Oficial therapist

giving advice along with My thrapy pet. Gerald (disclaimer: not a real therapist)

[a-therapist-offical]

Morning! Im the therapist of all the oficalls and in general anyone who wants a sesion in my asks or that i personally think needs help

Any questions?

(Disclaimer: im not an actual therapist, i cant treat serious problems, if you think you could need serious help go else where)

(tags under the cut)

@real-human-offical @an-alien-offical @lemonade-offical

Also @therapist-offical is really cool, go follow them

[no-one-offical]

You seem to have a spectacular relationship with ao3 /silly /sar

I am an amazing father

[a-therapist-offical]

Several people would like to differ

[no-one-offical]

Thrilling! Please do share!

[a-therapist-offical]

For one, the way I met You was through Your child wanting to kill You because You were neglecting him, and later, another one of Your children was literally scared of you

[no-one-offical]

You seem to have a spectacular relationship with ao3 /silly /sar

I am an amazing father

[a-therapist-offical]

Several people would like to differ

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

It's for good character development UwU

[a-therapist-offical]

Apologies for My bluntness, but I don't think that anyone would really apreciate going to such extremes for some "character development"

[no-one-offical]

Extreme? That's not extreme. Extreme is trapping them in a never ending room with kinks you can never satisfy because you're cursed to be entirely aromantic-asexual, sex-repulsed, affection-repulsed, and touch-repulsed.

Add to the fact you're also cursed to be nonbinary, so the slaves forced to satisfy your unsatisfiable kinks calling you only male or female pronouns will forever give you gender dysphoria until the day you are resurrected again and again to relive those moments with different slaves of different eras of different species in different locations. To be used as a tool for comfort, all at the expense of your sanity.

That's extreme.

[a-therapist-offical]

...If You want to talk about those extremes, be it from stuff that happend to You or just...thoughts you've been having, My Doors are always open

[no-one-offical]

<{raises his eyebrow}>

What's that supposed to mean?

[a-therapist-offical]

That means I am a therapist, and My job is to litsen to what people have to Say and about their thoughts and try to give sound advice

[no-one-offical]

I don't need any advice from the-rapper-jest thank you for your strange offer.

[a-therapist-offical]

....e-excuse me??

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

It's for good character development UwU

[a-therapist-offical]

Apologies for My bluntness, but I don't think that anyone would really apreciate going to such extremes for some "character development"

[no-one-offical]

Extreme? That's not extreme. Extreme is trapping them in a never ending room with kinks you can never satisfy because you're cursed to be entirely aromantic-asexual, sex-repulsed, affection-repulsed, and touch-repulsed.

Add to the fact you're also cursed to be nonbinary, so the slaves forced to satisfy your unsatisfiable kinks calling you only male or female pronouns will forever give you gender dysphoria until the day you are resurrected again and again to relive those moments with different slaves of different eras of different species in different locations. To be used as a tool for comfort, all at the expense of your sanity.

That's extreme.

[a-therapist-offical]

...If You want to talk about those extremes, be it from stuff that happend to You or just...thoughts you've been having, My Doors are always open

[no-one-offical]

<{raises his eyebrow}>

What's that supposed to mean?

[a-therapist-offical]

That means I am a therapist, and My job is to litsen to what people have to Say and about their thoughts and try to give sound advice

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

It's for good character development UwU

[a-therapist-offical]

Apologies for My bluntness, but I don't think that anyone would really apreciate going to such extremes for some "character development"

[no-one-offical]

Extreme? That's not extreme. Extreme is trapping them in a never ending room with kinks you can never satisfy because you're cursed to be entirely aromantic-asexual, sex-repulsed, affection-repulsed, and touch-repulsed.

Add to the fact you're also cursed to be nonbinary, so the slaves forced to satisfy your unsatisfiable kinks calling you only male or female pronouns will forever give you gender dysphoria until the day you are resurrected again and again to relive those moments with different slaves of different eras of different species in different locations. To be used as a tool for comfort, all at the expense of your sanity.

That's extreme.

[a-therapist-offical]

...If You want to talk about those extremes, be it from stuff that happend to You or just...thoughts you've been having, My Doors are always open

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

It's for good character development UwU

[a-therapist-offical]

Apologies for My bluntness, but I don't think that anyone would really apreciate going to such extremes for some "character development"

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[no-one-offical]

But I do like them, which is why I'm giving them a gift

[a-therapist-offical]

The fact that You consider "trapping them in a lucido nightmare for millions of years" a gift raises far more concernes

[no-one-offical]

What a nice phone, a fine addition to my collection

[breadcrumb-offical]

That was MINE

[no-one-offical]

Woah there buddy, you don't have proof. You want this phone, you gotta pay

[breadcrumb-offical]

*Sighs* How much...

[no-one-offical]

1 femboy eredin and 1 goth salamander

[breadcrumb-offical]

What are you gonna do with them anyway..?

[no-one-offical]

eat them and trap them in lucid nightmares for a brief period of a million years

[a-therapist-offical]

No one we have talk about this

You can't just enclosure people You don't like as paument

[ur-least-fav-gal-offical]

YOU 🫵

YEAH U, READING THIS.

YOUR STINKY

[a-therapist-offical]

Oh? What happend to him? Did he scape his cage again? If so, My apologies

[evilwizard]

Dude. DUDE. HUMPTY DUMPTY JUST FELL. YOU NEED TO SEE THIS ALL THE KINGS MEN ARE THERE TRYING TO GET HIM BACK TOGETHER. THIS IS SO FUCKED DUDE. IM SO SCARED. HE'S DEAD

🖐️ stand aside. only the court necromancer can save him now. we must pray his body isn’t too broken…

[evilwizard]

WTF are the horses doing

[horse-is-a-horse-of-course]

i don't fucking know i tried my best but i think we made it worse with our big hooves

[evilwizard]

WHY WERE YOU INVOLVED AT ALL ??

[a-therapist-offical]

It is a common response from setient beings to feel bad for somone in need and there for try to help. Even if they arent....exactly equiped to do so, in this case

[a-therapist-offical]

Soooo my sister is telling me "you need help" after I just tapped about my duck collection and all their lives (lore)

I think shes wrong, but ig ill ask, what could I do to help me in this situation. :)

- @rubber-duckz-offical

(Very not serious ask)

Hmmm, I actually think yours is a very good hobby! As long as You don't start pulling people away in the believe that the fucks are "better" I actually think having Your rubber ducks and giving them stories is a great hobby!

[real-human-offical]

Wait, why are we stabbing people?? Is this a normal human tradition? I thought that violence and murder was frowned upon...

[not-linkachu]

not in this case:D

[real-human-offical]

Interesting.... how so?

[a-therapist-offical]

Today March 15 is considered a "holyday" of sorts called "ides of March", were we remember (or rather, celebrate) the assasination of the self proclaimed king Julius Cesar, who was stabbed by his Senate

So to comemorate, Tumblr users pretend to stab the Emperor or each other

[real-human-offical]

Ah, I see! Julius Cesar must have been a very bad person for his death to be celebrated every year!

[a-therapist-offical]

He was! He tried to conquer over the half of the world and almost turned Rome into basicly a dictatorship

[real-human-offical]

Wait, why are we stabbing people?? Is this a normal human tradition? I thought that violence and murder was frowned upon...

[not-linkachu]

not in this case:D

[real-human-offical]

Interesting.... how so?

[a-therapist-offical]

Today March 15 is considered a "holyday" of sorts called "ides of March", were we remember (or rather, celebrate) the assasination of the self proclaimed king Julius Cesar, who was stabbed by his Senate

So to comemorate, Tumblr users pretend to stab the Emperor or each other

[james-offical]

I have discovered eyeliner. I tried to apply eyeliner. I failed to apply eyeliner. How do I remove the eyeliner from my eye. It hurts. I can not see.

[real-human-offical]

What is "eyeliner"? I don't know anything about it, but I know that using soap, water, a sponge or perhaps tweezers can remove objects with ease!

[a-therapist-offical]

Eyeliner is a kind of makeup, it works like a pencil but from materials that are safe to use in the body. People normally aply it at the limit of their top or bottom eyelid to accent the lines they make, but You can put it in any part of Your eyelid or just around Your eyes (but not inside it, since it's can cause severe pain and blidnes)

Also @james-offical, please do not use soap

[real-human-offical]

Interesting, thank you!! If I ever use it, I will make sure to keep it from the inside of my eyes. Do you recommend using it?

[a-therapist-offical]

I personally don't use it (mainly for sensorial reasones) but You can get some really cool looks with it! So i totally recomend it :)

[james-offical]

I have discovered eyeliner. I tried to apply eyeliner. I failed to apply eyeliner. How do I remove the eyeliner from my eye. It hurts. I can not see.

[real-human-offical]

What is "eyeliner"? I don't know anything about it, but I know that using soap, water, a sponge or perhaps tweezers can remove objects with ease!

[a-therapist-offical]

Eyeliner is a kind of makeup, it works like a pencil but from materials that are safe to use in the body. People normally aply it at the limit of their top or bottom eyelid to accent the lines they make, but You can put it in any part of Your eyelid or just around Your eyes (but not inside it, since it's can cause severe pain and blidnes)

Also @james-offical, please do not use soap

[definitely-not-ao3-offical]

IMPORTANT

ME AND TUMBLR ARENT DATING NOR DO WE LIKE EACHOTHER LIKE THAT-

[unsatan-offical]

i ship it

[definitely-not-ao3-offical]

StoOoOoOoOp

[satan-offical]

Lying is a sin

[a-therapist-offical]

Please, AO3, denying Your feelings for eachother isnt doing anyone a favor. Not You, not them and certanly not anyone else