(tw this is a little meanspo and it’s only for me and i support recovery for all)
my face. i can’t wait to start to lose my double chin, my full cheeks, and start to see my jaw line, my cheek bones. to actually see bone structure of my face and not just fat. for my nose to look more slender, my lips fuller, and my eyes and brows to be the focus of my face, not my big fat double chin.
my neck. i can’t wait to have a slender neck not hidden under chins.
my shoulders and collar bones. i can’t wait to see the bones start to show in my shoulders, for my clavicle to stick out without trying. its a long long way to go.. but for my ribs to begin to show and not be buried under such a thick layer of fat.
my chest. i don’t want to lose all of my boobs but all the gross excess fat that is spilling out of my bra in the armpit and around the back, i want to lose a little volume in my chest and just have nice reasonable boobs on a slim body. right now i have huge boobs but nobody cares about big boobs on a fat girl.
my stomach. this is the biggest one for me except for my face. god, my stomach has gotten so disgusting from my diet and inactivity. it just looks so unhealthy to have this huge belly with 3 rolls. i cant even see to shave my coochie properly because i have this huge fat roll in the way. i know i am ages and ages away from a flat stomach. but just to see my obliques start to come in and create a waist/hourglass.. to see my 3 rolls turn into 2, then 1, then to only have skin folds when i bend over. to get rid of this huge bloated beer gut and not look embarrassing in everything i wear. to fit into my clothes again and then become too small for them.
my legs. to get leaner, sexier legs and get rid of the disgusting cellulite that is all over my legs. to have toned muscles and delicate ankles, not tree trunks and cankles. to be flexible and look lean and strong, not jiggly and gross. to finally tone my flabby thighs and feel confident in shorts and dresses and heels.
my booty. to actually feel sexy and proud of a nice little toned butt, not sitting all day on this flat flabby cellulite shapeless blob of an ass. to have a butt that people check out, to not look so disgusting naked.
my back. to have a lean, sexy back and be able to wear whatever i want without back fat rolls everywhere i look. to have better posture and look graceful and not a slouched pig.
to accept myself and not feel absolutely repulsive whenever i try on clothes or see my body in the mirror. to feel attractive and desirable when my partner touches me and not ashamed and embarrassed of what i look like. to feel sexy and confident.. one day. to be able to wear my clothes and feel attractive and not frustrated that nothing fits or looks good. to be excited to buy new clothes and actually dress to my style not be limited by what fits and trying to flatter my ugly body but instead to show it off.
to be able to do whatever activities i want and not be limited by my body. never having to worry about i can’t do this or that bc i am so out of shape, too big, or just too embarrassing to do this looking like a whale. to be able to go out and do anything i want with my friends (beach, club, activities, anything in public) and not be reluctant to go bc i feel ugly or cant find anything to wear.
for my actual health. no i’m not being super healthy but i am making better food choices (vs fast food and super high carb like before) and exercising. i’m preventing future problems like heart disease and diabetes when i continue to stay active and keep my heart strong and not flood my body with fat and carbs and inflammation and be a lazy fat sack of shit. i am making better choices for my health and if i want to avoid getting diabetes i really need to stop eating like there are no consequences to my choices. i want to be around for my family for a long time and i have seen the consequences of not caring for yourself and they are expensive in many ways. i don’t want to end up wishing i had just gotten off my ass and exercised when i end up with health problems from my sedentary life style and shitty diet.
i will be a medical provider and i need to walk the walk. i can’t tell my patients to make healthy choices or lose weight when i am a fat ass and expect them to respect me or listen to me. I don’t want to feel embarrassed in my professional dress and white coat and feel like a fraud. i want to look like someone who knows how to be healthy and take care of themselves and others.
for my wedding. we want to get married in the next year or so and i am soooo far way from being happy or satisfied with where my body is at. i dont want to look back on pictures for the rest of my life and wish i would have just worked harder to lose more weight before my wedding. i dont wanna be fat in my wedding dress and remember that day like that forever. i want to make the day the absolute most perfect i can and what would make me happier than finally having the beautiful body i have been wanting for so long. to look beautiful and be able to look back on that day forever.
graduation.. only a few months away so i know i won’t be able to make a huge change before that day but i can make some progress. I can feel better about putting on that white coat and taking photos and not being embarassed to show my fat face on social media. to not worry that people will say “she let herself go” but instead be impressed and proud of my accomplishments. so i can celebrate the day and not be concerned with feeling fat and disgusting in front of all of those people.
just a list for me to look back on in case i am feeling lazy, unmotivated, or like giving up. these are the reasons (and more) i have to keep going, don’t stop until i make these things a reality.
prguitarman
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