7/22/20
Sharing this for #bumpday, to stand in solidarity with all the mamas and women waiting to be mamas, to bring awareness around the challenges of infertility and pregnancy, and to celebrate beautiful bumps and healthy babies.
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How beautiful is God’s redemption, His promises for us, that He can make beauty from our pain?
This week a year ago, I found out that I needed a D&C (dilation & curettage). A few days prior, which I had thought was going to be confirmation of our rainbow baby, turned out to be the complete opposite. I still remember my OB’s face as she checked the ultrasound. She didn’t say anything right away, but I could sense something was off from her expression as she kept maneuvering the probe to get a better view of my uterus. I was sent to get more in-depth scans done in radiology. She would be in touch once she received the results. It was an agonizing 24 hours. I still remember vividly getting her email the next day as if it were yesterday.
There was no heartbeat. There were blood clots inside my uterus that needed to be removed. Although my hcg count was increasing, this was not a viable pregnancy. This would not be my miracle baby.
As physically painful as the procedure was, it did not compare to the heavy emotional pain that weighed on my heart. I had known not to expect that getting pregnant would happen as soon as we were ready to start trying, but I never imagined that I would experience it this way with two miscarriages. No one ever does.
But our God is a healer and redeemer. It took time, but slowly He led me through this difficult time of longing and waiting in my life. Somehow, I was still able to cling to Him.
Fast forward a year later and here I am reflecting and writing this out as I sit in my son’s nursery, as he sleeps in my arms. In a few days he will already be a month old. How amazing and good is our God?
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways submit to Him and he will make your paths straight.” - Proverbs 3:5-6












