FRANKIE CASTRO. 25. yachtie.
Ā Ā Ā ā men always say that as the defining compliment, donāt they? ...sheās a cool girl. being the cool girl means i am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like sheās hosting the worldās biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because cool girls are above all hot. hot and understanding.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā FRANKIE CASTROĀ Ā ( cis woman, Ā she / her, CAMILA MORRONE ) is 25 and a YACHT STEWARDESS & DECK HAND from NAPLES, FLORIDA. they are known as THE GREGARIOUS because they are MISCHIEVOUS, but if things kick off, they can be a bit RABBLE-ROUSING. theyāre PANSEXUAL and describe their type as SOMEONE WHOāS ATHLETIC, DARING AND ABLE TO KEEP UP. from their time in the villa, theyāre hoping to find LOVE. Ā ( a gap-toothed kid flipping the bird in their yearbook photo, bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, a walnut-shaped ache in the pit of your stomach for the person you could have been. )Ā Ā Ā Ā [Ā Ā PINTEREST ]Ā Ā [Ā PLAYLIST ]
PLAYED BY: Ā Ā Ā nora, 26, gmt, she/her. Ā Ā
DISCORD: Ā Ā i fort u was diffrunt jawja#8664
stats.
NAME:Ā francesca sofia castro.
NICKNAMES:Ā frankie, never fran. āchessā to her younger brother who could could only pronounce āchesscaā at first.
AGE:Ā twenty-five.
GENDER & PRONOUNS: cis woman, she/her..
OCCUPATION: Ā deck hand / stewardess on luxury yachts.Ā
ARCHETYPES: Ā the ace. the jock. the ladette. the ball breaker. the beach babe. the ācool girlā. the track star. the cautionary tale.
ZODIAC: Ā aries sun, sagittarius moon, aries rising.
RESIDENCY: Ā born in naples, florida, and lived there until she was sixteen before dropping out of school and moving to fort lauderdale to live with one of her older brothers.
TATTOOS: Ā tattoo of her dead dog on her arm, a ram on her back, and āfuck the patriarchyā under her left boob which she swears is not a swiftie reference.
FACECLAIM:Ā Ā Ā camila morrone.
negative traits. judgemental Ā , Ā dogmatic Ā , Ā directionless Ā , Ā prone to being vulgar , Ā unreliable , brash , stubborn , Ā tactless , Ā impulsive , Ā careless , Ā flighty , literally cannot stop interrupting people if you hold a gun to her head , Ā defiant ,Ā not very woke or sensitive , easily bored ,Ā overly-indulgent / doesnāt know how to do things in moderation .
likes. Ā 70s music, john wayne movies, running so hard that her legs feel like jelly, boxing, surfing, cowboy chic culture, country music, dc comics, the smell of locker rooms, deep red lipstick, breathing in a loverās sweat, smoking weed from a bong, first-person shooter games, wet dog smell, football chants,Ā karaoke, pet rats, late-night strolls along the coast, hawaiian shirts worn open over a bralette, picking at scabs, thai food, falafel, seitan, picking the apples at the very top of the trees, zip-lining, cigarettes, the idea of pegging but not necessarily the practical application of it, decorative lamps, covering every inch of jacket lapel with kooky enamel pin badges, worn-out furniture, twangy electric guitars.
dislikes. woody allen movies, mental mathematics, wealthy children, ironing rich peopleās laundry, institutionalised misogyny when itās not done in a fun quirky post-ironic way, the imaginary future - just live in the moment bro,Ā āpick meā girls,Ā expectation to live up to the manic pixie dream girl trope,Ā french literature,Ā wes anderson films, spoken word poetry nights, college-educated bar staff who act like theyāre better than you, Ā indie softbois (has a personal vendetta against them actually), the general mentality of cheerleading squads.
aesthetics.
a gap-toothed kid flipping the bird in their yearbook photo,Ā thumb holes poked through the cuffs of your sleeves,Ā a smattering of freckles over the bridge of your nose that you join up with biro like a dot-to-dot puzzle , Ā midnight trips to the only convenience store for doritos and mountain dew , a skeleton on a skateboard in a hawaaian shirt and backwards cap , silk slip dressed down with fishnets, docs and an oversized leather bomber , platform crocs with novelty giblets , a pulp fiction poster tacked up in your crew cabin āironicalyā ,Ā a face thatās permanently dusted with sand ,Ā zipping down marbled hallways on a skateboard thatās seen better days, Ā headbanging to fiona apple in retro over-ear headphones which you bought for the aesthetic rather than the sound quality ,Ā last nightās glitter still smeared over your cheekbones ,Ā matted wet curls that never seem to dry ,Ā a tasteless joke that doesnāt quite land , Ā laughing with a mouthful of blood ,Ā bleach white sneakers pounding on a gymnasium floor, split knuckles & smudged mascara,Ā alien conspiracy theories and sci-fi paperbacks ,Ā ratty converse with fraying laces , Ā a walnut-shaped ache in the pit of your stomach for the person you could have been ,Ā a flickering streetlight thatās starting to burn out , long swims in the lake , always dancing with danger / anger , and a hunger to be right.
backstory.
frankieās like... the younger, hotter version of that old divorced woman at the dive bar whoās always in a cowboy hat and boots and probably wears double denim and a classic rock band t-shirt, who aces all the men at pool, drinks whiskey straight or a bottle bud, lends out coins for the jukebox but only if its something pre-90s because she thinks āthey donāt make music like they used toā. you hear that back in the day, she was quite the looker and something of a ride, but these days sheās focusing her energy into stocking up on motorbikes and placing bets on horses.Ā
frankieās earliest memory is being a kid on the back of her brotherās quad bike with the wind in her hair and the sand of a coastal dirt track smacking her in the face. she grew up in naples, florida, the only girl to three older brothers and one younger brother.Ā
grew up in a trailer park near the coast, mom owned a massage parlour that did back-room handjobs, dad was always either hopping between jobs or unemployed and surviving off child welfare cheques.Ā the soundtrack to her childhood is glenn campbell and dolly parton thrumming tinnily from a phone inside a mug (diy speaker) to drown out the sound of chirping cicadas and police sirens.
as a child, frankie wanted to be an olympic diver. she swam galas all the time, but with swim meets happening all the way up and down florida, a dad who couldnāt drive, and four other kids to think about, competitive swimming eventually had to stop. she was gutted but it is what it is. she did gymnastics, but it just wasnāt the same as leaping from the top of a board.Ā
her mom dipped in and out of their childhood A LOT as kids, often making lofty promises that she was going to take frankie to get her hair cut or her nails painted, or that theyād go on a girlie weekend somewhere, but it never materialised. her mom would give her a crumb and frankie would feast on it for weeks, writing diary entries about all the fun things they were going to do together when she finally showed up again after one of her 4-week benders. oh my god. is she tracy beaker?? she might be.
anyway, when diving and swim meets were a no-go due to lack of resources in her family, she took up boxing because her older brother, marco, was a cage fighter and sheād always thought it was super cool. her grandma told her it was unsightly to be walking home late at night covered in bruises and missing a tooth, but sheād just laugh with a mouthful of blood.Ā
has a personality that jumps from thing to thing and doesnāt really stick at anything for too long because she needs variety to keep her stimulated, so as a result sheās gone through a LOT of hobbies. some have stuck longer than others (running, boxing, diving, skateboarding), and some have flopped (embroidery, jewellery making, dj-ing, guitar, drums, a brief stint at the local agricultural centre bee-keeping to name a few).
definitely on the neurodivergent spectrum, was diagnosed with ADHD and dyslexia at twelve, and subsequently kindaaaa used that as an excuse to not really try as hard at school?? like her dad would sign her report card and heād ask to see her homework but frankie would be like āum?? i have dyslexia?? there are barriers in place to my learning and my access needs arenāt being met?ā and peace sign skateboard out of the house.Ā
her favourite character growing up was percy jackson because she related to his struggle with neurodivergence and his affinity to water, and so she became quite obsessed w the books and greek mythology as a result. currently a recovering potterhead. recently got her deathly hallows tattoo lasered off.
so after quietly quitting school, she put more energy into her hobbies, swimming, surfing, skateboarding, boxing, running, because sheās the kind of person who learns from doing, not from sitting in a classroom reading.Ā
she was encouraged to do sports, as were most of the kids who werenāt that academically inclined, but she turned out to be pretty hot shit at sprinting, because she grew up with boys and he who runs slowest gets pummelled to the ground, baybeyy!!Ā
so yea, in school sports became her LIFE. she was gonna get a sports scholarship to college but ended up dropping out of school in senior year n becoming one of those kids who could have had it all but lost it.
has worked as a lifeguard, worked on tug boats, been a bartender in fort lauderdale (and her personality really lends itself to bartending - sheās v coyote ugly), but has basically always worked near water. before yachting, she worked at summer camps coachingĀ soccer and running the zip-line. sheās extremely competitive and takes it very personally if her team lose. the kids all call her, coach n write her long-winded letters about how theyāll never forget this summer camp before they go back to their suburban picket fence houses n she keeps all the letters in a drawer n takes them out to read when sheās feelin depresshed.
when sheās finished doing the yachting thing and has seen a bit more of the world, sheāll probably try and get the ged or some kind of training that will allow her to be a gym teacher.Ā
her friends have always worked in hospitality, but frankie always knew she didnāt want to be serving the people who went out having adventures, she wanted to be out adventuring herself.
for as long as she can remember her family have loved being close to the water. her brother leo(nardo - ya they all have italian sounding. her mum is apparently half italian but the proof has yet to be seen) works with tug boats, and as soon as she was old enough, she followed him to fort lauderdale.Ā
her and her brother leo donāt have a house bcause they both work at sea so much. instead, they have a camper van and just travel around in it on the yachting off-season. she would LOVE to have a permanent residence so she can get a dog (she had a husky as a child who she loved w all her heart) but its just not practical right now
frankie works as a deckhand (and occasional stewardess) on luxury yachts & briefly appears on below deck s9 as a cast member (for one charter/ episode) when they pulled her in due to a crew member getting covid.Ā Ā
sheād always been adamant she wasnāt ever doing below deck because she thought it gave their industry a bad rep as people who just get absolutely fucked up partying all the time and donāt do any work.Ā (āi mean, yeah, i LOVE getting fucked up partying and not doing work, but i donāt want people to KNOW thatā)
the best thing about her job is getting to see the world , n yea she DOES get to see a lot of places, but also when youāre stuck scrubbing down sides with a shammy n canāt really be present like woa thatās croatia itās not the best. this is part of the reason why she said yes to love island, because while her job takes her all over the world, she never really gets to experience it.
i said sheās here for love but honestly, sheās here for the free holiday. so i guess the love of being one with nature / on a beautiful tropical island and getting to actually experience it for once rather than being the one cleaning up after other people. always trying to lend a hand to the invisible assistants stocking the fridges and doing room service though because she has to be constantly doing something.
love island au.
she actually got scouted for love island through her instagram!! this is a real life thing that happens with the show, my hot friend from uni has been approached 3 times. but yeah, frankie didnāt apply through the usual channels - she did a swimsuit shoot with sports illustrated a few years ago and thinks itās maybe that which caught their attention, but they cld have jst seen the 10 minutes tht she was in below deck n thought sheās hot and funny letās nab her. u can bet when anyone asks why she applied sheāll be like āyeaahā¦.. i was actually scouted? ā¦.i know right, so jokesā ala julia fox āi actually did it myself, yahhh..ā
not a girls girl, grew up with three older brothers and one younger brother so sheās very much one of the lads. her way of bonding is to wrestle you to the ground, but if she fancies you that might also be her method of flirting. sheās a very physical flirt, touchy and can be a bit of a bully if she likes someone.
does not understand boundaries unless you communicate them to her the way you would to a child. what do you mean licking your face isnāt an appropriate greeting? what do you mean i canāt sit on your boyfriendās lap? weāre friends? itās friendly? is that tweet thatās like āwhat if i rubbed my face on you like a cat because i love you, huh? what thenā
still coming to terms w the fact that sheās a bit gay (read: backwards caps, cuffed jeans, hawaiian shirts, dungarees as formal wear, converse or crocs regardless of the occasion, fancying women) and will literally say ādude, iām so gayā to whoevers sat next to her any time naomi walks past in a particularly good bikini, but she dates men too and is probably more likely to see herself with a man just because she Gets On Better With Boys š¤Ŗ. her red flag is that sheās never had a girl best friend tbh.
with men, it feels like she doesnāt have to really pursue it though because most of her friends are guys and usually a fierce friendship just evolves into something more, whereas with women she has to graft because sheās not that good at making friends with girls. she has none of the usual dressing room chat, doesnāt really bother with her hair or make up, is just straight up in the morning and cannon-balling into the pool in last nightās underwear. she CAN do make up if she tries, but is more likely to get frustrated that her eyeliner wonāt go right and snap something in a temper.
in regular life she loves to steal - from her employer, from the store, in some āfuck youā to the system - but she would probably speak to someoneās partner about it if sheās planning on stealing them in a recoupling / making a move. but then again, if the momentās there, the momentās there, no point waiting for the moment to pass so you can ask the person theyāre coupled up with ummmā¦. ikthuse meā¦. is it ok if i stick it ur wife??Ā š„ŗšš
a typical aries in that she knows what she wants and how to get it but isnāt really underhand about it. would be straight up. this description of aries to a t. very much bodily-focused and a person whoās overwhelmingly present to the point where she doesnāt really pre-plan her actions. she likely wonāt know who sheās picking at a recoupling until a name comes out of her mouth.
doesnāt really get mad easily. is more likely to laugh in a fight than scream and yell because she finds everything a joke. usually avoids conflict, or at least avoids being directly involved in the conflict, but loves a fight and loves to stir up trouble. big rue in euphoria s2 vibes when sheās like āummm... so quick question... how long have u been fucking nate jacobsā acting the innocent bt also causing such a scene.
watches sit-coms religiously. also loves horror movies and ghost hunting shows. has to find a way to shoehorn funny things back to a meme she saw or something that happened in a film. āthis is like that time in indiana jones: kingdom of the crystal skull whenā¦.ā (i havenāt seen it). rachel weisz in the mummy was the first woman she was gay for.Ā had a bisexual panic over which main character she liked more.
her type is anyone who seems fun and has a relatively active lifestyle. sheāll probably be grafting liam, dejan, callie, kenny (altho theyāre quite similar in terms of personality so might clash), marcus, maybe will even try naomi if she can get the stick out of her butt, but at the same time sheās not going to write anyone off just yet because sheās open to exploring her options.
headcanons.
hot but in a trailer park kind of way. looks wise, sheās your typical mid-point bombshell designed to turn heads, but her personality is less eat sleep graft repeat and more just who wants to race me to the other side of the pool.
is the type to act first and give a weak apology later. no capacity for forward-planning or even thinking about how her actions affect others. would have been constantly grounded for sneaking off as a kid except the fact that she had one very hands-off parent who felt the need to leave her to her own devices because he didnāt understand women
she has a lot of restless energy and constantly has to be doing something, and so it reflects in her appearance that sheās always on the go. she rarely ever wears make up. she sucks at eyeliner, would only ever wear it if someone else did it for her.
peak ānot like other girlsā girl.Ā has a SEVERE case of main character syndrome and isnāt self-aware enough to realise that sheās actually the funny best friend. itās cringe.
a barterer. never pays full price for anything unless she absolutely has to. has even tried to haggle in supermarkets before and has the uncanny ability to make ppl feel bad for charging her full price. whenever sheās out clubbing in fort lauderdale or wherever the yachtās docked for the night, the first thing she does when she enters a club is look for a guy whose impressionable, easy manipulated, and kinda desperate looking and then sheās like right :)) thats where my first drinks coming from :)) and she just plays that game all night.
used to go to house parties and whenever anyone was getting stoned sheād be like wow this is so embarrassing but iāve literally never gotten stoned before and theyād be like nooo fucking way u have to smoke with us. she did this more than 50 times and just never paid for weed
a bit backwards when it comes to whatās politically correct. she doesnāt spend much time on the internet and doesnāt really get ācancel cultureā as it negates the idea that people can grow and change. secretly worried that she will get cancelled while on love island because she constantly says āgaaaaaayā in a post-ironic way as an insult
probably would have gone dressed as moana for halloween if her brown friend hadnāt said to her āgirl, no. that is cultural appropriation. you cannot do that.āĀ
was always a really sporty bitch. it started with a junior athletics squad, which turned into athletics and cheer, which then became athletics, cheer and hockey until she basically was doing a different activity every night. she came to see her body as a tool that she could make work for her if she trained it up and this attitude is always kind of stayed with her that as long as her body is strong she is capable of anything. runs every day.Ā
sells her sweated in socks to seedy men on twitter. once got $600 for a pair of her old running shoes and used the money to buy a better pair of running shoes, a vibrator and 2 grams of md.Ā
good with her hands ;))) one of her current hyperfixations is mechanics.
also super good at rodeo bull riding, like to the point where she sees one sheāll challenge everyone in the room and try to win some jager bombs for mastering it
sheās a firecracker but also the most apathetic bitch youāll ever meet. is like that nihilism meme where the guy is in a hawaiian shirt with sunglasses and says life is meaningless nothing is real while throwin up a peace sign
is the friend who would knit you a really ugly lumpy scarf out of love and expect u to wear it every time you see them. itās summer, itās 30 degrees (idk fahrenheit) why arenāt you wearing your scarf??? my sweat and blood went into that scarf? can be a bit CHALDISH n wld probs be the first female member of destinys chaldishĀ Ā
she always thrived when she had loads of shit to do, so she surrounded herself with hobbies to fill up her days. she took up bass guitar, surfing, tried her hand at roller derby, did a brief try at drum lessons (although it was mostly banging her sticks against the trailer park trash cans since they couldnāt afford a real drum kit), but none of them really stuck.Ā
Ā i do think part of the reason why she goes through hobbies so quickly is because she still doesnāt really know who she is as a person, and spends most of her life playing a role. sheās desperate to have a concrete identity, and to walk into a room and for people to know what sheās about bt sheās still learning who that person is. wlndāt call her fake but sheās definitely. trying to put cool girl energy out there.
she was a track superstar in her high school, and was honestly just that sporty bitch who seems to have limitless energy, youāll see her doing lines at a party at half four and then on your way to your 9am class you see her running across the park like a fresh fucking daisy who is this bitch??Ā
but at the same time, when she crashes, she really crashes, and you just wonāt see her for a week because she burns herself out with all the shit she tries to do. at parties sheāll either be the life and soul pouring tequila down everybodyās throats and starting football chants OR sheāll retreat completely and just go and nestle in blankets bcos sheās overstimulated
sheās seen all the scream movies like a million times. is vegetarian for environmental reasons but snorts coke at parties like that isnāt shit for the environment ?? sis, it donāt add up
dog person, bcos like a dog sheās energetic, enthusiastic, playful and affectionate, but also pretty straightforward. when people are mysterious and closed off she canāt be bothered working to peel back the layers, thatās your business. sheās here to have fun, not to go on a 9-step therapy programme.
is that girl who is unironically ānot like other girlsā. you know her. youāve met her. sheās the one in a baseball cap and a hawaiian shirt, boots up on the couch at a party, swigging from a bottle of beer as she talks about that one time she served shawn mendes on a yacht cruise and that heās actually a really stingy tipper.
how she dresses doesnāt rlly matter in here bcos theyāre all in bikinis, but i guess it gives you more insight to what sheās like outside the villa. aesthetically, sheās the badly-translated t shirt you see on a meme page with a picture of mickey mouse that doesnāt match the text. sheās the baseball cap that says āsouth dakota fishing championā or āwomen want me, fish fear meā.Ā sheās the sweater that says āmississippi: catfish capital of the worldā, the hawaiian shirt hacked into a crop-top, tied just above her belly-button. sheās the fake adidas tennis skirt with a shoddily embroidered āadidosā across the hem. sheās the ripped jeans cut into shorts that fall just below the knee, sport socks and converse no matter the occasion, a slip dress from goodwill thrown over a band t-shirt in an attempt to look more āgirlyā but kind of ruining the gentleness by the fact that sheās got clumpy docs on with it.Ā
gives off the impression of being 100% secure in who she is as a person but thatās mostly because sheās still figuring herself out. coming on love island is her mid-20s crisis.
character references.
julie (the worst person in the world), frances (frances ha), bridget vreeland (the sisterhood of the travelling pants), casey (atypical), alana (licorice pizza), kat stratford (10 things i hate about you), kit (malibu rising), beth cassidy (dare me), maeve wiley (sex education) sarah, Ā (palm springs), mickey dobbs (love), Ā rue bennett (euphoria), Ā toni shalifoe (the wilds), Ā fiona gallagher (shameless), viola (sheās the man), violet (coyote ugly), natalya (russian doll) and particularly her relationship w her mother in s2, Ā cool girl monologue from gone girl except she is cool girl who sucks dick and drinks beer and watches football with the bros šš i know its unattainable, amy. i KNOW. bt u dont know frankie like i do!!! trust!!! antigoni (love island), rocky (below deck), malia (below deck mediterranean)
ā āWELL, JEEZ, I WAS TRYING TO PLAY IT COOL,ā he laughs, but clearly theyāre not doing that shit and he couldnāt be more pleased ā it shows on his face, grinning from ear to ear at the sentiment, despite frankieās dramatics. that is something heās both grown used to and grown fond of. though the idea of being as important to someone as their leg is a little daunting, so miles can only hope sheās exaggerating āa bit.ā ā but okay, two days and iām an absolute wreck. whatās the point of anything if we arenāt spooning ? ā he adds, grin going slightly cheeky as he holds onto her thighs, supporting her weight as she wraps herself around him in a way that feels congruent with his entire love island experience. sheās permeated every aspect of this memory for him, and miles doesnāt think heāll be able to look back on this summer without remembering the specific scent of her sunscreen or the warmth of her skin. when itās come to their relationship, it seems like theyāve always been writing different chapters, but when it comes to who they are as two people, sharing the same space, in the same vicinity, it feels like theyāre exactly the same, woven together deep within the margins. maybe frankieās attention will be fickle, not everlasting, bound to only be tangible when theyāre together and not when theyāre apart, but whenever she touches him, miles canāt help but feel completely fine with that. ā youāre the one that started it, tābe fair. accosting me and then asking me if i want space, ā he teases, a soft, shuddery intake of breath as she pulls her hand away from his pants. thereās a frown that deepens on his features when she talks about the gut punch, wanting to remind her that sheās not the only one who was gut-punched in the feelings recently, but he doesnāt see any good in starting a competition over who was hurt more. ā frankie, i donāt want you to think this step back was like, intended to hurt you. i wasnāt trying to ā¦ yāknow, gut punch you. ā she may have said that he didnāt need to explain himself, but he does need her to know that. miles might come off as nonchalant, but he gets scared sometimes, too, even if he tries to ge through things with the mentality that the world could end tomorrow. if it does, heās glad that frankieās hands are on him now, one of his hands wrapping around her waist to steady her as he changes their position so that sheās the one with her back against the wall, making it a little easier to support her as she runs her hands over his skin, little touches that leave a path of fire in their wake.
ā fuck you, ā miles laughs as he presses his mouth against hers, a kiss thatās equal parts hungry and affectionate, betraying the meaning of his words. ā thought you wanted to have a serious talk, castro, ā he retorts, but his tone is so playful that it can hardly be construed as having an interest in any of that seriousness himself. lips find her jawline as she speaks, traveling up toward the shell of his ear where his teeth tug slightly. lips are pressed back to where her jawbone meets her neck, claiming the softest parts of her skin ā the places so gentle that they seem incongruent with frankie herself, and he takes a certain responsibility in getting to know them. ā i would never count you out, frankieĀ ā he says with a switch to her first name, a measured breath as he looks up to meet her eyes, pulling back slightly. ā never. probably ā¦ as long as weāre alive, ā this is said playfully, but in this moment it feels true. how could he know her and ever forget her ? ā and iām gonna figure this out, just ā give me tonight, ā he requests, because if heās being fully truthful, his headās more of a mess about this than he expected. ā okay, that was one time, ā miles actually laughs at her remark about three minutes, ā granted, these past few days have made me feel about as crazy as i was then, ā he admits, although itās been a much shorter stretch of time, and he thinks he can actually prove her wrong. ā unless this is like a time-dilation thing, in which case, the planets are moving more slowlyā¦and itās actually been longer. might only be two minutes. but hey, itāll feel like twelve. ā hopefully thatās unrealistic enough for her.
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ what !? you total loser, why the fuck would you try to play it coolĀ ? āĀ Ā the thought of miles trying to play it cool for her has her snort laughing, raucous and wild. frankieās not the kind of girl to worry about wrinkles or having an ugly laugh ; who wouldnāt want their face to be permanently etched with evidence of their joy ? at this point sheād probably be comfortable being the most hideous goblin version of herself in front of him, and sheās not sure thereās much she could see that would turn her off him either, but itās not like sheās spent three weeks in a tent with him or lived in a tiny apartment where all of his bad habits come to fruition. even that just feels exciting, though ; she wants to know the gross stuff that nobody else does, whether he smells old underwear and rewears it on wash days or goes commando, how much time he loses to scrolling on his phone, if he puts the seat down after he pees, if he blows his nose or picks and flicks, whether heās as shitty a cook as she is. she wants him to meet her brothers so badly, can imagine him shooting the shit with nico, frankie squeezing her own cheeks at the cuteness of the two of them doubling-down on stupid trivia, but maybe this is what he meant when he said he didnāt want to get ahead of themselves. should she be picturing this with a shelf-life ?Ā Ā ā you donāt ever have to play it cool with me, miles. you could say the most uncool shit imaginableā¦ āĀ and he had, introducing himself to her the first time as āsmoking hotā in place of his name, his cheeks warm enough she could fry an egg on them,Ā Ā āāand iād still think youāre the coolest person in any room youāre in. āĀ two days and iām an absolute wreck. whatās the point of anything if we arenāt spooning. jesus.Ā now whoās being dramatic. still, it melts her insides, soft scoop in the scribbled shape of a stomach. she feels vulnerable in a way that being nakedās never felt, a tender shine in her eyes when her head dips to hide her face, and kiss her way across his shoulders into the crook of his neck, smelling the sweat of him gathered against his skin. fuck. sheās missed his smell the most, not only in the sense that itās such a fucking aphrodisiac, but thereās comfort associated with that smell. itās the smell of the arms that hold her at night, the smell she falls asleep to.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā ā yeah, fuck me. our survey says ding ding dingĀ ! āĀ frankie breathes in the seconds his mouth leaves hers long enough to let her speak, teeth pulling at his lip to draw him back every time he dips away.Ā ā iāve been trying to get you to, jeez louise. āĀ as much as she deflects, acts like this thing between the two of them is predominantly sexual, all fun no filler, a relationship primarily between bodies and not minds, if miles woke up tomorrow and decided he didnāt want the sex part any more, sheād still want to be with him, would find other ways to derive pleasure, like in the creases around his eyes or the corners of his mouth when he smiles, or the wrinkle between his eyebrows when heās about to get serious, or the sound of his breath when heās flustered. while together the two of them are a runaway train with no wheels, loud, brash, constantly rallying jokes, all over each other like a bad rash, speaking with him can also feel like a doctorās prescription to a drug that makes everything quiet, the notion of being understood so completely that for a moment thereās just stillness. when heās biting her, it makes anything he says hard to hear over the drum of her own heartbeat, hand flying back to grip the rail behind her as her body bends up against his mouth, against his teeth. as long as theyāre alive ? Ā āĀ holy smokes. āĀ frankie fires, unsure whether it's in response to his words or what his mouthās doing against her neck. heās being intense, but the instinct to bolt that usually comes in situations like this feels notably absent, and while she can feel the alphabetti spaghetti that spell out āscaredā inside her, thereās also āhopefulā knocking about in her gut, too.Ā āĀ so, when weāre fifty and iāve got emphysema, and like, five divorces under my belt, and youāve got fifteen cars and have fathered upwards forty kids, i can still give you a call, catch a flight, and take you bowling ? āĀ her fingerās dragging over his cupidās bow, committing the lines of his mouth to memory, dark eyes locked on his before she gives in to instinct, tilts his chin up in her palm to catch his lips with hers. sheās still waiting for a kiss with him that doesnāt short circuit her entire nervous system and make her feel like her bodyās hit the hard reboot.Ā Ā
Ā Ā Ā ā i donāt wanna do ultimatums, āĀ frankie adds, half-desperate as she draws away. it hadnāt worked last time, had just left them both feeling confused and rushedĀ āĀ despite the fact that the idea of it being just them excites her, she doesnāt want to trap him like a spider under a glass, wants him free as he was the day he came to her. he isnāt someone sheād ever want to pin down, butterfly nailed inside a display case,Ā sheās just grateful heās giving her now.Ā ā i donāt wanna back you into a corner and say shit like, figure this out or itās done, thatās not productive, and thatās not meā¦ like,Ā obviously i want you to choose me, miles ā oh,Ā gross. i sound like such a fuckinā āpick meā girl, āĀ she lifts her fingers to her mouth, mimes a gag.Ā ā but i donāt want you to feel rushed into picking me or regret that you didnāt try anything, so justā¦ take whatever time you need. āĀ she swallows, an uncomfortable itch along her skin. miles had granted her that freedom, itās only fair she does the same.Ā ā donāt fuck her, ā she blurts, before she can stop herself.Ā ā is that too much to ask ?Ā sorry, if thatās likeā¦ selfish or whatever. but i think i should say it, otherwise iāll get angry if you do it, and thatās not fair, because you canāt read minds. āĀ she inhales a breath, lets it whistle through her mouth, and meets his gaze again.Ā ā i donāt want you to fuck anyone else. āĀ not anyone heās interested in romantically, at least. maybe if it was just sex itād be different.Ā Ā ā or likeā¦ if you are gonna fuck someone else, then fuckināā¦ involve me, i guess. āĀ at that, her cheeks lift up in a smirk, mouth meeting the corner of his jaw as her hand slides down his stomach and back into his boxers.Ā Ā ā iāll take two minutes of you over fifteen minutes of anyone else. āĀ for now, at least, thatās as close as sheāll get to admitting how she really feels.Ā
ā FRANKIE SAYS SHEāS NOT SURE WHERE THE LINE IS, and miles canāt help but agree, nodding. itās been a weird day for the two of them, navigating this āboundaryā heās set, or tried to. or maybe itās not even a boundary, but a more clear way of defining what they are or what they arenāt just yet. regardless, the gravitational pull miles feels back toward her orbit is undisputable, and itās not been twenty-four hours before his resolve has dissipated and heās back in some corner with her again. wanting to tear her clothes off, yes, but also wanting things to go back to the way they were a few days ago, when they were chasing each other around the villa, roughhousing without a second thought, crawling in bed together so close that he couldnāt place where he ended and frankie began. he doesnāt regret the other night, but as much as heās loving this boat and all the sea air, heās already anticipating sharing a bed with her again tonight ā without any awkward distance. ā youāre doing the opposite, honestly. i mean, i did miss you a bit today, yeah, which is probably a good thing ā¦ ā he flashes her a sly smile, ā but just because i was upset yesterday doesnāt mean i donāt like being near you. i know itās been weird, iām just trying to sort my head out. ā his thumb brushes over frankieās cheek affectionately before his hand falls back to the back of her thigh, so he can lift her up closer to him. ā and i do wanna know that you want me. just, last night in the living room was too soon, yāknow ? ā he offers, gaze peering up at her. though his actions are slightly contradictory, lips finding her neck ā canāt help but want to be all over her in her crazy formula 1 racetrack outfit, short skirt driving him crazy all fucking night. granted, thatās only the half of it. he just likes talking to her, too, finds everything she says and how she says it fascinating and weird and funny ā even more so than when she first caught his attention on the telly back home. heād been so enamored then, but looking back, his previous impression feels so watered down to the reality of who frankie actually is, warmly wrapped around him smelling like sunscreen and tequila. ā how are you feeling ? ā he adds, lips finding the space above her collarbone. ā the same as last night, or ā¦ ? ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā ā a bit ? āĀ frankie repeats, appalled. ā you missed me a fucking ā bit. āĀ miles, i miss you like someoneās chopped off one of my legs and told me āyouāre fine, your leg is literally right there, just keep walkingā but every time i try to walk i just fall over because somebodyās got my fucking leg, you knowĀ ? āĀ how could he possibly know. thatās such a fucked up way of phrasing it. though it feels somehow appropriate, considering theyāre on a ship, and like, pirates have wooden legs or whatever. frankieās cheek burns crimson where he touches it, fluttery little moth beating extra fast inside her rib cage. her knees are hooking up around his waist the second her feet leave the ground, thighs split either side of his hips and scooping him closer to where she wants him, though she wants him everywhere, inside of her, outside of her, wants everything she sees, feels, touches, tastes and smells to be him.Ā āĀ oh, so now you wanna talkĀ ? āĀ Ā she groans, inching her hand out of his boxers to grip at the safer terrain of his hip instead, her laugh a breathy whine that catches in her throat as her hips shift gingerly against his.Ā āĀ miles, itās fine. you donāt have to explain it, i get it. you needed space. i wasnāt giving you it. totally deserved to be gut punched right in the feelings.Ā āĀ and the ego, considering sheād thought she had him wrapped around her finger tight enough to change his mind. still, itās far from a sucker punch when his mouthās on her neck, singing her praises with a moan as her arm coils tighter around his shoulders, drawing him closer, hand reaching up to roll her thumb over the hollow of his throat and squeeze. just a few touches and her bodyās humming like an engine, shoulders shrugging out of her jacket with a frustrated yelp ofĀ Ā āĀ off, off, off ā so she can slide her arms up beneath his shirt, feel the muscles shift in the planes of his back as he adjusts her weight in his arm, lips on the divot of her clavicle. she feels it burn right down to the muscle.
Ā Ā Ā Ā ā hm. no, i actually feel like maybe this isnāt working, you knowā¦Ā ? ā frankie says between kisses, resisting the urge to dip her hand back into the warmth of his pants and feel him against her palm.Ā Ā āĀ like we should pull the plug...āĀ she meets his eyes, skittish as her gaze darts between both of his.Ā her resolve doesnāt last long, smirk splitting across her lips only a handful of seconds later.Ā Ā ā obviously i feel the same as i did that night. probably mean it more now because youāve been rationing out your time to me like weāre living through a famine or some crap. sorry, should have trigger warningāed that. know itās like, a touchy subject or whatever with your peopleā¦Ā āĀ Ā she does a quick sign of the cross, like the catholic girl in her home ec class who was always trying to convert her, said she could guide her back to the light or something. frankieād told her that all of rock heroes were presumably in the burny burny hole, anyway, so sheād rather not bother with heaven ā but thanks for asking.Ā ā iām notā¦ i know sometimes i say things without really thinking them through butā¦ itās never like that with you. i wasnāt just telling you what i thought you wanted to hear. i donāt want anyone else. any place you are is where i wanna be. and i donāt expect you to feel the same becauseā¦ā she swallows thickly, diverting her gaze, fingers fidgeting with the collar of his shirt, the waistband of his trousers, a tactile reassurance that right now, heās here. āĀ i know youāre exploring your options.Ā āĀ Ā it stings like a nettle just to say it.Ā Ā āĀ and youāre fully within your right to do that, butā¦ donāt count me out just yet. when your house falls apart, you donāt just move house, you fix it, and i do wanna fix this. iām here to fix your pipes, miles.Ā āĀ shes says, referencing the age-old porno trope.Ā when theyāre like this, bodies flush as sheets of paper in the hot bottom drawer of a copier machine, she feels like itās already fixed. when theyāre together, and in the moment, everything shifts into place like itās always been there ā like they just make sense ā itās the overthinking that broke it in the first place.Ā Ā āĀ fuck sake, now iām getting upset.Ā āĀ at least sheās able to laugh about it, though itās slightly strangled.Ā Ā ā god. can you please just fuck me so i can just go brain dead for three minutes and stop thinking about itĀ ? āĀ she groans, hands sliding up to cup his face between them when she plants a tender kiss against his mouth. three minutes is savage and she knows it ; thereās a part of her that wants to rile him into proving her wrong.Ā Ā āĀ or like, say something so outrageously nerdy that the idea of anybody else having the hots for you feels completely unrealistic.Ā āĀ except in frankieās case, where his intricate knowledge of hobbit culture only serves to make him more appealing.
ā SOMEHOW, NO MATTER WHAT WORDS HE USES TO DEFINE IT, miles position with frankie will always be confusing. they teeter on the edges between labels, flirt between the lines, and miles is starting to think that maybe itās better not to think so much about it. because as always, no matter how confusing it is to define when theyāre apart, when theyāre together, it just seems to make sense. ā my god, hello to you, too, ā miles laughs breathlessly, his hands have already fallen to her waist, ready to trail lower so that he could lift her up by her thighs, pulling her into him. but she draws back just before it can get really fun. ā youāre such a fucking tease, ā miles tells her, shaking his head. he holds her gaze for a beat, tension thick enough in the air that you could cut it with a knife. frankieās so in her element tonight, gliding around the boat like she owns the fucking thing ā this is clearly her scene, and he hasnāt been able to stop himself from noticing. itās not so easy to resist when theyāre this close. maybe he doesnāt totally hate being objectified.Ā ā of course i want you to get carried away ā what am i, a fuckinā eunuch ? ā he asks, tightening his grip on her hips as he pulls her closer to admit, ā i want you so much, frankie. ā he hesitates for a moment, his eyes drifting between hers and her lips, like jesus, whatās a guy supposed to do about having her this close ? ā but youāre right. we should probably ātalkā, ā he says with the verbal equivalent of air quotes, though thereās zero intention behind his words. even dante couldnāt be convinced to take that pathetic of an attempt at face value.Ā ā in a second, ā he adds, reaching down to tilt her chin back up with two fingers, and leaning in to kiss her.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā Ā sometimes miles talks like heās from a black-and-white old-timey movie, so goofy and old-fashioned that she wouldnāt be surprised if the words ābalderdashā or āpoppycockā passed his lips. maybe thatās the way everyone in ireland talks. but then just as quickly, he can get all laddy and coarse, and a beat later heās tender as the soft spot on a turning fruit. it feels like there are a million different milesā like heās mr benn and sheās just getting a brief glimpse into all the lives he leads. she wants him in every life, the one where heās a footballer, the one where heās arm-wrestling her to pick the jukebox song at the pub, the one where she pretends to suck at snooker just to thrash him for a free pint, the one where the two of them book ācheapest flight, going: anywhereā and take off with a barely hatched plan and a couple hundred in cash between them, but mostly she wants the version of him thatās dark-eyed and flushed when she presses him against the wall, the version of milesā thatāsĀ (Ā at least in this momentĀ ) hers.Ā Ā ā sorry. hey, ā she responds, eyes rolling at the formality. her body buzzes when he tells her he wants her, hands that yank her closer, breath catching like a thread in a door jamb. she swallows, feeling the dull pulse of want in every part of her that touches him ā hands, chest, stomach, hips ā fuck. his hips.Ā āĀ yeahĀ ? āĀ she purrs, suddenly leonine, back arching to press his hips back further against the wall. on a regular day, sheād be scrubbing it.Ā Ā āĀ how muchĀ ?Ā Ā you packing contraband on a high-security vesselĀ ?Ā because you know that would give me no choice but to frisk you and find outā¦ā eyes are wide as the hand on his waistband sinks down, desperation building in her now theyāre in such close quarters. her nose rubs up against his, an eskimo kiss in the absence of a real one, nod frantic when he promises her theyāll talk in a second.Ā āĀ āin a secondā, yeah, wizardĀ !Ā ā she doesnāt believe it for a moment, her body already folding in to meet his when he kisses her. for a moment, everything feels still, like being underwater, the constant chatter in her brain is silenced and all she can focus on is miles. itās enough to hitch her breath in a way that leaves her gasping, teeth knocking his, laughter on her lips as she pulls away.Ā āĀ iāve wanted to do that all day,Ā āĀ Ā she admits, flushed, and nervous, mouth moving to kiss along his jaw, his neck.Ā Ā āĀ and all of yesterday. i wasnāt sure, yāknowĀ ?Ā i donāt know where the line is anymore.Ā āĀ or where eden stands on that line. no. donāt think about eden. sheās not the one with her hand down milesā pants.Ā Ā āĀ obviously i wanna be all over you like a skin rash, but i donāt wanna suffocate you or push you away.Ā āĀ Ā because sheād sooner dive head-first off the boat than have miles reject her again, but it pays to be bold, confidence wrangled in the form of a tequila slammer.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā despite the emotional highs and lows that have come the last few days, thereās something exciting about the time they spend together in this new āspaciousā version of their dynamic. frankieās spent so much time sitting on her hands to resist the urge to grab him that her fingers feel numb, and when the night comes and sheās allowed to coil herself around him, it takes every bit of willpower to avoid mounting him the second the lights go off. being near him feels dangerous and somehow forbidden, like being back at casa only without the guilt of it all, but the boat party has her feeling less restrained, inhibitions and that impulse to contain herself lessened by the smell of sea breeze and sambuca. the four of them, (Ā her and miles, josh and jennyĀ ) are heading to the bar, heat of his palm against hers when she feels a goblin instinct curdle in her stomach. in a split-second sheās tugging him away from the others, finger pressed to his lips to silence him in case he gives them away, running on the balls of her feet to avoid the cowboy boot clack as she pulls him down the deck behind her. she feels like theyāre that scene in titanic, the two of them tearing through the galley and down into the engine room, or wherever it is they end up going on their way to that party below decks.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā it isnāt until sheās got him shoved up against the side of the boat, one hand fisting in his shirt, the other tangled in his hair, her lips a breath away from meeting his that she realises diving head-first into something physical without really checking where his headās at probably isnāt her smartest idea. maybe he doesnāt want her to kiss him ā maybe his headās with eden ā and here she is shoving him against the wall of a boat like some hormone-riddled teenager.Ā āĀ godā¦āĀ Ā she hesitates, laughing at her own desperation, forehead knocking into his. the swell in the air between them is palpable as she lowers herself from her tiptoes back down onto the balls of her feet, releasing her death grip on his hair to slide it down his neck to rest at the small of his back instead.Ā Ā āĀ sorry, i justā¦ i really wanna kiss you, but i know iāll get so fuckinā carried away if i do. āĀ but she wants to get carried away with him.Ā lips purse. itās a tough battle. she waits for her heart rate to return to its resting pulse, but it still feels like a jackrabbit in her chest, a mess of nerves and adrenaline and need.Ā Ā āĀ iāve been trying so hard not disrespect your space. like iām that guy from greek mythology and staying away from youās the huge ass rock i gotta haul.Ā āĀ Ā untangling herself from miles, she pushes back to lean against the railings ( itās almost giving gabriella )Ā and considers the fact that maybe miles would be railing her by now if she hadnāt pulled away, although it feels unlikely.Ā Ā ā we should probably ā talkā ...Ā āĀ she says it in air quotes.Ā ā less crossed wires that way. ā still, when are they gonna get the opportunity to cross this off the bucket list again ?Ā Ā ā unless... āĀ grinning, she takes a step closer, hand reaching out to slide over the waistband of his trousers, ā you want me to get carried away. ā
victoria takes a bite and lets out an mmmm. "it's actually so good. you made this?" she doesn't mean for it to sound mean even though it comes out incredulously, like she can't believe it. "oh and you're referencing high school musical? are you my dream girl?" anyone who has been around victoria for more than a few minutes knows that she loves that franchise. she's a total sharpay and not afraid to admit it. when frankie taps the creme brulee, victoria takes a bite. she's surprised because creme brulee seems really fucking hard to make especially in a time crunch. creme brulee is so fancy and it's just the kind of thing that victoria likes. not to sound like a snob, but victoria had expensive taste and frankie really delivered. "it's far from inedible but i'll take a smƶrgƄsbord of desserts any day." she smiles. "smƶrgƄsbord is a fun word to say, you're right." she takes another bite of the creme brulee before taking a strawberry and eating it, sensually as possible. "do you want one?" offering to feed a strawberry to frankie was bold but that's who victoria was.
disbelief pools in the centre of her face, nose wrinkling like crushed wrapping paper. āfuck off! are you serious?ā she means that the desert is good, not that sheās apparently her dream girl, ignoring that in favour of keeping her cool. frankieās like a magpie when it comes to new things, eyes always drawn to the shiny new bell ringing from a baby's rattle, when sheās desperately trying to pivot her attention to the myriad of trinkets stocked up back in her nest. she takes her spoon then, raps it against the caramelised top of her creme brulee, a spark of satisfaction when it shatters beneath her tap. āgod, i love that bit so muchā¦ā frankie groans, pulling up part of the sugary sheen, and dolloping it into her mouth. for a moment sheās silent, squinting as she tastes it, the way she might pretend to know shit about wine testing if she was ever given the opportunity to take a tour of a vineyard, though that seems unlikely. āitās giving notes of total amateur, but theyāre kind of being overpowered by the aftertaste of blind enthusiasmā¦?ā and sheer dumb luck, professor mcgonagall might say, but she holds her tongue on that ā doesnāt exactly want her name mentioned in the same breath as a terf. āuhā¦ā frankie pauses, eyes flickering to the camera up in their faces like jim from the office, because wasnāt it always going to go this way? production had even told her, 'get chrisā attention before you feed her one'. fuck sake. she turns her gaze up to the balcony where miles is hanging around with josh and jude, before snapping it back to victoria. āsure.ā itās just a fucking strawberry. itās not like sheās putting her tit in her mouth. she leans in, teeth snapping around the end of it and chewing off a good chunk of the fruit. āyum. you want one too?ā frankie plucks one up, dips it into the melted chocolate, then leans in to smush it against victoriaās lips before she can even open them, her cackle so mischievous it borders on evil.
victoria jennings.
she laughs at frankie's disbelief, which frankly matches hers as well. she wasn't expecting something as fancy as creme brulee and she definitely wasn't expecting it to actually taste good. "i'm totally serious! cross my heart and hope to die and all that shit." she dramatically crosses her heart. when frankie takes the spoon, victoria can't help but watch her. just mesmerized by the other blonde. maybe she did have a type... "me too, it's so much fun." victoria had had creme brulee in many fancy places but something about it being made for her made it taste so much better. she was never sure of her love language, she never paid much attention to those kinds of things but maybe it was getting things made for her. was there a word for that besides being a brat? being a brat was her love language and they were all speaking it by spoiling her with food. "it's not giving amateur. give yourself a little more credit, babe." the babe slips so easily off her mouth she doesn't even have time to think if it's a good idea to call her that. she lets it roll off her back though, she's sure that it could be read as friendly even if that isn't her intention. she doesn't love the hesitation coming from frankie. she notices her eyes darting back to the terrace, when she looks up as well, she sees what frankie was looking at. miles. she didn't love that. but when frankie says sure, victoria forgets about that and gives her a sweet smile. "i'd love one." but before victoria can even open her mouth, the chocolate covered strawberry is all over her face. she gasps. "oh, you're mean!" she says with a laugh, grabbing a napkin before wiping her face off.
one spoon of her dessert and frankie knows she's lying, or if not outright lying then at least embellishing. there's no way chef mario would let this out of his galley and into the bellies of guests ā it's way too sugary. she could say working in luxury hospitality had given her a refined palette, but in truth she's just as likely to go for a cheeto and french fry sandwich, same way she's just as likely to go for a medium rare steak if its there and nobodyās eating it, despite being a vegetarian on the dotted line. āwell, then youāre very fuckinā sweetā¦ā frankie responds, wholly unconvinced, but perhaps they just have a different taste for things. thereās a distinct energy to the conversation that she hadnāt expected, the same kind of forwardness sheād felt with eden, lingering glances that tickle her ego, and the bright drop of ābabeā in an otherwise regular statement. it feels like someoneās wrapped clingfilm around her internal organ and sucked them into shrink wrap. flirtingās so fucking fun, itās one of her favourite hobbies, but now it feels like thereās a price attached, and that price is feeling miles start to slip through her fingers. so all she can do is have fun, make the bombshells feel welcome, and try not to lead anyone down a garden path of uncertainty.
ālean mean baking machine. that's what they call me down at the underground baking ring,ā frankie quips, chatting shit, when victoria pulls her on her sadistic little act with the strawberry. āwe meet up after dark and beat the shit out of eggs. its like, dude, what did those eggs ever do to you?ā laughing, she plucks another strawberry from the dessert plate between them, dips it into the chocolate and sucks it from the end. āoh, youāve got a littleā¦ā frankie gestures to her mouth. āno, itās more likeā¦ wait, let me do it.ā she sucks her thumb into her mouth, leans across the table and gathers up the dribble of chocolate from the corner of victoriaās cheek, bringing it back to lick it off her thumb. āyouāre all good.ā
āwhat, you donāt think i could do it?ā bitch. honestly, she can kinda see why adela hates her ā frankieās relationship with jenny hasnāt exactly been sunshine, daisies, butter mellow either ā but her lack of faith only makes frankie more determined. āiāve spent literal hours of my life in a galley watching our head chef do it. itās just ice cream, sugar and egg yolk.ā she neglects to mention that sheās a kinaesthetic learner, not a visual one. ālikeā¦ how hard can it be?ā her eyes flicker over to charlene, hoping for some kind of confirmation that she isnāt massively unqualified for the job.
āuhā¦ not really?ā she looks to charlene for backup. āthatās like, pastry chef, gourmet shit. just make sundaes or something or youāre gonna be stuck in this kitchen all frigginā day.ā even jambalaya seems complex for a love island meal but that could just be because jennyās not entirely sure what jambalaya is. ādo you know this is the second time theyāre making me do this shit? as if i donāt hate cooking. theyāre definitely punishing me.ā
at the mention of charlene's dish, frankie can't hold herself back from singing out "jambalaya! jambalayo..." to the tune of bamboleo by the gipsy kings, springing to life like someone's put twenty pence in and wound her up like a clockwork doll on mandy. "there's actually a country song about jambalaya... by hank someone. i don't remember, my dad would know it." not that anything she's saying is even important. even if charlene's encouragement only runs skin-deep, frankie shoots her two finger guns in response. despite the knowledge that miles wants to chat to charlene, a notion which doesn't exactly spark joy, she can't really bring herself to dislike her when she'd always assumed the two of them would be friends. but if she kisses him, she'll change her tune. "they'll give me a torch. chris loves me." frankie knows most of the production crew by name, often finds herself wandering about in places she shouldn't, asking the floor runners about their day. there's only so many times she can talk to the other islanders about how many siblings she has (four) and where she sees herself in five years time (just straight up vibing) without getting bored. "i'm gonna be stuck in this house all friggin' day anyway. and they probably won't let us leave the kitchen until like... they've got a fuck tonne of usable footage. might as well hone a skill." unlike jenny, who's decided that leaves is the way to go about it. "is salad your way of telling her to graft someone else?"
she has no idea what the hell frankie is singing so the only thing she can do to chime in is ask ādo you like country music?ā sheās from alabama or something right? āitās so funny that we have to ask permission to use stuff like that. i get this is a rented space and we have to be careful but itās like, borderline ridiculous.ā unless frankie proves them right and burns the whole place down. thereās a beat of silence when jenny and frankie do their little back and forth of whether they are interested or not, meanwhile charlene has her attention on chopping up some sausages.
āyeah, dude. dolly partonās one of my favourite musicians of all time.ā as a kid, on the long stretches of time when her mom would disappear, only returning to āborrowā money, frankie would pretend that the reason she left was because she was secretly dolly parton, but no one at school or her dad was allowed to find out, or it would mean she had to stop visiting. sometimes, she thought her mom was speaking to her through dollyās lyrics, the sound of it thrumming from a mug as she sunbathed on the hot tin roof of a trailer park. āiām not interested,ā frankie fires back, leaping down from the kitchen counter to check the temperature on the oven. Ā just competitive. ābut you never know what powerful wish-granting abilities bombshells have. they couldāve told her whoever makes the best course gets hideaway or some crap.ā and honestly, charlene and jenny are the two people in here sheād most want to beat to the prize.
š£šš§š§š² ššØš”šš§
āhave you had to get advil yet? they act like itās fucking adderall, and after this whole song and dance of āwhat hurts?ā and ārate your pain out of tenā they only give you one.ā whatās one advil gonna do for a pounding headache andā¦ inflammation? by that logic, she canāt imagine them handing over the torch at all without some serious release forms. itāll be a good test to see if the crew likes frankie as much as she says they do. āyou think thatā¦ if you make the best food, theyāre gonna give you the hideaway with miles? that makes literally no sense. have you seen the show?ā plus, a salad could very well win best course, thank you very much. no accounting for tasteā¦
description :Ā Ā frankie canāt sleep so she has a ciggy on the porch with jenny and jenny says go after what you want, girlie, so she crawls into miles bed n he shuns her. posting it here bcos i love pain.Ā
frankie isnāt sure what time it is when her and jenny call their late night chat on the front porch to a close ā late enough that the house is silent, but not early enough that the sunās yet rising over the hillside. she should be asleep, but it feels like sheās existing in a liminal space, a borrowed pocket of time, and even if she tried to sleep, she canāt go back to an empty bed when her bodyās too buzzy with the possibility of him. so instead sheās creeping down the hallway and silently opening the living room door, wide eyed like a fox on a night vision camera as she scans across the sleeping bodies for him. itās like sheās playing red light, green light and thereās a horrifying moment when a floorboard beneath her creaks, frankie freezing with a wince, about to be sent back to the start by a sadistic second-grader, but the snores continue, and she makes her way to miles, not letting go of her breath until she slides onto the sofa behind him, arms coiling around his chest, face pressed flush to his back.
miles o'sullivan
it takes a while for miles to register frankie's there. he's been passed out for a few hours now, and there's that weird, disorienting feeling of trying to figure out where he is and why. for a second, it feels totally normal, and they could easily be back in the bedroom in the bed they've shared for the past week. but as miles comes to, he's reminded that he's become too comfortable with that particular memory, stomach twisting as the awareness that he's on the couch reminds him of the conversation from earlier and everything that it meant. "frankie?" his brow furrows, a soft sigh on his lips. on every other occasion, he's been happy to wake up beside her, and there's definitely a part of him that's tempted to tell her to stay. but it's not that simple, and it's hard not to feel like his request for space, the one boundary he set, is being disrespected, like it just wasn't worth being taken seriously. miles' voice is soft, sad, but stern as he whispers, "we can't do this. you gotta go back to bed."
thereās an air of mischief around her with the knowledge that she shouldnāt be doing this. the rules were clearāyou stay in bed, iāll sleep on the couchābut with lights off comes an invigorated sense of rebellion. her hands are sliding up his chest as he says her name, half-asleep, mouth already carving a path up his neck, and the way he says it pangs at something in her like a harp string. sheās always loved her name the most when it comes from milesā mouth. sheās already guiding his mouth to find hers when he says we canāt do this, and thereās a sinking in her, her insides a tablecloth ripped clean from the table, the needy little ache she has for him pulsing in her as her foot slides over his shin. āi knoooooow.ā she whispers, a whined edge to her voice. āyou want space. iāll go back, i promise. just five minutes.ā it fucking sucks that sheās come here in the middle of the night itching for a stolen moment of time, hoping to surprise him, hoping to kiss him stupid, and he doesnāt even want it. itās a far sight from the noooo, donāt respect my space, youāre so sexy aha sheād been banking on. ācanāt you justā¦ pretend iām someone else. like a history teacher you wanted to bone or something.ā itās mostly a joke. sighing, she presses a kiss to the corner of his mouth, knowing that to steal more from him would only result in more rejection. āokay, fine. iām going.ā
miles o'sullivan
miles is a little disoriented still, not alert enough to deal with this well or fully process what's going on. all he knows is that it still hurts when she pulls away, the ghost of her kiss still burning on the corner of his mouth. he doesn't want her to go, and miles isn't sure if she's the one torturing him or if he's torturing himself, trying to stick to the 'rule' he made tonight. he's not usually the stubborn type, or the one to follow rules, but the memory of how much it hurt to hear about her conversation tonight coupled with the way she said she chose him like it was a band-aid plastered over a wound is enough to hold his resolve. he likes her too much to let her stay. "i don't wanna pretend you're someone else," miles sighs, sad, and his hands reach for her hips only to maneuver her over him, lifting her lightly back toward the edge of the couch. he touches her face gently, his thumb brushing over her cheek, "night frankie," he says, lips pressed together as he watches her go.
āman, iām sweating like a pig,ā frankie sighs, fiddling with the corks hanging from her australian bushwacker sun hat. feels more i'm a celebrity, get me out of here than love island, but she loves a novelty item of clothing, especially when it's one she's robbed from dylan. why does mallorca feel hotter than naples right now? sheās used to long summers quad-biking down the dirt track with the burning heat of a florida sun on her back, air con in the trailer always broken, waking up to find her sheets damp with sweat, but the kind of heat in the villa hits different. itās like being on edge only heightens it, makes her feel like peeling her skin off, walking around the place looking like something out of they live ā i came here to chew bubblegum and fuck athletes, and i'm all outta bubblegum! āi kinda wanna pick your brain, actually. like how solid would you say you and charlene are? not that i think anything will happen justā¦ i donāt know, miles saying he wants to take a step back has me bugginā out. obviously him and charlene were talking about getting to know each other before we closed things off, and now the doorās wide open again itās likeā¦ anybody could break into my house.ā
evelyn mendoza.
āi know, babes, itās like weāre on a fuckinā barbeque.ā even in bikinis, wearing next to nothing, the heat permeates in a way sheās only known in the islands. itās weird to think europe gets like this, too, especially when she feels like all she hears is that it pours constantly. sheās fanning herself with her hand, hair pulled off her neck and twisted up with the other. āiām going to shave my head,ā she announces, shaking out her curls finally as she lets go, trying to ignore the feeling of sweat dripping down her neck. the producers would have to come dab them down at this rate. āweāre good, yeah. open, but focused in,ā she answers, slowly, turning over her phrasing in her head. normally, that wouldāve been paired with a sunny smile, but the rest of what frankie says gives her pause. āthey were gettinā to know each other?ā she hadnāt been aware of that, nor had either of them mentioned it ā was it not serious? thereās the little spike of uncertainty in her chest, even though sheās well aware that agreement couldāve been had before she came in, but they had kissed during the challenge, right? was that the reason? āwe agreed to give each other a heads up, but weāre not like, exclusive or anything. itās only been a few days, so nothinā is locked down.ā thereās a note of apology to that, smiling a little sympathetically at frankieās situation, of which she heard a little. āso wait ā what happened after you and callie talked? you guys are takinā a step back?ā what didnāt she hear of that frankallie convo that wouldāve caused that, she wonders.
ālisten,ā frankie starts, reaching out to place her hand against evieās knee. despite the lack of sincerity on evieās part (or at least frankie hopes she isnāt serious), sheāll still commit to the bit. āyou're a hot bitch and i truly believe you can rock anything butā¦ if i'm honest, i think you would look like a baby chick. or like, that animated penguin on tiktok.ā already, sheās cracking up, hand moving up to her eyes to wipe away a tear. āand as your friend i don't think i could allow you to do that to yourself.ā itās such a funny imageāevieās bald head on an animated penguinās bodyāthat frankie starts coughing mid-laugh, tears springing from her eyes. ājeez. calm down. itās not that funny,ā she tells herself, still snorting. āno, but i would look gross if i shaved my head, too, which is why i can laugh about it.ā she just hopes miles doesnāt go for the sinead oāconnor look. shrugging, frankie sinks back into her bean bag, playing with the cords on her bikini bottoms. somehow, she feels like sheās put her foot in it, that maybe sheās indirectly created a shitty situation for charlene. āi mean, i donāt know if they were or not. miles just said that he wanted to get to know her, and i kind ofā¦ i reacted super childishly to it, actually. just started hitting shit.ā Ā her lips purse, jovial mood soured somewhat. Ā āthe idea of him kissing anyone else just makes me feel physically sick, and since iāve already had to sit through them kissing in a challenge,ā which at the time had felt like no biggie, because miles had seemed focused on her, āitās not too hard to imagine it happening again. and now iām sat here imagining it and i just wannaāā she throws her hands out, as if expelling some kind of toxin. ābleugh, yāknow? i just want that crap gone from my head.ā
frankie sighs a little when evie presses her about the situation, unsure how to explain herself without coming across as a total dick. āi kept telling him things with callie were done, which they were! and like, i genuinely thought i was totally over it. because heās so great, and we have so much fun together, and he made that speech at the recoupling and it was justā¦ it was all going so well. it felt like it was going too well. and then callie picked my movie, and we went for a talk and it just ended up with us both likeā¦ admitting that thereād been feelings and stuff, which i kind of already knew, because the way she behaved after casa wasnāt likeā¦ four-day fling kinda reaction, yāknow? she was yelling and crying and stuff. but basically i ended up saying look, we keep having the same conversation and itās not going anywhere, and it's not fair on miles or angel to keep putting them through it, so what do you want to do with this, because we either we put this thing to bed now, or we try it again, like those are the two options.ā does it sound like a big āoofā when she says it aloud, or has she just built it up in her head as something way more awful than it actually is? ābut yeah, i think we both knew that the only real answer to that was to focus on miles and angel. but i needed to put that ultimatum on the table for her to recognise that itās not going to go back to being us, and that she doesnāt actually want that. angel meets her needs, and i didnāt ā and miles makes me happier, even callie can see that. so it was good, because it feels like she doesnāt hate me any more. but now her relationship is like, crops nourished, harvest bountiful and mineās obviously not, soā¦ yeah, i donāt know. every time i see him, i wanna just grab his face and smush it, but iām trying to give him space. it sucks.ā
evelyn mendoza.
"i'd look like a penguin?" she hadn't been serious, but now she's seriously alarmed ā she's wanted to try a pixie cut before, and no one told her she didn't have the face for it. what if she just did it and ended up looking like happy feet? "oh, god. okay, undercut it is. that's way gayer anyways." or at least it feels it. shaved head could just be a bad bitch. frankie's laughter sends evie into a fit of giggles, melting the alarm away just as quickly as it came on before she gasps, grabbing frankie's thigh. "oh, my god! eden and i were chattin', you should try brown. like, hair. wig. whatever. we decided you'd look killer, like totally 80s rock star. don't shave it, though, i think you'd get, like, major dad friend vibes." she's like halfway there anyways, with the way she jokes. "he said that," she repeats, brow furrowed. obviously, he doesn't need her permission, but it feels a little weird that he wouldn't have mentioned it to her at least. she thought they were on their way to becoming friends. she nods along, in full agreement with frankie's graphic sentiment. "i guess if charlene says anything, we'll know, right? she said she'd tell me if there were other people she's wantin' to kiss." she leans her head back to look up at the sky, making a face. "i feel like she and i have a good enough vibe that you don't need to be worried but...i dunno." she's not so confident in her situation that a goofy guy doesn't make her antsy. still, she brushes it off a little and rolls her head to grin at frankie. "if he steals my girl, though, i'm gonna steal you to make him proper mad, full disclosure."
she listens quietly, having heard some of the discussion firsthand, although the ultimatum surprises her a little. "honestly, comin' in, i thought you two weren't done," she admits, giving a small shrug of her shoulders, honest. "but if you two are happier now...yeah, that was the right move. but miles wasn't happy 'bout it?" her head's tilted, confused. isn't that what he wanted, to focus on frankie? "i think you shouldn't judge your own relationship by hers," she says slowly, trying to figure out the proper wording to say their approach isn't realistic. "they're both rushin' things and if it works for them, that's great, but look at josh and naomi. took 'em a full month to figure their bullshit out, right?" maybe part of it is wishful thinking, wanting less competition, but she also thinks that miles is a simp at heart, too. "i've heard how he talks about you, right, like it's not...you guys'll be fine, i think." in her expert, two relationship having opinion.
āa very fuckinā cute penguin!ā frankie assures her, finger and thumb pinching evieās cheek between them. āthe kind that youād like, accidentally sign up to sponsor for a year when youāre doom-scrolling and youāve had a few beers and get kinda liberal with your cashflowā¦ā the tip of her finger boops against evieās nose, before she shifts back into her bean bag, sunglasses pulled down over her eyes to shield them from the sun. āman, 80s rocker chick? that sounds dope. maybe when i get out of here iāll dye it. just for the lols, you know? miles is into blondes, butā¦ i dunno, i think i could get him to like me any kinda way.ā or maybe thatās just wistful thinking, steadfast faith placed on a rocky connection in the hope that it might prove true. jeez. if she doesnāt finish this thing with milesā hand in hers, then whatās the fucking point? sure, itās been a fun holiday, but she doesnāt just want a holiday any more ā sheās grown greedy enough to want to take a piece of the holiday back with her. clutching her chest in one hand, and evieās fingers in the other, frankie fixes her with a smile thatās only half-ironic. ādude, are you serious right now? iām like, so flattered. i would love to be stolen by you. girl, if the two of them go for it, thereās no way iām not stealing you right back.ā the words might operate at a pretty surface level, but still thereās a warmth to the way the two of them interact. evieās only been in the villa a few days, but already sheās become one of frankieās closest friends, and lately it feels like she needs all the friends she can get.
āhonestly, in my head, it was done. like two days into knowing miles, i was ready to kinda bite the bullet and jump ship. i thinkā¦ i donāt know, itās easy to get anxious in here that youāre not making the right choices.ā making choices isnāt really a conscious process that happens with frankie. first thought, best thought is her usual modus operandi. but recently, taking the bull by the horns and leading head-first into impulse hasnāt exactly been serving her well, and more often than not itās come back around to bite her on the ass. āiām not a person who regrets shit, really, so i donāt wanna leave here with any regrets. and obviously iād never regret miles, heās already one of the best people iāve eve met in my life, but i thinkā¦ maybe to be able to fully be all-in on him i needed to properly shut down the callie thing. to make it certain that that was likeā¦ sealed off, rigged with the explosives, due for demolition type deal. and yeah, i went the wrong way about it, presenting it like there was an option for us to get back together, like that was fuckinā stupid, dude, but like. at least thereās no confusion now.ā before, it had felt closed off, but in the way of a scabbed wound one pick away from reopening. now, it feels like the faint line of a scar, like the little one that bisects her abdomen from when theyād taken her appendix away. sheād asked the doctor if she could keep it in a jar, give it little googly eyes and name it bruce, but sadly keeping body parts is pretty unhygienic. āa month! god, i donāt have a month, evie. like, what if i go tomorrow and we never get to fix this? i think iād actually fuckinā... iād have to catch a flight to dublin and just camp out at the airport until he gets back, like some tragic fuckinā superfan with a parasocial crush. literally the script called and they want the plot of their hit single the man who canāt be moved back.ā
āi feel like such a cunt, josh,ā frankie states, fists punching on the out breath, bag swinging back at her with every smack of her right hook. itās pretty clear sheās going through it today, kinda wishes she could punch herself in the face with the power that sheās hitting the heavy bag. ālike i want so badly to be a good person for him but i just keep fucking it up!ā fists start whacking against the heavy bag in power-punches, sweat beading on her brow, before the timer on her phone goes off, signalling a thirty-second rest. heaving out a sigh, frankie reaches for her water bottle. āhow did you get naomi back? like, after casa. i guess it was different for you. you didnāt like, have feelings for mali or whatever.ā groaning, she crosses to the bench press where josh is and picks up her towel, wiping herself down as she drops back into the grass. āthis is so stupid. like when i came back from casa and saw she had someone new i was genuinely so happy for her, i was like, get it, girl, looks like we both moved on!ā sheās fed up of talking about callie all the time. theyāve got closure, and callie doesnāt resent her any more, which is great, but somehow the ghost of her is still messing things up with miles. although frankie canāt really blame callie for them taking a step back, when itās a direct result of something she said. well, well, well, if it isnāt the consequences of her own actions. āwhy is all this shit just cropping up now when me and miles were like, really good. he says heās ready to be all-in with me and i pull this crap? what the fuck is wrong with me, dude.ā she should probably be having this chat with cheryl, but apparently sheās occupied with jenny.Ā
šš¤šØš š«šš§šššØ.
they've been working out for fifteen minutes together, and in that time frankie's managed to pretty much sum up everything that had happened between her and miles last nightāunprompted, josh might add. sometimes it's hard being the friend of two people who are together, because he's so used to talking to miles about frankie that the opposite feels a little wrong, even if it's not like he's new to hearing frankie talk about him, either. "yeah, that's what miles wants. a good person," josh snorts from the place he's lifting weights. in all honesty, it could be something he wants. the way frankie said it just sounds so ridiculous, as if anything in this villa has to do with being a good person. "well, i'm no therapist, but maybe you should start thinking about how the shit you say or do affects the relationship you're not directly talking to right now," he offers, with only mild attitude. it's hard to fault frankie when being in the hot seat in a relationship is something that's just so joshāand it's not like he hadn't just told miles to keep his options open. "look, i hate to break it to you, but there's nothing really you can do. you made your bed, now you gotta suck it up and let him pretend that he wants to get to know other people. you and i both know it's gonna last, like, two days tops." who could be possibly be interested in, dante? be serious.
still lying in the grass, swigging from her sports bottle, frankieās slightly taken aback by joshās tone, her expression flashing briefly between puzzled and irritated before returning to its resting face. āwow. okay,ā she exhales, lips pursed, sucking on the sour taste of her own medicine. āyeah, okay i deserve that.ā despite quoting the sonic kid meme on the reg, itās still tough for frankie accept that her actions have consequences. āi just struggle with object permanence, y'know. itās like i can only focus on whatās immediately in front of me.ā not that she views miles as an object, except for in the situations when itās obvious he wants to be objectified by her. god, heās so fit. ābut i am trying to be better, josh. to put him at the forefront of everything else i do and not be so 'in the moment' that i likeā¦ neglect my responsibilities as a partner.ā if she convinces josh sheās serious about this, maybe some of that wingman energy he was sporting to pitch miles as a viable partner to frankie in casa will rub off on him again, and heāll slip in a few kind words about how truly sorry she is, and how down bad this āstep backā has got her. maybe the situation with callie was the ābig oofā she needed to help her see how her decisions affect others, how it canāt just be an all-you-can-eat buffet of romantic possibility if she wants to find a meaningful connection. on the outside, it can work like that, but in here things work differently, and she still feels like everybody else has studied a rule book sheās never even read the blurb of. if only sheād watched a season of the show before the one sheās now inā¦
āfine. two days. but if he fucks someone else iām walking.ā a threat sheād probably go back on if it actually came to it, and miles decided she was still it for him. āwhat was going on with you and adela in those clips? i mean, thatās not a thing, right?ā because frankieās pretty sure adela spent most of casa trying to pull her. or chirpse, or whatever the word adela says in her cute british accent is.
šš¤šØš š«šš§šššØ.
"object permanence," he repeats with an immediate laugh, stopping what he's doing to look at her like she has three heads. "there's no way that shit is real. if naomiā" he starts, before remembering him and naomi aren't speaking right now, and it's not something he wants to talk about. "if i said that to any of the girls i was dating," he restarts, "i would immediately get slapped. that sounds, like, a half-assed excuse to cheat." maybe josh should file that one in the back of his head for later, just in case. not with naomi, but if things with naomi go as south as they felt last night in bed alone, and he has to go back to the kind of dating he'd been doing. "object permanence," he mutters to himself with a snort, going back to his reps. she can say she's doing better at much as she'd likeāand josh does believe that she wants to make it workābut it's hard to take that very seriously after everything else she's said today. "you're not walking," he rolls his eyes. "and he's not fucking anyone else. you know i like you both together, but if i had to guess who was going to fuck someone else right now, i'd bet on you. spend the next few days proving me wrong, yeah?" the mention of adela is such a complete 180 from the conversation that he has to glance back over at frankie on the grass, giving her a look to show just how absurd her question is. "do you think adela and i are actually a thing?" honestly.
sheās had her mulan moment, wiped the smeared makeup from her face, made herself presentable enough that it doesnāt look like sheās just been crying over an ex she claims to be over. is love the same as grieving? can the process be non-linear? if this was a swollen ankle, a career regression, an addiction sheād tried to kick, sheād tell herself take it easier on yourself, this shit doesnāt heal over night, everybody falls off the wagon but itās not the situation with callie itself but the process of what sheās done to miles in trying to get over her thatās fucking with her head. āhey. sorry, i know marcus is likeā¦ going and stuff. but can we talk?ā sheād asked, when she caught him on the stairs, hand instinctively burying itself in his shirt before sheād shifted it back to her side, feeling like thatās a privilege thatās no longer hers to claim. five minutes later, theyāre on the terrace, frankie beside him, hands fighting the urge to touch him as she busies herself peeling and resticking the label of her beer bottle. she probably shouldnāt have chosen the terrace as the place to tell him about yet another terrace chat with callie, but honestly, she wasnāt thinking that far ahead ā she just wanted somewhere secluded enough to blow him into forgiving her, if it came to it. ābefore i say anything, i need you to know that i really like you. and i know this will make it seem like i donāt butā¦ i need you to trust me on that.ā
miles o'sullivan
on the surface, it's been a fairly chill night. frankie had been up front enough with him about the content on her tape that while it hadn't been fun to watch, he'd already been able to brace himself for it. the conversation among the recent bombshells had been strange to digest, everyone saying that callie had started this conflict by picking frankie's video ā which he could see how it might bother angel, but he didn't understand why frankie and callie had to have this whole discussion about it. what more is there to say than, "jeez, that really pissed me off"? he's a bit worried that the whole thing's really upset her, by the way she seemed when he finally found her on the stairs. but he figures frankie will catch him up, and whatever it is, they can talk it through. "what?" that was not how he expected this conversation to start, "marcus is going? what for?" didn't romi just say she loved him or something? "did you talk to him?" that explains why frankie had seemed so upset when he ran into her he's reeling so hard from that news that he almost misses her tone, the words she says next holding an awkward sort of right, self-fulfilling prophecy that they may not stick. he eyes her skeptically immediately, "alright," he promises, a nervous laugh escaping his lips, "okay, great start, frankie." why does this feel vaguely reminiscent of the night his parents sat him and his siblings down at the kitchen table to tell them that they were getting a divorce? "just know that we both really love you. this doesn't change that." he scoffs, "why wouldn't it seem like it?"
āyeah, well, i bumped into jenny in the hall,ā or rather she came out of the dressing room and found her with her ear pressed to the door, āand she said that romi was leaving? because she overheard jude and romi talking about it in the kitchen? itās like this whole game of telephone. wait, what do you guys call it? japanese whispers or something?ā thereās something off-kilter and frantic about her energy ; talkative as ever, but in a way that feels skittish and apprehensive rather than excitable, a loony tunes villain whoās run halfway off a cliff and only just looked down. ābut then i ran into marcus on my way to find you and he said heās leaving, too. like, theyāre leaving together. itās a total hunger games move.āĀ thatās love. thatās the kind of crap she means when she says to callie i want someone to fight for me, like bail-on-your-jet2-package-deal-holiday type love. although honestly, if given the option to bail on an all-inclusive holiday, frankie isnāt sure sheād do the same. she likes the sun too much, she likes the lack of a schedule, the total absence of real life responsibility. itās what she came for ā this was just meant to be a fun breather between yachting seasons, and if she met someone she met someone ā so why does this whole experience suddenly feel intense and explosive as navigating a live minefield?
her eyes meet his, and something inside of her pulls like a torn hamstring, an ache ebbing through her chest. in a moment of instinct, she surges forward, hands catching his face as she plants a kiss against his forehead and one on each cheek, hugging his face close to her chest in case itās the last time he allows her this closeness. sheās aware her energyās kind of crazy right now, but canāt bring herself to care about that when this might be the last time miles looks at her with warmth in his eyes. briefly, she considers the possibility of not telling him, of shielding him from knowing it. but how would that look if the two of them managed to make it out of this thing? you canāt start a relationship on dishonesty. shifting to sit back down, legs tucked beneath her on the bench, she takes his hand, tears pricking in her eyes. āi fucked up,ā she starts, with a nervous chuckle, watery as she blinks away a tear. āthere was like, this argument between callie and angel because she picked my tape. it was so stupid but i got roped into it, too. and then callie said she didnāt want to talk about it in front of everyone, so she asked me to go to the dressing room, and i did, and i didnāt think it was, like, a big deal? like i wasnāt even mad about it, i was just confused. but then we ended up having this capital c chat.ā she pauses, rolling her thumb over his knuckles, wishing his hands were wrapped around her wrists, her hips, her neck, that he was making her forget the entire thing instead of talking over some stupid conversation with her ex. āi want to be upfront with you, because weāre always honest with each other, like brutally so.ā like that time when sheād told him his facial hair kinda resembled a girl she used to sleep withās patchy pubes ā in a cute way! needless to say, heād shaved soon after. ābut i donāt know how to say it without hurting you.āĀ
miles o'sullivan
she's talking too fast. which is saying a lot, because frankie's usually got this amy sherman-palladino pace to her cadence, talks a lot and it's full of all these funny quips, reference, good bits you might miss if you're not listening close enough, but she's talking even faster now, words jumbled up in a way that doesn't really make a lot of sense. "well, the double suicide thing only works if you're the last one standing," miles points out patiently, a crooked half-smile working its way onto his lips, "otherwise, they'll probably just let you eat the berries." or in this case, go home, he figures. it's a lot to process, but miles would probably be more intrigued if frankie didn't sound so crazed, like her words are a thin blanket used to cover up another anxiety, nervous energy radiating off of her making it impossible to really ruminate on any other drama than whatever she's freaking out about here in front of him. "but that's not what you're upset about it, is it?" he asks, eyes slightly narrowed when hers look over to meet his, and it's like . . . all the color's been sucked out of her face. never on his life has miles wanted frankie to look at him like this, and it makes him feel a little sick, stomach twisting. his hands fall to her waist as she surges forward, the knee jerk reaction, like if she comes close quickly, she might pull away in the same way.Ā
"frankie," the way he says her name is quiet, but a little stern, noticing the way she's trying not to cry. he thought she and callie went to talk about the challenge, not snuck off for a quickie. but she's acting like it's the latter, or maybe something even worse than that, a more permanent shift. "i know. well, i mean, i know the gist ā angel told me most of that," funny how this is becoming a habit, angel delivering the information before frankie's bothered to pull him. but the way frankie's setting it up seems to imply that something's changed, considering there have already been these 'capital c chats' and all. she kind of leaves it hanging on this note where she says that the result will hurt him, and it hits on the doubts in the back of his mind, ones that miles has been able to blissfully push back this entire time. there have been a lot of comments, slight digs and little indicators that miles has ignored, like when you're mowing the grass and you tear right on over those little red pesticide markers. one of 'em is gonna fuck up the lawn mower eventually, right? miles pulls his hands out of hers, retreating back into himself protectively. he hesitates, "no, it's okay. you don't . . . i won't make you say it," there's a pained way that he sighs, a tense exhale as he leans back with a measure of frustration on his features. "but fuck, frankie, i wish you'd given me some indication it was going this way, instead of acting like you'd chosen me." his frustration is building, and he knows he should stop and leave before it gets worse.
when he pulls his hands away, thereās a beat when frankie wonders if sheās already lost him, whether this is the third and final callie-shaped straw that breaks the camel's back. āno, youāre not making me do anything.ā itās not exactly a picnic for her having to relive this shit, the discomfort of realising part of her still wanted callie, the total embarrassment of asking how sheād felt, the relief that itās over, the guilt of having to tell miles, but itās better to have the full picture out there so that his choice is informed rather than built on a bedrock of speculation. ābut i want to give you the full picture so you can likeā¦ know what actually happened rather than stewing and theorising, because that will just drive you crazy.ā she can already see the way the cogs in his brain are whirring, like heās emotionally withdrawing as well as physically pulling back. āit wasnātā¦ i mean i think iām just overwhelmed by everything thatās happened in the last half hour. it wasnāt super bad.ā she has to resist the urge to make a reference to mclovin. not the time, frankie. āitās not like we fucked, or kissed, orā¦ or anything. i didnāt know it was gonna be that kind of talk, or i would have pulled you beforehand. i thought she just wanted to speak about the shit with the tape, but it escalated, and we were talking about how we miss each other, and it felt like the same conversation we always have when nothing really gets resolved, so i was like...ā she pauses, takes a swig of her drink, and sets it down on the coffee table. ālook, we have two options here, either you stay with angel and i stay with miles and we cut this i miss you bullshit out of our brains and just fully commit to them, the way they deserve, or we decide to try it again.ā she feels herself pucker inwards, sits back against the bench and hugs her knees for her chest, needing some kind of comfort ā she doesnāt expect miles to give it to her, so sheāll have to be her own source of affection.Ā
āthe stupid thing is i donāt know why i even said it because, i donāt want to try again. like itās done for me. itās been done since the first time we kissed, but i feel likeā¦ i donāt know, until that point we hadnāt explicitly talked about our feelings, like we had these fights but nothing felt resolved, it still felt raw. like i was trying to give you one hundred, but there was ten percent of my energy that was still going towards callie, no matter what way i tried to swing it. but it does feel over now. like if nothing else i just want to reassure you that itās done.ā sheās silent for a moment, attempting to catch her breath having thoroughly steam rolled this conversation like a runaway train without breaks, the way she often does when she feels defensive or cornered and needs to get the words out before they die in her mouth and she forgets how to speak entirely. not that miles would ever corner her. heās been nothing but understanding about this situation since the moment they got back, which is why it feels so exhausting to be back talking about callie again. āi know youāre saying thatā¦ that it doesnāt feel like iām choosing you, but i am. at the recoupling, with the eden thing, when victoria came in, but even in the small ways likeā¦ i donāt know, putting a bit of cold water in your coffee before i give it to you so that itās just the right temperature to drink or leaving your crocs by the shower so you donāt have to step out onto the gross tiles. i wake up and i choose you every day, miles.ā fizzing with static energy, she reaches for his arm, fingers trailing over the crease on the inside of his elbow, along the paths of his prominent veins all the way down to his wrist, and back up again. āfor likeā¦ five minutes, i had a moment of weakness. but thatās all it was, a moment. and every other moment in the lastā¦ however long itās been since we got together, itās been you.ā
miles o'sullivan
miles has been broken up with before, and he's almost absolutely sure this is about to be a break-up. by the way frankie's already trying not to cry before the conversation to starts from the way she tries to brace him, warning him that she likes him but he won't like this, apologizing before she's even begun. so, he doesn't want her to say it, doesn't want frankie to get into the proverbial 'it's not you, it's me' of it all between them. if it's going to end, miles wants it to be quick, like ripping off a band-aid so he can get out of here and nurse his wounds in private. so that he can mourn what this is between them somewhere else, grape-tossing competitions by the pool, late night chats about adventures, both in films and in real life. all the little things he's started to picture when it comes to them, a reality where he's met her brothers and she comes to his games and everyone on the team's wicked jealous and wondering what the hell this fine-ass american girl is doing with miles and how it's possible that she's outdrinking them all right now. that sort of thing. if he has to miss it, he wants to do it privately, he's not like callie and frankie and their regular chats where they hurt each other and rehash their past, doesn't want it to hurt longer than it has to. "wait," he pauses to stop her as she starts to get into it, "why are you explaining this? you're not breaking it off?" he asks, brow furrowing. "you just made it sound . . ." his mind's on a vertiginous spiral, doesn't know how to ground himself without touching her but he's determined to keep his distance. too many of their serious chats have devolved starting with a single touch.Ā
i would've pulled you beforehand, is the most important validation, the understanding that he'd wanted that starting with their last conversation about this. but he'd also assumed that this was over. "you offered to try it again with her?" he clarifies, a bit confused. "what did she say to that?" miles asks. he's still reeling from trying to process that as she launches into a list of the ways that she's chosen him over everyone else, which he agrees does matter. but he feels like there's an important distinction missing, that if any of these recent chats had gone differently, that if angel wasn't in the picture, then this might be a different conversation. she has chosen him over everyone else, except for callie. "i get it," he sighs, running his fingers through his hair with a dejected expression. just something to do with his hands, really. he's already shed the jacket he put on for movie night, but now the dress shirt feels entirely too hot, too. everything feels heavier. "i know it's been hard for you since we came back, and i knew it was going to be. the very first night, i told you that i didn't expect it to be completely smooth-sailing for us immediately, and that . . . i wanted to be with you for every step of that. i still do. and honestly, i kind of already knew. that even if you chose me, it might be second, but that's not mattered to me ā i mean, there are loads of people in the world who are happier with the people that they wind up with second," miles thinks the whole idea of needing to be someone's 'first choice' is kind of silly, because it doesn't allow for mistakes or for the ways that people change. life is twisty and strange, and sometimes your best path isn't the one you expect.
"and i've been happiest with you, really, i've never met anyone in the world who gets all my jokes or i could spend all day fucking and fucking around with and i'd never get bored," please, for the love of god resist doing a quick riff of smash mouth's all star ā he is barely successful. but he does resist . . . "and i know you care for me, you do it in so many little ways, which ā i know you do it for all your friends, too, because i see it all the time, the way you are, but i like that just as much. how much you pay attention to everything. and i've been so happy, like, constantly over the moon that it's really wound up being us in here."
he pauses to hesistate a little, because as true as all of this is, it doesn't clear his mind. "but it feels like we've had this conversation before. a few times. where you tell me it's over and you've chosen me, which ā i'm always really gassed by, but then we're sitting here again. and now i'm wondering how i know this isn't going to happen again? it feels like one of these days the conversation might not end like this, with you choosing me, and i'm just . . . waiting," he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. he finds it hard to look at her as he admits this, eyes stinging. he often feels like he has to soak up every moment with frankie, which they've talked about before, spending their time in here like each day could be their last. but such a sentiment has kept miles on the precipice, every day wondering if it's the one where the other shoe drops. "i don't want you re-choosing me every day after weighing your options, because it's not really a choice if you're constantly re-evaluating it."
āwait, what?ā frankie blinks in response, buffering in a moment of record scratch clarity. āsorry, you thought i was gonna break up with you? i thought you were gonna break up with me!ā feels like that meme, both of them in their spiderman suits pointing at each other, dumbstruck expressions on their faces beneath their nylon and polyester masks. āno! fuck, no!Ā iām notā¦ā willpower snapped like a christmas turkey wishbone, she throws her leg over to straddle his lap, one hand sliding up to grip at his neck, the other cradling his face. her forehead bumps into his, knocking against it in little beats, half-reminiscent of dobby the house elf in his self-flagellation quest, a sigh heaving from her chest. āsorryā¦ iām gonna get off you. i know this is a serious talk, i just want to be here right now.ā the reality of their situation is that if she stays here, sheāll end up derailing the conversation with a grind of her hips, the press of her mouth, by sliding her hands all over him, and while miles fucking the idea of frankie being with anyone else out of her is fun, itās probably a pretty short-term way of fixing this, like slapping a band aid over a broken wrist. she offers his shoulders a final squeeze before she dismounts, shuffling back to her side of the bench, hands folded in her lap like a victorian schoolchild expecting a smack with the cane if they so much as shift towards him. it feels like a punishment to not touch him, but right now maybe sheās deserving of a punishment for how selfish sheās been in her wanting, the kind of desire so boundless that it feels like a sarlacc pit, trapping the victims of her greedy heart and slowly digesting them over centuries. (i used wookiepedia for this one).Ā
āi meanā¦ i kind of floated the idea of it. but there wasnāt really any weight to it.ā for the longest time, itās felt like fucking black mirror: san junipero, like sheās time-hopping through a digital landscape to a poppy eighties synth soundtrack in search of a person and a relationship that doesnāt exist, or at least not in the way she imagines them. on the outside, sheās not big into fantasy ā prefers the concrete and the tangible, things that she can touch, taste and feel ā but in here itās easy to get lost in thoughts of what could have been when thereās nothing to do but have a chat for hours on end every day. āi guess i just needed to know where her head was at. like, if us getting back together was on her five-year-plan, and maybe that was the reason it felt like we wereā¦ trapped in this groundhog day of repeating the same arguments without ever really resolving them. because she wasnāt getting the answers she wanted. but no, it was actually good, becauseā¦ it felt healthy to get it all out there. she was still resenting me for bringing you back, and i donāt want anyone in here resenting me.ā not that frankieās necessarily a people pleaser, because thatās always felt more like milesā domain, but she wants people to like her. sure, at surface level she seems like the kind of girl who doesnāt give a fuck about her bad reputation, but at some point you have to grow up and realise that having a mindset where the only opinion that matters is your own isn't really all that healthy or how you go about making lasting bonds. āitās pretty obvious weāre on the same page about all of that, now ā itās just the communication that wasnāt there before. so there was anger, and resentment, but now it feels like thatās settled. totally closed off, no room for confusion. same as every other time, i know, but now the vibe is healthy and thereās no more bitter feelings about it.ā
her lips purse at the idea heād be a second option. frankie fucking hates that idea, like theyāre jesse eisenberg and andrew garfield in the social network, and they all sit around developing codes to rank each other on the face book. sure, in terms of the timeline heās second, but thatās because he wasnāt even here until casa. she canāt help but wonder if heād been here from her first day if sheād have gravitated to him more. the answerās probably yesā at face value, heās like if she was given a sharpie and told to draw a picture of her type, eight hour flight aside. āno, itās the same for me. like, nobody gets me the way you get me, and nobody gets me off the way you get me off. and i don't want you to ever feel like youāre just an option to me, because youāre not. youāre my best friend in here. and i think for a while i kinda thought this was just likeā¦ a friends with benefits situation, and maybe i didnāt take this as seriously as i should have done, because i donāt want to lose the fun, you know?ā because when frankie and miles are good itās so fucking fun ā stay up until three in the morning laughing until their ribs get sore and they send in a production assistant to tell them to go to fucking sleep kind of fun. āeven though i came in here with my expectations on the floor, like i see the way romi and marcus are and i think, yeahā¦ maybe i do want something like that.ā it sucks so fucking hard that theyāre leaving, but man if she isnāt eating that romantic ass shit up.Ā āi want to have a person who is always in my corner, wiping me down with the towel and giving me water while i get ready for round two, and i feel like you already are that to me. like if it came down to it, and i was in a scrap, you would be in my corner telling me to get my guard up. and iād be that for you, too.āĀ itās a boxing term he might not recognise, but she trusts miles is smart enough ā or has watched her work out enough ā to gather what she means.
āiāve been trying to just live in the moment and not take things too seriously, and not even think about what happens on the outside, because the reality is, you have your career, and your friends, and youāre getting the apartment, and you live halfway across the world from me, and that shit scares the crap out of me.ā sheād told seb that she wasnāt sure if she could deal with it ā the fact that heās so tied to his job, that he lives so far away, that logistically, it would make more sense for her to be with callie, but she doesnāt want to choose someone based on something as boring as logistics. it feels like the antithesis of who she is. she wants to say āfuck it, if it works, it works,ā throw caution to the wind and go all-in with miles, but whenever things feel too good thereās a sadistic part of her that wants to fuck it up. ābutā¦ i kind of donāt care? or at least from now iām deciding not to care.ā maybe that way, sheāll stop finding ways to sabotage this. ālike ultimately, that shit doesnāt matter. well, obviously it matters, but what i mean is like, if itās meant to work, weāll make it work. and if it crashes and burns, then it crashes and burns. but i donāt wanna not be together because the distance thing is scary, or because iām worried itās getting too serious, or because i donāt even know what currency they use in ireland or any of that.ā frankie pauses, wetting her lips with a swig of beer, and it feels like the first pause sheās taken in ages. sometimes, speaking with miles feels like a dance that theyāve invented, like they both know the steps but to everyone else itās just a blur of frantic footwork. between the two of them, they talk enough that the words could fill a football stadium if you wrote them all down and laid them out, and she loves that about him ā that he doesnāt just nod dumbly as she talks his ear off, but interrupts and bounces off her, and even says when is it my time to talk, frankie, and beats her at her own game.
āthatās if you still want to be with me,ā she starts, sincerity and vulnerability and hope in her eyes when they meet his. ādo you still want to be with me? it feels so fucking selfish of me to tell you all this shit and then ask you if you still want to be with me, but i am selfish. iām not perfect, i fuck up, a lot, and you could probably do a lot better.ā namely charlene, or evie, or even adela at this point. āiād get it, yāknow? if you needed to take a step back from this and re-evaluate where your headās at. but i think we make each other super fuckinā goofy idiot levels of happy. and i donāt think youāre gonna find a badder bitch who makes you laugh as much as i do.ā
miles o'sullivan
āwhat? youāre the one who was all, āi have some bad news, just know that i like you butāā¦ā he tries to mimic her american accent with its slightly southern twang, but itās not nearly as cute as hers and he knows it, despite spending hours on ends memorizing the cadence of her voice, the way it rolls over vowel sounds in this rounded, adorable way. heād probably cut her off more often to kiss her senseless if he wasnāt also so interested in everything that she has to say. ābesides, how orā¦why would i break up with you if i didnāt even know what you were gonna say?ā he laughs, shaking his head at her. itās a bit of genuine laughter though, still alight on his features as she slides into his lap like sheās belonged there this entire time. thereās a soft sigh on his lips, a mixture of fondness and frustration, like he canāt really decide which heās supposed to be right now and maybe he should just revel in the fact that he is both, because thatās what frankie is, an amalgamation of all these different contradictions and trying to tie her down or pin her to a specific definition would be like trying to carry water in your hands. āi want you here, too,ā miles says. āthough you make it hard to think about anything else when youāre this close,ā he adds with a certain measure of admonishment in his voice, his hands sliding down her sides until they can rest on her hips, āwhich probably isnāt the best thing right now. we gotta figure this out,ā he says, though his voice is lower, huskier, like weighed down by the weight of trying to resist her. but he manages, lifting her a bit at the same time that sheās getting off of him, a sort of tandem agreement to try and take this thing seriously ā which shows a certain shift in who they are now, a shift from the completely easygoing tryst that they started with. ten days later, there are more feelings involved.Ā
āfrankie,ā he gives her a look of disbelief, her voice spoken like a lecture, eyebrows arched. itās both a plea not to bullshit him and an order at the same time. āyou asked her if sheād try it with you again but you didnāt mean it? if it was really over, i donāt really understand why youād even want that information from her, like, what good would it do for you to know that if you didnāt want to act on it? and if she said yes, thatās what she wanted, kind of seems like a dick move to float the concept,ā he levels with her, and itās almost funny the way he does it, like heās talking to one of his bros and not the girl he wants to pull back into his lap and put his hands all over. heās not sure what else heās supposed to say to that. maybe if he was a better friend, or she was actually just one of his bros, heād be able to muster something about being thrilled for her, but heās still all twisted up inside about it. like, did frankie and callie really just close the book or are they starting a new chapter with all this positive and healthy shit that frankieās going on about? maybe a few days ago, this would have been easier to believe, but just like frankieās been on a groundhog day loop with her conversations with callie, miles feels like heās been on the same loop, trying to understand what she means, are they open or are they closed, is she over her ex or is she not? how did phil close the loop again? kidnapped the groundhog? (narrator: he was a good person and worthy of love, actually)
he grins at her response, though, canāt help himself despite all of his rational resolve. without fail, even in the toughest conversations, frankie castro is someone who can get miles grinning from ear to ear. āyeah, no. fuck. stop taking all of the words out of my head, itās actually pissinā me off right now,ā he shakes his head. ābut yeah, i think . . . honestly, the way it works in here has been a bit confusing for me, too, right? like, youāre supposed to be casual and āexplore your optionsā but youāve also got to pick someone youāre going to bed with every night, so itās kind of hard to be really exploring shit when youāre also being asked to rank someone at the top all the time, feels kind of unfair to anyone else you might try it with,ā he suggests. āand i have liked that itās been chill with us, and iād have taken any version of you ā of this, friends with benefits or talking stage or whatever weād call it on the outside. i wouldnāt wanna lose the fun either, and especially right now, yāknow, with the chats youāve had tonight, i think taking it too seriously too soon probably wouldnāt be good for us,ā he admits. āand i donāt wanna lose anything that we are, like just hanging out and talking until production tells us to shut up or practicing the sexyback routine by the pool. well, until you pushed me in,ā he notes. they still havenāt finished the routine yet, anyway, so itād be shit if they called it now. āand i would fucking love to hold the towel for you at one of your matches someday, and i still wanna ride around in your van and see all your different bottle tops, add some of my own. and i wanna meet all the people thatāve made you you and i wanna fly you out to dublin and show you around, get you tickets to all of my games. but i know itās a lot easier than it seems, with the distance and the everything else that exists outside of here.ā
and thatās just the outside of here, when theyāve still been struggling with things on the inside of here. miles doesnāt want to just overlook that.
āi donāt want you putting all of this on yourself, though. i dunno. i think iāve been thinking that stuff so much and liking all of those thoughts and then . . . all the pressure they put on us in here, i worry that iāve been kind of taking it out on you,ā miles admits. ālike, when we couldnāt figure out whether to be open or closed, and you got upset about it, i got so scared to lose you that i made that whole speech at the recoupling, and made it seem that you had to tell all the new bombshells that youāre completely closed off now, too, and i was asking you to do all that when you still hadnāt really closed the door with callie, and . . . honestly, thatās not me? iām not the kind of person that likes to rush this shit, and i donāt like the idea that the pressure in here could make me pressure you,ā he adds. āand even coming into this conversation, you were . . . like, so worried to tell me that youād had this conversation you really needed to have with callie, even though it took you guys a while to get there.ā he sighs, running his fingers through his hair. his light eyes lift up in the dim fairy-lighting of the terrace to meet hers, to try and seek out what she could be thinking right now. usually miles thinks he can read her, but right now heās struggling. āi do wanna be with you frankie, obviously i do,ā if she canāt tell from the way he responds every time she touches him, the way his body seems to buzz in her mere proximity, the way heās cracking up at every single one of her jokes even when heās trying not to.Ā
āand i think youāre right about all that stuff too,ā he adds, a little nod of his head, āyou are the baddest bitch iāve ever been with, without a doubt. but . . . i donāt know, maybe we should take a step back? be less intense about this?ā considering frankieās just asked callie if she wanted to go all in and try it with her tonight, it feels like emotional whiplash that sheād turn around and ask miles the same thing not even an hour later. most of all, miles doesnāt want to answer now because he doesnāt want frankie to regret asking him. every single time theyāve broached the conversation of being āclosed offā for each other, miles has left it feeling more confused than before, and he thinks heād feel the same if they did that again tonight while riding this emotional high. if theyāre really going to be all in, he wants the third time to be the charm, for him and frankie to leave the conversation feeling absolutely sure. and thereās a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach that frankie might not feel that way about him either if he told her yes. āand we use the euro, by the way. whatād you think we used? altairian dollars?ā
āyeah, i know. it was a total dick move, i donāt know why i said it.ā frankie responds, chewing on her lip, a frenetic kind of energy fizzing about her from how much she wants to touch him, how much she wants to be touched. āi guess a sick part of me kinda wants her to still want me, at least a little bit, so that i feelā¦ i donāt know. like, fuckinā sexy and desirable and crap.ā sheās flushing admitting that, because it feels so juvenile, wanting an ex to want you purely for the you couldāve had this and fumbled it factor.Ā āi donāt know why i wanted that. pettiness i guess. iām not a petty person, usually, butā¦ being in this environment encourages you to be petty.ā thereās probably other factors subconsciously at play, like wanting the security of knowing that if things with miles donāt work out, thereās someone out there whoās capable of caring for her in a way she hasnāt felt cared for by any fling in years. but when sheās with miles, she isnāt usually thinking about how secure they are, or what happens if they donāt work out, sheās thinking about the light that sparks in his eyes when he realises sheās about to kiss him, or the way his hair looks after theyāve fucked, all tousled and yanked out of place by her hands, or the fact that sheād hop on that eight hour flight in an instant if it meant she could feel his hands on her waist. ābut at the same time, knowing that you want me, and seeing the way you get so turned on and your voice gets all low and breathy when i literally do something as small as, letās say, touch your neck or sit in your lap, thatās all the validation i need.ā the words are good too, but that instinctively bodily pull she feels between them is something she hasnāt felt with maybe anyone else, or at least never as strong as it is with him. ānot to be super edward cullen about it but that shitās my own personal brand of heroin.ā thereād been a flash of it in the brief moment sheād thrown herself into his lap, before correcting herself to the way they sit now, side by side, bodies angled towards each other, a pulsing in her finger like E.T.ās glowing one to reach out and touch his knee. even touching his knee would feel like a good step.Ā
for a moment, she thought sheād lost him, with his questions about why sheād even ask that if it was over the way sheās been saying. but then he grins, and it lights her up like a christmas tree, the sharp regiment of her defences melting like the wicked witch of the west under dorothyās pail of water. she shuffles closer, pulls her leg up to press her shin against his thigh, her body so intimately aware of every part of them that touches, and despite the fact that theyāre both fully clothed, that itās just a leg touching another leg, it feels sexy enough to heat her up from the inside. āitās pissing you off?ā she asks, finger curling in her hair as she adopts the valley girl persona that occasionally possesses her like a victorian ancestor from beyond the grave. āhow much? are you super mad? dāyou wanna punish me? dāyou wanna bend me over and smack me with a broom?ā it probably isnāt the best time for this weird roleplay gimmick, and the moment frankie clocks that itās like sheās buffering, the mental sound of a record scratch as her hands fall back down to her lap. āsorry, thatāsā¦ yeah. i donāt know why i said that.ā she kind of wants it though. maybe every now and then she does have a toxic little fantasy about miles shoving her against the wall and angry fucking the living shit out of her. so what!Ā
āi would take any version of you too,ā frankie says, a little crestfallen, though her smile picks up as she adds. āas in you too. not likeā¦ bono and the edge, U2.ā she only knows them from the unsolicited album in everybodyās itunes way back when, but maybe they mean more to miles, being irish or whatever, the same way she loves limp bizkit and lynyrd skynyrd, although sheās pretty sure sheād love the latter wherever they were from.Ā āi donāt want to have to imagine a life where youāre not in it, you know? like i always wanna be able to call you up on the phone and chat shit for hours.ā even if, or when, this fails, she wants him to be a person whoās number she always has on speed dial, for the times when no one else gets it and she just needs to hear his voice. she wants him to call her up when his coach is being a dick, or to talk her ear off about how their centre-forwardās a liability, or the price of a pint in his local going up by twenty cents. she doesnāt want a future in which miles and frankie, in whatever arrangement that might be, donāt exist. ābut i really do like this version of us.āĀ her hand lifts to rest against the left side of his chest, and she catches his wrist to drag his hand up and lay it on top of her chest, bringing them back to that tarzan and jane moment the two of them shared the first time sheād told him she like liked him. she snorts hard enough to draw her out of it when he talks about their fucking stupid sexyback routine. āwhy does it always go back to justin timberlake with us? is he like, your celebrity free pass? because if he is, i want him as our third.ā sure, heās kinda twinky, which isnāt frankieās usual type, but sheād snap him like a twig in a hot way.Ā
heās really painting her a picture with this shit ā the bottle caps and the season tickets and the boxing matches (āwe call it a āboutā by the wayā) and the meeting his friends ā and while heās saying it doesnāt have to be serious talking about flying her out to dublin feels fucking serious. but she isnāt scared of that, just sees learning all the little bits about him on his home turf (āfuck the rain, iāll get a parkaā) as an extension of getting to know him. āgod, what if hadley meets me and just like, fully hates me?ā frankie asks, fingernail carving shapes in green velvet of her co-ord shorts. at this point, the idea of hadley hating her isnāt all that unlikely, given the way sheās tossed his heart from hand to hand like a steaming hot jacket potato. for a moment, sheās just quiet, listening to his piece without feeling the need to rally back everything he says (and iām trying desperately to make this shorter).Ā āno, donāt blame yourself for that shit. the speech was so sweet, honestly.ā especially the bit where he described having sex with her as insane and seemed to travel off into his own world for a second. āi know youāre not trying to pressure me. i donāt feel pressured by you at all, itāsā¦ i think i just panic and end up spoiling things when it feels like, i dunno, like i donāt deserve them. but iām not running anywhere this time, likeā¦ iām staying right here.ā sheād tack on āi promiseā except for the fact that she knows miles well enough to know he doesnāt want her making the kind of promises she isnāt totally sure she can keep, because who fucking knows what will happen down the road. all she can promise is to try.
hearing him say i do wanna be with you frankie, obviously i do, soothes her in a way she hadnāt known she needed to be soothed until this point. even if there is a but coming, she has that much at least. she takes his hand in both of hers, turns it over and trails her fingers along his palm, like sheās reading his life line, if she even knew how. ah, yes ā this one means that a small goblin will one day live inside your house and feed you a cube of cheese at the stroke of twelve each night. when it comes, sheās half-prepared for it, had entered this conversation with the idea that he was about to pull the trigger on the whole thing so in contrast maybe we should take a step back seems less taxing on her heart. āokay, thatāsā¦ yeah, thatās fine,ā frankie notes, voice pitching a little in the middle. āno, for sure. thatās probably good for us, you know? to kind ofā¦ pump the breaks. maybe not be so intense.ā otherwise, the two of them will end up moving at everyone elseās pace, saying the l-word and becoming boyfriend-girlfriend when neither of them are really sure if theyāre ready for that shit. āso when you say a step back, likeā¦ how far back are we stepping? is it like aā¦ā she shifts her foot back an inch against the decking beneath them, āor more of aā¦ā she adds, throwing her leg back in an exaggerated lunge, about halfway down the bench from where the two of them are.
āi donāt mind sleeping outside, tonightā¦ or are we still sleeping in the same bed?ā are we still fucking is what she really wants to ask, or is this step back a shift back to the talking phase. sheās not even sure if she can be around him and not want to fuck him. before, at least, sheād been able to tell herself that it would probably be shitty vanilla missionary sex when they finally fucked, even if she knew that was unlikely, memories of a conversation with mali when she told her it would obviously be good, since heās a fucking athlete. now, she knows how good he can make her feel, how much of a fight for dominance and a game it feels every time, how ā if production let them ā she could probably spend entire days in bed with him (and in the shower, and on the floor, and against the wallā¦)Ā ājeez. donāt get fuckinā nerdy on me with your hitchhikers guide to the galaxy knowledge when iām out here fighting the urge to hitchhikers guide my mouth down to your dick. thatās just rude, miles.ā because just like that stupid N*SYNC routine in casa, his stupid fucking references somehow never fail to make her want him more.
miles o'sullivan
miles' brow furrows, maybe just not finding it comforting that frankie doesn't know why she said it. the fact that she could make a flip remark like that, one that could really hurt him, and not mean it is almost worse than if she had. at least then, he would be able to understand it, but instead he's just confused by why she'd put both him and callie in that position if it was apparently so meaningless. it just sucks to hear. "do i not make you feel that way?" miles has to ask, a soft, sad edge to his voice that he wishes he could take back, not wanting to be reduced to sounding so pathetic while she's talking to him about her ex and how she wishes she was wanted by her. it just makes him feel like shit, there's no other way to say that, and he swallows thickly, trying to chase any other pathetic phrasing back down. miles can be pretty understanding, but he doesn't want to sit here and listen to frankie blame the environment. "alright, alright," there's a scoff on his lips, shaking his head "shut up already. god, you actually make me sound fuckin' pathetic, you know? like we get it, i'm horny," he draws out the word comically, wide eyes as he shakes his head. "but, frankie, i really did think we had it figured out a few days ago, like, i definitely wouldn't have said all that shit if i knew you were still wishing callie would want you," he admits, scratching the back of his head. even if frankie says it's not on him for jumping the gun, he doesn't think he would have said all that if he knew tonight would feel like this.Ā
there's a moment where it feels like normal again, where he's grinning at her and she's grinning back, and miles has to flex his fingers, finding a way to distract his hands from reaching out to scoop her into his arms, grab her ass and pull her back into his lap where she should be. there's definitely part of miles that wants the urge to win out, can think about how good and easy it would be to laugh against her lips and get lost again. he's keenly aware of the one place where their skin's touching, and maybe she's right about him being like, way too horny because it's all he can think about. miles shifts slightly, but then it's hard not to focus on the few inches difference, so that maybe it's not the fact that they're touching as it is that he's always going to be aware of his proximity to her. he wishes he had the strength not to laugh, too, but he does, shaking his head as that familiar jocular grin tugs at his lips. "fuckin' hell, frankie, i want us to take one thing seriously and you start...? i actually don't know what the hell that gimmick was supposed to be, slutty witch?" if the broom's anything to go off, "or housekeeper? fuck, never mind, can't do this right now. " he sounds more like he's talking to himself than her, but the sentiment remains, even as he's stealing another glance in her direction.
"oh, so you don't know about the euro, but you do know bono? maybe we'll let you in the country still, if you can name the other two members of the band," he jokes, a sarcastic note to his voice, feels like she's only mentioned u2 because he's irish, actually. "i mean, yeah, frankie, i'm not really in the business of imagining things that sound fucking miserable," he admits, which might sound more romantic if his voice didn't get that irritated edge (as in tone, not edge as in bono) to it. "and i want to think of the future version of us to be just as good as the now version of us, but i also don't wanna take that for granted or for you to feel like we've got to go all in on us now to prove something to me after you've just had a chat with your ex about the same thing," he explains. he doesn't stop her from touching him again now, allows her to reach out and touch his chest, dragging his hand to hers. it's quiet for a moment, where he can just feel her heart beat against his palm, revel in the version of the two of them as they are now ā messy and weird and trying to barrel through a serious conversation without an innuendo. miles moves his hand up to catch the side of her neck, gently sliding so that he can cup her cheek, tracing her thumb against its curve with fond affection. "mmh, no way," he declines, his thumb presses into her lip briefly before he draws back with his admonishment. "first time with j-t gotta be just me and him. for the memz," he jokes. or half-jokes? /hj. "and he is so much more than a freebie. that man defined pop music, changed music production forever."
miles smile tempers slightly. "hallie," he corrects quietly, "and she might hate you for that, actually." but if she did hate frankie, that'd make things tough ā granted, miles has been sure that hallie and frankie would hit it off from the start, that even when they watched bits of the the show together they could both agree that frankie was fucking hilarious and that he'd have to talk to her. it's funny to think about that now, when frankie seemed like a concept more than a person, and not someone he thinks about all the time throughout the day. "okay," he still isn't sure that he did the right thing, but it probably would have felt worse to have her agree with him. "why do you feel like...like you don't deserve this?" he asks. "i'll be honest, i've spent the past few weeks just feeling lucky that you were giving me a shot. so, the idea that you could think that sounds fuckin' outlandish, actually. i don't want you to run." he wonders if that's what she's trying to describe tonight as ā an attempt to run. is he really the thing that stopped her from getting away? despite what she says, it doesn't feel like it, and that's why he's asking for this to change.
frankie asks him to define this new boundary, and it kind of feels like a trap's been laid out before him, like he might be setting up future pitfalls or words that are gonna bite him in the ass. he could regret this. "just take it more easy? i can chat to more people, you can do the same. y'know, how we've been saying we were going to have the door open, but . . . we haven't really been doing that. i don't know, after tonight it feels like we should be really doing that," he admits. "i wanna know that i'm still what you want. and you should get to have that feeling about me, too." there's part of miles that feels a little more motivated by it than he has before, knowing that she'd basically offered to dump him tonight, that there's a version of him that could've left this conversation even more blindsided and completely discarded. "just for a bit, like, i don't want us to be in constant limbo or anything, but maybe it's a bad idea for us to like, buckle down and try to be super serious the next few days after all the heavy shit we've been dealing with. i just wanna go back to having fun with you," miles admits. "don't sleep outside. fuck off, of course i think we should still share the bed," he smiles, though it's with pause, "but uh, i'll probably crash on the couch or something tonight. just to clear my head, if that's cool." he doesn't want them to be distant, but he also knows if they fuck right now, he's gonna want to take all of these words and the resolve that he's been fighting to have throughout this conversation is gonna go down the drain. and she doesn't make it any easier, a measured, restrained inhale at the mental picture she draws up for him. his eyes are darker when he looks at her, even though he's smiling, "yeah, well would you quit offering to suck my dick while i'm trying to, like, be mature and shit?" miles laughs, 'cause she's funny as fuck, "i swear, i'll say something even nerdier tomorrow to make up for it."
thereās a lump in her throat like when you swallow a chip and it goes down the wrong pipe, a brief moment where she feels like sheās choking, swallows it down with a burning gulp. āof course you make me feel that way, miles. obviously you do.ā and his next question of course, is probably, so why isnāt that enough? and she doesnāt have an answer to that. she doesnāt know any of milesā exes, so itās different, but surely if he was in a club and saw them, heād want them to still think heās fit, to be jealous of the girl on his arm. āits not pathetic,ā frankie counters, willing to fight him on this. āits super fuckinā hot, actually. iāve had guys hit on me my whole life, like iām kinda desensitised to it by this point, but when we met there was just thisā¦ i donāt know.ā spark sounds cringey, but it was that. āit was this instinct. like i could sense how much you wanted to jump me and it was so hot, yāknow? horn recognises horn.ā because aside from maybe jenny, frankie would wager sheās the horniest girl in here, or at least the most vocal about it. she hasnāt kissed someone yet and had to bat herself back with a stick from not fucking them, although all of that crap with the pillows in casa feels pretty pointless now.Ā āit still feels like that when weāre together. like iāve been with grabby guys, but when itās you it feels different because thereās just this aura about it, like you want me just as much for like, my personality and shit as you do for the way i look. that sounds cringe, but whatever.ā she doesnāt want miles thinking that wanting her ex to be jealous has any sway on the way he makes her feel. in frankieās head, as much as the two relationships have overlapped back and forth like cords on a scoubidou, theyāre separate, they bring her different things, and now at least she feels like the interference of callie shit is over.
āyeah, i thought we had it sorted too.ā honestly, sheād thought she was over callie the day they had that blow up after the recoupling. why the fuck would she want to be with someone who could make her feel that hollow? apparently, part of it lingered still, although it was crushed in the palm of her hand with that last talk. ābut this isn't gonna undo any of that. its just a wobble, you know. fall down, get back up. wobbles are normal. weāll be okay.ā sheād say sheās manifesting it, but manifesting alone isnāt enough. itāll take work, but sheāll do it. it doesnāt feel like work if itās him. āstop, if i had to be the one picking, my speech would have been the same likeā¦ itās so hard when they put you on the spot like that to not just blurt out have my gross american potty-mouthed kids or some shit.ā sheād wager her speech would be worse. sometimes that shit feels so intense itās like taking a vow or something. āumā¦ one of themās the edge. i honestly donāt know the other. i watched a movie about them in high school because i fancied the irish guy from misfits. did you ever watch that show? it was british. like, young offenders who develop superpowers.ā feels like a miles show to watch, but maybe he was more of a doctor who kid, which she wouldnāt put past him with the star trek stuff. she wants to ask him if he ever wrote trekkie fanfiction, but it would spoil the moment theyāre having, hands pressed to each otherās chests like something from a shitty hallmark movie. itās reassuring that for miles, there is still a future version of them, that this is just a speed bump in whatās hopefully a long, albeit windy road, and sure, thereāll probably be other crap that comes up around the corner, a deer crossing the highway in a 60mph zone, or a fallen tree trunk across the backroad, but theyāll deal with it as it comes.Ā
āi donāt want you to think it was likeā¦ some grand gesture or big moment of revelation for me. it wasnāt. it was like, we keep coming back to this situation, these are the options available to us and we both know which it's gonna be.ā maybe in milesā head, the scene looks more like frankie, ripping her blazer open and saying callie, itās you i want, iām down on my knees begging to take you back, and iāll dump him this second if you ask, but the reality was a far tamer affair. if anything, sheād been asking from a logical mindset. āim not going to give you up. even she can see you make me happier than she did, but i think part of her needed to have it laid out like that, too. so she could feel like she'd been given a choice and she'd made it rather than feeling like a victim to my choices.ā sure, blame the ex, whoās clearly still pining (/s). but in frankieās head, callieās still obsessed with her, or at least she had been until this point, when theyād finally closed the door. āim not trying to justify putting what we have on the line like that, it was fuckinā stupid. i know it was stupid but at least the callie shit is done now.ā at least she can focus on miles completely without feeling haunted by a āwhat ifā because for frankie, there is no longer an alternate timeline where her and callie might have worked out. thereās no pretending to be crappy at surfing so callie will give her a lesson or drinking cocktails at tiki bars on the beach. the only timeline that matters is the one where miles is cradling her face in his hand and sheās leaning into his touch, wondering if itās possible to pull him so close to her that their skin fuses and they have to be surgically cut apart.
āokay, fine. you can have justin. you can keep him in the utility closet or something and get him out when iām not meeting your needs. and i can have zendaya, or the chick with the freckles from squid game.ā even the slide of his thumb over her mouth, however brief, has her reeling, body buzzing like she can feel the pulse of every red blood cell inside of her begging to kiss him.Ā
āgod. hallie. i canāt even get that right.ā she hopes to god they donāt broadcast this, although honestly she canāt see why they would. itās not like anybody watching would know anything about hallie, unless they make it to the promised āfamily dayā, which sounds as terrifying as it does exciting. she still remembers the way miles had tensed up when sheād asked if his mom would like her, hasnāt even pressed him on it since, figuring his mom would probably prefer it if he was with someone less abrasive, more easy to swallow down with her coffee and benzos (or is that just frankieās mom? not that sheās seen her in years). āi donāt know. i guess iāve never really had someone who was super all about me, beyond like, initial attraction. iāve only been likeā¦ two relationships that went beyond the talking phase, and youāre likeā¦ infinitely cooler than anyone iāve dated before. and i guess that coupled with the fact that you justā¦ came in, were super into me, and havenāt really wavered from that? itās sexy, and scary, because i feel like you can do way better, and that iām inevitably going to fuck it, if i havenāt already, so iām just waiting for you to see that.ā sheās playing with his fingers as she says it, tangling and untangling their hands together, chest tugging in with an ache when miles admits he feels lucky sheās given him a shot. instinct tells her to get out before the other person can fuck her up, but miles is a person she wants to run to not from.Ā
sheās still toying with his fingers when milesā starts laying down the ground rules, hands slowly unlinking their fingers so she can slide his hands back into his lap. āso basically, you're saying you want to fuck around and find out if we like each other enough to make it work?ā frankie already knows she isn't going to find someone in here or on the outside who clicks with her the way miles does, who has the same chemistry where even feeling his leg press against hers makes her want it, who gets her jokes and can be silly with her like he can. she doesnāt want to chat to other people or have the door open ā wants to be the key under the plant pot outside his house, hoping that one day he might put her in the pocket of his jeans ā but it would be hypocritical to deny miles of the opportunity to get to know other people when sheās had another option the whole time. she's not going to be happy about watching him get to know other people, can already feel a possessiveness bubble up inside of her and it hasn't even happened, but telling him that wouldn't be 'chill' or whatever, and that was what this relationship was meant to be in the first place; nothing too major, just hanging out. sheās the one who made it more than that by getting jealous of charlene. āno, thatā¦ i mean that makes sense. if we share a bed weāll just end up fucking again.ā as if thatās ever been a bad idea. thereās a shift in him, small but noticeable, when he looks at her, a flutter of something deep in her stomach at the sensation of being wanted. does he feel like that when she looks at him? does he even know the gravity his pull inflicts on her?Ā
āquit having such a suckable one then?ā frankie fires back, half-wheezing with laughter despite the fact that it feels like the wrong time for it. he just makes it so easy to laugh, even when theyāre fighting, even if it feels like this could be their lowest point. āliterally sat here trying not to get down on my hands and knees like a dog. unless youāre into that. in which caseāā she pushes off the bench, dropping down on her knees in front of him, still buckled by chuckles spilling up from her guts. her arms move to fold over his lap, chin resting against his knees as she gazes up at him, a flicker of something sad before her face settles into a smile. āi really like you, miles. iām sorry for putting you in this situation.ā she means the callie thing, not the blowjob thing, but that, too. āso justā¦ yeah. take the time and space you need. talk to other people. iāll pretend iām not jealous and if you still want me after all that then weāll justā¦ take it from there. i wanna make this work.ā
ALWAYS ONE OF THE FIRST TO RISE, danteās been up for hours now, at least one cup of shitty coffee in him, breakfast already served. itās closer to lunch time now, and heās meandered into the kitchen to grab a snack before production is able to bring out their meals when heās stopped by a familiar voice. heās barely said two words to frankie since sheās returned, and now this is the second time theyāre speaking in twenty-four hours. itās hard to wipe the smile from his faceāpleased at the new friend heās madeāso he doesnāt bother to try.Ā Ā ā really ? āĀ Ā he abandons his original plan for a snack to come over towards her, popping a squat in one of the stools across from her.Ā Ā ā i slept good, āĀ Ā he nods. his first night with new bedmate santiago, but despite the guy being giant, it wasnāt hard for him to keep to his side of the bed. dante had considered asking eden to share instead, but he figured something wouldāve happened between them if they didāand so soon after romiĀ ( and the threesome that iām pretty sure he participated in that night ) ,Ā it doesnāt seem like the best idea. eyebrows raise slightly in interest at frankieās declaration of weird dreams, but itās her rescinding the information that has him leaning forward in interest.Ā Ā Ā ā what ? ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āĀ no, nothing,Ā āĀ Ā frankie back tracks, thriving from the mischief of it all. ā āay, donāt worry abouddit ! āĀ Ā she adds, adopting a new york drawl, but the way dante leans in like the two of them are sharing a secret has her fake-caving.Ā ā okay, fine. iāll tell you, but you have to like, promise not to tell anyone okayĀ ? āĀ she doesnāt actually give a shit if he tells any of the girls, since theyāre already clued up on this shit ( she can see evie and jenny watching from the terrace out of the corner of her eye ) and honestly, miles would get over it ā itās a sex dream, itās not like sheās actually fucked him, and she hasnāt even had an actual sex dream about dante yet. sheās had one about josh, but sheād rather scrub that from her memory.Ā ā god, this is so hilarious, but like, you were in my dream last night, and iām not talking like... the kinda dream where you go to the store and every book has your grandpaās face on it and when you open it up to read it you hear his whooping cough cry out from the pages, and you pick up a pack of asprin and when you get to the checkout dolly parton is there and she rings up your total and tells you you canāt check out of life... iām talking like, a sexy dream. āĀ she pops a shoulder in a half-shrug, watching him with mischief and intrigue.Ā ā i think it was in a vineyard or some shit ? it involved a lot of rolling around crushing grapes with our bare asses. āĀ she brings her coffee mug up to her mouth, hiding her smile against the brim of it.Ā Ā ā i should probably be embarrassed, but iām so not phased by that stuff. like, iāve probably had sex a dream about nearly everyone in here ?Ā āĀ naomiās was the hottest.Ā Ā ā not to say yours wasnāt special, because it was. ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā frankieās dare feels pretty achievable, all things considered. tell two boys you had a sex dream about them ? sure, easy peasy, she can do that shit in her sleep. but telling them about it and hoping it doesnāt make it back to miles before she gets the chance to admit it was a dare ?Ā now thatāll be tougher. luckily for frankie, danteās the one to enter the kitchen as sheās mulling the pros and cons of each of the boyās out, and he feels like a pretty risk-free option considering heās not coupled up, and heāll probably forget it as soon as she tells him, anyway.Ā ā hey ! dante. thatās so spooky, i was literally just thinking about you, āĀ frankie announces, far more chipper than she had been at the start of their last conversation, as she swills a shot of whiskey into milesā coffee. does he drink this much when heās back home ?Ā sheās sort of dying to party with him, actually, and reckons she could probably match him pint-for-pint, having started on the hard stuff barely out of middle school, swigging from her motherās bottle as she cleaned her vomit from the carpet when her brotherās were no longer around to hide that shit from her.Ā ā how did you sleep ? i had crazy weird dreams, honestly it wasā oh my god, wait ! āĀ she fakes a eureka moment of recognition.Ā ā nah, i probably shouldnāt tell you that. āĀ Ā
Ā Ā Ā a soggy frankie bursts up from the centre of the pool, gasping in a breath of air. āwhat was my time on that?ā she shouts, to dylan, whoās half-heartedly timing her on his phone while he does laps down the other end of the pool. sheās gearing up for a rematch of the underwater breath-holding contest against miles, now that sheās cut back on smoking ( she used up her free pass cig on the steps with jenny the night of the āstep backā incident ) although heās managed to get practice in other ways... she can only hope he isnāt currently practicing holding his breath with charlene or eden or any of the other islanders sheās pretended not to notice him talking to.Ā Ā āĀ also, weird situation... āĀ frankie starts, psyching herself up for it as she paddles towards the poolside where dylan is. ā i dunno if i should even tell you this but it feels kinda weird if i donāt so iām just gonna say it, okayĀ ?Ā i had this massively fucked up sex dream, right, like with tentacles and shit, next level weird as fuck kinda dream, and you were in it, dude !Ā āĀ
how are you feeling about movie night ? did anything surprise you ?Ā
āĀ well iām obviously not feeling totally yassified right now, what with everything that went down.Ā āĀ it sucks, but ultimately sheās the only one she can blame for what feels like her worst night in the villa since the casa recoupling.Ā Ā āĀ i think my own fuckinā... stupidity surprised me. like, i definitely couldāve handled things better. āĀ if sheād remembered to engage her brain for a single hot second, but no, frankie could never.Ā āĀ the adela and josh thing kinda surprised me, but also it didnātĀ ?Ā Ā i also feel like thatās not even a thing. i mean adela and me flirt more than they do, and i know miles has nothing to worry about there, so itās probably pretty harmless. the dylan comments were kinda shady, though. likeā¦ girl. youāre my friend and i love you but donāt do my boy dirty like that.Ā ā
what are your thoughts on romi and marcusās decision to leave ?Ā
āĀ it is what it is. i didnāt really know romi, honestly, and i think they liked it that way, but marcus was one of my closest friends in here.Ā āĀ she still thinks about the night that marcus had crawled into the daybed with her and miles for a snuggle and a kiss with fondness.Ā Ā āĀ if miles and i are ever lookinā for a thirdā¦ iām pretty sure marcus is the first guy weād call.Ā āĀ Ā she starts to laugh, but her face becomes suddenly sombre, smile sinking as the realisation hits that sheād actually have to have miles back for that to happen.
are you happy in your couple or do you think your head could be turned ?
Ā āĀ i meanā¦ i donāt know. technically miles and i are still coupled up, and he said he still wants to be with me. so yeah, weāre still together justā¦ stepping it back a notch. which is probably a good thing. my headās been kinda scrambled ever since we got back from casa, and i havenāt been fair, making him wait for me to figure out what i want. when miles said he wanted to get to know charlene, i just got so irrationally upset. like iāve never felt that strongly about callie talking to other people.Ā i thought i knew what i wanted, and then he made that speech about wanting to be all-in, which was so cute, and while i want that... hearing it in front of everybody... i got scared and changed my mind. but only for a moment. like, a moment of madness. it was just one bead in a long string of moments where the constant has been wanting miles.
ā when i wake up, heās the first person i wanna talk to, and heās the person i want by my side when i fall asleep.Ā āĀ Ā deeply cringe, but if she canāt be vulnerable in the diary room how the hell does she expect to do it in front of him.Ā Ā āĀ the other day i told him, even if they sent in olivier giroud, i donāt think my head would be turned, and likeā¦ i was joking, obviously, but i think itās actually trueĀ ?Ā because he wouldnāt have milesā sense of humour, or his amazingly warm heart, or serve eggs and bacon in a smiley face the way miles does. he wouldnāt get me the way miles does. plus, giroudās french. thereās no way iām getting in another seb situation where i gotta explain every reference that comes out of my mouth.Ā ā
what are your thoughts on santiago and victoria ? are either of them your type ? do you think your partner would be interested in them ?
āĀ if miles is into them, then good luck to him. honestly, itās pretty hard to think about whether iād be interested in either of them right now.Ā ā she sighs, until a producer prompts her to elaborate.Ā āĀ santiagoās hot, sure, but everybody in hereās hot. you have to do more than just look good to get my attention. and it was super nice of victoria to choose me for a date, and say she liked my desert even thought we both knew it wasnāt that great. but yeahā¦ i didnāt feel a spark or likeā¦ that magnetic pull that iām like looking for, yāknow, likeĀ ? āĀ Ā she mimes yanking a lasso towards her.Ā Ā āĀ when youāre in a room with loads of people and yet your bodyās always kinda facing them. or like youāre just intuitively aware of where they are, not even in a possessive way justā¦ we pay attention to the things weāre interested in.Ā ā
are you grafting right now ? if so, who is at the top of your list ?
ā the only person iām interested in grafting is miles. i think this situationās just made me realise that i canāt not have him in my life. i know i have to work to earn him back, and it wonāt be easy, but heās worth the effort, and when itās him it doesnāt feel like effort, anyway. nothing about him feels like a chore. iāll do it gladly and purposefully if thatās what he needs to convince him iām ready to be his, in whatever capacity heāll have me. and iāll deck a bitch if i have to.Ā āĀ her fingers come up, gesturing in an āiām watching youā motion between herself and the camera lens.Ā
