butterflies and birds; ceaselessly fluttering â clouds of blossoms
welcome to rory's ocean of unsaid thoughts. may you find comfort in every sentence or phrase and let your dreams run wild.
001 ... rory ; 21 ; a traveller of worlds and a wearer of masks
002 ... masterlist
003 ... requests are closed. i am willing to write for any fandom that i fancy for the season. this blog mostly contains attack on titan works but i am open to writing for more series and movies if inspiration hits me like a typhoon.
current works ... to the girls who are failed by the narrative : jujutsu kaisen
âď¸ANON BACK HERE AGAIN! I wanted to ask if you had anymore relationships planned in Family Line like for Aether, Damy, Helaena, Aemond, or like any other characters? (Also I was listening to Family Line yesterday and Iâm like, wow it suits Aesira so much and my dumbass jusr reliazed why it had thay title đ)
ooooh, yes, i do !!
this may sound generic but aemond's siege in harrenhal will be replaced by aether simply bc of daemon. i am so excited to fully write aether saying, "let me come to him" bc that has been on my mind since the trailers have been dropped.
damy, for now, doesn't have a love interest.
helaena, though, will be paired with someone for connections and alliances as well as aemond.
family line inspired me so much. thank you, conan gray !!
hello! Itâs beeen a long time since I tuned here but here I am â¤ď¸
ok where do I even start with the last few chapters because they were absolutely beautiful. Driftmark was by far my favorite episode in the series and seeing it come to life was so fun. Daemonâs constant inner thoughts being so obsessed and crazed wirh seeing Aesira again (normally I wouldnât freak out but this is hotdâŚ) and Alicentâs little conversation with Aesira before she sees her father again â¤ď¸ I love Alicent with all my heart and seeing her as this mother figuire to Aesira is so touching to me, thatâs the daughter she always wanted.
Poor Damy! He did not deserve anything, he just wanted to defend his cousin/best friend and got hurt in the proccess, praying he wakes up. Also! Go my Queen â¨â¨ Aesira standing up and taking the blame because she thinks that she has to do everything and puts everyone above her, she is literally the walking definition of eldest daughter syndrome. The whole chapter was so refreshing. And of course, Aegon and Aesiraâs little walk was so sweet (well until we came across Daemon and RhaenyraâŚ) I feel like you capture Daemon really well. He is a character who is so slimy but also so interesting to watch and read about. DAEMON AND SIRA TALKING FOR THE FIRST TIME!? AESIRA TALKING SO BOLDLY YO RHAENYRA! MY LITERAL WIFE IS NOW AESIRA! (Villian arc whennn! Also Iâm so excited for her to see Daemon again, when do you think that will happen? My guess is Ep8 in the Dinner scene. Which was again one of my fav episodes because everyone is toghter and Iâm so excited to see the twins during that since along with Damy) my favorite chapter as of now.
I am aware of how distant Viserys and Aegon are and I loathe Viserys but seeing Viserys tell him everythung and be with him does warm my heart. With Aegon knowing the prophecy, the story is slowly changing and favoring the greens more because Aegon seems more prepare and with how much he is studying, he is slowly moving along with Kingly duties and will definitely be a better king. I am literally so excited to enter the Dance part. With s2 almost ending, I am quite disappointed with how it ended but I am really eager to see your twist on it and see Aesira become a major player and be more cunning and politically motivated.
ALSO A NEW ADRIAN STORY!? my inner child was so happy when I read the chapter. Celina already stole my heart and I already relate fo her as a person to such a deep level.
i hope you donât mind if I ask two questions đ I was thking how old Aesira, Aether and Aegon are currently and since they were 13 when the TargArryns came back and two years have passed, they are 15? Iâm kinda confused because Aesira has recently jusr bled and girlâs usually bleed When they are like 12-13? Unless she is a late bloomer ofc. And my second question (feel free to ignore this one) but when I usually read or watch something and I like it, I usually search up the characterâs personality to grasp a better sense of them. I would love to read a proper description of the TargArrynâs personalities.
âď¸ Anon
STAR ANON !!! YOU HAVE MY HEART
i devoured this ask >:)) i love reading your thoughts so much. driftmark has always been my favorite in the entire series (to this day! s2 really had its moments but they don't compare to the intensity and tension laid out by the driftmark one). thank you so much !! daemon is by far both the easiest and hardest character to write bc trying to capture him in words means that i would think like him. aaaaaah, i'm so happy you love aesira <33
yes!! aesira will meet daemon again when lucerys's position as heir is questioned by vaemond velaryon. the dinner scene will be another chapter i'm so excited to fully write, the outline is still all over the place.
ngl, s2 truly disappointed me and it pushes me to put aesira in this civil war more than ever. aegon hearing the prophecy from his father is the catalyst for him to be better, not just for his position in the realm but also for his family. the only downside in viserys telling the dream to aegon is him being not clear enough why the prophecy is so important--he only says that to make sure their legacy remains.
chat noir may have been one of my crushes when i was in middle school dhjfeh i have that idea for so long already, ever since s3-5 have been released bc what the hell did they do to my boy?!?! he deserves some healthy relationship fr and i want to give that to him at the start of the story. celine is also my baby; she will be inspired by so many experiences i've had while going through middle and high school. stay tuned for more chapters on that fic !!!
the older kids in family line are all 15 going 16. aesira is a late bloomer. and i admit i gave her that luxury bc it was stated in the previous chapters that she will be engaged to aegon the moment she bleeds.
oooooh the targ-arryns' personalities. hmm, let's see:
aesira targaryen -- she is a pragmatic person. having lost her mother, abandoned by her father, and made into a mother to a newborn baby--all at the age of 5, she adapted this mentality that she needs to grow up quickly despite having an older twin brother to shoulder an equal weight of responsibility. she is the type of person who really puts others over herself but recognizes a situation where she needs to puts herself first rather than others. she also knows when to protect herself, to hide her emotions from others. ig the nearest personality i can associate her with is the zodiac sign cancer. she has strong intuition and knows how to handle situations by thinking of various outcomes.
aether targaryen -- loves loves loves to rile people up. he is described as a younger version of daemon targaryen by some of the smallfolk who encountered him (something he wouldn't want tbh). buuuut he is selfless when it comes to his immediate family, his twin sister and baby brother. with years of growing up with aesira, he has always known that it will be his sister who holds the titles, being a future princess. so, he never expects to be given a similar heavy position (heir of the vale). despite parading himself as a confident individual, he is insecure, stemming from his trauma with his father. even tho he is twins with aesira, he is more of a leo tbh--passionate, loyal, and incredibly dramatic. he embraces the roles he is given like he is born to do it.
daemian targaryen -- the baby of the family. he is still young so his personality hasn't fully been grasped. for now, he is the sunshine of his brood of siblings. when he's with others, he's usually quiet, especially the time when rhaenyra's children is still training with them in king's landing. he prefers aemond's company when he's with others, seeing as his real best friend is in oldtown. he is also apprehensive more than anyone, one example is his view on aegon stealing his sister away from their side of the family. he treasures his attachment to his siblings more than anything. his role in the dance will be equal to that of daeron's.
Ahh Aether looks so pretty as young Bjorn! And so does Sira ofc â¤ď¸ Knowing that Aether has to face his father upsets me so much đ he better have a happy ending! (Does he end up with anyone!?) Iâm literally praying none of the babies die đ Also I wanted to tell you how much I love Aeisra! She isnât your typical badass main character and much softer and sweet but not to such an extent, her head is always filled with negative emotions and hatred but she wants to be jusr like mother so she pushes them all aways since they are emotions thag remind her of Daemon (not me literally jumping up and down for the Driftmark chapter!)
âď¸ anon
so so sorry for replying to this late, star anon !! :(((
aether is our resident pretty boy indeed <33 i won't disclose much on aether's ending but there will be someone for him as the story progresses. i am praying with you, love; i hope none of them die T^T awww, that means so much to me; aesira is my little baby and i'm so happy that you love her. your analysis for her is spot on. she has too much negative emotions in her head that can only be associated with daemon most of the time and the more that she pushes them in her subconscious, the more that she becomes resentful, unknowingly becoming the person she despises.
the dirftmark chapter is near !!! i was inspired by the 2nd season oho
will the TargArryn trio do anything during the dance? Most stories I read have their characters either replace the action of canon ones or do things that donât really affect the plot
the targarryn (that's a clever name for them omg <33) will do things during the dance. i admit that the role of aether being daemon's unofficial heir will ultimately put him as a replacement to a majority of aemond's actions during the dance (such as the battle of above the gods eye); it makes more sense for him to face daemon instead of aemond in my story. aesira will be plotting on a couple of things to sway people to her side; i don't wanna reveal too much of it bc that would mean my story won't have the impact i'm looking for. daemian won't be that much of a plotting slash warmongering character, he'll participate in the war that's for sure.
again, i don't want to reveal too much. all will be told in my story in due time. ^^
so sorry to be asking another question but I was rewatching the trailer for s2 of hotd when I saw Jeyne Arryn who Iâm pretty sure gives the Valeâs loyalty to Team Black. But Aether and Aesira are mostly likely team black and Aether is the heir fo the vale? So how would that work out
hiiii <33
there are things that i changed in my fic and one is the connection of the three siblings with the arryns of the eyrie. at the end of the day, this is fanfiction; i know the canon jeyne arryn sides with team black, but in my story, she's siding with the family member who showed her more courtesy and acknowledgement, and that is aesira and her brothers (who have chosen to be friendly to the point of staying in the vale for a couple of years). aesira and her brothers are team green and the eyrie's pledge to support them will balance out the many houses and territories that will fight with team black.
hope this clarifies things and if my story won't be your cup of tea bc of this, i'm deeply sorry :(((
previous anon here! I was scrolling and found out that blood and cheese will be the first episode of Hotd s2 and then it hit me⌠if blood and cheese happens in Family Line, Aesira will actually be devasted because her father ordered the murdered of her sonâŚ
(Also do you have a face claim for the three siblings or an artbreeder? Im a visual person and it would help a lot!)
yours beloved, âď¸ anon
hello, hello, star !! yes, blood and cheese will happen in family line and it will happen to aesira and aegon's first children. a lot of things will happen that will lead to that moment; i have altered so many events with how my story is going and it's quite difficult fitting the canon events to my plans. oh no, love, aesira won't be devastated ... she will be angry, she is already angry with the man who fathered her and her brothers, and her resentment to what happened will be another key player in the dance.
ooooh, i acc don't have a face claim for the three siblings buuut i imagine young bjorn andresen (aka the most beautiful boy in the world) as young aether, elle fanning as aesira, and as for little daemian, i'm still not quite sure who perfectly captures the descriptions i wrote abt him.
I just finished Family Line and I am actually obsessed? The whole romance and relationships are all such a mess and â¨â¨ I was wondering if you are still writing it or if it is discontinued (if it is, can you perhaps share the spark notes! ) Also everytime I think of Aesira, I imagine Ella Fanning? And honestly both of them are so cute
hi hi !! family line is actually posted more often on my ao3 acc, blowingondandelions đ i am still writing it, dw, you can leave behind reviews/comment there. i actually took inspiration from elle fanning when creating aesira, especially from when she played aurora in maleficent! the whole situation in family line will only get worse as the plot progresses đ
my love is mine all mine ch 3 | toji fushiguro x female reader
part one of to the girls who are failed by the narrative series.
series summary:
'the glorified womb', 'the heir bearer', 'the blessed flower of the jujutsu society' â they are just some of the titles given to the women of your mother's clan, and all of them eventually fell to you, the prodigal firstborn who has the misfortune of birthing someone who will be stronger than their predecessors. with the fate of someone's clan on your shoulders, there are only a handful of things told to you while growing up; be as demure as you can be, never open your mouth and squash your thoughts, sit with a posture befitting that of a lady wearing an invisible yet heavy diadem. but the one that rings the most goes like this: your only purpose in this world is to be a silent wife to a man who will give you the opportunity to carry the next generation of powerful sorcerers. you remember all of these as you walk toward zen'in ogi in your uchikake, the constricting material around your waist akin to the gripping hold of your cursed technique.
and in fate's funny little ways of fabricating legacies and stories, you forget them when you are spirited away by the man who always welcomes the coming of the seasons with you without fail.
chapter title: the answer will be an echo: why did you do this?
warnings: the zen'in clan.
Your sister inherited the Joushou clanâs cursed technique.
Itâs an announcement that has any member of your family reeling. What a waste, they say. This could have been phenomenal if not for the sex of the child. What good would a woman have if they assume the position of heir to a powerful clan that owns shrines of purification for generations? And with the headâs reluctance in re-marrying another pitiful woman, there is no chance that a son will be celebrated, which brings you at this momentâholding your little sister who was given the role of the heir a few months ago. Itâs something that you have to accept for you have no ability to create a field of reversed cursed technique that can nullify any nearby techniques.
Four years have gone and your sister celebrated four birthdays with only you and a couple of loyal maids by her side. Your father, being the head of the clan, has growing paperwork and responsibilities on top of his desk with the passing years. Now older, your father has been scrambling with marriage proposals from other clans, all vying to have you in their hold â their riches on his table.
A wife. Pliant, obedient, meek, poised, virtuous; are some of the traits expected of you. They are drilled in your head every time you have lessons with your current tutor, a lady from one of the Joushou branch households, one Lady Yukina. Despite the harshness of the lessons she brings, she might be the only old lady who has never looked at you with disdain. Her gaze fills with understanding and sometimes sympathy when she reminds you that you have to be a woman fit for the jujutsu society.
You have long since understood that even with a title to your name, you are not safe from the whims of men. You remain as a piece in their games, meant to be broken when Time and Fate are not merciful to your soul. You know itâafter all, your mother has lived long enough to tell the tale.
The Hanamo clan has always stood as the harbinger of a new generation of sorcerers, as the historians so love to write about in their scriptures.Â
The ancestry flowing in your veins is proof that you will always be tied to the workings of the jujutsu world, that you will be a slave to the norms delegated by the higher-ups who uphold the traditions of time immemorial. It continues to resemble the essence of your existence. Without it, you are nothing but a huskâtossed aside for lacking purpose. To put it bluntly, you donât want to be a wife if it means having a life lived by your mother. You are older now and aside from gaining marriage proposals, you have gained this awareness that not even your father can prevent. You wish to enjoy what they call middle school. At your age, you canât help but think that maybe you could have been a senior. You want to join clubs, stay at school after classes, or go to cram school because you want to enter a prestigious high school. You long to experience staying up late and getting confession letters in lockersâfeel the giddiness stolen glances in a room brings.
However, since Fate is not kind to girls like you, you are stuck here letting the wind carry your thoughts.
âOnee-chan!âÂ
âHmm?â
You are drawn to reality at the sound of your precious little sisterâs voice.
âWhat is it, Tiny?â
She giggles, teeth showing and eyes crinkling in happiness at the syllables of her nickname from you. The little girl of four bounds over to the picnic blanket that you are sitting on, the constricting material of the kimono around her figure preventing her from running too wildly. You carefully watch her, your arms stretching out and torso leaning forward when she nearly topples to the ground. The sigh of relief your chest has been holding is let out when she is secure in your arms, which is then followed by a small huff since she has been getting bigger. The little girl in your embrace places her chin on your chest, her pudgy cheeks pressing against you. âOnee-chanâs sadness, go away. I donât want Onee-chan to be sad.â
You hum, your smile mirroring hers. âWhy would I be sad when I have the cutest, most special girl in my arms?â
She squeals when your fingers start tickling her sides.
âOnee-chan, no!â Her voice is being carried by the wind, gleefully intermingling with the melody of the breeze. âStop it!â
Laughter continues to bubble in your throat. A huge surge of warmth prompts you to lean down to press your forehead against your sisterâs. âWhy would I be sad when I get to see the most precious thing smile and laugh?â You nuzzle your nose on her hair. She always smells of something citrus and sweet, a combination fitting for the reason behind your smiles. âTiny, your existence is enough to drive the sadness away. Nothing can make me shed tears if youâre here by my side.â
âDid Mama feel like that about me?â The slightest falter in your demeanour is unnoticed by your sister. âAh! I didnât mean to make Onee-chan sad again.â
âWhat?â You breathe out. You try painting a smile on your lips. âIâm not sad.â
âYou are!â She retorts with an adorable scrunch on her nose. âThe flowers never lie, Onee-chan! They always lose their colour when youâre sad.â You donât even have to ask how your sister knows about your connection with the flowers in the garden because she continues explaining in a tone that is awfully similar to Father when he was still instilling the ways of the clans in you when you were a child. âAida-san told me that Mamaâs family speaks to flowers. I know Onee-chan can speak to them, too, and just like me, they feel sad when Onee-chan is sad.â
âI do have a smart girl for a baby sister,â you muse, running your hand through her hair. âYes, Mama could speak with any kind of plant you can think of and I know that your existence is something she asked for; she prayed every night for you to be here. You are her precious little dewdropâI know it because the flowers told me so. Mama talked to them while she was carrying you in her tummy, you see.â
âWas she happy when she had me?â
The smile on your face never dims. â Super happy,â you make sure to emphasise the first word.
âWere you happy?â
âThe happiest big sister in the world.â
âIâm happy youâre my big sister, too!â
Your bottom lip wobbles, quickly hiding it by burying the toddler back into your arms. âYouâre so cute, Tiny! Ah,â you sigh out, âI donât ever want you to grow up; I want you to stay this little forever.â Your tiny dewdrop that you can carry in your arms forever, a place where she truly belongs and will remain untainted by the world revolving around you two.
âBut I want to grow up!â
This surprises you. âWhy, Tiny?â
She beams, âBecause I get to be with you more! Youâre always away with Papa and Iâm all alone. If Iâm grown up, I will be by your side more often.â
You give her a rueful smile. Your hand perfectly cups the side of her head as if both are puzzle pieces fitted with each other. âI canât wait to see you in the future; but for now, Iâll cherish you like this. Because you want to know a little secret?â The smile on your face grows at the sparkles lighting up your baby sisterâs eyes. They seem to gleam like jewels within a pool of moonlight. The hand cupping her face transfers to cover her ear, your voice dropping into a whisper purely for the two of you to hearânot even the flowers can be a witness to your little secret. âNothing in this world truly belongs to me except my love for you, owner of my heart and my tiny dewdrop. You are the one gift Mother gave to me and I donât know what Iâd do if you slip from my fingers too soon. Let me love you as my baby sister and let Time pass by the way it always does. Alright?â
A sheen then covers your sisterâs eyes as she stares at you in pure, adulterated emotions that a four-year-old like her can muster.
âI love you so much, Tinyâalways remember that, okay?â
She meekly nods, your words flustering her cheeks in a faint surge of heat. âI love you, too, Onee-chan.â
Itâs you two against the entire world. Despite how the circumstances bring you your sister, you will never love her any less. You may have familial burdens to carry on your poised shoulders, they donât include the most precious treasure to you at the moment.Â
The moment is shattered when the flowers slightly express their disappointment before you can sense the pattern of footsteps behind you.
âOjou-sama, Lord Yoshiki is summoning you to his office,â Aida, a maid that you have grown quite fond of through the years, tells you, her head low like the head maid has taught her during her initiationâalways show reverence to the members of the main family; they are your benefactor, your salvation, your puppeteers.
âDid he say why, Aida-san?â You pry from her, your arms still around the girl nestling on your lap.
The woman shakes her head. âNo, Ojou-sama. But if it helps ease your mind, he is not in a troubled mood.â A knowing glint sparks her eyes as she trails them on the swaying vermillion blades dancing by her feet.Â
âVery well,â is all you offer to her as a response. You turn to your baby sister, who is already pouting at the thought of spending the rest of her afternoon in solitude. âTiny, Iâll see you at dinner, okay?â She is looking at you like sheâs begging for you not to leave her alone and that alone nearly shatters your resolve. As the only child aware of the workings of the clan, you must attend to Fatherâs summons. Your sister will have this role in the future but for now, even with no shed of the Joushouâs cursed technique in your veins, you should do your duty. So, you carefully lift her from your lap before settling her feet on the grass. âI promise weâll eat your favourites later.â
âAnd watch Sanrio?â
The smile on your face grows. Ah, your obsession with that cartoon and its characters; itâs purely the reason why your sister adores the white long-eared puppy as well. You, yourself have developed a liking toward the hooded bunny and the golden retriever characters. âAnd watch Sanrio,â you echo after her.Â
âYay!â She cheers, her hands high in the air and her smile bright enough to illuminate an abyss.
You let go of her small hands before turning around to face the maid sent to escort you to where Father is. âTake me to him, Aida.â
âAs you wish, Ojou-sama.â
The walk is silentâyou can even hear the grating of the wood against a sudden gust of wind, bringing the scent of cherry blossoms in the air.
Ah, it's spring without your mother again.Â
You remember watching her work wonders in the gardens during this lucky season of the year. The pinks the entire world is waiting to sprout are sitting on top of Motherâs palms, the small spark of her cursed technique speaking with the roots and the trunks until all you can see are raining petals of cherry and plum blossoms. You never once looked forward to spring again after her passing. But there is an undeniable clench in your chest when you think about your baby sister never sharing the same enthusiasm about that season; she doesnât get to press her face on the glass windows at her age every time spring knocks on your householdâs door.
The scent of the flowers die down when the shoji doors to Fatherâs office slide open.
âYou called for me, Father?â
The image of your father has long since dwindled. He was never the same again since the death of Mother. The elders have always expressed their bafflement at him refusing another proposal to be remarried. The clan needs male heirs, they say, one that can withstand even the next strongest sorcerer to be born. His previous impeccable appearance is replaced by a rugged man with the constant presence of stubbles and hastily tied hair. There are no elaborate kimonos; instead, he is often dressed in rather simple hakamas, but that doesnât betray his station. He is still the head of the Joushou clan, the only clan to have ever survived the Domain Expansion of the recorded strongest sorcerer across centuries.Â
Father doesnât look up from his paperwork. âYou are dismissed,â he directs the words to the maid who escorted you.
You flash Aida an imperceptible smile right after she bows her head as lowly as she can without toppling over. Her footsteps are silent and she leaves behind you and the man who will decide your fate.
âWho is it this time?â You still fix your eyes on the hardwood panels of the floor.Â
The sigh that comes out of Father amounts to the weight he carries after reading the papers on his hand. He doesnât answer your question. Instead, he fishes out an unsealed piece of paper from a nearby stack and throws it on the table.
You walk to the edge of his desk to catch a glimpse of the sender. Something pulses inside you at the implications the letterâs seal brings. You know itâs inevitable to be tied to this family and you have long accepted it but that doesnât prevent the trepidation clogging your throat. âThe Zenâin?â
After you make it real by uttering the syllables of their name, Father pinches the bridge of his nose, his eyebrows scrunched in an uneasy exhibition of pain. âIâm sure you remember that Zenâin Ougiâs wife died a few months before.â Your silence is an enough answer for Father to continue. The memory of attending the funeral is still fresh in your mind and thereâs no mistaking the reeking disappointment coming from the clan elders of the Zenâin. Another wife gone; another chance for a holder of the Ten Shadows lost. âThey want you as his second wife.â His fists clench on top of the papers.
Youâre quiet for a moment. âCan I read it, Father?â
Father waves his hand.
The sound of crinkling paper fills the room. You flip the folded flaps of the letter. The tidy calligraphy starts by addressing your father. Your eyes skim over saccharine words crafted to impress him.
The letter opens with the head of the Zenâin clan iterating that this is the perfect opportunity for the Joushou clan to enter the inner circles of the jujutsu society.
It goes on by saying that if the Gojos never had that pesky godling born in the same year as your little sister, your clan would have made it within the triad of jujutsu families, even rivalling the authority established by the Kamos. Pity that the Gojo clan beat your family by a hairbreadth and pity that the inheritor of the Purification Technique is of the lowly sex. You take a glance at Father, knowing that this section of the letter is the reason behind the tick in his jaw. You continue on reading how the children from this union would be the leaders of the next generation of jujutsu. With the Glorified Womb and a carrier of the Ten Shadows Technique, it is bound to be fruitfulâthe most awaited heir of the Zenâin clan wonât just be a figment of someoneâs imagination.
We hope this is met with utmost consideration. After all, this is the pinnacle we are both waiting for. Wed your bloomed flower to my youngest son and all will be wellâyou will be compensated handsomely. Everything you could think of, we will provide as long as they belong to our capabilities. Do not make the wrong decision, Joushou. The fate of your clan rests on your word.Â
âThis is not in my position to ask but,â you start, lifting your head from trailing your eyes over every well-crafted, harsh word the Zenâin sent, âFather, tell me youâre not going to consider this?â He doesnât offer a response. He simply stares at a spot on his desk, his hands woven over his mouth. You hear your heartbeat in your ears as you place the letter on the furniture separating you from him. âFather.â The man goes on to blankly stare at you. At the silence, your voice gains volume. âHeâs the same age as Uncle Hatsugu!â He stands up from his seat, lifting his chin in the air while you feel tears peeking through your bottom eyelids. At the stony facade he dons, you slowly shake your head. âFather, no. No, no, no!â
Father merely blinks. The previous tension weighing on his shoulders vanishes and in front you is the man who thought it was best to force your mother to bear the son he wanted. â[Name].â
âPlease tell me you havenâtââ
âItâs the Zenâin.â
âBut that doesnât meanâ!â
âYou will have four years.â
Standing in this room with him becomes suffocating with each passing second. Marrying young has always been the culture in your hidden world. Women are a commodity. You hope that because Father was kind enough to tell you of each suitor sending their letters, he will also be kind enough to reject them until you have fully lived your life. âPlease,â one word is all you can say. And if that isnât enough for Father, you try to convince him with your eyes. Yet the more you look at him, all ready to kneel and plead to give back your girlhood, you gradually understand that you have no choice. Father looks like heâs seen a ghost within you. The shock morphs into rage, then, later calms into a quiet nothing that rings so loud your tears cascade on your cheeks. âI-I donât want this, Father. The Zenâinsââ
âAre a respectful family that is worth leagues more than ours,â he finishes. âThey stand as what orthodox should be in our world. This,â he taps his forefinger on the letter, âis just the beginning, [Name]. We are nearing the pinnacle of jujutsu in this generation and it starts with your marriage to this man.â You open your mouth to retaliate. He cuts you off from speaking with a hand. âYou are someone born in my family. Do your duty just like any other woman before you.â
âJust listen to meââ
âAm I clear, [Name]?â Father fixes a wide-eyed glare at you. âYou didnât inherit your motherâs viability for heirmaking for nothing. This is your purpose. Whatever fantasies you have running in that head of yours, cease it. Do you understand?âÂ
You donât answer him.
â[Name].â
Flinching at the way he says your name, you look down at your feet.
âDo not make me angry; we both know that it wonât end in your favour.â
You swallow a lump in your throat. âI understand, Father.â
âGood.â Then, he waves you away. âGo. I have a letter to reply to.â
You donât know where your feet take you. After the shoji doors slide shut behind you, you are floating. You see and hear nothing. When you lift your head from mindlessly tracing the ground you walk on, you are outside in the gardens, the little girl you left behind earlier still in the same place. She turns around at the sound of your footsteps but you donât give her a chance to call you because you pull her into your arms. You can feel her pressing her cheeks against yours and it hurts. You bury your face in her hair, your embrace fully encompassing her from the world. The air smells of hellebore and amidst the lake of white and purple, a clump of begonia stands as a beacon.
Toji spits out blood on the blades of grass surrounding the Zenâin estate. Imposing eyes follow him from the visible hallways of the traditional Japanese household. He can already assume what they are whispering aboutâ the black sheep of the family is at it again, disappearing in random hours of the day and coming back all bloody like he wants to taint our sacred home . Toji clicks his tongue at the thought and by doing so, irritating his split gums, which irritates him even more. He couldnât care less. Let them talk, let them paint him into their version of a devil, let them say that heâs the curse of the family; to Hell with all of them.
He keeps on walking until he reaches the nearest entrance to his fatherâs wing, where his side of the family resides. The maids scurry away from his path and the only sound accompanying him to his destination is the jingle of charms dangling from his wallet. Itâs jarring, how stark the various shades of pink and blue are against his dark garb. If he is one of the nosier women in the estate, he would have questioned it as well. The carved flowers make a nice melody with each step and they all sing something thatâs purely her . Because thatâs the reason why the hanging charms are in his pocketâtheyâre all for her , the precious doll of the Joushou clan and the belle of everyoneâs ball, including his. Even as he let himself loose by facing a dozen curses in an abandoned hospital, he still managed to think of something so soft, a feat in itself that he never thought possible for someone like him.
Itâs a miracle that nothing intercepted him. Usually, during his excursions, Jinichi would make himself known and throw remarks that would have the two of them grappling for the first punch. This time around, none of the notable people in his family lurks around the corner, waiting for their moment to strike. Itâs peaceful for once and Toji doesnât know how it makes him feel.
âYou.â
A maid squeaks when Tojiâs gaze falls on her.
âWhere are the others?â
Her chest rises and falls rapidly. She canât fully look him in the eye.
âIâm fucking talking to you,â comes from Tojiâs mouth.
With a hitched breath, the maid answers, âTheyâre all gathering in the Master's office.â
âThe old man is dying; what are they gathering there for?â
The maid grips the edges of her cheap uniform, creating creases that would surely earn her some nagging from the matron of housekeeping. Locking eyes with him is a mistake because she starts sweating even though this part of the estate hasnât met any heaters in the last few months. Perks of being the most favourite disappointments. Toji carefully wraps his hand around the kanzashi nestled inside his pocket, the ornaments it carries caressing his skin. This is taking too long. Then, the maid stutters, âI-I heard they received a message regarding a marriage proposal.â
âWho?â
âI-I donât know, Sir.â
Toji lets out a mirthless laugh. âItâs bitchy Ogi, isnât it? Shouldâve known.â
The maid keeps quiet with her head down. Without addressing her any further, Toji walks past her and makes his way to the main wing of the estate.Â
Despite saying that he doesnât care for the inner workings of their clan, he canât help but feel amusement for another failed marriage to surface. After his newest auntâs funeral, all anticipation and hope for the clanâs future has been sucked dry. Pity that these women are sent to this wretched family, hoping to at least be treated as royalty. All they got is the constant spiel that they are far beneath their husbands even though they share a last name through marriage. Tojiâs mother was one of those women. And Heaven forbid, another tombstone will be added to the clanâs guarded cemetery with this letter.
With silent footsteps, Toji leaned on the wall next to the sliding doors of his grandfatherâs office with his arms crossed on his chest.
ââCanât tell me this is fucking fair!â
His father.
âYou have not proven yourself worthy for this, Ichiro.â
The wheezing gives it away.
Booming laughter erupts from behind the closed doors, followed by a guzzling of a drink. âIf only your wife died before giving birth to two failures, one of which is standing with us in this room also vying for this girlâs hand in marriage. Would you look at that, you two are almost twins sneering at me like that!â Another round of cackles from his alcoholic uncle. âYou would have a chance with this girl whoâs even younger than your sons! Ha! Just saying that makes me want to pukeââ
âNot in here, Naobito,â a warning from Grandfather.
ââthe contents of my stomach.
âLike Ogi is any better.â
âDo not bring me in your squabble,â says a calm, grating voice.
âI still believe this is something you have planned to dethrone me from my chance of being the heir. Are you that threatened by my sonâs manifestation of cursed energy?â
Ogi scoffs. Toji imagines him lifting his chin in the airâthe arrogant bastard. âItâs not my fault you are hindered by the existence of your precious child. Or do you regret ever siring him for a chance at a young girl? Iâd say you are a hypocrite, brother.â
âSay that to my face, you little piece of shit!â
âFather, why not Jinichi?â Tojiâs father tries pulling the tides in their favour. âThey are close in age. My son developed a technique uniquely his, a promising one that would shake the other clans if he would inherit the position of heir. Why not give him this girl as a chance to redeem our bloodline? The future user of the Ten Shadows Technique will surely emerge from their coupling.â
âIt is true that our family has established a hierarchy unlike the others,â the senile man coughs out, âbut I would never waste something worth more than diamonds on your dying bloodline.â Toji can hear his father raising his voice while his older uncle cackles in glee. If only heâs not carrying treasure in the depths of his pockets, he would have bled through his pants with how tight heâd be clenching his hands. âCompared to Ogi, your sonâs technique is nothing. My son has gained a reputation from the higher-ups of our world, a feat your son could only dream of. What Ogi can do will only be the catalyst in a fruitful union.â There is a pause. âAnd there is the case of your other child. Whatâs to say Jinichi is tainted by his younger brother? Donât even make me begin on how that abomination always succeeds in being the familyâs blunder. I have presented the letter for her hand in marriage with Ogi in mind and no one else. Do not make me exert my power over you, Ichiro, because you are nothing but a failure to me.â
âFather, you surely know how to knock down someone,â Naobito says in mirth.
Toji is still against the wall of the old manâs office. His hands are itching on pummeling something to the ground. Fucking elders and their ridiculous degrading wordsâthey make him want to wring their necks and feed them to the curses they keep in the basement. Toji wants nothing more than to witness the light dim and eventually flicker out from this senile manâs eyes. Heat starts travelling all the way to the tips of his ears. Hearing everything urges his body to retreat in his room and wallow in self-pity. But anger gets the best of him, always. This fucking family and their superiority will be the death of them; he is already cursing them. They would ask for Heaven for what he is doing to them in his head. Then again, Hell would probably be Heaven for them for all the grotesque things they do behind closed doors.Â
âThen, itâs final. Ogi will wed Joushou [Name] the moment she turns eighteen. This is the pinnacle of jujutsu and I expect nothing but congratulations from you pitiful fools.â
That is the moment Toji realised, he would take down the pinnacle of the jujutsu world.
Notes:
in the victorian language of flowers, hellebore can mean 'we can overcome scandal and slander'. when paired with begonias in a bouquet, it brings a reminder that future challenges will arise.
taglist (send an ask or a reply if you want to be added !! )
hey rory,đĽšđŤś it's been a while! i unfortunately lost my old account n it took me so long to get back on tumblr lmaođ ive always been a silent fan but i always admired your works, it comforted me a lot, senior year in uni is soo hectic so always remember to take care of urself, u can take breaks from time to time!:3
hello!!! aw, welcome back đ knowing that my works comforted you is an achievement for me, i'm so happy my words reached you! senior year is definitely the most hectic đ we just finished defending our thesis and now, i can finally rest for a while before going back again to finish the rest of my requirements! thank you for checking up on me, it warms my heart! đĽš
hope you get time to relax with school and all. i was wondering- do you have a study routine/schedule? or does it just kind of depend on when your exam is? i wanna maintain a consistent work schedule but it never becomes consistent lol. also, what does a typical study day look like for you? what's your daily routine? (sorry if these questions are too personal, please feel free to ignore). anyway drink water and get lots of sleep đ¤đ¤đ
hi, lovely! đ
tbh, my study routine/schedule depends on the subject and the amount of study material they have for each exam. but what me and my friends did was make compiled reviewers for the topics that would be included in the exam. it's tedious work but it definitely helped! âşď¸ i suggest that if you do this on your own, make a template ahead of time or make use of those summary ai found on the internet. there are a lot of tutorials on yt and i highly recommend watching them. i know maintaining a regular work schedule is stressful; we all have unproductive days more than the productive ones âšď¸ buuut being inconsistent isn't a problem, small progress is still progress! just let things go in your pace. đ if it helps, studying with a study with me video on yt is something i recommend, too!
oh, dw, i'm fine answering these questions! a typical study day, for me, involves planning my schedule the night before, waking up accdg to my schedule, and following through it with breaks in between. back in our first semester when we had exams every week, i admit i just went with the flow (aka cram most of it except for my favorite subjects) but during midterms and finals, i try to prep a week before the exams. (keyword: try đľâđŤ) i actually study for midterms and finals with a friend, which i recommend as well, and lucky for me we have different majors so our studies never aligned. it's kind of effective bc you're reminded that you have to study.
you, too! stay hydrated and don't forget to rest in between your study sessions! đŠˇđŠˇđŠˇ good luck on your upcoming exams mwa đź
hey rory. how are you? haven't heard from you in a while. hope everything is okay.
hello, lovely !! life has been pretty hard lately with all the busy schedules and everything but despite that, i'm happy to say i'm doing okay. i try to be but with the hectic senior year in uni, i haven't touched any unfinished series of mine from here :(( i'm so sorry. still, thank you for checking on me â i do appreciate it a lot! đŠˇ
It's been over two years & I still think about your fic "ready to love" at least once a month. I'm waiting some time to read it again to experience the feelings all over again... :3 thanks for writing
aw, this is so cute !! thank you for still reading and thinking abt my old works. it warms my heart that it made you feel something â which is a huge compliment when it comes to my writing. have an amazing day or night, sweetie! đŠˇ
Hello, i hope your doing well :) i was wondering if you're going to keep writing the spy family AU
hi !!! it's been so long since i've been on this app :(( life has been so busy lately with me being a senior in uni. but regarding my unfinished works, i'm trying my best to finish them but with aot, i can't seem to reignite that spark anymore :(( i'm so sorry and thank you for checking up on me! đŠˇ
to the girls who are failed by the narrative: masterlist | jjk
enclosed here are stories of tragedy; of loving someone too much that his loss becomes your ruination, of waves of blue and black that threatens to wash your cheeks with the colors of summer, of curses trapping you in prophecies not even a red string can break, of unlikely saviours and damsels who fell harder for each other.
note: all of these are connected. every character has their own 'reader' (except for yuta). once we move on to the next character, the previous reader will be given a nickname. i am actually excited about this <5 consider this as my official comeback (?) here on this site.
my love is mine all mine â zen'in toji (later fushiguro) x reader
: 'the glorified womb', 'the heir bearer', 'the blessed flower of the jujutsu society' â they are just some of the titles given to the women of your mother's clan, and all of them eventually fell to you, the prodigal firstborn who has the misfortune of birthing someone who will be stronger than their predecessors. with the fate of someone's clan on your shoulders, there are only a handful of things told to you while growing up; be as demure as you can be, never open your mouth and squash your thoughts, sit with a posture befitting that of a lady wearing an invisible yet heavy diadem. but the one that rings the most goes like this: your only purpose in this world is to be a silent wife to a man who will give you the opportunity to carry the next generation of powerful sorcerers. you remember all of these as you walk toward zen'in ogi in your uchikake, the constricting material around your waist akin to the gripping hold of your cursed technique.
and in fate's funny little ways of fabricating legacies and stories, you forget them when you are spirited away by the man who always welcomes the coming of the seasons with you without fail.
chapters:
i: their redness talks to my wounds
ii: in our circle of green
iii: coming soon !!
iv: coming soon !!
v: coming soon !!
to love and be loved is to rest  â gojo satoru (w. geto suguru) x reader
: you knew you will never love gojo satoru, the godling that will make kingdom come if he so wished it, the moment he pushed you into a puddle of muddy water the day your older sister was announced to be engaged to the possible heir of the zen'in clan. with your new kimono drenched in brown splatters and your hair in disarray, the little white rat had the gall to cackle in front of majority of the jujutsu society. that was the day you vowed to always harbour hate for him. yet for some weird reason, gojo becomes a constant in your life â the only one to ever see you at your weakest when your sister abandoned you to become the next bride and the only one who promised to return your youth to you by being your semblance of normalcy among the decaying beliefs and elders of the jujutsu society.
you thought you will never know love until you met geto suguru and all his gentle smiles, warm demeanour, and weird fringe. and before you know it, your little world with gojo expanded to include geto, ieiri, and the colours of summer throughout the year. but summer will always fade away to autumn, a season that chills you to the bone and sets glaciers in your blood, its fingers promising change like no other.
because it was fall of 2007 that you wish you never knew what love is at all.
chapters: coming soon !!
except for your eyes, no blade can control me  â fushiguro megumi x reader
: coming soon !!
[bonus] hearts be burned asunder with love â okkotsu yuta x oc
: it's a new generation of sorcerers and the flower of the jujutsu society truly lived up to her fate of carrying new heirs for a dying clan. from her union with the nefarious sorcerer killer comes a blessing and a festival; a shepherd of umbras in the shape of animal curses and the other an amalgamation of opposing energies.
the moment fushiguro matsuri first sung her pleas to the world, the shadows danced and the flowers tried reaching for a speck of light. and it is when she was finally swallowed by the mass of shadows that her twin brother first saw how cruel their part of the world can be.
it's november 2017 and a cursed womb has been spotted hanging like an ominous raindrop of cynicism above a remote forest near a clan compound. all sorcerers near the area are dispatched to the scene but fushiguro megumi has one request to his mentor (begrudging uncle), bring the first-year jujutsu high student he met a few months ago to where the cursed womb is. after all, okkotsu yuta is the only sorcerer megumi openly respects to save his sister and matsuri is the only person everyone expects to neutralize the queen of curses if the time comes for the sword to reap its harvest.
: coming soon !!
send an ask or reply if you want to be added to the taglist <3
my love is mine all mine ch 2 | toji fushiguro x female reader
part one of to the girls who are failed by the narrative series.
series summary:
'the glorified womb', 'the heir bearer', 'the blessed flower of the jujutsu society' â they are just some of the titles given to the women of your mother's clan, and all of them eventually fell to you, the prodigal firstborn who has the misfortune of birthing someone who will be stronger than their predecessors. with the fate of someone's clan on your shoulders, there are only a handful of things told to you while growing up; be as demure as you can be, never open your mouth and squash your thoughts, sit with a posture befitting that of a lady wearing an invisible yet heavy diadem. but the one that rings the most goes like this: your only purpose in this world is to be a silent wife to a man who will give you the opportunity to carry the next generation of powerful sorcerers. you remember all of these as you walk toward zen'in ogi in your uchikake, the constricting material around your waist akin to the gripping hold of your cursed technique.
and in fate's funny little ways of fabricating legacies and stories, you forget them when you are spirited away by the man who always welcomes the coming of the seasons with you without fail.
chapter title: in our circle of green
warnings: objectifying women, misogynistic beliefs, pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, death
Toji already figured that the Zenâin clan was cruel the moment he could understand words.
Some say that the birth of his older brother marked the downfall of a clan so revered they were supposed to be placed on a pedestal alongside two families in the jujutsu society. Born with a cursed energy that didnât make the shadows dance, Jinichi is the first ink blot on a pristine scroll of names. Their father, ever the people pleaser and the self-proclaimed heir of the clan, tried to appeal to the elders and the head who are all a bunch of stoic people whom Toji didnât have the mood to list because they are so withered and grey they are almost unforgettable. Zenâin Ichiro begged them to give him another chance to prove that the Zenâin clan still had the potential to carry on the technique that spoke of them being shadow puppeteers.
And then came him.
While his brother earned cursed energy, Toji did not.
His life ended the moment it started.
He is used as an excuse for blows and barbed words. The scars littering his back and upper arms are just some of the few inflicted on him, the others healing with time. When they saw that his resolve wouldnât easily break, all of the bruises and wounds went to his parents.
The family finally drove his father insane; and with his father spiralling, the suffering of his mother begins.
Then, came the blaming.
His mother, a woman so kind that she even smiles after receiving the end of his fatherâs verbal daggers, became a target for the elders. With the veins on her hand visible to the naked eye from how pale she is and the purple bags under her eyes from lack of rest, the wife of the assumed clan heir loved her second son despite being the one thing the Zenâin loathed. Dry hands cupped his chubby cheeks often, her chapped lips murmuring sweet nothings to his ears. She told him she prayed to the gods to make him just the way she wasânormal and untainted by the world they were living in. They were words that would remain meaningless to him for they rang with false promises. He never understood her spending more time with him when he was younger. Until he saw her getting dragged by the hair after refusing to lay with him for another child that would become another failure. For the months that his mother endured, just this one rippling event made her take her last breath.
The reason for the death of his mother was himâthe boon of the Zenâin clan.
All unlucky things revolved around him.
At least thatâs what he was told when they pushed him into a room full of cursed spirits to test his strength.
There is a certain air of unparalleled dignity when covered by the rooftops of the Joushou clan compound, the potent air of purity ringing through the pillars holding it together. Compared to the Zenâin clan residence, those who bear the Joushou family name all lived in a small village in Kyoto, a space barricaded by so many barriers that Toji felt like itâs too much for a clan that isnât within the triad of the Jujutsu society.
They are going to attend a funeral, his grandfather said. There was no mistaking that when the old man announced that everyone should be on their best behaviour, he was directing the words to both sons of his failed firstborn, specifically him, the boy they threw into a room of cursed spirits and the one they left scars on. When the creaking old man finally retreated to his chambers after the announcement was made, Toji could finally roll his eyes at the absurdity of the situation, the action never unnoticed by his older brother, judging by the low snicker Jinichi made.
Now, they are hiking toward the main house, a parade of black under the canopy of green and slivers of light. The chosen members of the Zenâin clan who were honoured (he wants to barf because it was exactly what the ancient old man said) to attend this funeral walked for about an hour; the compound of this family of purity or whatever they are called is that expansive. Toji swallows the complaint rising in his throat the more he feels his feet straining against the straps of his geta, choosing to keep quiet instead. He doesnât begin to comprehend the complex layout of this clan compound. Why canât it be a single house like theirs? With all the talk his uncles make about their family, one would think that the Zenâin clan is the epitome of perfection in the jujutsu society. Itâs both bewildering and funny that they donât hold a candle to the opulence boasted by the Joushou clan.
âHey,â an annoying voice buzzes in his ear like a fly.
Toji stops giving the gravel his attention and places it on his ugly brother. âWhat?â
âYou notice it?â Jinichi asks.
He keeps on looking at the dimwitted boy with hooded eyes. âWhat?â he repeats. Toji is not a repeater of his words but when it comes to Jinichi, he tends to do it a lot. His older brother has this habit of never fully explaining the context behind his words, one of the many reasons why Tojiâs patience sometimes runs so thin itâs almost like a piece of thread now.Â
Jinichi rolls his eyes. âThe barriers; itâs the twelfth now. â A second of haughtiness passes in his eyes and he jeers at Toji with an air of superiority over him. âOh, I forgot â you canât sense anything.â
âGet to the point,â he grits out.
With a concealed smile, his older brother basks in his simmering irritation while gesturing around the towering woods with his chin. âDo you remember the stories that circulate about Father and Uncle Naobito? How they nearly went ballistic because of a woman so beautiful she managed to ensnare the Gojo heir as well?â Jinichi huffs a laugh, his eyes boring through the backs of their grandfatherâs eldest sons. Tojiâs eyebrows meet on his forehead at all the stalling. He is about to walk ahead when Jinichi continues talking, âThat woman has a daughter and sheâs about the same age as us. The barriers around this compound are all for her.â
That piece of information is anything but relevant to Toji. All he knows about the clan they are attending a funeral for is that they are so revered because of their strength that they can walk through someoneâs Domain Expansion unscathed. This is the first time he has heard a member of his family mention a woman in this kind of light, almost worshipping with no shred of degradation and discrimination. His brother was talking about this girl with a tone similar to that of his uncle when he found the perfect woman to ruin. Toji doesnât hold back the sneer on his lips, the scar pulsing with a phantom pain that lays out the image of grotesque humanoid creatures crawling on blackened walls and ceilings. He looks away from his brother and fixes his eyes on the nearing building ahead of them. Too bad there are no pockets in his black kimono. He would have buried his hands hours before.
âWhatâs that supposed to mean, aniki ?â
Jinichi cracks a chilling smile. âThat means she could be offered as a wife to me.â
Toji snaps his neck to give the older boy a look painted in incredulity.
âI am the clan heirâs heir; it is imperative that I have a wife as bewitching, alluring, and docile as a woman born from the bloodline of the Hanamo clan. She will bring a new age of Ten Shadow users to our family and the Zenâin name will be stronger than it was before. With twelveâoh, thirteenâbarriers protecting her from the outside world,â Jinichi snickers under his breath, âshe must be a treasure.â
âLike I care about her.â
âOf course, you donât,â his older brother scoffs. âYou will never deserve a girl with that kind of calibreâyou and your title of the clanâs disappointment.â
A vein nearly pops in his forehead. There is enough of the badmouthing Toji gets from the adults in the clan, he doesnât need any more of it from his older brother who is a kid himself. âDo not test me, aniki. â
âWhat are you going to do about itâgrovel?â
âI will tear you to shreds like I did to the room of curses they threw me in,â Toji blandly replies with wide eyes. He notices the slight flinch making Jinichiâs shoulders rise but that is not enough to brew satisfaction into his body, which is already catching up to the older boy even though he is two years Tojiâs senior. âSo, you can shove your fantasies of marrying a wife made for carrying children right up your hairy ass before I do it for you.â
It takes Jinichi a couple of moments to answer, cold sweat dripping over his brow. âYou donât scare me, you little shit. You are just a fucking bug to meâamounting to nothing. Know your place as the outcast before spewing bullshit like that.â
Tojiâs voice is kept within his throat, only choosing to look at Jinichi for as long as it takes until his older brother has enough. Jinichi walks past him, remembering to knock his shoulder against Tojiâs. The impact feels like a breeze that only brushes on a piece of fabric. Even the force his older brother has to exert will never make him falter, which is why he is the perfect piece to twist in the puzzle that is their clan. How Fate laughs at him, he thinks; the strength given to him by the deities walking on clouds is the reason why he carries blemishes on his skin like battle armour.
He nearly lets out a scoff. All this is because of a faceless girl so fragile that she should be protected by how many barriers the sorcerers of the Joushou clan can produce.
Yet this faceless girl is anything but ordinary, living up to the hearsays passing around the halls of their residence.
She is small and the kimono covering her figure is embroidered with outlines of red flowers. It is the first time Toji has seen something so bright even with her hair covering the side of her faceâpractically blinding that he looks at the flower arrangements around the small coffin over her shoulder instead of her miserable face.Â
For someone who should be mourning for their little sibling, the girl never gives a glance at the displayed body in the middle of the room. Instead, she is tugging on the sleeves of her motherâs kimono, calling for her attention, which in turn attracts all those who are present. Toji can hear the murmurs of the adults around him â curious, unwarranted things that should not be said regarding children. There are whispers of her blooming beauty (how she will grow up to become the next bride touched by the fingers of Izanami) and the suffocating yet pellucid air of her cursed technique (calling to the flowers near him); they are all comments made by men who are older than her father.
Then, she turns around to fix her eyes on him and suddenly, Toji finds himself at a standstillâeyes blank and breathing stagnant as the flowers in her irises bloom with curiosity. She blinks and Toji can see that they touch the skin underneath her eyes.Â
It is only when she faces her father that Toji can breathe again.
He shakily lets out the sigh lodged in his throat.
A memory surfaces.
In the Zenâin residence on a certain day, there are dolls lined up in the main receiving area, all dressed in elaborate kimonos with the sound of their accessories twinkling from a single gust of wind from the open window. Toji remembers transfixing his attention on these dolls when he was four years old, his curiosity pulsing through his undeveloped mind to touch one of them. His fingers reach out and the tip of his toes carry him closer to the girl wearing a headdress that can tangle with a single nudge. The doll is almost calling to himâthe crinkling eyes closing because of the smile on her face, the folds on her attire devoid of creases, and the platforms possessing patterns that match her partner. But Toji also remembers feeling a hand crack against his skin, pushing him from peeking through the edge of the display area and to the ground below him. He remembers the pain that erupted after his head roughly bumped on the hardwood floor. There was no time to whimper in pain because the hand gripped the tendrils of his hair in between their fingers. His eardrums nearly burst as he closed his eyes to accept whatever punishment the hand gave him.
The doll gives off the same feeling as the girl walking through the door. He is itching to reach out to make sure she is real but he knows once he does that, the hand will come back again.
âMan, she is perfect for me,â Jinichi muses beside him.
Toji never takes his eyes off the doorway where the main family of the Joushou clan disappears, answering, âKeep on dreaming.â
âYou donât think so?â Jinichi scoffs. âWhat? Are you planning on taking her? Donâtâyouâll only soil her holiness with your curse or the better lack of it rather. She will give birth to my heirs and the possible holder of the Ten Shadows cursed technique, mark my words.â
He makes no sign of using his voice. Toji flickers his eyes to the body of the little boy that will be burned later on in the ceremony. If the Hanamo clan can bring forth life with their wombs, why would the mother of that girl give birth to something dead? The doll-like girl then comes into mindâher fluttering eyelashes, the plushness on the apples of her cheeks, her eyes that seem to carry an entire flower field, and her air of only existing in dreams. Will she suffer through the weight of carrying death inside her? Will she assume that lifeless look her mother donned?Â
âWhat will you do?â
âWhat?â
He keeps on talking to Jinichi, âWhat will you do if she becomes her mother?â
âYou mean to test our bond as brothers?â
Stupid. âIf it comes to a point that she is not who our world tells us she isâgiving birth to dead babies. Will you still accept her? Be faithful and not take any mistress like our father did?â
âFather is a coward,â Jinichi answers. âThe women who have the privilege of being offered to us are the cream of the crop as the elders have been saying. We are told that they are the perfect women to breed children into and I will do everything in my power to make sure they will bring life instead of death. The Joushou girl is not an exception.â Toji feels his skin crawl at Jinichiâs smile. âIn fact, her womb is the best reason to try and try again, am I right? I bet her father will do that to her mother tonight. Have you seen the look on his face?â
All Toji can offer as a response is silence.
âItâs the look of someone with a goal in mind. Maybe the next time we visit the Joushou compound is for a festival, not a shitty funeral for a dead kid.â
Itâs another funeralâthis time, not for a dead kid, but for the esteemed Lady Joushou instead.
The previous one was not as suffocating as this one and Toji is not an idiot to detect the miasma of tension surrounding the entire compound. With the Lady gone, the clan is in chaosâif the rotting smell of flowers drifting in the air is any indication. He can hear the elders of both the Jujutsu society and this family urge the head to find potential women to replace the one they have lost. Itâs not a surprise to himâolder men telling leaders what to do with the future of their clan, having lived in the most grappling environment he knows in his lifeâbut it repulses him that they are outwardly discussing it in the Ladyâs funeral.Â
The funeral rites have ended, the ashes are gathered, condolences are given, and Toji leaves it all behind to enter the withering gardens of the Joushou main residence. He may not have the capacity to feel cursed energy but he can tell that this decay is caused by the Ladyâs death. With no one to educate him on the many clans in their society, Toji learned everything by himself. One particular scroll has been hidden away in the library of the Zenâin residence and they entail the history of the Heir Makers. It was only a year ago that he was curious enough to learn more about the dollâs familial lineage. Of course, the Joushou made a name for themselves with their impenetrable cursed technique but it is the Hanamo clan that made the dollâs birth possible. Just like their name, they have something to do with flowers and something about the manipulation of their soulsâbefriending them to follow their bidding. All of these are overlooked by the fact that just like flowers, they represent the essence of lifeâfertile wombs and precious beauty above all.Â
While he walks in this grey scenery, Toji is silent on his feet. Not a single sound emanates from his footsteps. The heavens are not that cruelâthey still blessed him with an advantage against those who can sense cursed energy. There is no symphony of birdsong here, almost like they feel that their voices shouldnât tarnish the melancholy dome around the compound. Toji blends in with the silence. His eyes roam around the dropping shrubs and the raining leaves, his hands nestling inside the sleeves of his black kimono.
A splash of green on the stiff grass catches his attention. He follows it. They form a line, stepping stones even, toward her.
The doll is crying in the middle of a pond of grass, her back turned from him. Her hair is pinned close to her head, her black funeral garb once again embroidered with red outlines of flowers that seem to bring colour to this eternal void. Even without facing him, he can tell she is crying from the way her tiny shoulders shake. Of course, she wonât notice him, nobody can, so Toji takes this time to watch her silently and let her heart cry for her mother. The sight in front of him calls all of his attention for her tears bring a solitary flower to sprout from the ground. Itâs oddly beautiful, he finds himself thinking. He expects her to grow more flowers from her grief.Â
What he doesnât expect is her looking over her shoulder to zone in on him, those flower fields for eyes arresting him in place and rendering him motionless.
The pounding of his heart echoes through the chambers of his heart, alerting the tingles in his stomach to flutter their wings. Itâs different from the paced heartbeat he experiences whenever someone pushes him into the mud in the Zenâin estate. This particular reaction from just her making eye contact with him pushes the heat to climb to his face, dusting his cheeks and the tips of his ears. Itâs the first time he feels embarrassed about being noticed.Â
She is as pretty as her cursed technique.
âWho are you?â her voice carries through the dead garden.
Toji nearly jumps in place but he covers it with a cough from behind the sleeve of his kimono.
She cuts him off from answering. âYouâre not supposed to be here.â Her eyes cut through the open shoji doors behind him.Â
âAnd youâre supposed to be out there,â Toji nonchalantly remarks with a thumb pointing behind him.
The doll blinks, her eyelashes fluttering like butterfly wings on her skin. She looks away from him and blue washes over her tiny figure. âI donât want to.â
âAnd I donât want to be there either, which is why Iâm here.â
Annoyance flickers on her face as she juts her bottom lip in a pout. Toji blankly stares at the unwarranted gestureâcute. She really is like a doll; so fragile, dainty, and tiny that nobody has the right to touch her, including him. The distance between them will remain as is; something he will never lessen through weathering seasons. This girlâs existence is everything he is not and she is worth more than him, way more than his family can offer. She breathes life in her tearsâwho knows what she will bring with her touch. âThe elders wonât like it if youâre here,â she finally fills in the silence.Â
âI donât care what the elders have to say. I stopped caring a long time ago.â
She thoughtfully brings her attention back to him. âI remember you.â
Toji canât help but wear shock on his face.
âYouâre the boy who looked friendly two years ago. You were at my,â she chokes up, âbrotherâs funeral two years ago.â
So he did leave a lasting impression on her. For whatever reason, Toji doesnât know.
âI think youâre the only one who looked friendly, thatâs why I remember you.â
Himâfriendly? He is described as looking like a demon spawn by many. Not to mention that he inherited his familyâs signature harsh look, narrow eyes, and face always set in a scowl without trying. People will say otherwise if they heard what came out of this princessâs mouth.Â
âHey, princess, Iâm anything but friendly.â
âThe flowers arenât afraid of you, including this one,â she nods at the flower swaying in the wind, the only witness to their exchange and the first one to many to come. Thereâs no smile on her face but her tone suggests something that douses Toji in a foreign feeling. Nobody has given him this kind of attention before and itâs getting hard not to look away from her. âYouâre not like the rest of your family.â
Toji scoffs. âOf course, Iâm notââ
âI can tell you have more heart than them.â
He raises a disbelieving eyebrow.
âIf other people from your family found me here, this conversation wouldnât be the same as the one weâre having now. They will tell my father and he will scold me like he scolded Mother. Or worse, theyâll pick me as a bride.â
He remembers his older brother asking their father about his possible betrothal to the treasure of the Joushou clan but Jinichi was instantly shut down by a drunk remark, saying that he will never be good enough for something precious as the girl. Toji also remembers Jinichi letting out his frustrations and anger at him in the dead of the night when the servants were asleep and the night was cold, pushing him out of the residence and forcing him to lay on the gardenâs pebbled path as if itâs his fault for ruining a potential allianceâToji is bad luck as Jinichi stated.
After gaining sentience and understanding, Toji hates everything that his clan stands for. So, he should also be hating this girl. She is the pinnacle of jujutsu and every special case is something to be revered at. However, looking at her right now, how can someone suggest that they marry someone younger than the youngest member of the Zenâin clan?
âYouâre too young to marry anyway,â Toji replies while scratching his head. âWhat good would marrying a kid give to the old geezers I know?â He then sighs, âBesides, arenât you supposed to be playing with dolls at this age? Why are you already talking about marriage?â
She looks away. âBecause my mother is dead.â
âHah?â he exclaims. âWhat does that have to do with anything?â
Her eyes dim a little and Toji curses himself for not thinking before speaking. âFather needs good alliances for ruining the one he has with my motherâs family. Iâve heard him talk.â
âAnd heâs what? Selling you to my clan?â
âItâs a possibility.â
âWell, that sucks.â
The doll nods.
Toji clicks his tongue. âIf they keep on pestering you to be their wife, you might as well just run away.â
She tilts her head, making her look like an adorable stuffed toy hanging on stalls in festival games. âMother told me that would be the worst thing to do. Father would be angry and I would be chased.â
Something becomes stuck at the back of his throat. How will those words influence you when your mother is dead, is the unsaid thought lingering in his mind. He chooses to let them bubble inside him. Instead, he says, âIf I were you, I would have run away from the moment I heard my father arranging marriage proposals. It sounds like an escape that I would want from everything if Iâm being honest. And now that Iâm thinking about it, marrying into the Zenâin clan will mean that you will become either my aunt or my sister. I donât know which of the two I prefer.â
âI donât think Iâd prefer any of that either.â
Toji watches as she fiddles with the petals of the carnation resting on her palm. Hesitation keeps making him twitch, from the tips of his fingers to the shuffling in his feet. The distance between them lessens as he follows the trail of green toward her. His hands are still hiding in his sleeves and he paints a picture of nonchalance on his face, one that doesnât betray how his heart is racing at the thought of being in the same circle as her. The doll he was reaching for when he was young is finally within his reach. He plops on the spot next to her, far from her and the flower but not that much to warrant any awkward air around them.
âToji.â
âHmm?â The girl doesnât even flinch in surprise at his proximity.
He fixes her a glance, almost grumbling, âThatâs my nameâToji. Figured that if you want my help in running away, you should know it.â
She finally smiles, a tiny one but still noticeable within the monochromatic background they are surrounded by, and his hands become sweaty at the sight. The girl doesnât even know the power she has while doing it. A piece of hair falls from her elaborate hairstyle, draping itself over her shoulder, with Tojiâs hand itching to push it behind her ear. What is wrong with him? He feels his face heat up while looking away from her. Unwarranted thoughts circle the caverns of his head, all concerning the girl beside him. Regretting his decision to sit with her in the only vibrant area of the withered garden, Toji covers the bottom half of his face with one hand, finding the gentle swaying of the breeze among the grey leaves entertaining.
â[Name].â
âHuh?â
âNice to meet you, Toji-san,â she once again offers a small smile that reaches her eyes. âIâm [Name]. Thank you for talking to me.â
He clicks his tongue. âItâs nothingâjust thought that you could use some company because everyone seems to be fawning over your father.â
She doesnât reply, simply looking down at her lap like she is taught.Â
No words are exchanged between the two of them. The silence is not palpable to push them into creating meaningless chatter.
Itâs just the two of themâa boy who has nothing to his name except for being part of a family he wants to escape from and a girl who starts feeling the strings dictating her every move.
As the funeral rites go on behind them and as the afternoon makes way for the sun to peek through the cloud formations, the colour spreads from where they are sitting, and in the space between them, Toji notices a small bush of hydrangeas* touching the tips of his wooden slippers.
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