just to warn you, this post is probably gonna be a mixture of random ramblinnn of thoughts and shit. so cope.
its a new year - that time of year when we feel like we can start anew, accomplish things, maybe try new looks, learn something new, etc.. a fresh start to achieving happiness.
i know it's really just another day, but it always feels like a year of possibilitiesss... i cant help but be excited.. intimidated, but excited. this year is gonna mean a whole lot of changes.. who knows where i'll end up.. who i'll end up with, hah LOL.. but ferreal tho.. hopefully it's the year that ill be able to define who i am.. :) hey if not, its all good too! theres always next year :)
soo im tryna use this thingg again. haha. i do want to write more, and read more.. partially because i think my brain's not moving as it should, and also, i really dont want to forget what ive learned during my lifetime.. not that you completely forget everything... since what you've learned and what youve experienced shapes who you are today.. but i miss learning, writing, accomplishing shit that took a toll on ma head, ma body, and so forth haha (sorry i been using etc a lot.. means im lazy haha, ill try not to be from here on out.. eh maybe. haha)
maybe throughout this ill write my "resolutions" ehh, haha but thats for that right now..
i wana talk about my friendships and how much i appreciate them. ive been thinking about how diverse my friends are and how blessed i am to have each and every one of them. and its so crazy no matter how much of a dick some could be ;), they never fail to be good to me. and i dono why :') and theyve definitely impacted the person that i am today.. i can talk about it more, but maybe anotha day haha :) just know i love you with all my heart.
as for family. theyre number one. and im going to do my best to be better. my goals have been changing lately because i feel like my ultimate goal has to be.. to make my parents proud.. also to live happily because that's what they want for me too.(: theres something else that i need to do.... but i have to quit being intimidated, stand up to you, and be a part of your life because you don't think i am.. im sorry im so timid, ill muster up the courage one day, youll see :)
hah for the "love life" ill say this has been an interesting year for new experiences... gad its like every time it gets to the end of the year, im like "this one was an interesting year" onlyy cuz each year, someone, somehow gets closer (in proximity) to me.... eh ahahahaha but ferreal tho, all the boys ive encountered in my life have effected how i feel about relationships and shit haha ive talked to the most random ones, attracted to many, crushed on a few, thought about it (for real) with one. LOL thats new.. but from that/this whole experience.. im just questioning soo much. i dono if im more afraid to be in a relationship with someone and be seen as being with someone.. or more afraid that im wrong and im trying to see something thats not there. cuz i get people sayin that "oh you should try it out cuz youll never know" or "you're just scared" and ma one friend sayin "it sounds like you're trying to rationalize and see something there because hes a good guy, but" . .. well theres other guys that just make me feel something.. different.
ugh i dono haha im still just gona go with the flow. haha i feel so indifferent lately, just livin ma life happilyyy(:
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