Things salvaged. @a-messy-evolution - Tumblr Blog

scorpionlafemme

Every version of you was necessary. Even the ones you’re ashamed of.

a-messy-evolution

I still have the claw marks on my body from the last man who loved me too sharply.

Don’t love me too sharply.

His love never hit but, God, it hurt.

It exhausted and pleaded and begged mercy.

The last lover found me hidden and left me in pieces.

Parts impressed

Parts confused

Parts loved

Clawed to pieces

Searching for a lover in me

Finding, instead, indifference

He ripped

And I let him

Even helped at times

Because anyone who loves me this much must be lovable

And it hurt

And I broke myself trying to love a man I was never meant to love

And he hurt me for making a fool of him

Even if by accident

Don’t love me too sharply

I know how that can turn out.

Pick me up gently

Kiss my bruises

Hold my hand

Feed me.

Slowly.

Slower

Stop.

Just checking if you could

Stop.

Need to know that you are capable of stop.

My last love was a run away freight train

And I was not nearly enough track for his speed.

My last love left claw marks

Don’t love me too sharply.

Please.?

a-messy-evolution

This was 6 years ago about someone I had not seen in 5 years. Now it's 2026 and I am still receiving "anonymous" angry messages from the first man who loved me too sharply. I have not seen him since 2014 but his anger about me not wanting him remains... so now I have to take measures I never wanted to to protect myself. Men. Smh.

3 years ago April rocked me in ways I never expected. And then May came and I have all these sweet pictures from that month. Goes to show, we can bloom and bloom and bloom. I’m a perennial. Thats nice.

scorpionlafemme

dspressed

Just a reminder that Vincent van Gogh did not eat yellow paint to make himself feel happy, he ate paint, and drank different chemicals because he was suicidal and this is why he was not allowed in his studio while having breakdowns. He also did not paint starry night and his other great works because he was depressed, he painted most of them while he was in recovery and demonstrated his hopefulness and love of the world through this. Most of his great works were painted from his room at a hospital. Van Gogh’s depression should not be glorified. His hope and effort toward a better life, as well as his recovery from depression should be glorified.

awww-scrap

If I may add, he did not cut off his own ear, he went into a manic depressive state and got into a fight with a friend who cut off part of his ear by accident. It’s unsure if he actually did commit suicide (he was shot in the stomach, and he was seen getting into a fight with some boys earlier that day), but nonetheless, he lived a sad and painful life, not one to admire. He only sold one piece when he was alive, his mother destroyed every painting of his that she had and constantly reminded him he couldn’t replace his older brother Vincent, a baby who died a year before our Vincent came to the world. He admitted himself into asylums on multiple occasions. He traded paintings people considered garbage just for a sandwich or a single beer, paintings that are now worth millions were once traded for a goddamn sandwich. He was disrespected, called weird and insane. He would have had painted 6-7 paintings a week when he was feeling good before going into depressive states and not painting for weeks or even months. He worked hard, trying to get better. His pain shouldn’t be glorified, but his recovery, his desire to keep going should.

a-messy-evolution

My girl is driving us all crazy in old age but it’s been an adventure having her in our family and home. The end is coming and it’s crazy to think about, honestly.

a-messy-evolution

Missing my girl, missing the crazy, missing the noise.