Finding Myself @0rgasmiic - Tumblr Blog

Say it with me: recovery takes time and I am worth that time.

I have literally gained so much weight in the past three years of me being clean and let me tell you, it’s literally killing me everyday. I’m the fat friend now and it makes me so fucking sad:(

At least I have a pretty face I guess to make up for the big side of me :( ugh someone please help me, please

7l7l7l7l7l7l7l7

sorry to those i hurt while i was hurting

Why don’t my friends share the same love for makeup I do :(

Take the pain away

I became 3 years sober a week ago and all I can say is, it is a great feeling and amazing accomplishment. But everyday I still live with the thoughts of wanting to go get high, wanting to be on the move at all times doesn’t matter what I was doing, that feeling of adrenaline right before I shot up. The last time I got high I didn’t know it was going to be my last time and that is what fucks me up. Actually knowing if I do get high and if people find out is what scares me the most. I have been feeling so down for awhile now and it seems to not be fading. UGH I just don’t know what to do with myself at this time. GIVE ME A FUCKING BAG.

0rgasmiic

I miss being a drug addict. When I was a drug addict I actually felt like I was worth something to the world. I always had something there that I knew I could get. Dope was my best friend. As much as I convince the people around me and myself that I will never touch it again, it is a matter of time. I’ve learned to be a master manipulator of fooling people that I don’t do drugs and I will never touch it again in my life. Everyday I think about the next time I will get my next fix and how much Ill be able to get. It keeps me a little sane knowing that I will see it again. While doing drugs I met so many people, now being sober I see that they weren’t real to me. But at least then I had people to talk to and be with. Now I have no one. No one gives a fuck that i’ve been clean off of dope for about 60 days now. Dope was my best friend and still is to this day. Even though I don’t see it to often, I know it is still there waiting for me and will always be there.

0rgasmiic

still feel the same 3 years later being 3 years sober, it will never go away