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@a-quiet-for-my-thoughts
December 11 2019
I love the Kate Daniels series by Ilona Andrews
Auto books are so such a wounder things, i so happy for them, dyslexia makes reading so slow Im on book 7 in 2 weeks at 10+ hours a pieces (smile) that would take me a year... or maybe a bit less but a long time
December 6, 2019
Im doing pretty good today... just have to keep trying... Adhd sucks... but if you know what is wrong at lest you can try to working with it and get over you problems
Help please
I need a little help please, my right ear sense yesterday has been doing some weird. Some noise are louder and when people talk I get this weird high pitched feedback with every word I don't understand what is happening if you have any idea please let me know and thank you *sorry for the random tags
so things have been going ok... my head has been oddly quiet.... ok my brain is more like its just working in the background and i can toon it out. I’m doing more art... though i feel bad about working so much on them but they have been turning out so nice.. but my art is good, but its not selling good, so it in reality not a productive thing to be doing -sigh- that house has been looking ok, but i know that is more like it under control i haven't been able to get to my second things... like sorting boxes of crap and shit... i need to do more laundry which if i had washing machine would be no problem that not being the case i sucks... OHHHH i also got fired...which was not that big of a deal because i was only working a few hours there for a little extra time but the reason was so stupid i didnt want to clean the owner house im was doing house keeping that her house she can do it she a rich women that use to have servants so i guess saying no, but she was really annoying and i couldnt stand her, saddly my husband is at the moment suck working for the same people, but he is a jack of all trades so he is to important to get fired... i just grr... she is so annoying i was doing a good job, i was getting my work done but she would follow me around want to “help” but not want to do the time she said she would...never mind that shit im happy i dont have to deal with it, but im sad that my hunny wont get more time at home with the kids... maybe i should have just said yes i will, but the last person that said that would end up spending hours in their house then gettting in trouble for not gettting their rooms done fast enough but that was his only night shift stupid who give there emplys one night shift out of the whole week and makes them work the day and the next day... its stupid 11am-4 or 5pm then 1am- 8am check the fuck broken water heat till 10 every half hour then back to work 2or 3 pm to 4to5 more hours... this is not fair or right he is alway so tired.... but we cant except here... we are stuck... 52 hour weeks with out over time... with a room and the little money we get we just cant save anything... ok thing have been shitty... but for the last week things inside have been a little quieter... i’m just making myself gloomy now, oh while im posting this...
October 26 2019
-sigh- I wish that i didn't want his attention so much...all the time... its not his fault that im a clingy annoying mess... his brain just dont work like mine does... but I feel horrible inside... i just want to get out of my head... i want to drown in him... to feel better...
the saddest part is he will ask once in a while if i need attention when he know i do... and i cant say “yes please stop everything your doing and just spend hour holding me patting my head and other such things. i want time where its just us and we are doing thing.”
I knew sense i was young being a “needy and wanting attention”was seen as a bad thing... i didn't want to be that...but i guess i always knew i was... but i only realized that is what i am recently...and annoying, needy, attention wanting person...
The moment that i step outside so many reasons for me to run and hide. I cant do the little things i holds so dear ‘cause its all those little things that i fear! -No Doubt
i didnt really want to say much to day, though i do feel i sure sit down at some point ahand just type (talk) to myself, i just going between very ok... to numb... to empty...to i dont know that word that would go here...i need to figure out what is wrong...and i dont know what it is...it’s not all bad, there are alot of things that i am happy about and for... but my brain isnt alway nice... im just rambling ...
fuck fuck fuck i’m ....i dont know...-laugh- im tired...and stress and lonely in a full house...and it’s only my fault and this stupid never ending head of mine...for one day i wish i could explain how my mind works... maybe then i could ask for help to fix this stupid mess....but i dont see that happening and every time i explain i do it wrong... i’m lost im my own stupid fucking never ending head....
August 7 2019 fuck.....
I broke my fucking freezer oh my GOD (i do not believe in god, but still) my husband is going to kick my ass (he love me his just going to get really really mad) when i tell him, i was trying to get some of the ice that was blocking the freezer and didn’t want the food to thaw and spoil….yeah…i stabbed the fucker… and now there is gas leeking out of it….i have all my things in my mini freezing now…. he is going to be sooooooooooooooo bad when he gets off working in the morning…..fuck me…..
so after being mad at me everything ended up ok.... he was really mad...but we got a new fridge and things are back to normal
August 7 2019 fuck.....
I broke my fucking freezer oh my GOD (i do not believe in god, but still) my husband is going to kick my ass (he love me his just going to get really really mad) when i tell him, i was trying to get some of the ice that was blocking the freezer and didn't want the food to thaw and spoil....yeah...i stabbed the fucker... and now there is gas leeking out of it....i have all my things in my mini freezing now.... he is going to be sooooooooooooooo bad when he gets off working in the morning.....fuck me.....
June 22 2019 ....tired
I'm soooooo tired today, I keep falling asleep this morning well I was supposed to be up and have some alone time with my Hunny with out the kids... I just couldn't keep my eyes open... I'm still pretty tired still, bit at lest he got the day off which is really nice, I think I going to have to make me some coffee here pretty quick... I just don't feel coffee is going to sit on my stomach well.
June 20,2019
I'm so tired today.... At lest the house is mostly clean, I need to get ahead on my school work for the kids. The inside if my hip bone right near the top is bugging me... It really hurt the other day feeling like the was a string tied to my ribs... Which was not fun but that was a few days ago... Last night how ever I was thinking I was ok..... No making love to my hunny was really painful... It really sucked...after some repositioning (spooning) it wasn't so bad but still was nothing me a bit. But I have to say even though I wasn't feeling that well my hunny look so stinking cute laying there naked -big blushy smile- Well I have to go for now
June 20,2019
I'm so tired today.... At lest the house is mostly clean, I need to get ahead on my school work for the kids. The inside if my hip bone right near the top is bugging me... It really hurt the other day feeling like the was a string tied to my ribs... Which was not fun but that was a few days ago... Last night how ever I was thinking I was ok..... No making love to my hunny was really painful... It really sucked...after some repositioning (spooning) it wasn't so bad but still was nothing me a bit. But I have to say even though I wasn't feeling that well my hunny look so stinking cute laying there naked -big blushy smile- Well I have to go for now
June 20,2019
I'm so tired today.... At lest the house is mostly clean, I need to get ahead on my school work for the kids. The inside if my hip bone right near the top is bugging me... It really hurt the other day feeling like the was a string tied to my ribs... Which was not fun but that was a few days ago... Last night how ever I was thinking I was ok..... No making love to my hunny was really painful... It really sucked...after some repositioning (spooning) it wasn't so bad but still was nothing me a bit. But I have to say even though I wasn't feeling that well my hunny look so stinking cute laying there naked -big blushy smile- Well I have to go for now
June 18, 2019 (dyslexic not check fix later)
So it look like we will be moving... Which I will be happy that we will...well with some hope will be in the wood, but we need to find a place for our rv.... I'm honestly not looking forward to moving not because I don't want to move I really really want to move I justdont want to go though the new place process, I really like that we have some much room here and even though I can't stand the fact that you are working for rent your bosses suck well two out of three... I know we will be happier leswhere but here is mostly stable it nice when we move I know things will be wobble when we leave I want to move around a lot or not at all.... I don't know what we are doing yet and so o worry and worry feeling hopeless in that I can't do much to help though I know that me writing right now instead of working on the house is not the answer... I just need a little venting...and to get these thing out of my head.... I will most likely right more later but for now I will get back to working on the "house". Love you -sorry this was not spelled or grammar checked (dyslexic)
Teddy bear when your so quiet it worries me... I wish you would tell me what's wrong
May 17 2019
So we are moving again. Which it will be nice to have move room. And despite the fact that my arm and back hurt I was fact braking a golden the wall to make a door. There just something nice about hit something so fricking hard