I dont know what I did to deserve this one. I've been hurt many times of same person and I thought a good one.

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@abovenormai
I dont know what I did to deserve this one. I've been hurt many times of same person and I thought a good one.
Yung nakita ko na lang yung sarili ko nagsusulat nanaman here. Mga panahong sobrang energetic ko rin makipag-usap at makipagkaibigan.
I'm tired of being gaslighted ng kawork ko sa projects.
Tangina, just because ayaw niya maghintay. Naiinis siya, when everything has a process.
I would never, never let him run the show.
I will be more strategic. Yes, I am loyal pero never used me just because all of your projections.
Apapagod ako Lord. At the same time natatakot. I hope, malagpasan ko 'to. Gagalingan natin and naging careless I guess ako. Sana gumaling pa ako.
I maybe longing nga talaga sayo. Actually kasi you're the one who validated me. I guess being treated right. I guess being seen me as a someone who was worthy enough.
Always crying inside, but also hoping na someday. The day will come na I would say. I have finally moved on.
Dami ko rin narerealize na the way studied marketing and psychology to understand myself.
Sana nga, I have experience early everything and learned.
Nung nakita mo nalang yung sarili mo sumasabay sa soundtrip ni kuya indrive. Hahaha.
So ayon, will update more here. Masaya na siya and it's okay.
Waking up in the morning. Theres so many things to do. When we are so passionate but the time and energy can't get up.
Yung pagod na hindi nadadaan sa tulog. Nakakapagod life.
Meeting again, will be silent myself kasi not everyone kaya mag-stand sa alam mo. We all know, we have results. Yun lang. - reminder.
May problema talaga mga tao rito sa bahay.
Seems like, we've been constantly blaming us to what's happening to our life.
Sobrang toxic na. I'm superbroke and no one to talk to or to go to.
All my friends somehow long gone since nag-cut na ako ng connection with them. It's my choice and hindi ko nireregret yun. We are totally pain in the ass. Could you imagine, your own mother pinagtataguan ka ng food? Kasi what? Madalas ako raw nakakaubos.
I have an ADHD and I could not help it na kumain when I know for a fact that there's a food. Having this kind of situation mahilig kami kumain and we love also not eating also. Sounds complicated but, it is what it is.
Tinataguan ka rin kasi yung tatay mo hindi na raw nakakakain. I know for a fact din na hindi naman natin yun choice. Question is, bakit hindi kumain? May food there.
Sobrang toxic na even my mental capability at believe sa sarili na binuo ko ay nawala because of the factor na lahat ng thoughts na you're thinking is part of the family system they intake in you.
I don't have work or stream of income. If meron, I only have 1 client who pays yung amount of bills.
I can't help myself but everytime we write is Nacoconnect ko lahat ng poor decisions ko in my life. Because, naniwala ako sa mga tao na hindi tayo nagkaroon ng sariling decisions.
-- Telling to myself, kaya mo yan. Believe in yourself Miggy.
06.07.24
Hello good morning, yung feeling na mainit, walang WiFi, gutom at wala pang food and hindi sa pagiging ungreatful but I really wish sa ibang food to taste ewan ko ba we are really always craving pero wala eh. Ngayon puyat ka pa.
Those things are somehow underlying factors kung nasaan ka man ngayon sa life.
Makakapag-reflect ka rin talaga. Na you want good things in life and live a quiet but peaceful life.
Actually may nabasa nga tayo na sa tulfo kung saan yung anak ay may galit sa tatay. Because of what? Gusto ang baon 500 a day. Like, after mabasa yun we can't help to be emotional. When I was a college ang baon ko lang ay 100-120 pesos a day. I am so grateful na nun.
Daming things ang tumatakbo sa isip ko. Feeling ko ang sama kong tao. Pero hindi eh. We are always there para sa mga taong mahal natin. Pero nung tumawag yung pinsan ko. I am so happy, totoo. Kaso, when I am trying to tell a story or trying to open up. She's not interested. -- feel na feel ko yun at malalaman mo yun because it's a gut feeling.
What goes around comes around. -- this is not real. I've been here na trying to do things but the odds really not on your favor.
I've been a good friend, a good son, a good citizen and trying to be good lover.
On that aspect, sobrang failure ko. Dito rin papasok na kahit anong efforts mo if hindi ka na mahal or mahalaga or gusto.
Mauuwi din ang lahat sa wala.
Like, I've been with good friends. -- they say! Pero parehas lang. After mo maging tao to be someone emotionally available. After ka nilang itapon, tapos babalik, tapos kapag tinanggap mo ule sa life mo because I am forgiving person. Sasabibin nila na need ka nila sa life kasi of course, their lives are not okay. -- "kailangan ka nila" then dadaan ang panahon after nila maging maayos. -- iiwanan ka.
Same pattern, same shit.
While you after mo maging strong for other people ikaw ang naiwan and stuck. -- not asking for in return or expecting na malake. I just observe the same behavior as an person who have been chasing people's acceptance or someone who's always trying to fit. Longing for deep connection.
All my life, we are always concerned to the people's other business. Hindi ko na nakilala sarili ko. Sana noon pa pala. Noon pa pala mas kinilala pa natin yung sarili natin.
10:57 AM | 04.27.24
I just had a random thoughts, last time nung nagmahal tayo. Back then, narealize natin ilang taon ang lumipas hindi pa natin totally kilala yung sarili natin.
Ikaw, pag nagmahal ka at nasaktan you will do everything sa isip mo to battle yourself mentally.
Hahanapin at tatanungin mo sarili mo.
Saan ako nagkamali?
You're going to be an astronaut because you connect every dots to your own beautiful universe.
Magcoconnect lahat and hanggang sa kakanin ka ng blackhole.
Sasabog ang mga stars.
Along the way, anuman ang mangyare ay darating yung panahong dahan-dahan mawawala din ng pain, questions, sorrow then it will change you to another person.
Remember,
The only constant is change.
Nagmahal ka, nagmahal talaga ako.
Kaso, that time...
Gulong-gulo pa ako at hindi pa kilala ang sarili.
I thought, I am superhero na lilipad para sagipin ang isang tao.
Pero paano kung ayaw pala magpasagip nito?
Going back,
Akala ko rin ang need ko ay time.
Yes, kailangan ko.
Pero if ikaw yung taong sa buhay mo ay nabully ka.
Walang sumaklolo.
Naloko, niloko, nagmahal ng patago mas pinili ang sarili at hindi naging matapang.
Hinahanap ko pala ay ang hahawak sakin. Yayakapin ako ng mahigpit at sasabihing nandito lang ako.
Assurance na mararamdaman at oras na ibibigay sayo para ipakita yung support na hinahanap mo rin at ibibigay.
Para sa'yo! 🖤🤍
--
04.21.24 I 10:16 AM
read literature. be present. make love. make tea. write a poem. cry. watch a sappy movie that makes you want to throw things at it. paint your nails. cook something. call your best friend. learn an instrument. wonder. take a bath. go for a walk. lie down on the grass. listen to the entirety of ur favorite album from 2016. take pics of sunsets. ponder. shamelessly dance in your room. curl up on your bed. make endless wishes to the stars twinkling in the midnight sky. think about nothing. think about everything. think about things so hard that you barely remember what happened moments ago and why you’re feeling the way you do
No time to pity myself because of why everybody moving so fast with results and success. Putangina... Hindi naman ako nagmamadali pero kailangan ko rin talagang gumalaw pa ng malala.
Yung high school and college na Miguel. Yung competitive and my large stomach with everything magawa ko siya.
Minsan napapaisip ako what's all the reasons ng pinag-dadaanan sa buhay. Do I really deserve a good life after everything? Siguro nga we are just delusional na mangyayare yung mga gusto natin sa buhay.
Siguro nga, if naging mas matapang lang tayo agad at natuto ng mas maaga ay mas magiging mas matalino tayo at lubos na maiintindihan yung mga bagay-bagay sa paligid natin. Hindi na tayo magkakamali pa or mas maproprocess natin. Like kailangan din talaga magkamali ng malala para mas malinaw sa susunod.
We are indeed social beings at gusto lang nating lahat to be seen and be vulnerable to someone. In the end of the day gusto pa rin pala natin yung may nakikinig satin.
Lord, sana if in my span of my life ay mararanasan ko muli man ay bigyan niyo po akong mas maiintindihan yung sarili ko if dumating man iyon.
If you play the role long enough. Does it ever become real? Could I become real?
- Proposing Scene to Rita in Dexter
Rita: is everything all right? Dexter, was is it?
Dexter: My life was always felt like...
An unswered question. String of days and night waiting for something to happen, but...
I did not know what!
Rita, we are connected. Wherever I am, I feel you...
And the kids with me you are what makes me real.
I want us to...
Always go out with banana splits. And replant the lemon tree that keeps dying...
And I never, ever want to miss a pizza night.
And that's how I know, I want to Mary you. Because something as simple as pizza night is the highlight or my week.
But not without the kids.
Cody and Astor, you guys are my family. I am gonna hang on to you for dear life.
Please, say yes.
Rita: .... Yes, we will marry you.
Dexter: most actors toil in obscurity, never stepping into the spotlight. But if you hone you craft. Work diligently, you might just find yourself cast in the role of a lifetime.