Daydreams & Knightmares

Sam 🏳️‍🌈 Jersey | KY | DC @samsaknightmare

[yourfavoriteknightmare]

My hair looks bad ass, although I don’t feel like the badass tatted queer that I am. I’m depressed, stressed, and overall a mess.

I can’t figure out how to balance grounding myself without shutting the whole system down. I couldn’t cry over a horrible memory in therapy. But eventually thinking about the good ones got me there.

I talked to my bro, he remembers Fuddruckers and I felt validated. Like all my childhood memories aren’t fictional. At he least he can play along with the story.

My Dad’s visit was not good. His girlfriend was not a good person to me. She’s never intentionally bad, but she just always puts herself first and this time it meant I got high out of my mind and worried about working the next day. It sucked. I felt robbed.

...

A part of me wants to do Christmas here. Have Josh and Halie fly out and rent a hotel room with Padre, Kathy can stay with us. We can go out for Christmas dinner. Do touristy things or just hang out at the apartment. Idk. Something different. Something where I’m in charge of it. In my home making breakfast Christmas morning. We could even drive up to see Aunt Claud. Idk. I wish we could do something like that. I wish I could have my childhood life finally reconciled with this one.

[studylikeknope]

[water-aesthetics]

[gi021]

In  April 8, 2016, this scene was airing on SyFy and soon enough it was all over Tumblr, and we were like “What in the Gays name is this?”. 

This little scene just changed the life of a bunch of people, including mine.

[janployshompoos]

[yourfavoriteknightmare]

@enduremyheart

[janployshompoos]

[bruwho]

seen at @vesperny

[blizzzard]

(via TumbleOn)

[thingsfromthedirt]

[hotcommunist-deactivated2019032]

I cannot physically roll my eyes harder at gender neutral bathroom signs that jerk off their own wokeness by being like “whatever just wash your hands :)” and then have a picture of a mermaid and a lumberjack and an alien and a godzilla or some shit. If you’re a real ally put your money where your mouth is and guillotine Mike Pence.

[orangutanjcalliope-deactivated2]

“If you’re a real ally put your money where your mouth is and guillotine Mike Pence” is possibly the greatest sentence i’ve read so far this year

[allminetherainbow]

Hayley Kiyoko Creates The Playlist of Her Life

[yourfavoriteknightmare]

I’ve always had an annoyed/hate relationship with my long hair. I don’t have the patience for it, or tbh the knowledge of how to take care of it properly. Or the money to spend on it. I’m insecure about the constant frizz and volume. I look like a Christmas 🎄 most of the time. “But your hair is so beautiful they say.” Meanwhile they didn’t see the amount of time it took to be just passable imho. I don’t see what they see and I know people would genuinely be upset if I cut it... So I waited until I was going to be out of the country to try it for the first time. Which was okay but short hair is hard to maintain when you can’t speak the language and can’t go get it cut regularly. Lesson learned. But. I’m cutting my hair off again. This time for real. I have Pinterest pics saved and everything. I could end up looking hella weird. I’m hoping my hair stylist will know what to do. Maybe you’ll see long locks back in 2021 but for now I need to say goodbye... I’m working on trying to not care about these things. I don’t need approval or to even be cute tbh. I just want to feel like me. An affable, awkward queer person that has short hair. I hope I don’t regret it tomorrow.

I highly doubt I will

[adanddavid]

[ddriveringg]

[itsfunnytome]

[nosdrinker]

the ol’ razzle dazzle

[bluesymoon]

this is the future liberals want

[born-for-fame]

This is exactly what I want.

[gretagerwisg]

Congratulations to the cast and crew of Killing Eve for 9 Emmy nominations! 

[yourfavoriteknightmare]

The things is, I don’t feel it. Not the way I used to.

But. I want to walk into your office and cry. I want to cry until there’s nothing left in me. Instead of this curtain covering my grief. Like somehow hiding it makes it disappear. I’m tired of feeling trapped. Tired of having to state change into believing in change then sobering up to feel nothing. Or. To feel anxious about the curtain falling. But. The problem is I’m comfortable with hiding and still scared of disappointing you.

What would happen, you’d ask.

I’d shrink into the size of a pill small enough for you swallow. Something that makes my presence worth the money my insurance pays you. Something that makes you think twice about canceling on me.

Maybe one day I’ll feel worthy of your conciliatory praise.

Plus. The reason I can’t cry in your office is because you’d have to cancel on the poor soul(s) who expect to see you at 5. I don’t think I would have to willpower to shrink or hide anymore. And you would have to call someone. And I wouldn’t see my dog that night. And I’m scared of what grew behind the curtain over the past few years. So I want to cry, right now.

But I won’t because you’re not here to help me figure out what to do with it. And honestly the last thing I need is to waste my tissues on preventable symptoms. So. I guess I’ll wait for now. Because at least I don’t feel it the way I used to anymore.

[rxcknrxlla]