Can I offer you a door?

  An ask blog for the door to door salesman because I'm funny. Current event/m!a: none.  

[a-door-for-you-customer]

You were woken up by the sound of someone ringing on your doorbell like their life depended on it. Annoyed, you slowly rose out of bed, almost tripping on the covers, taking your time going down the stairs. Maybe they'd leave if you took too long. But that wasn't the case, and the sight that awaited you when you reached the bottom was rather.. Odd. A man, with several doors behind him, and your own door missing. What the fuck?

"Hello! It appears you don't have a door. Luckily for you, I have plenty in stock."

His voice was cheerful, much more than you'd want to hear from someone that just woke you up. Before you could speak, he had already started to advertise his wares. Fuck.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Muse info:

Name: Harold Smith

Age: 34

Gender: Transgender Man

Sexuality: Bisexual Polyamorous

Height: 5'6"

Mun info:

Name: Gible

Age: Adult-

Gender: Agender, goes by any pronouns except she/her

You can also find me at: @ask-hex-and-whitty , @punk-singer-and-his-manager , @raging-ram-skull and @exploding-jet

This is an ask and roleplay blog for the door to door salesman, who mun was affectionately named Harold. Mun thinks they're very funny-

[a-door-for-you-customer]

brriing.

brriing.

brri- *click*

"Hello, I'd like to purchase an electromagnetic door. My address is

78 (REDACTED) street."

Huh. That... Was new. He didn't usually get calls....

"Well, alright, esteemed customer! We'll get your requested door to you in no time!"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

Hello, I'm in the market for a new door. Whatcha got?

"That's exactly what I was waiting for you to ask!"

He lifted up a blue door, rather simple looking. Nice nonetheless.

"A nice, elegant door. Perfect for a person like you! Unless you'd like something else?"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

I have a question, do you sell trapdoors too? Technically a door right-

"Yeah! If I can find them that is-"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

( Not the usual muse but-)

“Stand back door villain!” Shouted an ornate and golden door. “It is I, Boltergeist Guardian spirit of doors! Now I shall ask you this, why are you stealing such a fantastic door and taking it away from its home, huh? HUH?”

@ask-two-immortals

"Woah what the fuck-"

The sleazy salesman took a step back, almost dropping the rest of his doors in the process.

"Look, man, I just need to sell this door again, alright? No harm, no foul."

Just a bit of cash, that's all Harold needed.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

Oh... Hello, sir...

Ayo, someone's selling doors?

I-

(@remaking-machine)

"Indeed I am! What are you looking for?"

Usually, when people knew about him before he arrived, they'd been either referred by someone who didn't know he'd stolen their door or someone who did. They didn't look to have the intention of hurting him, so he guessed it was the former.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

"ah, another successful trip into someone's television."

@pixllatedinterferxnce (I present to you, bby <33)

"Wh- Huh- Hello??"

If a person could buffer, then that was certainly what Harold was doing. One second he was watching TV, though, with all honesty, it wasn't something that he was interested it, and the next there was a man in his TV.

"H- How did you get in there?-"

[pixllatedinterferxnce]

Altair pressed their hands against the screen, smiling wide at the salesman, "Hello there!" how friendly.

It cocked it's head at his question, "Hm? Well I traveled, from another television of course, and ended up here, inside your tv!" Pixelated stars surrounded the AI's rather cheerful face, remaining there until ⭐ spoke again.

"Before I forget, I must introduce myself. My name is Altair, though I don't mind being called Al or any other nickname you think up, what shall I call you?"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

His TV was speaking to him. Was he dreaming? It was the only thing that made the situation make some sort of sense, after all. There was no harm in talking to the TV man, after all, it wasn't real. At least, that's what he was telling himself to keep some semblance of calm.

"... Well, it's nice to meet you, Altair. The name's Harold, well known door to door door salesman. Why... Are you in my TV, again? Wouldn't it be more interesting to be in Steve Jobs' TV, or most other people?"

Yeah, the well known part was pure bullshit, but Altair didn't have to know that, now did he?

[a-door-for-you-customer]

( *skitters in* @ask-the-depressed-demon) Ah yes. Lovely day to have kidnapped your best friend once again from her forced workplace. Where tf are they? Arthur looks around as Hazy just leans onto his head as she sits upright on their shoulders. “Arthur look out-“ He nearly trips over someone-

Harold was in the middle of a sale, well, if you could call it that. The was certain the person was about to pull a gun on him, but it wasn't the worst someone had done. Either way, that was the least of his concerns when a child's voice rang out, confusion clear in his face. He turned to face them, only to almost fall when he realized just how tall one of them was. He knew he wasn't the tallest, but this... Bomb? Was he a bomb? Well. This was certainly new.

"... Are you two alright?"

[ask-the-depressed-demon]

Hazy waves tiredly down at Harold. “We’re ok mister! Arthur’s just getting me a break.”

Arthur sighs. “Mmmm i dunno if I can call this a break. More like kidnapping you from your kidnapper…. Forced boss… whatever that tiny cloud child is.” The bomb lad shakes his head. “Sorry. We’re as ok as we can be.”

[a-door-for-you-customer]

Huh? Harold's brain short circuited for a second, trying to register what the fuck the bombhead had said. When he did, his eyes widened, and then narrowed.

"... But that's illegal, she's a child-"

Such great words of wisdom, especially from someone that made a living stealing doors.

[ask-the-depressed-demon]

Arthur blinks. “Ironically the little bastard that forcefully employed her is also a child.”

Hazy giggles softly, obviously tired. “Hehe Arthur said a funny word.”

“Sssshhhh just sleep up there.”

[a-door-for-you-customer]

At that, the salesman looked even more confused, his brows furrowed together.

"... I don't mean to pry, but... Why are you following instructions from a child that's forcefully employing you? Are they even allowed to do that?"

This day was just getting weirder by the second.

[ask-the-depressed-demon]

“Pretty sure as soon as she followed him she didn’t have a choice…”

Hazy lightly lays on Arthur’s head. Sleepy child go brrrr.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

"... There's the police? You could go talk to the police?"

This had to be a dream, right? There was no way it wasn't one. The idea of a child making another child work was, frankly, laughable at best, and outright ridiculous at worst.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

I'd like a door mr salesman I havent been able to find a purple one :0 I'd it has one of those lil mini windows that'd be awesome- 🔮

"Well, you're in luck! I recently obtained-"

Rather, stole-

"-A door that fits your criteria!"

A few seconds of rummaging was enough for the salesman to find a door that fit his customer's demands to the letter, straightening his tie with his free hand.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

"ah, another successful trip into someone's television."

@pixllatedinterferxnce (I present to you, bby <33)

"Wh- Huh- Hello??"

If a person could buffer, then that was certainly what Harold was doing. One second he was watching TV, though, with all honesty, it wasn't something that he was interested it, and the next there was a man in his TV.

"H- How did you get in there?-"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

Oh noo, not tryna sell ya anything like that. Thanks for tellin me (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

- Mod Saccharo (the starter shall commence soon)

(👀👀👀)

"Suspicious, but I'll take it."

Sweet summer child that questions nothing.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

(Hi I'm the mun for @tiana-n-pen, u followed my other blog and u gave me inspiration)

Another day, another scam. Harold was removing a door from an apartment, and when he went to add it to the sack, but when he looked back, the door was just, back. He still had the door, but also it was still on its hinges like nothing happened

"... Did the matrix just glitch?-"

Harold had never been the sharpest tool in the shed, and what just happened was certainly not what he'd expected out of today. He took a confused step back, the salesman's eyes narrowing as his mind spun for an answer.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

❝ why. WHY. did you take my door? ❞

< @gunsmcke >

Ah, not the first person to ask that, unsurprisingly.

"Profit! And the fact that it is awfully tacky. I was doing you a favor."

Of course, he had to diss his taste in doors, of all things.

[charred-picture-frame]

Harold walked around TGG, his doors in tow. So many potential customers around, or simply curious, disturbed people, he almost couldn't choose who to advertise his wares to. That is, until he saw a certain someone. By that he meant a certain door. Could it be? Was this the door of the one in charge? It certainly looked like it, from its decor. He waited until no one was looking at him, and then... The door was gone from its place, added to his wares. It was time for the sales pitch.

"Excuse me, but I've noticed you don't have a door. Would you be interested in looking at my wares?"

(@a-door-for-you-customer )

Rebecca blinks as she comes from the corner. Goddamnit she was just getting some food so the goddamn flirty half smoke man would eat.

“What the f-”

“….he took our fucking door.” Garcello was fucking baffled. What the fuck, why the fuck, WHO the fuck. These were all questions he was having the feeling he didn’t want answers to, because they would be so stupid he would drop dead right then and there. Here lies Garcello, killed by idiocy. Surprisingly it wasn’t even his own.

[charred-picture-frame]

All of Harold's wisdom learned over the years could be summed up to a simple sentence: Get money and don't get shot while trying. He had teleported to the side before the dart hit him, having expected it to be a gun instead. Well. Seems like he'd overstayed his welcome.

"Sir, I have no idea what this 'anomaly' you speak of is, but I'm merely a salesman. And I've clearly overstayed my welcome, so, adieu-"

And then he picked up his doors and started to run. He couldn't teleport himself again, not after so little time had passed, and he was not about to leave his income here.

“OI, GET BACK HERE!” He leapt up, ducking around his desk and out into the hall. The other employees had caught on pretty quick, and were also racing to apprehend Harold. Many of them had dart guns as well as regular firearms, and those who didn’t were noticeably stronger than normal.

Rebecca sighs harshly as she follows. COULDN'T BE FUCKING NORMAL FOR ONE DAY HUH??? She pulls out a knife from her pocket. "One day- just one fucking day-"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

And so the salesman ran as fast as his legs could take him, which, admittedly, was far slower than he'd hoped. Maybe he should exercise more after this. Or was it the added weight of the doors making him go so slow compared to everyone else?

"We can talk about this! I'll give you a 90% discount, a door at the bargain price of t- ten dollars!-"

Harold couldn't help but stutter, after all, he'd never been chased by this many people before, and he knew he was very, very fucked.

[charred-picture-frame]

Garcello gave them a sharp grin as he ran, though it was more for force of will than visual intimidation, seeing as they couldn’t actually see it. “Not happenin’ buddy, give it up! I won’t kill ya if ya don’t act out!” He felt a small, almost insignificant amount of pity for the guy. For some reason. Ugh. Spending so much time around decent anomalies had been turning him soft. Or, well, softer. He knew he wasn’t exactly the cutthroat bastard some of the other universes tgg heads were, but honestly that was more of a compliment than anything.

One of his employees picked him he perfect time to appear, diving around a corner i front of Harold and tackling him. “Hah!” Garcello let out a harsh laugh, beginning to catch up to the two. The employee held Harold in a tight grapple, obviously having done this before.

Rebecca sighed heavily as she followed. “Gar I don’t think this one isn’t really a threat. Nuisance sure, but threat? Let’s just get the door back. We’re both obviously not in the mood for this bull shit.”

He sighed. “I half agree with you but… He’s just so annoying.” He almost hated to admit it but this was kinda personal. He wanted to scare the guy a bit more, make sure he definitely wouldn’t come back.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

"We can still-"

Before he could finish his sentence Harold was bodied to the ground, falling like a log, straight on his chest. He barely had a chance to recover before the hold, at which point he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that he was completely and totally screwed. Now, what he was about to do was nothing short of petty, seeing as he was the instigator of all of this to start with, but frankly, given his current situation... He didn't really give a fuck. He squirmed in the hold, his scrawny, unkempt frame not making his current mission any easier, but, finally, when he thought all hope was lost... the sole of his shoe touched the door he'd just taken. Jackpot. In a split second, the door was gone.

"Hah! You're not getting your door back now-"

He really should be more concerned about himself, but really, he just wanted to spite the other. Reckless and stupid? Sure, but he won the fight. Ignoring the fact it was the least important part of it all.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

Very random question (that totally won't potentially make me toss one of my muses at you) but do you have a tv?

- Mod Saccharo

(👀)

"A TV? Yes? Are you trying to sell me a TV?-"

The salesman tilted his head, very confused. Usually he'd be the one asking something along those lines, after all.

[charred-picture-frame]

Harold walked around TGG, his doors in tow. So many potential customers around, or simply curious, disturbed people, he almost couldn't choose who to advertise his wares to. That is, until he saw a certain someone. By that he meant a certain door. Could it be? Was this the door of the one in charge? It certainly looked like it, from its decor. He waited until no one was looking at him, and then... The door was gone from its place, added to his wares. It was time for the sales pitch.

"Excuse me, but I've noticed you don't have a door. Would you be interested in looking at my wares?"

(@a-door-for-you-customer )

Rebecca blinks as she comes from the corner. Goddamnit she was just getting some food so the goddamn flirty half smoke man would eat.

“What the f-”

“….he took our fucking door.” Garcello was fucking baffled. What the fuck, why the fuck, WHO the fuck. These were all questions he was having the feeling he didn’t want answers to, because they would be so stupid he would drop dead right then and there. Here lies Garcello, killed by idiocy. Surprisingly it wasn’t even his own.

[charred-picture-frame]

All of Harold's wisdom learned over the years could be summed up to a simple sentence: Get money and don't get shot while trying. He had teleported to the side before the dart hit him, having expected it to be a gun instead. Well. Seems like he'd overstayed his welcome.

"Sir, I have no idea what this 'anomaly' you speak of is, but I'm merely a salesman. And I've clearly overstayed my welcome, so, adieu-"

And then he picked up his doors and started to run. He couldn't teleport himself again, not after so little time had passed, and he was not about to leave his income here.

“OI, GET BACK HERE!” He leapt up, ducking around his desk and out into the hall. The other employees had caught on pretty quick, and were also racing to apprehend Harold. Many of them had dart guns as well as regular firearms, and those who didn’t were noticeably stronger than normal.

Rebecca sighs harshly as she follows. COULDN'T BE FUCKING NORMAL FOR ONE DAY HUH??? She pulls out a knife from her pocket. "One day- just one fucking day-"

[a-door-for-you-customer]

And so the salesman ran as fast as his legs could take him, which, admittedly, was far slower than he'd hoped. Maybe he should exercise more after this. Or was it the added weight of the doors making him go so slow compared to everyone else?

"We can talk about this! I'll give you a 90% discount, a door at the bargain price of t- ten dollars!-"

Harold couldn't help but stutter, after all, he'd never been chased by this many people before, and he knew he was very, very fucked.

[a-door-for-you-customer]

You know what!

WOULD YOU LIKE A DOOR?!

THATS RIGHT IM SELLING YOU DOOR

How the turn tables

"A- I... Already have a door?-"

Well, that certainly caught him off guard, he almost dropped his merchandise. This was definitely new-