time are the most important aspect in professional cooking, I can't shortcut these things.

I want to achieve a level of depth and mastery of my skills. I realise much is due to volume of practice, and much is attention to detail. To truly want to hit a higher level, you have to truly desire and pursue it. I don't know if I could do it if I didn't truly want to do it.

Jimmy Fallon is asked how to be successful? He said you have to do what you love. (Diary of a CEO podcast).

[xinginwords]

I still get hyped.

10 “Now then, just as the Lord promised, he has kept me alive for forty-five years since the time he said this to Moses, while Israel moved about in the wilderness. So here I am today, eighty-five years old! 11 I am still as strong today as the day Moses sent me out; I’m just as vigorous to go out to battle now as I was then. 12 Now give me this hill country that the Lord promised me that day. You yourself heard then that the Anakites were there and their cities were large and fortified, but, the Lord helping me, I will drive them out just as he said.”

I still feel hyped when I think and listen to the music.

I still have the dreams of my youth, I'm stronger now than I was before and my spirit has not died. Life keeps you in routine and place. Realism and setbacks keep you walking, but I can still sprint. I still want to jump and leap and dance. I remember the promise I was given.

I still have lungs to shout and sing. I still have arms to fight.

I still see wide pastures of milk and honey to take and grow. I see the hill country that the Lord promised to help me take. (Young the Giant - Mind over Matter)

[xinginwords]

Alex Hormozi

Figure out what you want, ignore the opinions of others. Do so much volume that it would be unreasonable for you to be unsuccessful.

[xinginwords]

Reality Check 2025

A reality Check 1. What you spent on in the last month 2. What you spent your free time on in the last month 3. What you consumed in youtube history, google history, netflix history, instagram history, audible, spotify etc. 4. What your conversations were about in themes and energy 5. What you were excited about in the last month 6. What you hated in the last month 7. What you look forward to in the next month 8. What you ate and drank in the last month 9. What were the biggest movement events in the last month

Your content feed reflects what your priorities are The reality is you will need to have an unhealthy obsession with something and that will be the thing that truly moves forward.

Inspired by Ali Abdaals video: How to get Rich

You cannot work smart as a beginner, you can only work hard when you are starting out because you don't know what working smart really looks like. You're still building the structure that takes true labour.

[xinginwords]

Something Real

I ask myself, why document all the reviews. I consider posting reviews of content that I consume to create a logbook that may be helpful to others.

But I realise, it's not all that helpful.

In fact, that's not what I truly gravitate to, what's really important is that it's something real.

Deep down it is the expression of values. To truly inspire, to truly help is not to provide facts and tips, but to provide something real.

ChatGPT can give you a fact or a tip, but only a human who has lived a fully life with mistakes and failures and success can tell you something real. Something that exists in this world in the hearts of a human being.

Something that could be important to truly living.

[xinginwords]

Big George Foreman Review

Any tale of rags to riches, poor to rich, weak to strong is a win in my book. However, beyond the normal tropes of an inspirational sports movie is a life truly lived. Sometimes the real life is more unpredictable than a traditional story arc.

That was the biggest twist in the tale of George Foreman, not only going from poor to rich, or rich to financially ruin, but the inner peace and drive from God.

That was what was most fascinating. Ironically, the most notable thing I thought about George Foreman before the movie was his grill, and yet it was just a passing mention in the movie.

I think it truly shows how little we know about the inner workings of a public figure, and the drive that makes someone exceptional. In this case, a miracle.

My favourite quote and lesson:

His grandmother brought him to me... last week. That same kid. But I was so, you know, full of myself being full of God that... I missed it. What did you miss, George?

I should have met that kid where he was. Not where I wanted him to be.

... I think the film does well in delivering an interesting story, but I think it's emphasis was on the first 2 acts rather than the 3rd redemption act. I liked it alot, but I think it had more to give. 3.5 stars

[xinginwords]

Optimism notes

A while back I read this book about Positive Psychology

Based on the findings, Seligman proposed three dimensions of explanatory style, neatly summarised by the three Ps:

Pervasiveness – Global / Specific: Whether or not the factors influencing an outcome are seen to be event-specific or globally applicable. Permanence – Stable / Unstable: If the outcome is based on factors which are changeable (unstable) or perceived to be temporally fixed (stable). Personalization – Internal / External: Relating to the level of personal control an individual feels they hold relating to an outcome.

Based on these dimensions, individuals can display an optimistic or pessimistic explanatory style.

Pessimistic Attributional Style

Where an optimist sees defeat as confined to a particular event, and not directly their fault (Seligman, 1991), an individual with a pessimistic attributional style labors under the belief that negative events will last indefinitely and are a direct result of their failings (Kirschman, Johnson, Bender & Roberts, 2011).

Depressive Attributional Style

The learned helplessness model of depression proposed that control over the environment is a fundamental need for any organism. If an individual is repeatedly exposed to painful stimuli they will come to expect that such events are internal, unstable, and global thus developing a sense of hopelessness and depression as a result (Hiroto and Seligman, 1975).

Optimistic Attributional Style

An individual with an optimistic attributional style tends to see positive events as being internal, stable, and global – while dismissing negative events as external, unstable, and specific.

Subjects who exhibited optimistic explanatory styles were less anxious, more confident, and performed better than pessimistic participants. The results also suggested a pessimistic explanatory style is related to higher levels of anxiety, lower expectations of future success, and to poor achievement.

[xinginwords]

Carl

In this Episode, Homer hires a secretary named Carl. Carl helps Homer gain confidence, improves him, takes the bullet for his mishaps and gives his umbrella to him in the rain. It is no exaggeration to call Carl a hero. It is the self sacrificing, lifting up of others in a position of servanthood rather than leadership that is a hero's nature. Sometimes we know what it takes to be a hero, but we don't have the genuineness of heart and sincerity to truly lift up others. It's against our nature to sacrifice our lives for the lives of others.

Yet Jesus proclaims this nature as the truest potential. Perhaps not that it is our initial nature, but the choice of joining the hero's journey. A nurtured result, of who we could be. Or as they say, the way up is down.

"The greatest among you will be your servant. 12 For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 23:12

[xinginwords]

True Cinema

Content is now made on the daily for attention. Never mind art, deep learning or creativity. We vie for the lowest common denominator to achieve enough for attention and time. Tiktok, instagram, youtube all move in this direction algorithmically. It's simple bang for buck.

Value can be quite simple, and quite hard for plebians to discern the depth. The skill of a master is the simplicity of which they can deliver beauty. It looks so similar, it feels similar yet there is a profoundness found in the atmosphere.

Perhaps most are too busy to appreciate or undestand the invisible. Yet spend a year or 10 in pollution and your lungs will slowly degrade from the poison in the air itself.

We inoculate ourselves, we forget, we get accustomed to a slow death. Is it so wrong to live in poison if we get enough time to do what we want? Truly there isn't.

But as I like to say. It's ok to live like this, but it would be better if we didn't.

If there was meaning in life. I'd like to believe it has something to do with true cinema.