lately I've been losing sleep

Aaron Beuler. 22. Beta Phi Tau

[twosmxkingguns]

Getting sick or just overreacting? 

[aaronsalive-blog]

-Sneezes- I’m really sick. 

[aaronsalive-blog]

Do you have any cold medicine?

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

Eyes closed, Jude let the music wash over him–his fingers strumming the chords. He could feel Aaron move closer to him which only worked to make the ghost more confident with his strums. In that moment he decided to add on to the song, new chords playing so that he wouldn’t have to stop playing.

Aaron wanted to pause the moment, just stay there for a while with Jude on the bench. He began counting in his head, to avoid thinking about anything negative. No massacre. No ghosts. He wished Jude could leave the house for a while, so he could drag him along with him to volunteer. It’d been a while since he’d play with his old dog pals. 

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

Jude smiled as Aaron did, the guitar placed back on his legs as he hunched over it. A few seconds later a soft rhythm was beginning to sound. His attention was completely focused on the strings as the song came out mournful. It was something he had played with over the years–a song that expressed his life that helped him work through any bout of depression. He hoped it could work for Aaron like it had for him.

Aaron closed his eyes and listened, focusing on his breathing as each chord put him more at ease. It was moments like this that were simple, made him happy to be alive. He needed to get his focus back. Stop worrying so much about the things he couldn’t control. Like the fact that Jude was dead -- a fact he still couldn’t wrap his head around. He scooted closer, careful not to get in the way of the guitar. 

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

The silence that stretched between them, left Jude nervous. Maybe he had still said the wrong thing, but he couldn’t help trying. Hearing Aaron’s request, Jude perked up–his fingers wrapping around the neck of the guitar. “What do you want to hear?” he asked, read to play anything. 

Aaron relaxed against the bench and smiled. “An original,” he said, watching Jude’s fingers. 

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

Mouth forming a grim line at the mention of the massacre, Jude’s eyes dropped to the gazebo floor. What was he supposed to say to that? The days will get better? Times they are a changing? No. Nothing seemed right. Nothing he could say would make Aaron feel any better, and Jude knew it. “If you had done something you would’ve probably died,”he answered. “What good would that have done?” 

Aaron swallowed hard, having nothing to say to that. Jude didn’t understand.  No one did. If he’d reacted faster, grabbed more people and told them to get out, maybe there wouldn’t have been as many casualties. He couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that overwhelmed him. Survivor’s guilt. That’s what he suffered from around this time of year. “Play me something,” he said softly, needing to change the subject.

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

Jude’s eyebrows twitched inwards at Aaron’s comment, unsure of how to go about continuing the conversation the other male was presenting him with. Something deep inside him wished he was able to wipe Aaron’s memories–make him forget everything he had come to find out, even Jude. The crushing weight on Jude’s shoulders at the moment from what he had exposed the person he had a connection with to was unbearable. “Maybe…maybe you should go apartment hunting,” Jude offered, his lips lifting into a small smile. It would do Aaron good to get out of the house–maybe he could find a life. The jealous pang of whoever he found with suddenly washed over the ghost, but he couldn’t dwell. He wanted Aaron to be happy…that’s what he needed to focus on. 

Aaron’s soft eyes raised to meet Jude’s at his comment. He smiled, letting out the smallest of chuckles. “If I thought leaving would help... I would.” Maybe Jude was right, maybe he did need to get out for a while. “But it’s not just this house. Or the... ghosts,” he said quietly. “It’s almost Halloween. I guess I never really dealt with the massacre. And now that I know about...” He paused to lick his lips. “It just doesn’t make it any easier. I still feel like I could’ve done something.”

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

Eyes watching Aaron cautiously, Jude bit his lip. He wasn’t sure what was going on with the other young man but he knew whatever it was, wasn’t good. “…talk to me,” he said, his hand reaching out to rest on the living boy’s shoulder. He wanted to hug him–but he refrained, afraid that Aaron would just push him off and leave. 

Aaron sighed heavily at the feel of Jude’s hand on him. “I don’t know what I’m doing here anymore,” he admitted, staring off into the distance. He couldn’t look Jude in the eyes. He wasn’t sleeping, wasn’t eating right, he couldn’t focus on school and school was his favorite. He didn’t care about much of anything anymore and he knew something was wrong. Maybe he was suffering from depression. And of course, Aaron blamed the house. But if he blamed the house he felt in some way he also blamed Jude and that wasn’t fair. “I want things to go back to how they were.”

[aaronsalive-blog]

chaser-of-spirits:

He is. His name is Jasper.

He’s beautiful. 

[aaronsalive-blog]

let-itout-let-itin:

The chords struck a sour note when Aaron’s voice rang so close to Jude. Head popping back up, the ghost appeared to blush as he his guitar down. “Uh..no,” he answered after a few minutes. He hadn’t really been around Aaron since the pool when the other guy had come back from his mini vacation. “You doing okay?” he asked, his eyes searching Aaron’s. He could feel the tense energy coming off his opposite and it was slowly starting to make him tense. 

Aaron hesitated to sit next to Jude, but only because the ghost had hesitated to answer. Were they okay? Aaron licked his lips, scared he’d lost one of his close friends in the house. He mindlessly traced the scar on his hand as he turned his entire body towards Jude. “I’m not so sure,” he answered honestly, tears threatening to well in the corners of his eyes. 

[mlderscully]

[dxntletmedxwn]

Sitting in the gazebo, Jude lazily strummed the guitar strings. Lately the ghost had found himself shifting through phases of wanting to be seen and not wanting to be–his restlessness giving way to his appearance becoming deathlike any time he did make show up. Head rolling back, Jude’s eyes closed, looking as if he was asleep if it wasn’t for his fingers continuing to gently strum the guitar.

[aaronsalive-blog]

Aaron wasn’t sleeping again – not that he ever got a good nights right.  He half-blamed school and half-blamed the time of year.  The massacre from years ago still haunted him.  And now that he knew about ghosts, well, Aaron wasn’t at all feeling like himself.  He was torn between smiling because he felt like it and faking it because he didn’t want to be depressing.  His beach outing hadn’t been as successful as he’d wanted and with school back in session, Aaron was beginning to question who he was.  The familiar sound of guitar strings had him wondering over to Jude.  Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he shoved his hands in his pockets and made his way over.  “Hey,” he said casually.  “This seat taken?”

[aaronsalive-blog]

Aaron sat in the wet sand watching a group of girls drink in secret and head out to the ocean. He knew they were probably old enough to take care of themselves but he couldn’t help his ever crippling hero-complex from wanting to take care of everyone around him. One of them could drown. Someone could get hurt. However, this was supposed to be a day for everyone to relax, including himself, so he shut his eyes and laid back on his towel.  

[aaronsalive-blog]

oneword-reckless:

“You think I could sneak into one of the cars?”

Of course! There should be some open seats somewhere. Do you need help finding one?

[aaronsalive-blog]

thecoolestkatintown:

For sure. I’m just waiting on Beej. You seen her?

I’m not sure. There’s a lot of people running around downstairs waiting on cars.

[aaronsalive-blog]

beautifulbasketcase:

Do I look like a cleaning service to you…?

No. That’s not what I-- I’ll go clean it.

[beautifulbasketcase]

Wow. There is a serious mess of glass out in the driveway.

[aaronsalive-blog]

Are you going to pick it up?