HOW I THINK SOCIAL MEDIA IS LIKE IN ㅤㅤㅤㅤ GOTHAM CITY
tiktoks where people are like “day 54 of trying to get batman to notice me by looking helpless and holding a brick outside of wayne tower.” and then like. a day later they upload another one like “guys it worked. i threw the brick at a window and he SWOOPED DOWN AND YELLED AT ME. i think we’re engaged now.”
BATMAN FAN ACCOUNTS.
“batm4nslut6969: yall i saw him last night and his thighs were THIGHING. i can’t.”
“i want him to run me over with the batmobile. respectfully.”
“what does it say about ME that i’m in love with a man who beats people up in alleys.”
“he punched my cousin and now my cousin’s life is on track. king.”
you’ll see a tiktok like
“get ready with me to testify against the penguin 😘”
and they’re curling their lashes like “trial’s at 10 i’m wearing valentino. hope the DA is hot.”
facebook moms in gotham be like
“hi!! anyone else’s toddler develop shadow powers after playing near the narrows??? normal or???”
“guys u wont believe what just happened i was literally just tryna get a tuna sandwich and then scarecrow gassed the 6 train again 💀”
followed by: “ok but like did anyone else get lowkey productive on fear toxin bc same”
and like imagine those "what's in my bag" videos but it’s like “what’s in my gotham emergency kit”
and they pull out like mace, an inhaler, one (1) batarang they found in an alley, a granola bar, and a tiny bottle of holy water just in case it’s some demon this time.
every batman chase has like. three angles. one guy from his apartment, one guy hiding in a dumpster, and one guy who just happened to be doing a GRWM video when batman crashed through the laundromat window behind him like a medieval poltergeist in kevlar.
there’s also that one tiktoker who’s like. always posting “day in the life as a gothamite 🥰” and it’s literally her dodging debris from a police chase while trying to get a matcha. like she’s got wireless earbuds in while the riddler is detonating something in the background. caption: “when i said i wanted chaos i meant eyeliner not explosives 😭😭😭😭”
people be going live from literal crime scenes. like “hey besties so i’m outside ACE chemicals rn and idk what’s going on but i just saw a clown sprint past. anyone know what’s happening???” and everyone’s commenting like “GIRL GO HOME” and “go inside nowwwwww” and “live laugh leave gotham.”
you'd see youtube videos like “i lived in gotham for 2 days and here’s why i left” and it’s just footage of a man watching fire rain from the sky while eating a pretzel in pure silence.
twitter’s a HELLHOLE. people tweeting like “batman knocked over my hotdog stand again. this is the third time. i’m filing a restraining order” and “why does bruce wayne look like he hasn’t slept since 2003” and “if the joker had a podcast i’d listen. just being honest.”
ALSO fancams of villains??? OF COURSE. edits of scarecrow like “your mental health isn’t scary but he is 😍🔥” and joker fan edits with lana del rey playing over it like “he slayed literally. like a bunch of ppl.”
there’s discourse about EVERYTHING. “does batman exploit underage sidekicks??” vs “no they CHOSE to be there 🙄”
imagine gotham love confession tiktoks like “i met him in an alley while harley quinn was robbing a jewelry store” and the comments are like “literally gotham's version of a meet cute 💘💘💘💘💘💘💘”
theres podcasts like “the ethics of vigilante justice” and then they go off topic and start debating if bruce wayne and batman have ever been in the same room and one of the hosts is like “they have different jawlines 🙄”
the gentrification discourse?? YEAH.
“just moved to crime alley!! rent was SO cheap!! the vibes are kind of ✨✨ except for the screaming at night. also someone left a human tooth in my mailbox. i think that means i’m accepted into the neighborhood??”
and of course. OF COURSE.
the joker thirst edits.
like i wish i was kidding. i wish.
but someone posts “what if he kidnapped me actually. like what if i let him.” and it’s a picture of him looking crazy with 15 different filters and a caption that says “he’s literally me (i need therapy).”
and GOTHAM INFLUENCERS. OH MY GOD. the way they would be the WORST.
“hey guys today i’m doing a billionaire morning routine <3”
cue 6 am ice bath in the wayne building gym
someone does a house tour and people in the comments are like “i think that’s *insert famous rich socialites name's* old penthouse????”
homeless ppl getting filmed for fake charity clout. omg.
“today we’re giving a makeover to this unhoused gotham citizen 🥺”
gotham meme culture is top tier.
like they’re actually so funny. because they have to be. it’s trauma response meets terminal irony meets "oh the joker blew up a costco again time to live tweet."
they have memes like: “you vs the guy she told you not to worry about” - it’s a pic of bruce wayne (or some rich socialite) in a suit and then batman looking like roadkill in a cape or something like “just got mugged by harley quinn and she said i have bad taste in shoes. kinda valid tbh.” or “why is scarecrow hot now. like when did that happen.”
“penguin looked at me sideways in the club. should i press charges or kiss him idk.”
some of them are rich rich. and also literally host giveaways with captions like: “win a week in my tower penthouse if you repost and comment ur favourite crime i’ve survived 💋”
the drama is UNREAL.
like gotham reddit?? a cesspool. like there’s this one post every week like : “AMA: i dated bruce wayne for 3 weeks in 2018 and he ghosted me after i found a batarang under his couch.”
and then batman side of reddit is like
“this guy tried to sell me fake kryptonite at a gas station AMA”
and the replies are like
“was it the guy in the trenchcoat outside the CVS?? i knew he was shady.” oh and you know there’s a gotham reddit thread called
r/gothamCitizenSupport and it’s just
“does anyone know how to get joker gas out of your vents”
“batman smashed my windshield again how do i file an insurance claim”
“my roommate joined a cult and now she glows in the dark?? normal or should i move out?”
you know the “hot takes” girlies?? yeah they’re deranged. “ok but like… what does batman really do for the economy.” or “i’m just saying gotham has more billionaires than public libraries and i feel like that’s not a coincidence???” or “why is no one talking about the gentrification of *xyz place name* just because ivy turned a building into a forest resort spa”
the comments are always fighting for their lives like:
“he saved my life leave him alone??” or “girl i got evicted because catwoman turned my apartment into a goth club shut up”
ALSOOOO there are entire sides of gotham tiktok like:
“gotham thrift hauls (featuring actual riddler merch)”
“bruce wayne conspiracy theory corner”
“citizen thirst traps featuring blurry robins”
“updates from people who work at arkham: the podcast”
and every time a villain escapes it’s like “uhhh guys. just saw mr. freeze at the bodega. he said he wants vengeance.
"guys...my parents just told me we're moving to gotham because its cheaper...help me what should i expect?"
OH AND BATMAN WOULD HATE IT.
and there are so many compilations like “BATMAN GETTING FED UP WITH CITIZENS PART 7” where it’s just clips of him looking pissed af. dramatically because someone asked for a selfie mid-chase or tried to ask him to do fit check in their video.
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