master’s in yapping

I talk A LOT no. 1 Kurosaki Ichigo enjoyer bad takes, worse writing currently in janka mode

[acediaedeus]

they really played “loser” by tame impala during the party scene at MJ and Ned’s… what a song for my dear personal friend Peter Parker, what a genius choice. I need edits of Peter with it like YESTERDAY and also injected straight into my bloodstream.

[acediaedeus]

I’m coming out as a Chiwa hater and proudly announcing, that chiwa defenders are some of the most irritating ppl ever.

her treatment in the fandom is largely similar to the treatment Gabi got upon her first introduction in aot. the thing is: they are similar, the reasons they get hated on are similar, but only with one of them is it truly important to see the nuances. and, spoilers, but it’s not Chiwa.

as I said ppl have the same reason for hating them: they wronged the main characters. we dislike, or downright hate Chiwa, because she betrayed Rudo and their friendship. ppl hated Gabi, bc she was presented as the enemy of the main cast.

but, of course, there is nuance in their situations, and, ironically, it’s also the same. they are indoctrinated, victims of propaganda. so why is it that I say Gabi hate was forced, but Chiwa’s isn’t?

Gabi is a child soldier, she was force fed propaganda from the state, and doesn’t have a reason to doubt her beliefs even once. on the contrary, her beliefs are only further reinforced upon meeting Eldians they were taught to hate and fight against.

Chiwa belongs to the oppressed class on the Sphere. she has also been fed propaganda her whole life, and not only by the state, but by others like her too. that’s where the similarities end though, because she has a reason to doubt her beliefs. that reason is Rudo. she doesn’t believe in what others say about him, she’s friends with him, she even likes him.

and so Rudo trusts her. he trusts her to see him for who he is, not who he is said to be. he believes she knows him better, and wouldn’t believe the things he is being accused of by the force oppressing their ppl. but she doesn’t. instead, she betrays that trust without hesitance and casts him away. making Rudo come to the realisation, that she is just like the rest of ‘them’.

it is not wrong to see the nuance in Chiwa’s story, it is not wrong to not hate her (won’t say it’s not wrong to like her, ‘cause that’s a little too far). but it is also not wrong to do so. she’s not a positive character in the story, she’s not even a neutral one. she’s not being misunderstood. seeing the nuance with Gabi was imperative to understanding the whole point of aot, I fear Chiwa is just not that relevant.

my closing statement is this: Chiwa hate is NOT forced, thank you.

[acediaedeus]

all these janka-antis are so fucking insufferable, it’s really triggering that punkflower ptsd from 2023.

it’s been almost 3 years since and y’all still can’t get over your racist selves. it is so rare to see such popular and successful ships involving black characters (with punkflower being especially a big W bc both of them are young black boys) already, but you still find it necessary to butt in and try and call everyone weird for shipping them, bc “tHaT’s A fUlL gRoWn AdUlT”, like at least be honest and own up to your bigotry, instead of presenting yourself as holier than thou.

no, you’re not better, you’re just a piece of fucking shit, that refuses to stew in their own bullshit alone and has to drag in others.

these fuckers out here saying Jabber being with Zanka is pedophilia??? yeah, three years ago they were adultifying Hobie and claiming he’s somehow 30.

the weird ass janka art making Jabber out to be this colossal beast of a man and Zanka a dainty little boy (now we also wanna be racist towards asian ppl too, let’s get that double kill, right?). same shit happened with punkflower, but Hobie is also dark skinned, so we were seeing whole lotta grey back then, as if the proportions weren’t burning ppl’s retinas out already.

I’m just so fucking tired of y’all 🫩🫩 you can’t even be bigots with your fucking chests, no, you gotta hide behind “morality”, when you know you have none.

just because a black man is tall or mature, or 18 (even 19 really), or god forbid multiple of these it doesn’t mean he’s a “fUlL gRoWn AdUlT”. they are still kids, they are still young. you become a full grown adult at 25. so no, 17 and 18 isn’t a crime, it’s not pedophilia, it’s two teenagers in love.

btw, I haven’t seen any of these complaints being made when Zanka is shipped with Follo, who’s actually 19, so even older than Jabber. hmmm, I wonder why that could be

[acediaedeus]

Jabber’s relationship with Mankira is deeply platonic, they’re like deranged twin freaks. meanwhile Zanka’s relationship with Lovely Assistaff is borderline sexual and definitely has a romantic tinge to it.

you’d see Jabber and Mankira holding hands, skipping around searching for a beating and new poisons, then Zanka’s walking around hand gripped around Lovely’s waist (like, nobody’s taking her from you, mate, relax, she’s all yours) and her arm curled around his shoulder, like a clingy couple.

both Jabber and Mankira see how they are together and are seething with jealousy.

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at the risk of sounding conceited, I have noticed the spread of “jinki toucher Zanka” agenda as of recently, so like, am I goated or is this just a natural conclusion that everyone will come to at some point (it is)

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Zanka doesn’t bother to put a label on his sexuality, bc “it’s complicated” and he’s only ever found himself attracted to like 1.75 people

Jabber is the obvious 1.0/1.75, his sexual and later romantic partner. so Zanka is definitely into men.

Lovely Assistaff is his first love and soulmate, but she’s not really a person, so she’s the 0.50 of that 1.75, she does have female parts though, so he like women too.

and then there’s the remaining 0.25 left and who in the world might that be? it’s Hyo. thing about her, and why she’s not counted as 1.0, despite being a human being, is that Zanka’s whole attraction started and ended at the matter of strength.

he’d always been obsessed with strength and being great, so why not get up close and personal with the greatest there is? he was young, stupid, jealous and lowkey hoping for strength to be a sexually transmitted thing. don’t feel too bad for Hyo btw, she was there for the pretty face only. there weren’t ever any feelings between them.

Results:

Inconclusive af. Zanka doesn’t really see other ppl in a romantic or even sexual light, too consumed by his Lovely (and later Jabber). so he has no idea if he even has the capacity to be attracted to anyone/anything other than his vital instrument, Jabber and strength.

[acediaedeus]

a bit of an elaboration on my previous post:

Mankira has definitely been there for Jabber his whole life. she’s been through every high and low with him. they grew together. their souls are deeply entwined in a sibling bond (Mankira is 100% the older sister)

and now let me cook about Zanka and Lovely, because they’re definitely more thought out and complex:

Lovely Assistaff is akin to a lover who Zanka chooses over his own family and their disapproval, leading to his estrangement and being disowned. yes, Zanka chooses her in a moment of pride, his hurt ego’s last burst. but when his expectations and dreams are shattered does he abandon her? no, he throws himself in a well, and she is with him. he starves and thirsts there for three days, and yet his grip on her does not weaken. he continuously chooses her over everything else. he will choose death, if it means he gets to have her.

he is definitely drowning in guilt, and feels unworthy of her. sees himself as inadequate in comparison. feels she deserves better, a wielder who will unlock her whole potential, who will not hold her back due to their lack of skills and strength. Zanka is and would never be ashamed of her, as she is his other half (literally), he is ashamed of himself.

more on the “literally his other half”: I think she gets the egotistical, prideful and self-assured half of his soul, not in a way that makes her so, but in a way that Zanka rejects those feelings in regard to himself, and only allows himself to express them towards Lovely Assistaff. she is absolutely his pride and joy. everything that is good about him is good because of her. without he is nothing.

and so, with Lovely Assistaff being the lover he chose over his family, Jabber coming into the picture is all the more hilarious. and Zanka spirals, because while he doesn’t and hasn’t questioned even once his decision to favour Lovely, he absolutely refuses to allow this to happen with Jabber. this family he is not ready to lose.

Lovely Assistaff doesn’t have Zanka’s self-image issues, she knows both of them to be more than capable and far stronger than Zanka thinks. she is greatly saddened, that she cannot help Zanka see himself as he really is. that’s why she is appreciative of Jabber, even if she really hates how hurt Zanka is after their encounters.

[acediaedeus]

this not getting as much attention as my other two posts is gonna make me sick, because, personally, I like it best (◞‸◟)

[acediaedeus]

holly yap. it’s just that I’m in a car and She Wants Revenge came on, and my mind was immediately sent into janka mode, well, to be honest it definitely turned out to be a Zanka x Lovely Assistaff mode.

[acediaedeus]

and now just a small little thing about Mankira and Lovely Assistaff:

in the previous post I kind of messed up and framed the tags in a way, that may suggest I think sadist/masochist dynamic is intrinsically toxic, which I do not, let me clarify. it would be hypocritical of me.

so no, they are not toxic yuri in my opinion not because Mankira isn’t masochistic and Lovely Assistaff is only sadistic in battle. but just because they don’t have the deep issues janka have.

there is no self-image issues in their dynamic, no viewing violence as the only acceptable form of affection, no loyalty to any entity other than their wielders, so no moral dilemmas. they like each other, they want each other, they go for it no problem and they’re happy (which Zanka is definitely having a crisis over his Lovely being the gf of his enemy’s jinki).

so, in conclusion: Mankira and Lovely Assistaff are amongst the very few healthy couples in Gachiakuta, lol.

also, previously I’ve mentioned Jabber and and Mankira being jealous when seeing Zanka and Assistaff interacting. Mankira gets over that, when she finds Lovely isn’t off-limits + she likes Zanka (her older sister senses are tingling (and by tingling I mean the sirens are blaring)).

Jabber’s jealousy doesn’t only not subside, but only worsens with time and he is definitely jealous of Mankira, because Zanka allows her as close to him as Lovely is. he acts very butt-hurt and pouty like a true younger brother (although he is still pleased that Mankira approves of Zanka, and that Zanka like her).

[acediaedeus]

a bit of an elaboration on my previous post:

Mankira has definitely been there for Jabber his whole life. she’s been through every high and low with him. they grew together. their souls are deeply entwined in a sibling bond (Mankira is 100% the older sister)

and now let me cook about Zanka and Lovely, because they’re definitely more thought out and complex:

Lovely Assistaff is akin to a lover who Zanka chooses over his own family and their disapproval, leading to his estrangement and being disowned. yes, Zanka chooses her in a moment of pride, his hurt ego’s last burst. but when his expectations and dreams are shattered does he abandon her? no, he throws himself in a well, and she is with him. he starves and thirsts there for three days, and yet his grip on her does not weaken. he continuously chooses her over everything else. he will choose death, if it means he gets to have her.

he is definitely drowning in guilt, and feels unworthy of her. sees himself as inadequate in comparison. feels she deserves better, a wielder who will unlock her whole potential, who will not hold her back due to their lack of skills and strength. Zanka is and would never be ashamed of her, as she is his other half (literally), he is ashamed of himself.

more on the “literally his other half”: I think she gets the egotistical, prideful and self-assured half of his soul, not in a way that makes her so, but in a way that Zanka rejects those feelings in regard to himself, and only allows himself to express them towards Lovely Assistaff. she is absolutely his pride and joy. everything that is good about him is good because of her. without he is nothing.

and so, with Lovely Assistaff being the lover he chose over his family, Jabber coming into the picture is all the more hilarious. and Zanka spirals, because while he doesn’t and hasn’t questioned even once his decision to favour Lovely, he absolutely refuses to allow this to happen with Jabber. this family he is not ready to lose.

Lovely Assistaff doesn’t have Zanka’s self-image issues, she knows both of them to be more than capable and far stronger than Zanka thinks. she is greatly saddened, that she cannot help Zanka see himself as he really is. that’s why she is appreciative of Jabber, even if she really hates how hurt Zanka is after their encounters.

[acediaedeus]

Jabber’s relationship with Mankira is deeply platonic, they’re like deranged twin freaks. meanwhile Zanka’s relationship with Lovely Assistaff is borderline sexual and definitely has a romantic tinge to it.

you’d see Jabber and Mankira holding hands, skipping around searching for a beating and new poisons, then Zanka’s walking around hand gripped around Lovely’s waist (like, nobody’s taking her from you, mate, relax, she’s all yours) and her arm curled around his shoulder, like a clingy couple.

both Jabber and Mankira see how they are together and are seething with jealousy.

[acediaedeus]

I know Zanka be crashing out to that “Mediocrity Rules” song by Le Tigre. it’s his prep for the day, like we saw with Tamsy, but he’s genuinely losing it.

the whole team lowkey fears for his life every time Zanka comes back from his and Jabber’s little trysts fights, and that fuck ass song starts blasting. Zanka’s in there ripping his hair out, sliding down the wall and miserably wailing only the “mediocrity rules” part. it goes on for like 15 minutes, then he just comes out all composed and shit, like nothing happened.

[acediaedeus]

sorry for the absence to those who care. funnily enough this whole thing was born during the darkest period of my depression (dramatic af) and it helped keep my mind occupied with something happier than life and all that.

I got help and antidepressants, which are cool as shit, but make me less insane, sadly, plus life got happier, so I didn’t need distractions, and kinda forgot about this blog. ain’t promising I’ll come back, cause I know my inconsistent ass, but maybe :p

[acediaedeus]

August give Zanka’s uniform hip cutouts and Jabber Wonger’s life is yours!!

[acediaedeus]

he was a punk, she did ballet typa story with grimmichi, but both of them are punk, and both of them do ballet.

this one is an AU where they're just humans, but Ichigo is still a weirdo who sees ghosts, cause why the fuck not. also, long-haired Grimmjow.

in Ichigo's case, it's that he did ballet. why? let's imagine Masaki sending Yuzu to ballet classes when she's four because the girl is fascinated by the beautiful women dancing in white tutus on TV in one of her mum's shows. Masaki is afraid her small, gentle, and shy daughter will have a hard time making friends with all the new kids, so she tries to convince Karin to go with her sister, at least for the first few classes, but the girl is unwavering in her refusal. she would hate to pressure her children into anything, so accepts, and as a last resort goes to her older son. young and filled with the desire to protect his family and please his mother, Ichigo says he'll go with Yuzu.

and so on top of his karate, Ichigo also does ballet for a while, so his baby sister will have an easier time adjusting. he actually likes it too, but then mum dies, and the beautiful women dancing on TV she used to watch no longer bring fascination, only tears. so they no longer do ballet and that is that.

everything else after that is much the same: Ichigo gets bullied, puts the karate classes to use and becomes a delinquent. all is well until one day Yuzu comes to him, timid and unsure, putting Ichigo on high alert, fearing someone has hurt his sister (a big mistake they'll regret and learn not to repeat), but all she says is that she wants to try dancing again. he, of course, encourages her to try.

like the good older brother Ichigo is, he comes along for her first class as moral support. Yuzu is amazing, as expected, and he definitely feels some water in his eyes watching her dance, which no one needs to know that. BUT, there's this guy, who seems to be his age, training on the opposite side of the room. beautiful and mesmerizing, and so ethereal Ichigo can hardly look away. the way he moves is enchanting, his long blue hair swaying and spiralling into a snake with each spin. he leaves with a happy Yuzu for their little sibling celebration with Karin, filled to the brim with confusion.

time goes on, but he simply can't get the guy out of his head, and one evening he comes to walk Yuzu home (he is not about to let his baby sister walk alone in the darkness of winter). he's a little early, so the class is yet to finish, but oh wait, there's the guy standing outside. one thing leads to another aaaand... they're fighting. positively rolling on the ground like children. and like a child Grimmjow (cause that's his name apparently, which Ichigo doesn't even remember when he was told that) bites his hand, so like a child Ichigo tugs on his blue hair. it's soft and nice, and he's getting distracted. but then Yuzu is yelling at him, calling him a foolish boy (and he won't even argue, because he really is a fool).

so yes, turns out they both were punks and both did ballet.

[acediaedeus]

Unagiya Ikumi, the woman you are. truly my favourite adult in Bleach. and by adult I mean a character that’s kind of like Ichigo’s parental figure (e.g. Isshin, Kisuke, Yoruichi). for those who don’t remember: Unagiya is Ichigo’s boss.

she’s the only adult that reads like this normal, responsible grownup. perhaps it is because she’s a civilian with no knowledge of the spirits, Soul Society and so on. between her and Isshin I’d say she’s much more of a parent to Ichigo than he ever was. which fucking sucks, because she’s his BOSS, they are related through work only, yet she’s so caring and gentle with Ichigo. she is likely the only adult, or the only person period, that sees Ichigo for what he is: a kid. Unagiya is the one to tell him that “Kids like you... are meant to be able to rely on us adults!”, “You can come 'cause you're lonely... 'Cause you're having a hard time... Or even just 'cause you happened to be in the area... Helping out kids like you is what us grown-ups are here for!”.

Unagiya sees him struggling and she cares, she wants to help, demands that Ichigo let her help. she’s the one he goes to after being kicked out of Squad 0 training. I truly think she would be the only adult that Ichigo would see as an authority figure. and, ironically, he’d feel safest with her. more than that, he’d feel protected, which is a whole different, and harder thing to achieve. a woman with no greater powers than the strength her body has, makes him feel protected, while characters with immense power and skill, fail to do so.

so yes, she is very dear to me, and I would love to see them together more.

also, the fact that Ichigo feels safe and protected with her becomes an even greater surprise, considering I see him as being a paranoid person, especially after the Tsukishima debacle.

another character I think Ichigo would feel safe with is Grimmjow (doesn’t matter if we interpret this as platonic or romantic). of course that only happens post-canon after they become friends. which is also really fun and ironic, because while Unagiya is just a random civilian who’s only ever wanted the best for Ichigo, Grimmjow is a whole ass reformed villain, who actively hunted and tried to kill him. but yes, that’s the one.

he just knows that Grimmjow, despite seeming like an irrational, aggressive killing machine, is not only highly intelligent, but also honest and honourable, in a way. also possessive and prideful. meaning he won’t attack an unsuspecting or sleeping Ichigo. pride comes into play when others fight Ichigo, because “that’s my prey, get yourself your own”.

[acediaedeus]

feeling kind of bad, because I haven’t written a lot about Grimmjow :(( like, Ichigo obviously gets the majority of my attention, grimmichi is always there, but I’ve only ever really written one thing that could count as Grimmjow-centric. I need to do better.

a week has passed since I drafted this, and I finally know what to write about Grimmjow.

so, Grimmjow. fights Ichigo — sustains a lot of damage, gets attacked by Nnoitra — sustains even more damage, likely ends up burying himself in the sands of Hueco Mundo until his body stitches itself together, and promptly passes out.

but when he wakes up nothing is the same. maybe somewhere along the way Nel or Harribel and her Tres Bestias finds him and take him to the remains of Las Noches to get healed up. but that’s exactly the thing: Nel, not all the way herself yet, Harribel and that insufferable gaggle of lesbians of hers are the only ones that still remain. Aizen, Tōsen, Gin, other Espada, all of them are gone. and no matter how despicable he found them all, how their mere presence made his skin crawl, him borderline suicidal, and definitely homicidal, no matter all that, he mourns the loss.

Aizen’s out of some fucked up respect. Grimmjow hated him, feared him, sure, but he also saw Aizen as the one to grant him this strength he wields, the creator of the Sexta Espada, his God. obviously he wasn’t, considering what happened. or maybe Kurosaki was just more of a God than any man could ever hope to be. doesn’t matter, because Hollows don’t need gods, don’t need a deity to oversee their lives full of bloodshed and violence, so he lets that one go after a while. nothing to mourn in an oppressive wannabe god, trying to forge weapons out their souls.

the other Espada are harder. he hadn’t liked them, especially those below him. outright hated Ulquiorra and Nnoitra’s guts, grudgingly respected Harribel, tolerated Stark, avoided Barragan, but never liked them, they weren’t friends. yet despite all of that, it stung. they were his kin, they were there, they knew, he wouldn’t have to explain anything of what happened to them, they were familiar. all that he recognised was gone: Las Noches destroyed, every Arrancar, save for 5, wiped out, their “King” – hah, what a joke – dead or imprisoned or what-fucking-ever, it didn’t matter, not anymore. and that is what his issue was: waking up to realise he barely recognised the world around him.

this pushed him to search for what would feel familiar, feel like the Hueco Mundo he fell asleep in, the one he felt like he belonged. stupidly, illogically, orange hair and fierce amber eyes were what flashed in his mind immediately after he thought that. and no matter how dumb, no matter that every instinct in his body screamed to stay away from the creature that took down the one he thought to be untouchable, that’s what he went after. the asshole did promise him a fight.

only to be met with dull eyes that stared right through him.

[acediaedeus]

I just know coming off of the battle high after a spar with Ichigo makes Grimmjow a little bit dumb, and he’s suddenly all loose, and relaxed. a cat readying for a nap after eating a mouse it caught for lunch.

so obviously this state of his leads to some interesting revelations. because the first time Ichigo witnesses this abrupt relaxation he immediately goes into panic mode, and hurries over to check on Grimmjow. but all Ichigo gets when he grasps his forearm to pull the fucker up and get him into the healing spring, is a half-lidded look full of reverence and satisfaction, which hits him like a freight train, and makes him go dumb too. because, sure, he’s witnessed his fair share of Grimmjow’s satisfied looks. but all of them were marred by blood splattered across Grimmjow’s everything, coating his sword, his hands, a lot of the times his teeth (asshole loves taking a bite out of him), they were pure battle and blood thirstiness. this? this is wholly uncharted territory. it’s soft, and contented, and all around nothing like what Grimmjow is. and then it hits Ichigo that maybe he doesn’t know what Grimmjow is like at all. and then, for the first time in his life, he finds himself jealous, of all things. because there definitely someone that does know this side of his favourite Arrancar (there isn’t).

also, let it not be forgotten, that Ichigo’s kind of an idiot, at least when it comes to things that aren’t beating up thugs and gods, or Shakespearean tragedies and dramas. so it should be no surprise that this also happens to him. that just like Grimmjow, he too, becomes just a tiny but dumber. but instead of a cat that got the mouse, he’s more akin to a lizard basking on a sun-warmed rock.

revelations come from this too. and although at the start of their arrangement Grimmjow isn’t even close to being so nice as to help the asshole up, and make sure he’s fine, that doesn’t stop Ichigo from propping himself up on his elbows and beaming an absolutely blinding smile at Grimmjow, before passing the fuck out. and because Grimmjow is still unsure of what’s to happen now, and also not at all accustomed or prepared for human interaction, he thinks the bastard’s good will ran out already, and this is some pathetic last resort attack on his senses. but Kurosaki’s not moving, very obviously sleeping (and isn’t that an insane power move? “hey look, I’m so sure you’re not anywhere near my level, that I’m going to sleep right in front of you, my enemy.” downright mocking, how dare he). he opens a Garganta, and ditches as fast as his sonído will allow, before his brain even starts trying to find any other explanations as to what THAT was. he tries not to think about it, and swears to, from now on, leave before Kurosaki attempts any bullshit.

but the next time it happens some stupid curiosity wins out, and he stays, and he watches as the Shinigami does the whole routine all over again, and… Grimmjow suddenly can’t breathe, can’t take his wide (surely from fear) eyes off of Kurosaki’s prone figure, his face bursts into flames, his mouth runs dry, and that useless dead heart in his chest beats out of rhythm. whatever he’s doing, whatever that attack is, it’s working, and Grimmjow better get away fast.

later, much later, Grimmjow will realise that the reaction he, at first, classified as a symptom of poisoning, was him falling in love with the way Kurosaki’s permanently scowling face stretches out in an expression of pure joy just for him to see.