fuck

mhairi // 15 // scotland

[mhairicwalls]

he looks at me like he is undressing my soul

[mhairicwalls]

are you still the man i fell in love with? your hurtful words have distorted your face so that butterflied have turned into hornets

[mhairicwalls]

the memories we made are strung all around this city and they are the noose around my neck

[mhairicwalls]

i thought that after the first love, love would be cautious, precise; not falling but sure footsteps

but it turns out that love is never cautious; but consuming and i am 

falling

[mhairicwalls]

i remember when i used to think that you were the sun

i was a flower – in need of your warmth and light

but all you did was dry me out

[mhairicwalls]

is your skin  as soft as i remember? perhaps i am romanticizing  everything about you. you must forgive me, it is just a habit; being in love with you

[mhairicwalls]

i wish to torture you with all the things you loved me for but also by morphing into the woman  you wished me to be

i will build up all your hopes and dreams in front of you so that i can walk away with them swaying my hips as i leave

perhaps it is cynical to think of the man i love in such ways but anger is all you left me with

and it is my fuel it is my life, it is the token of our love that you did not mean to give me and my darling, how you will rue it

[mhairicwalls]

i         am             anxious      about     everything   and       nothing              at            all

[mhairicwalls]

you took          my favourite                            parts of me         and never gave them back

[mhairicwalls]

i’d like to step out of this skin for a while it’s getting claustrophobic in here

[mhairicwalls]

each day is a step in the right direction and with each step my feet drag a little less

[mhairicwalls]

now that you are gone everything tastes a little less of guilt and a little more of happiness

[mhairicwalls]

stop hating who you are not and start loving who you are

- words with myself in the mirror

[mhairicwalls]

when you left i felt the life sucked out of me like a kick to the stomach; i was on my knees and gasping for air

[mhairicwalls]

i’d like to step out of this skin for a while it’s getting claustrophobic in here

[mhairicwalls]

you took          my favourite                            parts of me         and never gave them back

[mhairicwalls]

i         am             anxious      about     everything   and       nothing              at            all