Untitled

[--dada--]

Last chance

Its your last chance....i wont try anymore after tonight. I will give up and forget you just like i did in the past. I will remove every ounce of any sort of love there once was from my soul and core and make sure there is never ever another chance at being as we were. I will delete you out my life..off my social media and off this site so there is absolutely no chance of knowing how im doing outside of when i pick up my son. Im giving you one last chance to TRY! To prove to me were stronger than this and to show me were meant to be together. The love was there so maybe it Still is. You know just as i do how well we connect how happy we make each other and how great we can be. We have had our ups and downs and plenty of em but can we make it last? I dont know. I tried making you see every way i can how much ive reached my limits trying to get past our problems and it blew up in my face. Maybe for the better i dont know yet. Were both stubborn and heard headed so im giving this one last shot. I hope you realize what your willing to give up to stay together and change. Both of us change. But i also hope you realize im never going to beg and plead again. Im never going to be there for you and never going to be the man you know if you choose not too as this is the last chance. Im not taking blame for this i stand by my decision doing what i did becouse it was with good intentions for US. The clock is ticking and the timer is running short not becouse it needs to but becouse if there is no us i want to move on and forget about you right away. But if were going to move ahead of this than TRY and save us.

[--dada--]

Wow that blewup in my face and ended up worse off. Just another sad day in my life. Fuck. Smh

[--dada--]

Hmm...

Hmm..Things can be played out if the cards come out good. I wonder how it would turn when the river shows its self and the cards just arent right yet. Do i fold? Do i take a chance and go all in? Dunno. Going all in is a much bigger risk than i want to take especially if the flop doesnt turn in my favor and the end result is a lose cause anyway. Who knows. Im down to my last chip and im thinking about cashing it in and saving my money.....or i could play this one last chip and hope for the best. I guess i have to feel put the dealer first cause if thats not gonna work for me going to a cheated dealer i mine as well move on to another table. Well see. Time to play. Wish me luck all.

[--dada--]

Wonder.

I wonder what my life would be like had i just stuck it out alittle more. I wonder what would happen if i could snap my finger and take it all back and start over. Would things change. Maybe things would have changed. Maybe not. I held my lifes path in my hands for a moment but failed to act. Maybe it was for the best. Guess ill never know. Definitely seemed like a waste of time. Theres only so much you can do before cracking.

[bby-face]

I know I complain about you and us a lot, but its only because I care for you a shit ton and want to know you feel the same way. Although you have brought pain into my life you have also brought good things too, and have helped me open my eyes to situatuons I was so blinded by before. I can’t wait for the next two weeks to go by so I can start seeing you more. Hopefully, at least. Only time, faith and trust will let me know what’s going to happen.

[--dada--]

You came into my life as just a random fling with potential. Broken down hurt and forgotten in so many ways yet I pulled through just to get to know you. Just to give it a chance a mere “what the hell” shrug. I was at the lowest trying to get my life back together so anything that would have came…

[bby-face]

Ladies and gentalmen, I present to you, the greatest man alive… I’m in love with the most down to earth and loving man anyone could ever meet. Oh yeah, also he’s got to be one of the most handsome men I’ve laid my eyes on. I want to be able to make you smile and feel happiness always. Shit, I want to make you smile just so I can look at it because it’s got to be the best smile I have ever seen. I’m so happy we were brought into each others life’s and I’m excited to see what the future holds for us.

[--dada--]

Aww..i love you beautiful. I hope you still feel this way.

[--dada--]

null

I wish I had all the answers. I wish I never had to go threw this struggle. This demon of a problem. I made my bed with this problem so now its time to pay the fucking Piper and man up for what I've let turn into an out of control problem. All the money I wasted. All the time zoomed right past me not even realizing until now that I wish I could have slowed alot of it down to take the time to realize what I was doing to myself and to others. My kids are my life. I love them so much and I don't ever want them to know what daddy had to endure just to get better. All the money that could have been spent actually showing my love to the people I love rather than just hustling it up to give to my dark demons lurking in the shadows waiting an knowing " he is gonna come right back with even more". And sure enough I did. I came back with rent payments. I came back with fun family spending money. I came back with borrowed and spent money. Oh the red cent. Tainted with my guilt. I can only sit here and wonder what life is going to be like after all is said an done. How will it be in a month..a year..or a lifetime. One thing is for sure. My hard earned money will never go back to that stupid shit as long as I can help it. All the presents I could have gotten for my Beautiful strong woman. My lover...my life..my fiance. I wish I could have started things off the proper way. And shown you alot better than what its become. Becouse of your strong will I feel the power. The energy you radiate and the courage you provide has helped me more than any drug or person to date. For that you will reap the benefits. You will see the wonderful life you deserve. I will show you what a real man can do..has done and will do for his beautiful queen. I will show both my kids the best. Oh my daughter Hailey I wish I could have been able to do sooo much with you before the time flew past. All the times I wanted to take you out and show you how much daddy cares. Buy you new clothes and stuff that actual fits you lol. I laugh not becouse of the fact you are outgrowing everything I have for you. I laugh becouse daddy will never put you in the same position again. A position you never knew. You never knew that daddy was a fucking pill head. You never knew that daddy would NEED to run off while I had you to make a daring run to keep on keeping on while having you. I spent money I didn't have just to stay "happy". But it was also money I promised myself I would take you to so different things and buy you new stuff. Movies toys outings. I only wish the best for you an for your patience and caring when you would see daddy said I promise I will never put you in that situation again. I will show you the world my princess. Daddy loves you. I am so lucky you are still going enough to not know what daddy has been going threw. And for my baby boy. Oh my handsome boy Michael. I am soo thankful you will never have had a chance to see this lie i be been living. The things I've done and the people I've hurt. I will make sure you are taken care of. And I will make sure you never have to struggle alone. Daddy will always be there for you. And daddy will always be there to show you right from wrong and to take you by the hand and guide you unlike the lack of help and guidance I got growing up. I will make sure you are well provided for and get a chance to see things done the right way by the time your old enough to realize things. I want you to say one day " damn my dad took good care of me..never gonna let em down". My kids are my world. My Brittany you are my world. And definitely not the garbage I've put into my body the last 9+ years. Time for a change. Time for a new. Time to catch up and prove people I can do this.

[--dada--]

It's funny where life tends to take us. One day your flying high over the most beautiful of moments and the next your struggling to remember what it even feels like to see clear. I know what I know because I have been in alot of situations good and bad. I didn't get good at reading people because I like too. I'm good at it because I was the one on the receiving end of the short end of the stick. Lied to tricked dawged out and disrespected. Well I learned just so I can out wit what I hope never happens to me again. I met you thinking you were just another notch. A fly by night fling I would conquer like all the rest. But low and behold I changed. I changed my mind set settled down handpicked you out of a handful of others all with there own views ideals problems and personalities. Why because i love You. But it's sad when the shit you do the things you say the stuff you post and the looks you give me sometimes all read what I already seen too many times before. I know the look of someone contemplating. Someone looking for an out. Someone who just wishes some one else can swoop em off there feet and wow em with a fresh and new start. Maybe the right one this go around. No need to lie to me. No need to sugar cost things. And definitely no need than to pretend you haven't thought about or even done what we both know will eventually come if things don't change. I know your type. I know what your type tends to do when there bored of things and you've said it yourself to me what happened before when you to bored. You look for an obvious out and next thingies know your balls deep riding that one guys duck trying to hide the fact that you haven't thought about it you haven't attempted or even talked about it with your friends. I'm nothing to you when time changes in the passing and the lights fade to black cause in the end all I have is myself. All I have is the knowledge of having experienced what is already happening.

[--dada--]

I sit and I wonder. I sit and I go deeper and deeper in though. Too much time on my hands? Maybe..One might say it's a boring man's way to escape the realities. I would like to say that's wrong. Wrong to the point were one person's day dream is another think tank. My quite undisclosed thoughts and expressions are not a sign of boredom nor are they a sign of what's expected in the future. Its my game plan in motion. My war room going full throttle in thought. I sit and I think becouse I'm moving closer to those thoughts becoming reality. And I want that reality with only one condition involved. I want it with you Brittany. I want us to be happy little campers now and than. I know we have had our boring moments. But it's all a process in motion. When we first met and talked we just bumped each other in passing in the world and happened to be boarding the same train together. Well my beautiful the train is leaving the station and we're still going strong and better than I would have never imagined. I'm so glad you are still going strong in my life. The caring rock that rolls right along with as I go up and down the hills. I love you babe and can't wait till this train stops and we really get to explore our new world together. Just imagine were just working out the details whole still riding along the track. Shit we haven't even came to the final stop yet and its already been a good ride. Enjoy this blog and smile for me cause I know you've missed these nice long ones. :)

[--dada--]

My beautiful woman

WellsincewearedoingthingsincodeiguessitkeepameonmytoesandhelpsmeslowlyfigureyououtfromtimetotimeidontalwaysknowwhatyourthinkingorwhatyouwantandneedattimesbutrememberiLOVEyousomuchandamverygladandgratefulyourtherebymysideyoumakemesohappyandconfidanthellevenluclyifoundyouandstillgotyouwithmethrewallthislittlebullshitandtemproraryluggageyoudealwithinmyatrugglesiloveyoubabeandiloveyourgoofywaysoflettingthingsoutevenifihavetoreaditonsocialmediahahamuahhbabehavefunwiththisonesoooolookingforwardtohearingaboutthisone. :)

[--dada--]

There's no doubt in my mind your the one person I want to be around. No question or second guessing this situation becouse it's strictly one solid fact. She's my rock in a rainy storm. Helping me take the beating against life's missions. Society says your my girlfriend but I say your much more than that. My best friend my partner in crime and my right hand man. All of the above describes how I see you how I'll always see you. Your much more than just my significant other. Your the person that's given me a reason to actually enjoy my day and with you at that makes each and every one that much better. I love you like a fat kid loves cake like a gamer loves his controller and like a man loves his girlfriend. I'll never forget the things I've told you. Nor will I ever forget what you have done for me. In time the world will be mine and like a Kit Kat I'm halfing that shit with you. My girl. I love you beautiful. Times like this is what I'm looking forward too. Muaahhhhhhhh

[--dada--]

[--dada--]

Becouse of you I am driven. I am determined I am focused. Nothing can stop me from doing what needs to be done to make this already perfect relationship an unbelievable one. I'm a strong level headed man so hyped on the future so pumped to see what it will be like. To cuddle with you like there is no tomorrow and there is only the present is everything I want now for the future. My head in your lap your hand on shoulder I can already hear your lips smacking around as the smile breaks through. Thinking during the entire time is this really happening. Well yes my amazing woman. It will be. Becouse of you I'm right where I want to be and that's wrapped up in the comfort of your love. Engulfed in the energy of your happiness which makes me feel like I'm superman. Makes me feel...like I have nothing more to worry about becouse I know the hardest part I've ever had to overcome and that was finding you. :)

[happy-and-naked]

[redheadedheartbreak]

[--dada--]

What happened to me? What happened to the guy that was just chugging along. Just being there in person but mentally drifting. So crushed I never thought I'd get over the fact that I lost so many years only to gain knowledge. The knowledge needed to be the man I am today. I have my flaws and I definitely have my best suited abilities that only some can wish they had. As I look back through my life wondering we're it went wrong were I could be and how I could being doing it I stop and think damn this is were I want to be. Had any point in my life been any different chances are I may have never met her. My odds would have went from a sure shu-in hopeful to a one in a million Jack pot winner. And yet it happened so perfect. Played out so well that every aspect in my life from good to bad made me who I am. The man she's so in love with. I couldn't be happier with the way it took place. Becouse I struggled and chugged along I learned I listened I saw everything I needed yo know and do all for one moment. One single point in my life which was meeting you. The absolute love of my life. I can't stop thinking about her. I know this is only the beginning but it feels like it's already been so long. Like I've known you my whole life just sitting idle for the day we actually crossed paths. I found her I found the one.

[--dada--]