Deep thoughts when I'm running
Good things have been happening on a superficial level. Happiness some might call it, even if it temporary. New friends, new experiences, new car, new new. You came out of nowhere and brought a smile back to this pathetic face. You're amazing. But like I said, temporary. Enjoy it when I can, because everything will change again very soon, you were never meant to be here anyway.
You stopped and asked me, "If you were stripped of all your material possessions, will you still be the same? Will your identity change?"
I gave you the answer you were looking for, that it is not about the things I have but the things I do. You were happy with my answer, you smiled. But I lied. Such bullshit. Who am I really? I'm just my mother's son, my father's son, my sister's brother. I'm somebody's somebody. I'm nobody on my own. That's the big difference between us and why 'we' will never work out. You are just another dream, but very different from the one I was abruptly woken up from.
The void is still there. It hurts the most when something good or bad happens and there is no one in particular I would love to tell. Who am I before I met you? If someone remembers him, let me know, I would love to catch up with him again.
Am I over you? Maybe not. Am I okay? Yes. Do I miss you? Sometimes. Do I have issues? Plenty.
Run by Snow Patrol is playing, I have not heard this song since.. Good times there.
You called me Mr Pessimistic the other day, am I really such a person? Do I need a pity party? Why do I like to listen sad songs all the time? Why do I prefer to close myself up and stay in my room when I know that I'm feeling lonely? Why do I envy people that are sick and dying because they have a reason to feel depressed and cry but I can't? Why am I so weird?
Crossed the 3km mark, clocked my fastest timing.
My life is very quiet now, no drama like before, no gossips. Instead, I am really enjoying the conversations I have now with people. Especially you, I have never met a friend like you before. We can sit for hours just talking. I really miss that.You're on a whole new level of crazy compared to me. Maybe that's why we can click so fast, you're as weird as me.
I sat at my doorstep for a good 15 minutes staring at my family's new prized possession. Mixed feelings. Never felt more lucky, I wish I can bring you around in it. You'll be perfect for it. But the doubts of maintaining this lifestyle are growing. Didn't know my maid was standing behind me the whole time. She laughed hysterically at my retarded reaction when I saw her. Not cool.
I should wash up now. Thank you for being there, for filling the void, all of "you". I'm very sorry.
I don't even know myself at all
I thought I would be happy by now
But the more I try to push it
I realize gotta let go of control
Gotta let it happen
