Love Begins
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@a-fool-beloved
perhaps every path we choose has a streak of loneliness to it. But with the more choices we make, we slowly start to surround ourselves with people, they too looking for their path. Little by little, all of us with our light become one.
I’m a photographer and writer, musing over the definition of home, notions of growing up, femininity, and the self.
Norway By Angélique Culvin. Canon EOS 650 / Portra 400
Hiding in full view.
I started this blog as a way of coping with anxiety. The anxiety of being seen, the anxiety of being invisible. They're complimentary contradictions, aren't they?
I feared being seen; being seen as different. My difference no matter how easily concealable at first, always seemed to peek through. I think I never got to really know or wonder whether my difference was good, because I felt (learned the) bad about it. My world was made up of eggshells and mines. So, for years, I built my empire on being invisible, and that slowly wore me. I couldn't tell myself apart, so I tore myself apart. Bit by bit. little by little. and after a time i became too many islands; of shame, fear, guilt, rage, despair, despite, and listleness.
I tried to catch myself, but I think I smothered me.
So, I sat there... in the ashes, with myself, for a while.
–Culvin
If I was going to do it
it had to be in the dark,
in not so plain sight.
Not for everyone to see
but a gift to behold
and some to cherish.
Hong Kong, Fujifilm 400
I have often been intimidated by silence. More often than not I try to fill it with words. I fill it with words, not even necessarily to take up space, no. Weirdly I feel that filling that silence actually cloaks me. Hides me. Not leaving me naked with my thoughts. Sometimes I wonder, what is worse - being in a room full of strangers or being alone, with only my thoughts.
The problem with my life was that it was someone else's idea.
Benjamin Alire Sáenz, Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe
Margaret Atwood, The Blind Assassin
There are ways of dying that don't end in funerals. Types of death you can't smell.
Haruki Murakami
2024 taught me
that being underestimated may be a blessing in disguise. because then you can work in peace. The thing about it is that those who choose to underestimate you, limit you according to THEIR own beliefs and limitations. You can tell them exactly what you intend to do and sometimes even how you intend to achieve it and they will smile, nod and then continue to smirk and snub their noses at you. But this is not your call to pick up.
This is not a call to be disheartened.
This is not a call for you to stop.
It's a call to continue, because by saying those dreams out loud you have called them into existence, and their existence does not rest on the eyes, ears and hearts that choose to not receive them.
These dreams belong to those who who believe to see them through. That dream is the universe choosing to be born through you.
I have so many thoughts, yet find no words.
Manon Biernacki
The six descriptions of Love :
David Richo, How to Be an Adult in Love.
I might never figure out how to talk to you and not fall in love over and over.
Yesterday I was the Moon by Noor Unnahar
i have loved you from a distance, when that love was reciprocated. and i have loved you while being centimeters from your lips. and now, i still do, from a distance once again. it is not reciprocated. it is not a mutual feeling anymore. but i still do. this love is undying, painful in the most beautiful way possible. and i will continue to do it, i will continue to wish you the best with everything you ever told me you dreamed of, and everything i do not get to know about anymore. because that is what i do. i am good at loving you. whether you are mine or not. a love so strong, i can carry it on for the both of us, forever. here i am, here i remain, loving you with every little string my heart is made.
- nick <3 (chantings of the heart)
