gub gub 3000

[yesglamburglar]

OH MY GOD

i just pre-ordered a shirt and had to make a new address on my phone for some reason

my STUPID ass thought “name” was it asking me to name the address

IT WANTED ME TO PUT IN MY NAME. M Y NAME.

I PUT IN “MY HOUSE THE HOUSE”

realized this after finalizing the order. i hope the post office employees have fun with it

[lavender-w4ters]

my sister (@yesglamburglar) went to a record store today and, very unexpectedly, found a new tfgba cd! no idea why that place was carrying this niche cult classic alongside the likes of taylor swift, but i’ve been wanting a copy of this one so i am not complaining—! (thank you for the cd glammm)

its so prettyyyyy (my camera does not accurately portray the vivid colors sadly. i love vivid album covers!!)

[yesglamburglar]

even the cashier AT THE STORE was super surprised to see it. i saw it right after browsing Lady Gaga which is an insane jump

[yesglamburglar]

my friend asked me why my 160cm 46 kilo ass doesn’t go to kids clothing stores. it’s cause don’t wanna wear clothes that say I PLAY MINECRAFT AND FART BUTT (boys section) and Don’t Tell My Mom But I’m A Unicorn In Disguise (girls section)

[yesglamburglar]

guess who was a bad girl today and almost escaped pillowcase jail in the car

[yesglamburglar]

i just had a dream that i was hanging out with the gang from It’s Always Sunny, and AI managed to use up all the fresh running water in the world while we were at a park so Charlie started trying to drink from the pond

but we yanked him back because a murderer had used that pond to dump bodies and there were REALLY obvious dead people right where he was trying to drink from

then Dee said “wait guys, what if WE started murdering people at their houses for their bottled water?”, and Mac agreed and said that we should start with all the run-down crack houses cause they’d be easy to rob

so we found one and murdered the people there with a hatchet, but while we were trying to hide their bodies in the basement we found bodies that were already there… and it turned out that we hadn’t killed the owners, we’d killed people that had ALREADY murdered the owners and robbed them for their water

so we started going crazy from thirst. Charlie started shitting in the basement to distract the cops (which we may or may not have hallucinated) and Dennis started believing he was a mama duck with ducklings and that he needed to lead them across a busy intersection with no crosswalk

[yesglamburglar]

LORDDDD i have listened to this song 112 times since PZE… my partner is watching me succumb to addiction

[yesglamburglar]

my body is a M⃞    A⃞    C⃞    H⃞    I⃞    N⃞    E⃞ that turns 𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐮𝐞 into ᴏɴᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ 30 ᴛɪᴍᴇꜱ ɪɴ ᴀ ʀᴏᴡ

[yesglamburglar]

waiter waiter my butter is too juicy my steaky is too lobsty

[yesglamburglar]

here to your certify your authenticity as Not a Bot Just My Idiot Sister (Complimentary). also this is a trojan horse im here to Destroy you @ddubiaroach @itsthedracobunny go my pigeons raid her and ransack her grain stores until nothing remains

AGHHHH NOOO MY GRAIN I NEED IT TO FUEL MY CPU WITH

Beer

[yesglamburglar]

call me Breaking Penjamin cause *takes a hit of weed pen* COUGH COUGH COUGH AAAHAUHUHUHU COUGH HACK AUUUUUUHHH

Benjamin Breaking: You take the breath right out of me