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I don’t know why I did it, I don’t know why I lied. I wish I went to that birthday party so I could at least say I tried. But there’s always this half of me, that tells me I cannot go. When I ask myself why, I simply don’t know.
It haunts me right now, it hasn’t even been a week yet. But I keep thinking about it and how I could’ve made them upset. Then again, perhaps, i’m not significant to them anyways...so it wouldn’t bother them as much- as someone instead of me not showing up.
But it eats me away. Every single day. How i keep making up excuses, rejecting invitations and how I’m afraid of this thing called “participation”.
Can’t be too loud, can’t smile or laugh too much. Can’t talk too often and can’t deserve love. Can’t do anything right, dubbed “socially awkward”.
A recluse that needs a rebrand- a restart. But nothing will change because of my weak heart













