tell me, this slight feeling of "i don't wanna"… is it boredom? the force of my attention slips off these things, all these things. though i have never made much sense of boredom before, i am wondering if it might be boredom that slips me off these things. how horrible it is! how much it has cost me! always, i thought i would know boredom when it struck me. the image i have is of my doing something, happily engaged, and only then would it smite me. i would say such things as, gosh, how boring, what a dreadful bore. it would be quite a sudden loss of interest; i tend to be quite happily engaged, so the place of boredom seemed correspondingly small. but it is preemptive! preemptive! boredom has snuck right past me, smat me badly, smat me so often that it has shaped me, and i've never known it. just what am i happily engaged with? boredom made it so.