warnings: none?? she/her used, sadness i guess?
one year after the disappearance.
the car ride up was quiet. at one point, chris had turned on the radio, but kept it quiet as not to distract your driving. he fell asleep against the window shortly after doing so, leaving you alone with your thoughts for a few hours. your knuckles were white against the steering wheel.
your mind was racing. all you could think about was having to face what was up there. the absence of beth and hannah, the presence of everyone else, and most of all, knowing josh would be there.
he had supported you so much throughout the past year, but seeing him in person was a reminder of all the vulnerability you had revealed to him. all of the late night phone calls and unending texts were suddenly personified.
as you pulled up to a small carpark that josh had given you directions to, chris began to stir. he looked up, yawned, and gained his bearings. you parked the car and undid your seatbelt, but couldn’t bring yourself to move from the seat.
chris saw you staring into space, as still as a rock.
“hey, listen. it’s gonna be fine. if you decide you can’t handle things, we can go hijack that cool home theatre and watch a movie or something.” your brother says, turning to place a gentle hand on your shoulder.
you look back at him with tired eyes, offering a small smile.
josh said everyone would avoid talking about last year, but you know that can’t be true. you might as well try.
“i’ll be okay, don’t worry about me. just make sure you’re on your a-game to impress ash tonight,” you respond with a wink, getting out of the car before he could hit you.
“uncalled for!” he yells, following suite.
the two of you grab your backpacks, leaving the warm and isolated safety of your car behind. you look back at it longingly. maybe if you just got back in and drove home now…
chris wraps his arm around your shoulders, pulling you into a fast walking pace.
“ready for the weekend of a lifetime little sister?” he yells, ignorant to the world around. you push him off, softly laughing.
as you approach the main gate, chris uses all of his force to try and open it. you can’t help but giggle at the sight. he turns, pretending to look offended.
“oh, i see how it is. well if you think i’m so weak and helpless, please feel free to try and open it yourself, superwoman,” he baffles with crossed arms.
“get ready to see how a real man opens a gate dear christopher,” you reply.
as you wrap your hands around the gate, your smug smile fades. you shake it. nothing. you shake it again. nothing.
you can’t look back at your brother now. but you also can’t get this gate open. you’re stuck in embarrassment purgatory.
“having some trouble there?” chris asks. you shake your head.
“nope! no! just… warming up.” you respond, refusing to make eye contact.
“alright. well, whilst you do that, i’m gonna leave a note for sam to let her know it’s busted, and then climb the wall. i’ll see you in three days when you’re still trying to get it open,” he jokes, opening his backpack to find some scrap paper.
you admit defeat with a loud sigh. chris looks at you with a smirk, before going back to his note.
you assess the brick wall in front of you. it’s not too tall, but it’ll take some muscle. you climb it, feeling your feet threaten to slip with each step. once you reach the top, you sit facing chris, who is now sticking the note the gate. he looks up at you, with hands on his hips.
“wow, i never thought you’d make it!” he snickers. you poke out your tongue before jumping down the other side.
as chris makes it to the top, he attempts to jump down, foot slipping at the last second making him fall flat on his back, bag thrown to the side. you laugh so hard you cry.
“great job jeff hardy,” you cackle, wiping the tears from your eyes. you offer out a hand, to which he takes, coughing and catching his breath.
“i appreciate your concern for my welfare. i now know who i can rely on in desperate times,” he says as he gathers himself, following you toward the lift station. you offer him a supportive wink.
as you arrive at the station, you notice that the lift is still on its way down. you take the opportunity to explore, making your way over to the map. despite the distance from regular society, it’s covered in red graffiti.
‘THE PAST IS BEYOND OUR CONTROL’.
you look at it with intense eyes. it feels almost targeted, as if the perpetrator left it here for you personally. you take a photo on your phone.
a loud creak alerted the environment as the ski lift arrived at the station. your heart sank, remembering what was waiting on the other side.
“that’s my cue. you gonna wait for sam?” you ask your brother, praying he comes with you.
he sees your concern, yet lets you down gently.
“yeah, she asked if i’d wait for her knowing she’d be last up. we probably won’t be too far behind, she can’t be too long,” he replies with a sympathetic smile.
you give chris a tight hug before heading off to the lift. you unlock the door with a key josh had dropped off a few nights earlier, before making your way inside. with a heavy jolt, you’re suddenly on your way. you put your headphones on, listening to a soft tune as you climb the mountain.
since i could stand on my own two feet again
the lift drags you to the top of the mountain, and with every inch closer, your heart seeps deeper into your stomach. you wonder if it’s not too late to turn back.
a sudden jolt and loud screech tear you from your thoughts. you’ve arrived at the top, and you can’t run back home now.
with one big deep breath, you leave the comfort of the cable car, and step out into the station. on the other side of the window, you spot two braids and a brightly lit phone. there’s nobody else it could be but jess.
considering last year’s events, and her significant involvement, she was someone you were hoping to avoid.
your hands play with the door handle, with no success. locked. you knock on the door and yell out to the girl.
“jess! hey! can you let me out please?” you yell, partially hoping she doesn’t hear. instead, she jumps at the sudden sound, throwing her hand to her chest.
“y/n! you scared the shit out of me! hang on,” she replies, putting down her phone in between pages of a book. you look at it; a romance novel. pretty on theme for her.
she opens the door for you and smiles. tension between you two were high. she knew you blamed her, but had never addressed such because she just didn’t know how.
“hey, jess. how’s it been?” you offer, trying to diffuse the moment.
“yeah great! really good. how was the trip?” she replies, giving a polite smile.
“yeah good, not bad.” you say. “what’s the book all about?”
“oh! it’s just some novel mike got me. super steamy,” she replied.
“oh! that’s cool, sounds nice,” you say. you have questions, but not the patience for an answer.
you look at each other for a moment, silence slowly becoming deafening.
“alright, well i’m gonna head on up. chris and sam won’t be too far, so i’ll probably see you soon,” you smile, needing to escape.
“yeah cool! well, i’ll see you soon!” you replied, sitting back down to her phone. you quickly rush off to the trail.
the path up is long. it feels longer than usual. part of you hopes it will never end.
as the path continues, you can’t help but feel the hairs on the back of your neck spike. you can feel a stranger’s eyes on you. your pace quickens, and you reduce it to the time of night and scenery.
flipping your head around constantly, you swear you could see something moving in the distance. you stop, too scared to move a muscle.
a beat passes. your breath seems so loud.
“RAHHH!” a voice screams, jumping out in front of you. you jump and yelp in response, nearly tripping. you can feel your heartbeat in your ears, and you swear you’re going to die.
you hear laughter. you look up.
your heart keeps beating fast. despite the comfort in knowing you’re safe, you can’t help but still feel butterflies.
“JOSH! you are such an ASS!” you yell at him, punching him in the shoulder. he keeps laughing, ignoring the hit.
“that… that was great. god i wish i filmed that.” he wipes his eyes dramatically.
“yeah, yeah. you’re so funny. you should be glad i don’t carry pepper spray.” you tease.
you go to walk forward, only for his arm to tug you back into a tight hug. you melt into it, accepting the gesture.
“thanks for not pepper spraying me, i appreciate it. it’s really good to see you,” he says, letting you free. you miss the contact as soon as it’s gone.
“no problem. it’s great to see you too,” you smile. his eyes are fixated on yours, and you can feel your head becoming clouded.
“anyone else here yet? chris is down waiting for sam,” you ask, walking with josh toward the trail.
“emily and matt are here, so is ash. i’m assuming you’ve seen jess. mike is also around somewhere,” he replies. you nod in response.
you look down for a while, unsure of what to do. you’re nervous for so many reasons.
“hey so, what’s up with jess and mike? is something going on there?” you ask, desperate to make conversation. plus, you need to know the drama.
“honestly i have no idea. i know mike and em split, and now he’s clearly got something going on with jess.” he spills. “em’s with matt now, too. wish i had more gory details, but that’s all i got,” he raises his hands in surrender.
as you begin the approach the house, memories come flooding back faster than you can handle. your childhood, every summer, last year. the air pricks at your skin, a reminder that you’re really here.
the building seems older than you remember. despite its age, the size of it looks like it could swallow you whole.
you see ash sitting on the steps. you’re glad to see her. and you know chris will be even happier.
josh turns to you, a content smile sitting on his face. he needs this, you think to yourself. maybe i do, too.
whether or not you need it, you know there’s no turning back now.
a/n: heyyy :3 this chapter took me so long to write, and the next one will take me even longer i fear </3 but alas it will be done!!! i also just did not know how to end it but it was getting wayyy too long sorry everyone
a/n 2: i’ll definitely be coming back to edit this one it’s so rushed 💔
title + referenced lyrics: “it’s been awhile” by staind
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