“Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.” — Terry Pratchett
i have a bone to pick with the predominant fan interpretation of shane's eating in tlg. it's so much more nuanced than saying shane has an eating disorder. he doesn't. not every reaction to stress rises to the level of a disorder
shane starts a "strict performance diet" at the start of tlg. this involves exerting rigid control over himself. we as the reader can infer that this is a reaction to his stress and anxiety over what's happening with his team and in his career.
it also works narratively to create conflict between him and ilya (who meanwhile is exerting no control over his diet and is eating unhealthy comfort food bc my boy is depressed as hell). food becomes this constant point of antagonism between them, mirroring the disconnect between them in their relationship.
shane's control over his eating is a reflection of his effort to keep his life on the rails, on the goldenboy path he has always understood for himself. when that life goes completely off the rails, him breaking the diet is a reflection of his life being thrown into chaos. when he calls ilya and tells him he ate a chocolate bar, it's not framed as a good thing:
and his diet is never framed or treated as an eating disorder. this is the discussion they have about it once everything is getting resolved:
and shane isn't in recovery from an eating disorder after tlg. him deciding to relax his diet is him deciding to live his life for himself
fandom just has a tendency to want to flatten all the nuance out of things, but when you do that you miss what the story is actually trying to tell you
it’s very sad but very dear to me that while ilya in the long game is very depressed and has absolutely zero self esteem and thinks of himself as the worst captain ever, in role model that is just demonstrably untrue. like. troy’s internal monologue about him is just how it’s crazy that he’s on the same team as him and that he’s so good at everything. harris is so happily confused about his antics. luca haas hero worships him. the rest of the team is obviously just incredibly fond of him. every time we catch a glimpse of him he’s being great with kids and dogs or is supporting his friends in some way. his speech and resolve is the entire motivation behind the centaurs making it to the playoffs. like! ilya rozanov i fear you will never know how loved you are
I think it's also such a great way to demonstrate the way depression affects how you view yourself
within Ilya's pov, he's constantly putting himself down, comparing his captaincy with bood, with his past self even, saying that he used to be fun, he used to be the one his team could count on for a good time, how he's failing at that, how he moved to ottawa with a mission to turn the team around and all he's doing is letting them down
but in role model, which we get before all of this, we're given a very different view of ilya. sure, he's not soft, but he looks out for troy despite his past actions, he's playful with the team, and apart from wishing he could make it to a few more bbq nights, none of them complain about him seeming absent, and they all clearly respect him as a player, work harder because of him, and are doing better than they have in years as a result, not compared to Ilya's previous track record, but definitely compared to the cens'
we go into the long game with these bright glimpses of ilya, and we're given the knowledge that despite the circumstances, he's making it work. and then we peel back the curtain and see just how much it's taking from him without anyone realising, and how much his depression is inhibiting him from seeing the good
it’s very sad but very dear to me that while ilya in the long game is very depressed and has absolutely zero self esteem and thinks of himself as the worst captain ever, in role model that is just demonstrably untrue. like. troy’s internal monologue about him is just how it’s crazy that he’s on the same team as him and that he’s so good at everything. harris is so happily confused about his antics. luca haas hero worships him. the rest of the team is obviously just incredibly fond of him. every time we catch a glimpse of him he’s being great with kids and dogs or is supporting his friends in some way. his speech and resolve is the entire motivation behind the centaurs making it to the playoffs. like! ilya rozanov i fear you will never know how loved you are
I think it's also such a great way to demonstrate the way depression affects how you view yourself
within Ilya's pov, he's constantly putting himself down, comparing his captaincy with bood, with his past self even, saying that he used to be fun, he used to be the one his team could count on for a good time, how he's failing at that, how he moved to ottawa with a mission to turn the team around and all he's doing is letting them down
but in role model, which we get before all of this, we're given a very different view of ilya. sure, he's not soft, but he looks out for troy despite his past actions, he's playful with the team, and apart from wishing he could make it to a few more bbq nights, none of them complain about him seeming absent, and they all clearly respect him as a player, work harder because of him, and are doing better than they have in years as a result, not compared to Ilya's previous track record, but definitely compared to the cens'
we go into the long game with these bright glimpses of ilya, and we're given the knowledge that despite the circumstances, he's making it work. and then we peel back the curtain and see just how much it's taking from him without anyone realising, and how much his depression is inhibiting him from seeing the good
in the midst of capitalism, fanfiction and archive of our own are always unconditionally and endlessly free. love, joy and passion, shared among human beings, are always unconditionally and endlessly free
sorry to be a broken record every month but christ menstruation is a stupid concept. oooooh excuse me for not getting pregnant, why the fuck is there goo falling out of me about it? grow the fuck up and reabsorb that shit for nutrients.
Yet another new study debunked the basis for the anti-trans sports bans. It was never about sports but for creating legal avenues for exclusion and abjection. This is one of the largest analyses ever conducted, involving 52 studies and 6,485 trans people. Read the study here.
Three weeks late but eh, who's really paying attention?
We have laid out Shane Hollander's Five Step Plan to Make A Hook Up Into A Husband.
A thorough, extensively researched, well thought out plan.
So now we ask the million dollar question: Is this plan a good plan?
Short Answer? Yes. Its a very good plan.
Long answer: Welllllll....
On paper? This plan is perfect. It's a perfect 10 year plan, the softest of soft launches. It is an excellent long game.
It's even reasonable that these two doorknobs think this is sustainable. After all, they managed to survive the last eight years, what's ten more?
Realistically, they are 26. They're in their prime, definitely, but 10 years is probably what they have left of hockey, and that's if neither of them has a career ending injury. The time they have left to play is not significantly longer than the time they have already played.
But they aren't taking into account something very important.
This:
(That's the I love you scene for those who are normal and can't identify every still of the show)
What neither Shane nor Ilya realize is being in love, having more time together, being more connected and in more of a relationship is actually going to make things significantly harder.
This is no one's fault. Neither has been in a significant long term romantic relationship; Shane has the girl he dated before the draft, and Ilya has Svetlana, a relationship that is friendly, not romantic.
Their situationship was casual and non-connective, and the NSA nature of it meant neither allowed themselves to really consider a future beyond the occasional random thought - thoughts that are unwelcome in the book.
The problem with a plan for the future is, it allows you to think about the future. And the more you think about the future, the more you want the future to happen now. And the more nights you spend holding each other, the more nights you'll WANT to spend holding each other.
The problem with a relationship is the possibilities are boundless, and you want them all. Waiting gets harder and harder, and the things that you use to distract yourself become less and less effective.
This will become a very real problem faster than they realize.
SPOILERS FOR THE LONG GAME FOLLOW
By the time TLG rolls around, Shane and Ilya are three years into their ten year plan, and both of them are struggling.
We see more of Ilya's struggle; Ilya is generally more connected to his own internal dialogue, and most of TLG is told from his viewpoint. He hates that he has no one talk to about Shane. He hates that he can't touch Shane at all in public. He hates that he has to do a career retrospective that features their rivalry and not tell everyone how he really feels about Shane.
Ilya of course shares very little of this with Shane due to his fear that his needs are a burden.
Shane is struggling too, though I suspect that neurotypicals don't see it. However there are two very significant tells: Shane is strongly committed to this plan, and Shane is strongly committed to his diet.
Shane is as filled with yearning as Ilya is, but his response is to deny what he wants and follow something that is rigid and dependable and easy to control.
This is a common neurodivergent response. Be uncomfortable. Be controlled. Be quietly unhappy. Allowing himself to actually feel all these feelings is going to lead to a meltdown, so he distracts himself because he has a plan, a very good plan, and all he needs to do is follow it, and one day it will all be worth it.
Thank god for the plane crash, because Shane might actually have collapsed under all this pressure without that sudden brutal reminder that there are things you cannot plan for.
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