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[aagy]

Once in a while, it strikes me

[aagy]

it is almost winter again. one can feel the coldness in the air and blueness in hearts. i always thought i like summers more then any other season, but as I can see the winter waiting at my door step, i feel more excited to welcome it. i have no clue why..... winter feels like a memory that one can visit again and again, but each time it will be a little different like us.

winter makes me feel more close to him, every cold breeze, warm blank, jacket, dim Cozy walk at night, reminds me of him. make me relive it all. winter make me feel his warmth, his hands are always around me but winter makes me notice it more...........

[aagy]

[aagy]

Unexpected - words, people, situations ,works…… and then there is you.

[aagy]

And what if it is all gone

Will it be still the same if I still wake up?

Will I open my eyes the same way

And look at the world same?

The dreadful dreams have magnified and the mirror is hazed

My hair have curled my identity

And my eyelashes now hold my soul

With each drop touching the lash, I wash away from the shore

Still somewhere somehow I always find myself near the floor.

[aagy]

I pray for sanity in this insane heart of mine

With a land so old ,I draw a portrait

Black in colour

White in essence

And grey at heart

I walk into it with all my breath

Knowing it could be my last just to hide in shades to look at you

You, who is now my beloved, are my source of colour

And when you said you love black I was once again looking at you

Your eyes are so full of shades that I forget to look for their colour

They shine when you are with me ,

telling me you are as pure as raw colour of eyes

[aagy]

ANOTHER JAN

fallen ice and cold land, you make me desire again for a foreign Hand. away from the spell, far from this 4 cornered well, i wish to crawl up again , again to look up for the warm-heart.

[aagy]

I am never told to write, but here i am writing again about me, us and everything in between. my lies, my pain , my fear, my jealousy, my guilt, my anger and you, its everything and everything is you, and still here i am writing me.

everything is fine and suddenly everyone and everything magnifies, large, overwhelming, big enough to be scary, to fear, to run away, to distance , to shut myself up.

In hiding of shame i hide my love for you

so that you do not recognize it and rebel

my fort is not strong enough for your army,

so i hide in the caves of rotten dead bodies

you are a warrior i guess,

and i find it difficult to even defend myself in words, in terms,

so i run thinking that is the only route i can follow and the only guilt i can swallow,

[aagy]

i walk and i talk, i tell people what they want to listen, i tell myself what they want to listen, and i talk.

yesterday night there was no one so I stayed silent and the walls talked. they laughed at me for talking non-sense, for growth into some thing i myself do not approve. I cried, and they, they laughed.

the next day i talked less, for my sake, so that i would not have to go back to silence which is very loud, but speak now but I hesitate, i hesitate to tell people what they want to listen.

i feel a constant fear of people leaving me

[aagy]

touch has memories too, and mine are of yours. you touched me in ways i hate myself now, every ounce of me reminds me how easy it was to fall in and fall out.

[aagy]

i met a guy and fell for him,,,,,, why he asked

i realized he is everything i am not, he is honest to himself, he doe not hide his fears behind humor, he wants to understand even if it hurts, so how can I not fall for him.

[aagy]

A SCAR OF LOVE

the snow melted but i was still frozen, your hands don't touch mine anymore may be that's why. I saw you and i was back at my place with corners spacing in and my breathes spacing out. You laughed and I, i cried ( irony , you said you wil make me happy). I walked passed you, but my heart forgot to follow me and now it is still waiting at the stairs to catch a glimpse of you. My mobile phone still considers you their favorite, my favorite, when your head has already deleted me like a long due file. I feared , I hesitated and finally fell in love with you. You, who I wish to erase now, but I know a scar will be left.

A text and it started and a text it ended. we ended.

[aagy]

To say who stands where in your live is sometimes very difficult. today i am very contradicted by my own thoughts, my insides are on a war. i only feel pain though.

i miss him, i know i will but for how long? that is a question. i scared that when I go back I would have nothing good, or exciting waiting for me or for what I will be waiting. I am tired of being the courageous and talking everyone into things, sorting out issues and all i cannot.

to say you belong when all do is long for someone is pain. i long for myself , my peace, my people and my sleep.

[aagy]

My Half-mate

you seem like me, small, pained, laughing just like me. you look at me everyday or should I say i search for you everyday, it is just the same. my half words that are incomplete you listen to them completely. flawless you say, my dear half-mate you make me feel full, complete something that I am not capable of being you make me want to live it, fully, completely.

its crazy how I feel, how my thought run like a unstoppable metro and how just your voice, your touch makes all of it go away. I does not feel numb, I feel at peace with nothing to think about just your voice, a calming effect makes me want to just keep listing to it on loop always.

[aagy]

i wish i could tell you, i miss you

to go from past to present, bare feet, you realize the kind of path you walked on, its roughness, pointedness, shallowness, all ,everything. when you look around you see people but you do not see yourself in them. you are no where and this feeling hurt.

my beloved pain, i was told to share you as an attempt to make you disappear but it has caused me more pain, so my dear pain sorry I took you so lightly. i am sorry. i feel worthless right now. someone who even will not be missed even if i disappear. i thought i mattered but i don't , i knew it but realized it recently.

[aagy]

if only i was sane, i would sleep soundly and wake up unsounded. i look at them and it feels scary, why , i don't know. they make me anxious. and he? he is my comfort..

[aagy]

my hands are not shivering, i am not crying, i guess i am fine. i like someone right now, overwhelming , i know .