What am I doing? @2ladychainz - Tumblr Blog

"My very first girlfriend in high-school was amazing. She taught me everything I know about sex. She used and abused me, and I thanked her for it. She was gorgeous and did this thing with her hair where she would trail it down my body and *gestures to his crotch and moans a little*. God I miss her sometimes. Anyway you kind of remind me of her."

-Actual quote from my co-worker.

Sir this is a place of business. What made you think that is something I want to hear? This is why some people hate men.

#just guys being dudes

The prettiest girl I know lives in my bathroom mirror and stares at me while I'm on the toilet. Something about that angle in that mirror makes me absolutely gorgeous, anywhere else I'm just regular. Catch me in my bathroom mirror while sitting on the toilet though? Fucking super model

#toilet model #is this body dysmorphia?

It's simple. I go to the grocery store and I buy some mayonnaise. Do I have any at home? Doesn't matter. I cannot leave without mayonnaise, because my biggest fear is needing mayonnaise and not having any.

Just got up from a bath nap

#blessed and highly favored

Shouts "Ladies!" And offers you a high five

Bitches will buy 20 single wick candles from Bath and Body Works during their $5.95 sale and say shit like "I have a healthy relationship with money." and "I'm in good place mentally."

#bath and body works

Trump would have won if he had pardoned Joe Exotic

#words to live by

The only celebrity I wanna meet is Dan the PCLaptops Man

#celebrities #pclaptops #dan the PCLaptops man #best commercials

Trying to articulate my feelings on the stars like

#nhl #dallas stars

Just realized that my dog Clancy is a scorpio. Is there anything I can do to help him overcome this adversity?

#scorpio #dissapointing #lord please heal my dog

The only things I want to talk about pertain to my children. Unfortunately this isn't considered a socially acceptable topic of conversation.

#today's mood #yikes

Not sure if anybody noticed it yet, so I'm just gonna throw this out there.

I am very smart, pretty, and funny.

#triple threat #somebody had to say it

A man really will just walk into the break room and throw mindhunter up on the projector. Then he will stand next to your chair and tell you that he really admires BTK.

Like....what do you want me to do with that information? Can you take your creepy vibes and creepy murder show away from me? Cause your giving me a tummy ache

The Lighthouse (2019)

Things I loved

• William Dafoe's teeth

• the fog horn

• black&white

• aspect ratio

• why'd ya spilled yer beans?

• Robert Pattinson's accent

•abrupt shift from gooey eye contact to fisticuffs

Things I hated

• Mermaid poon

• everything about the cistern