3rd Shift Review

Unprofessional, highly biased media reviews (and occasional crafts as the reviewer is very twitchy) to baffle and delight. Feel free to make suggestions! Will not review anything with grotesque levels of gore or sex, a la Slaughtered Vomit Dolls or 120 Days of Sodom, just not my bag. Normal gore and sex is fine, however!

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3rd Shift: Rigor Mortis

This was an at-home watch because there's no way they'd be alright with me watching something this gory at work. Snapped neck and sticking out jawbone probably might ick peeps, be aware! That's not the only gross stuff! I enjoyed it, it was a little ridiculous in the best way.

This is actually a movie my highly selective long-term memory held onto after seeing a post about the movie a little while after it initially came out, so clearly something in my brain is quite capable of filtering for anything that would definitely be my cup of tea. Because the movie rocks.

Down and out actor moving into a super haunted apartment to die, so melodramatic and wild, ends up making friends with a vampire hunter that refuses to wear pants and a weird lady that has seen Too Much with a spooky kid. And then a vampire happens!

It actually builds really well, the setting is foreboding and you really can't shake the feeling something terrible is going to happen, even after something terrible happens. And terrible things keep happening, weird! Somehow the vampire itself is less scary than the continual degrading of his wife's mental health, like her own desperation is so overwhelming that it's palpable. Friggin' good storytelling.

The final fight also whips, really intense and visually gripping! The end made me a little mad when I first saw it, but it's grown on me a lot, feels really fitting for the protag. Also Yau is the best, man doesn't need pants when one is that cool yet burned out.

Genuinely glad my brain held onto that poster for so long 'cause that's a solid 8/10, absolutely the kind of vampire movie I've always wanted.

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3rd Shift: Our Mutual Friend (1998 BBC)

Dickens, why? Just tell me, why? This is a case of Dickens' character tropes not being used particularly well, as in, I only like two characters and neither is a protagonist. That being said, the rampant crime kept me coming back! We got murders, impersonations, blackmail, assaults, intimidation, falsifying of records, stalking, so much stalking, like woah! Forget the romances, I want a police procedural out of this one.

Speaking of the romances, there's two of them, and they both kinda suck. One guy's a layabout with some family money, only redeemed by his friendship with the narrator. He's just super focused on a poor girl that is Pure and Noble. Other guy's The rejected son of a complete son of a bitch, so at least his terribleness is explainable. I think Dickens meant for him to be gentle and charming in a waifish way, but he's a stalker and I'm just not into it. His lady's spicy, ready to get that bag.

Best part of the story is the wildly jealous schoolmaster, bro is a 19th century incel and he's out for blood. Such crimes! Incel and layabout have such a weird relationship, they really feed each others worst habits. Layabout's girl would have been better off just working and keeping out of that nonsense, but alas, layabout is hella focused for once in his life.

Also, wtf was with Sloppy? Why the name Sloppy? Why was Dickens like this?

Overall, it's shot pretty well, even if it feels dated, and the casting is generally pretty good! The problem is the source material. I'd give it a 6/10, the crime really does carry the story, and the narrator being just a real cool dude pretty well seals it. I need more Mortimers in my life.

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3rd Shift: Geneshaft

This ugly, horrid mecha haunts me. God damn it's hideous and it totally steals the show, that magnificent monstrosity. This show is, much like the mecha, a rather bit hideous, and potentially cursed.

It feels like they realized they weren't getting another season and crushed a second season's plot into the latter half of the only season they got, giving the story a bit of whiplash. Characters that were built for a slow burn end up having a sudden epiphany about who they are and what they want in life and then die 10 minutes later, it's quite annoying. Pretty much only Mika (the protag) and Mir (the rival) get a legitimate character arc for themselves, and even then it closes out kind of abruptly.

Still, the setting is interesting and I have real, genuine questions as to how they eliminated romantic relationships from all of society to the point that no one has the concept of "love" anymore. Kinda hard to breed that out of the entire human population, even if they all are clones. They're largely clones and test tube babies, it's odd. I think really enjoyed most out of the show was that the ugly, horrid mecha was STILL IN BETA, they hadn't even completed the coding yet! It's constantly giving them errors and BSoD on them, it's great! They have a tiny group of coders just holed up, scouring the existing code and debugging nearly the entire series and it's hilarious and terrible.

I do wish they'd sided entirely on the melodrama or the comedy, they did both okay, but could have done way better just concentrating on unifying their messaging. Mika's beef with the captain was one example of this, comes off a goofy anime rivalry, but also like a legit hatred on Mika's part, but also like a repressed romance arc. It just doesn't land right.

That all being said, it gets a That's Hideous +1 because holy moly I need more grotesque, half broken mecha in my life. It sadly also gets a They Killed My Fave -.5 because they offed him in a stupid way and I'll never forgive them for just up and shooting him like that, fuck. Balances out as a 4.5/10, worth a watch if you can put up with all the sexy anime boobsocks.

Also fuck every iteration of Lord Sneak, dude sucks no matter which flavor you get.

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3rd Shift: Mars Daybreak

A really fun, relaxed mecha anime, based on Mars being colonized and then flooded to supply clean water to Earth, basically, and now there's a bunch of people living on city ships and there's just a bunch of mecha for whatever reason, and also pirates, and the pirates have mecha. MY KINDA SETTING Boils down to the Power of Friendship, but not in a hamfisted way, making the whole story arc feel rather........ cozy, I dare say.

Still annoyed by the mystery mecha that shows up in the first episode never has any clues dropped as to where it came from, but I guess it kind of fits with Gram being such a lackadaisical protag, he just lets things go so easily. It was genuinely nice to have a mecha anime protag be just a chill dude that wants to just do a job and get paid. Hell yeah, man. Just doing his thing.

The Martian revolution sub plot needed more meat, I desperately want another show based on the student revolution they allude to, or, like, just a decade jump forward or something I honestly just want more of this setting, it's so nice. The characters all feel really good and pretty believable, I somehow ended up with two faves in this show, utterly unheard of.

Also annoyed they did such a terrible job of terraforming Mars initially, the lack of biodiversity in their oceans was almost definitely by design to keep the Martian population dependent on expensive, heavily tariffed imports of food and other goods. It's all a conspiracy to keep the working class down, I swear. Makes the little political part of my brain go brrr, clearly. Man, all my annoyances are really minor and easily explained within the setting. Good stuff.

The art direction and animation feels very coherent and is quite nice to watch, it's a bright, lively kind of setting and the art really does carry that energy well. Even the weirdly tight military pilot suits make sense, they're basically all wearing scuba gear all the time because the planet is nearly completely flooded.

A That's Hideous -.5 hit, there's an especially gross, boobalicious giant mermaid mecha that makes my blood boil, even if I do like the guy that pilots it. Gross. It is balanced out by there being both a talking cat and a talking porpoise! Overall, an extremely solid 8/10, genuinely enjoyable little adventure!

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3rd Shift: North & South (2004)

HhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHH

Proper young lady getting down bad for a hot grumpy guy with anger management issues (and mommy problems). Nothing could go wrong!! I really enjoyed the setting of this story, a proper working class city, people working long, hard hours, getting the ol' mesothelioma for fun and profit. Exposing the prim, ladylike Margaret to legit working class conditions, awaken her to the true struggle of those less fortunate than her. Hella. Also, Thornton is attractive enough to distract from his........... strong emotions. he does do a good job of keeping things professional, thankfully, aside from his intro scene. (In all honesty, him beating the shit out of a guy for risking blowing up the factory all for a damned smoke break was legit hot to me idk what to tell you safety first bros)

I enjoyed the pacing, it allowed for breathing room between the UNION MEETINGS and the CAPITALIST SWINE MEETINGS and all the ensuing drama therein. Honestly I think I just really liked the union stuff, need more union stuff in my fiction. I got the itch. Anyway, the plot is pretty engaging and, really, I like everyone. They're all fun. I cried at least once (I cry easily), my only real complaint is Margaret is so..... spacey. She's alright, I'm just picky on main girls idk

I am extremely amused by how hard Henry gets cucked in the end as well, deffo a high pointy of the story. 7/10, quite enjoyable!

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3rd Shift: Jane Eyre (BBC, 1983)

Girl no, he's a 16 year old in a 40-something year old body, you can do better! Save up some money and go to America, you could get a whole schoolhouse out in Connecticut all to yourself, c'mon.

I will admit, the man has some charms, of course, and the other guy is a blood relation, so I'm glad you opted out of that marriage, even if it wasn't really your reason for doing so. It's just......... he's a creep? He went off and had an extramarital affair (at least one!) and had the audacity to get upset that he wasn't her only John? And he has his very mentally unwell wife locked up in the attic??? If ever there was a red flag, girl, let that be it, Jesus. Not to mention the weird fortune teller bit he did to woo you, my god, I'd have slapped him.

The vague supernatural elements weren't really used to their full potential, I think, and it really is a shame we didn't get more weird not-haunting stuff while she was living in the dude's household. I do love a haunted house vibe. I'll just guess I hate it because it was wrote by one of those Bronte girls. They loved drama too much.

She's a 3/10, sadly, I just really didn't enjoy most of the casting and the complete and utter melodrama Jane kept thrusting upon herself. Just emigrate, girl, you'll do fine! You can teach French! The guy, uhhh.... Rochester, which I definitely didn't have to wiki because I couldn't remember his name at all, he was played by Timothy Dalton, a categorically strong featured dude.

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3rd Shift: Babylon 5

OooooOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MY KIND OF SHOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW YEEAAHHHHHH

I will not spoil anything about the show because I just *clenches fist* love it too much to spoil, but I love everyone in the show, everyone is my precious baby, I want all of them to be happy and safe in the end, aaaa~ G'Kar is my fave and I will never let him go, never.

It was honestly over a decade since the last time I watched the show, so I was pleasantly surprised by how well it aged, and how close some of the themes hit home, oof. Obvs, the graphics are simplistic, and the super awesome future tech seems pretty outdated, but the story as a whole is really solid! The set design feels very retro, but is well unified so it feels like it's normal in that universal. A genuine treasure of late 20th century television, right up there with Star Trek and X-Files.

The last season kind of falls off for me but that's why it's a 9/10 instead of a 10/10, I get wanting to finish things up nicely but man. Man.

One of these days I'll get one of the novels and tell y'all how I feel about it. Once I'm back into hyper reading mode.

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3rd Shift: Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda

My first give up! I cannot stand most of the cast of this show, I hate the premise, I really hate the white knight attitude, just ugh. Ugh. I like Tyr, he's good. I still will give it a 2/10 as the show does improve after the red jacket episodes, just not enough to keep me from losing my mind. I stopped maybe halfway through the first season, I might try again in the future if I have a really, really good project to work on at the same time. If you like it, I'm so glad, Roddenberry had some awesome ideas and I just think this one needed him working on it directly to keep the right spirit, but alas.

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3rd Shift: Little Dorrit (2008 Series)

God damn it, Dickens. But honestly? One of the best renditions of any Dickens story ever made, like holy hell I was hollering the whole time! Pausing regularly to speed walk in circles while yelling at no one about what just happened, squealing in delight every time the french murderer showed up (played by Andy Serkis, I had no idea until halfway through, to show how good I am at recognizing actors). The deffo lesbian devil lady, the clueless merchant guy Arthur that just really wanted to be nice and helpful, and Amy just being like. I like working, can I just work? Working's nice, thb, keeps me busy. That's a mood. What the hell kind of name is Tattycoram, anyway? Harriet's a fine name? Wtf was up with that family, I don't understand. I was mad on Harriet's behalf, that was just strange. I get she was a servant, not family, but they were deffo treating her as a little bit of both. Bad signalling. Honestly, I think the thing that appeals to me the most about this rendition is they took Dickens' tendency to overuse character archetypes and just let the show be cartoony. Like, everyone's ridiculous, the setting's ridiculous, the whole world is wildly bright and grimey and shiny, well beyond reality, and it just works so well. It's like a story book. The arti direction is chef's kiss, really a delight to watch. The treatment of mental illness it, predictably, eeehhh, but they did what they could without veering off from the original story. Dickens was a man of his time, after all, did he even know the effects of a stroke? I cannot lie, it's a 9/10 for me, I am utterly delighted by the show. They did a great job with the silly twists and turns, I was on the edge of my seat when I wasn't walking in circles wildly. Strongly recommended.

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3rd Shift: A Tale of Two Cities (1980 film)

The one with Prince Humperdinck and Prince Humperdinck. A goddamn Dickens story, I'll always be drawn to Dickens stories. That guillotine was absurdly short and you cannot tell me that ridiculous thing would work, it had a free fall of maybe 4 feet. Barely get through a starched collar, how's it going to sever a spinal column, eh? I do enjoy the properly gritty, nasty vibe the proletariat have throughout the movie, but I do wish they'd maaaayyybbeeee try to make them feel a little more nuanced. Lot of folks were legit starving, they had reason to be a bit bloodthirsty. Still, it's Dickens, he had a weird track record with the poors. And the french. The relationship between Lucie and Charles feels properly aristocratic, though they do make a pretty nice looking couple, and them keeping an honest friendship with Sydney was legit nice, the man desperately needed an outlet that was not drinking himself under the table. SPEAKING of Sydney, man deserved better!! Bro just needed a good support system and a license to practice law in France!! He'd be like a bull in a china shop, but in a good way. I do appreciate him making the big sacrifice for the woman he loves and her family, but maaaaan. At least he was a gentleman to the very end. If it's not obvious I really prefer Sydney over Charles, Syd's clearly the better man if he's so willing to give so much of himself for a woman he could never marry, without any expectation for his feelings to ever be returned. Bro was a romantic, I love a romantic. Overall, it was shot well, the plot was trim and easy to follow. Having Prince Humperdinck as the main guy(s) was distracting, but only because I watched the Princess Bride religiously as a kid so he's just Prince Humperdinck to me forever. Madame Defarge was a bitch and she got what was coming to her, she drove me nuts. Honestly, it's a straight up 5/10, very median, enjoyable. Not something I'd go out of my way to watch, but I can see myself being in the mood to watch it again someday.

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3rd Shift: Robin of Sherwood

I will preface this by saying it's been a few months since I watched this show, but I can say with certainty it haunts me. It was the first time I saw that show, never heard of it before I started it, so this is a true blind review. Not a good review, but still a review. I was taken aback by the Not-Tim Curry playing the Sheriff, but his kind of theatrical money grubbing evilness was genuinely entertaining. I really liked 1-2 season Robin, he was acted pretty well and felt properly rapscallionish, and also looked eerily like an old coworker of mine who was not a bandit, but a DJ. Did get arrested a couple of times, though, so the difference was negligible. Generally the casting was good, everyone felt like they fit well in their roles, even if said role was gimmicky as hell (I'm looking at you, cool warlock guy). The spin of making the team, like, lowkey pagans with magic power backing them was pretty novel, if a bit jarring to begin with. Wish the magic sward came into play a little more often, I do so love a gimmicky weapon. The rhythm of the story arc and the episodic elements was casual and fairly slow paced, without being overly plodding. When in doubt, make Will Scarlet mad at Robin and things pick right up again, easy. The switch from Brunette!Robin to Blond!Robin (called Robert henceforth) was a bit jarring, but I do think they shoehorned a new leader of the bunch in as well as they could. I do like they could juxtapose the strengths of Robin vs Robert really clearly early on, like how easily Robert could play his role of good noble son for a while before he was outed as a brigand, versus Robin who was a down and out villager from the get go. Robin had more spirit, Robert had more bravado. Two very different leads. Also, Robert and Guy havign their particular flavor of tiff was very fun, but I don't know they used it to it's full potential. Part of my really wished they'd fucked with it a bit and had Guy and the jewish lady actually get together and he'd just leave England entirely, leaving the Sheriff to chase down Robin and co. on his own. The ending was hella rough, really REALLY DISAPPOINTED THEY DROPPED THE WARLOCK PLOT like way more than how the show ended on a bleh-sad note, honestly. I loved that stupid warlock and his stupid sexy witches. Practically ready to set Robert on fire but nope. Overall, a fun show, really nice to have on while knitting a scarf, as I was at the time. The Big Bad absolutely did have women, multiple, and often, so no points given or taken over the Sheriff being a womanizer. They did not kill my fave in the end (blessing upon your house, Nasir, you fake brown man, you), and did do what they could to make it a good time. Held back a lot by the budget, I suspect, and an inability to upgrade the villains, ever, so the growing character of the merry men really threw off the balance after a while, leading to some genuinely terrible things being done to make the Sheriff more evil. I give it a 5/10, perfectly median, would watch again.

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How Do Review?

Hello! This is 3rd Shift Review, a silly blog to note down all the media I've been consuming to keep myself awake at my 3rd shift job. We're encouraged to watch tv and read, it's mostly so we stay awake. My reviews are not of a professional, critical type, I'm just a bored and easily amused person who is willing to try any media at least once. I only back out of something if it's difficult to absorb in some way (recently backed out of Future World: City of Mass Destruction because the filters made my eyes hurt), but you can mostly expect fantastical fiction to be my bread and butter. Not into reality, thanks. I'll genuinely just be judging on how much I personally enjoyed the media and if I felt anything was especially good or bad about it. If I don't like something you do, that's not me saying you have bad taste, it just wasn't for me! Due to my genre leanings, I'll have specific rating markers. I rate all media between 1 and 10, allowing for half points if something's almost but not quite there. There is also some common tropes I will be watching out for that can change the rating all on their own, such as "Killed My Fave," "Big Bad's Never Had a Woman," "Can Love Bloom on a Battlefield?" and "That's Hideous," among others. I may also include crafts or art I worked on while watching or reading something, just for funsies. I'm a very twitchy person, so if I'm not walking in circles, I need something in my hands to mess with. Been enjoying some embroidery and attempts at fiction writing. You will not see the writing.