Queer Analysis - All Too Well
For me personally, and for many Swifties, Iâm sure, All Too Well has a special place in our hearts. Thereâs something so raw and emotional about that song. Taylorâs music has always been personal, but this one feels extra special somehowâŠ
My personal belief is that itâs about Emily Poe, so this analysis is built around a Taymily narrative. Because of this Iâm gonna link to @karlieskupkakeâs Taymily master post again, since it was a significant help in getting the timeline straight (or not đđ) when writing this.
As always the credit for the lyrics used here goes to AZLyrics and I ask you all to remember that Iâm not claiming anything presented in this analysis is fact, itâs all just speculation.
Now letâs deep-dive into this heart-wrenching masterpiece of a song!
I walked through the door with you, the air was cold,
But something âbout it felt like home somehow.
So our story starts around late October/early November 2006 when Taylor and the gang from the early days (this obviously includes Emily) were on tour with Rascal Flatts (x) In the opening lines Taylor describes walking through a door with someone, a door into a venue where they were going to be playing that night perhaps? The air was cold, indicating autumn (the rest of the song has an autumn theme to it too) so October/November and the Rascal Flatts tour still fits.
Then Taylor talks about how even though they were walking in somewhere unfamiliar to her and the air around them was cold and probably unpleasant as really chilly autumn air can be, she still felt at home because she was with this special someone, the previously mentioned (and gender-neutral) âYou.â If we assume that âYouâ is Emily, could Taylor be indicating that even though they were on the road and all this touring and preforming was a new world to her she still felt at home because she was not only living her dream, but she also had her girlfriend at her side.
And I left my scarf there at your sisterâs house,
And youâve still got it in your drawer even now.
In the next few lines it seems that Taylor specified exactly where she walked through the door to in those previous lines, it would seem sheâs perhaps not on the road touring, but at her loverâs sisterâs house. Itâs the first time sheâs there and yet she ends up feeling so at home that she left her scarf there and her lover kept it and has held onto it ever since.Â
Well, may I suggest that the line about the sister was thrown in as a #NoHomo? Many of the het fans seem to think this song is about Jake Gyllenhaal and well Mr. Gyllenhaal happens to have a sister named Maggie, so perhaps that line was an attempt to encourage the het interpretation that the song is about him? Admittedly I have no idea if Emily has a sister too, perhaps, but regardless I would argue that the âsisterâ-part of this isnât the important one, the âscarfâ part is. In Taylorâs video for Emily (x) a letter (from Taylor to Emily) is shown, part of the letter says the following:
âI decided I would bestow upon you one of my most prized possession: my flamingo bandana.âÂ
Whatâs a bandana, again? Oh thatâs right a type of scarf. Taylor gave Emily her bandana or âscarfâ and it wouldnât be a stretch to assume she has it even now, maybe in a drawerâŠ?Â
As far as I know itâs not known when exactly the letter mentioning the bandana was written, but in another part of the letter it does say:Â
âI feel as if our relationship has been taken to the next level over the past few monthsâÂ
well, during the Rascal Flatts tour in October/November Emily had worked for Taylor for a few months (since July) so perhaps Taylor wrote Emily the letter and gave her the bandana when they first started dating while on the road with Rascal Flatts?
Oh, your sweet disposition and my wide-eyed gaze.
Weâre singing in the car, getting lost Upstate.
Autumn leaves falling down like pieces into place,
And I can picture it after all these days.
Here Taylorâs referring to being new (or wide-eyed) to something, perhaps the music industry itself, on October 24th 2006 Taylorâs debut album was released, so in November she was still pretty new to it all, wouldnât you say? She also refers to perhaps what made her fall for Emily, her kind nature (or âsweet dispositionâ) she was there for Taylor in the beginning when it was all new, through that whole wide-eyed experience Taylor had Emily at her side, they were both innocent newbies back then.
Hereâs what makes me think weâre specifically talking about the Rascal Flatts tour, Taylor claims they (her and Emily, and perhaps anyone else in the car) were singing and getting lost upstate. Well, the final date for the tour was November 3rd and they were playing in Albany, New York, aka UPSTATE. Â (Iâm sure they played other places upstate too though) Singing in a car and getting lost sounds like early touring fun to me.
Then Taylor mentions autumn leafs falling like pieces into place, this sounds like Taylor figuring out her feelings for Emily were more than friendship and when they entered a relationship (or âtook their relationship to the next levelâ) after those first few months of being friends it all started making sense, or falling into place; just like the leafs tend to do during the autumn months when the tour was happening and the girls first started dating.
I donât know exactly when All Too Well was written, but I have heard that it was the first song Taylor wrote for Red and that it took a long time to finish. Regardless of when it was written though it mustâve been a long time after her and Emily broke up, but even though the years had passed Taylor could still see those early days of their relationship so clearly. She could picture the start of it even many years (or âdaysâ) after it ended.
Fun fact: Liz Rose was a co-writer on All Too Well despite not having written with Taylor for years at that point. Rose is however known to have had a hand in many songs on both Taylor Swift and Fearless, so in other words she was significant during the âEmily-eraâ of Taylorâs romantic life, but has stated that she was surprised when Taylor suddenly called her again after so many years asking for help with All Too Well. I donât know about you, but I feel the seemingly random return of a co-writer who hadnât worked with Taylor since the Emily-days is significant⊠(x)
And I know itâs long gone,
And that magicâs not here no more,
But Iâm not fine at all.
Taylor knows that the relationship was years ago and that it and whatever connection she and her lover had (âmagicâ) is no more and sheâs okay with that, for the most partâŠOkay, so sometimes sheâs not, at allâŠThese lines make it seem like Emily was the one who got away, we all have trouble getting over our first love or first real significant relationship. Given that Taylor was 16 at the start of her relationship with Emily and presumably was with her for years their relationship seems to fit that bill pretty well.
âCause there we are again on that little town street.
You almost ran the red 'cause you were looking over at me.
Wind in my hair, I was there, I remember it all too well.
It seems that the biggest reason Taylor has such trouble getting over the subject of this song is because random significant moments from their relationship keep coming back to her in a crystal clear way, as if it happened yesterday when it was in fact years ago. She remembers all the little moments spent in cars and on buses during early touring (remember, Emily lived with Taylor and Andrea on the tour bus at one point) all too well, all too clearly and she canât seem to let them goâŠThey were a significant part of her life, not just romantically, but professionally, this was the start of her career and Emily was there for all of it, of course such a central person in her life on so many levels would be hard to let go of.
Photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red.
You used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed
And your motherâs telling stories about you on a tee ball team
You taught me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me.
They spent so much time together during those days that they even introduced each other to their families (it seems Emily was even with the Swifts on vacation in 2007.) Taylor got to know Emilyâs parents, who told embarrassing childhood stories about her, making her blush in that stereotypical way parents are supposed to when you bring home a partner for the first time. I think what Taylor is saying here is that Taymily was like most young love stories, even in the sense that they thought they were going to be together forever (âYou taught me 'bout your past, thinking your future was me.â)
And I know itâs long gone
And there was nothing else I could do
And I forget about you long enough
To forget why I needed toâŠ
In my Love Story analysis I talk about how I think Taylorâs label/management may have had a hand in separating Taylor and Emily after Emilyâs mysterious and sudden firing. In these lines I think Taylorâs apologizing. Sheâs saying:
âHey Emily, I know this was all a long time ago, but I want you to know that there was nothing I could do about the firing/decisions from the label/management. They encouraged me to forget about you and I did, long enough to forget how intense my feelings were for you in the first place.â
You see to me it seems like something awakened Taylorâs dormant, intense emotions that Andrea has mentioned came out during the writing of this song. (x)
To me it makes perfect sense, this was perhaps her very last Taymily song and something made all the feelings come back to her and spurred her to write it after so many years, maybe a recent meeting/interaction with Emily where she had a chance to talk about the past and apologize for her part in their abrupt ending? More on this later thoughâŠ
'Cause there we are again in the middle of the night.
Weâre dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light
Down the stairs, I was there, I remember it all too well, yeah.
Another flashback to a sweet moment making it hard for Taylor to let go of the relationship. Interestingly she references stairs here, a romantic motif used in several Taylor songs (Sparks Fly for example, which I coincidentally also believe may be about Emily.)
Well, maybe we got lost in translation, maybe I asked for too much,
But maybe this thing was a masterpiece 'til you tore it all up.
Running scared, I was there, I remember it all too well.
I donât think the âYouâ in the âyou tore it all upâ-line necessarily refers to Emily, I think it might be referring to Taylorâs management/label. Similarly I think that the âlost-in-translationâ-line might be referring to how much of the end of this relationship were handled by them rather than by Taylor and Emily themselves.
The label/management decided to fire Emily and then Taylor was most likely âstrongly encouragedâ to break off the relationship, Taylor and Emily had no control over how their relationship ended and maybe Taylorâs apology got âlost in translationâ in the sense that she didnât get to personally tell Emily that she was sorry for the way it was all handled and that breaking up wasnât her choice? Obviously I donât know the specifics of how the firing/breakup went down, but it seems likely that the decision was out of Taylorâs hands (see: âthere was nothing else I could doâ) Â
âMaybe I asked for too muchâ could be referring to how Taylor realized that trying to be in a gay relationship and maintain the image her management/label wanted for her in the early days was âasking for too muchâ basically she could have either Emily or the fame, but not both, at least not according to the people in charge. This is where the masterpiece-line comes in, Taylorâs saying that her relationship was beautiful and working out, before the higher-ups decided to get involved and deemed Emily âinappropriateâ for Taylorâs image. Â
So what about ârunning scaredâ? Well, imagine this for yourself, youâre an up-and-coming young artist in a conservative genre (such as country) and you happen to be gay, your management tells you that being with your girlfriend will have a negative impact on your public image and thus your popularity and success in the business youâve wanted to make it in your entire life. Your career is finally starting to take off and now the people who know the business are suddenly telling you it might all get taken away if you donât end your current relationship. Wouldnât you get scared? Well, Taylor did and although she might regret letting âthe adultsâ handle her personal affairs to the degree that they did back then, she also remembers getting scared for the future of her budding career. In fact she remembers that feeling too well to blame herself. However, she does feel bad she let this significant relationship end in that way.
Hey, you call me up again just to break me like a promise.
So casually cruel in the name of being honest.
Iâm a crumpled up piece of paper lying here
'Cause I remember it all, all, all⊠too well.
These may in fact be some of my favorite Taylor Swift lyrics of all time, but what do they mean?Â
Earlier I suggested that something mustâve prompted Taylor to write this song after all these years. Well, what if that something was a phone call from Emily wanting to inform Taylor that she was recently engaged? Andrea said the episode where Taylor came on stage having clearly cried and started scream-singing what would eventually become All Too Well happened in late 2010, well Emily officially got engaged in February 2011. (x) Maybe her and her husband had been discussing getting engaged and so Emily knew it was coming and decided she better call and âwarnâ Taylor in order to spare her feelings and make sure she wouldnât find out from someone else that her first love was getting married.Â
Like I said, Emily thought she was sparing Taylorâs feelings by doing this, but in fact it just hurt and so she was being cruel without realizing just by telling Taylor something true, aka âcasually cruel in the name of being honest.â
This phone call caused all the intense feelings that had been dormant for years to wake up in Taylor and as that intensity came back to her when they hung up she started crying and became as broken and crushed and hopeless as a crumbled up piece of paper. Due to the sudden firing and lack of association with each other since then Taylor didnât really get closure for the relationship and maybe part of her had always hoped her lost love would come back someday, but here she was now telling Taylor she was moving on. Remember earlier Taylor referred to the relationship as a torn up masterpiece? Well, the typical image of artistry is that when an artist scraps their work, they crumple the piece of paper theyâre working on and throws it away. Well the artistic work that was Taylor and Emilyâs relationship has now officially been scrapped and thereâs no chance at a romantic reunion for them despite any promises they mightâve made to each other that they were going to try again someday.
Taylorâs heart was broken by this phone call just like the empty promise made to her in her youth. (Wow, thatâs depressing đđ)
Time wonât fly, itâs like Iâm paralyzed by it
Iâd like to be my old self again, but Iâm still trying to find it
They say timeâs supposed to heal all wounds and given enough time you should be able to get over anyone or anything. Time will pass and then suddenly without you knowing how it happened youâre just supposed to realize you havenât thought of your long-lost love in ages and you feel fine without them. Well for Taylor time barely passes and she feels trapped in this loop where she still remembers details of her relationship with Emily far too well to ignore them or move on regardless of how much time has passed. While her ex is moving on Taylor is standing there, in the same spot, paralyzed and unable to let go.
She might be saying that sheâd like to be the person she was before things with Emily ended, the person who was carefree and hopeful when it came to love, who believed in love, but somehow she canât seem to find her and therefore sheâll never again become the less jaded version of herself that she used to be.
After plaid shirt days and nights when you made me your own
Now you mail back my things and I walk home alone
Wait, wait, wait, hold the fuck up! âplaid shirt days and nights when you made me your ownâ is the most obvious reference to lesbian love and/or sex that I have ever freaking heard, yeah I donât think this line needs explainingâŠ
As for the next line, maybe mailing back Taylorâs things (left at Emilyâs) was something Emily did when their relationship had just ended as to avoid being in direct contact since Team Taylor didnât want them to associate.
But you keep my old scarf from that very first week
'Cause it reminds you of innocence and it smells like me
You canât get rid of it 'cause you remember it all too well, yeah
Either way it seems Emily didnât mail back ALL of Taylorâs things, she kept the bandana/scarf that Taylor gave to her along with the letter the very first week they dated. It reminds Emily of Taylor and of innocent, first love and she canât get herself to get rid of it since she also had a hard time moving past this relationship.
'Cause there we are again, when I loved you so
Back before you lost the one real thing youâve ever known
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
They both get flashbacks to the relationshipâs happier days when their love was true. I tend to assume Emily is bi since she was with Taylor and now sheâs married to a man, but this line seems to imply that sheâs actually a lesbian dealing with compensatory heterosexuality. (Itâs interesting that Emily mentions in the article I linked above that one of her reasons for leaving both Taylor and music behind and instead pursuing law school was that she âknew she wanted a husband and childrenâ many people who work in the music industry do have families, but a stereotype about gay people is that we do not.) So maybe Emily convinced herself that her attraction to Taylor was a fluke and sheâs straight, thus Taylor pointing out that their relationship was âthe one real thingâ Emily has ever known makes sense, because it was the only same-sex relationship she had the courage to be in and when it ended she went back to her compensatory straightness. (This theory was first brought to my attention here)
Or you know, maybe Taylorâs just saying that she (regardless of gender, because again, bisexuality exists) is Emilyâs true love thus making the relationship the only ârealâ one Emily with ever have, because it was with her true love.
She then states that what they had was rare (once in a lifetime kinda love?) and that she knows and remembers that because she was there and she remembers the intensity of their feelings for each other.
Wind in my hair, you were there, you remember it all
Down the stairs, you were there, you remember it all
It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well
Finally itâs stated that they both know that what they have was special and that the moments they had together will always matter, they will always remember them.
Wow, that is one beautifully heartbreaking, but very long song!  It took much longer than I anticipated analyzing this so my The Moment I Knew analysis will be up tomorrow instead of later today, pushing the Hey Stephen analysis youâve all been waiting for forward to Tuesday, I hope thatâs okay. I also hope you enjoyed reading this and that I didnât emotionally break you! (I kinda emotionally broke myself but thatâs fineeeeeeeee đ đ )
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