[56lina]

It has been a while

[56lina]

How tired it tired.

[56lina]

Have been talking about this for many years, planning for years, and even have filled the exam application years ago but keeping in the drawer.

Not quite necessary especially when I’m living in the very downtown of the very downtown.

Then it was 831. Trauma.

I decided to take the action.

I got my driving licence this week. 🚗 but I’m not driving.

[56lina]

Have you ever heard the wolf cry to the blue corn moon?

[56lina]

When you’re all alone

I will reach for you

When you’re feeling low

I will be there too

[56lina]

Good things never last, but they are worthy to be awaited every time.

Like autumn, for its comfort, for its colours, for its atmosphere.

Take a fresh autumn breath today 🍃🍂🍁

[56lina]

It's nice when someone remembers the smallest details about you... not because you keep reminding them, but because they care.

Me Before You (Movie in 2016)

[56lina]

Where there’s a will, there’s a “ray”.

A southwest-facing bedroom sun-drenched this morning. Isn’t it a bit dramatic?

-

Got this book from a second-hand bookstore the other day. It smells vintages as it ages.

[56lina]

06:47am on Sunday

[56lina]

“아, 행복하다”

- it’s okay to not be okay (2020)

[56lina]

I miss this clock tower. And I miss how the sun sheds a golden ray on the bricks.

-

The bell is perpetually reminding people of the flow in time, no matter it’s good or bad, right or wrong. Every time is the first time. Every time happens once. But I always miss out this point, unfortunately.

[56lina]

I take long time to make decisions, especially purchase decisions. And I only shop when I need. Some friends asked me how I can hold back from shopping desires.

“Do we really need that?”

That’s the question I always ask myself. Does it make you life better with it? Can you live without that item? We all are attracted by beautiful things. We all want to own everything. But no one realise that no matter how many things you own, it will not fill up the void in your heart.

So just keep one thing that spark joy in your heart. One, the only one, is enough.

Disclaimer: I am one of those devils who tempte you to purchase something that you might not need. I’m sorry. :(

[56lina]

I used to tease a group of ex-colleagues that none of them had pregnancy experience but they sat for hours to so-called “brainstorm” some insightless strategies for baby milk powder client.

Now I am writing social vacuous copies for engagement rings and wedding bands, in a princess-syndrome style. Making me sick.

I am sorry. I should have appreciated my ex-colleagues’ effort. But I don’t appreciate what I’m doing now, at all. Very pointless.

[56lina]

“Good morning. Have a nice dream!”

It’s time for bed.

“See you in the dream” is sweet to hear. Despite that a dream is an illusion, you try everything further that you don’t dare to do or tell to him. Sometimes you think this is the Inception, you think two souls are bonded, in that dream. You want to stay asleep forever.

Yet I am rational. Very rational enough to comprehend that it is definitely an illusion, that we will never meet in dreams. Any forms of you in my dreams are only my imaginary you. “You” are fake for absolute.

I knew it because we are in totally different time zones. I knew it clearly.

“Good night. Have a nice day!”

[56lina]

A swimming-pool struggle

Lately I am daydreaming for a new/ dream home with my mum. We came to a discussion of a swimming pool. Having been living in flats for our whole lives, we are excited yet can’t imagine if moving into a house with garden one day, not to mention a pool. Will be too excited when/ if the day comes.

Anyways. We were imagining how to manage the swimming pool. Mum questioned, “How much water do we need to fill the pool?”

Then I pondered.

Let’s imagine. A bathtub of water is plenty already. How many bathtub-full water to fill up the pool? A bathtub of water is only a puddle in a pool.

Besides it’s not merely about money. Let’s consider people in the developing countries, who don’t have clean water supply. Suddenly I am a bit of guilty for the future water in my pool.

“Even if you are not using this water, they can’t be transfer to those people.”

She is not wrong. And she isn’t right either.

[56lina]

It was the solo travelling in Berlin. My dearest grandma passed away in the meantime. The very last time we met in person was 5 months ago before my departure, 4 months ago in FaceTime. No words for me, not a single goodbye.

Cried in the hostel alone, no one heard. But I realised I shouldn’t shut myself in the room, so I was out to sightsee, trying to be as usual. Visiting the monument, my heart was heavy enough to resonate the pain and hopelessness of the sufferers (after all these years I know what I encountered is nothing compared to the victims at wars).

And it was suffering when seeing elderly travellers on streets. All I can do is to shed tears beneath the sunglasses. Was I torturing myself?

It was the first time I dealt with death. It is, a person travels far, not coming back in any means. Death is a point of event, a point of disappearance, entirely.

It was 2012, the end of the world.

[56lina]

I wish one day, I will be living a small town. One day.