Actual Lesbians

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Book recommendation: 'The Taste of Her Lips' by Natalia Zabiiako, Estonian-Russian Olympic Silver medalist former figure skater. It's a novel based on the real story of her & Russian-born Australian tennis player Dasha Kasatkina, two top athletes...

For now, you can buy it as an ebook only at their Patreon account: HERE.

This book is a fascinating emotional rollercoaster set in Moscow 2021, a beautiful story about two elite athletes fighting hard for love.

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Originally shared by Hyperballadatopos on r/actuallesbians on July 18th, 2026 at 4:02 PM UTC.

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Using Toys on Multiple Partners?

So my partner broke up with me recently. Which, sucks, but ok. We were nonmonogomous while we were together so I have some other people I've been seeing that I plan to keep seeing. Question is i bought a vibrating strap on that I used on my ex partner once before we broke up (silicone, from wet for her). I don't really want to put to waste a nearly $100 toy that was used once, but I know it can't be boiled because of the electronic components. If I clean it thoroughly with warm water and soap do you think it's safe? Obviously i would be upfront with any new partner that it's not new and let them decide what they want to do. Should I consider it just a casualty and toss it away?

What people had to say on Reddit:

LateLavender83: I mean, it's Silicon, so it should be fine. But i don't think you can boil it with electrical components. Do you not have a toy cleaner solution? As long as it's disinfected in between partners. It's technically okay, though I guess some people might be uncomfortable. Edit: soap is technically enough for cleaning a toy.But I do personally use a dedicated cleaner solution.

Buff-equations: I’ve never understood only using toys on one person, clean the toys after each use and follow an STI testing/disclosure protocol and everything should be fine? If someone gets fluids on the bedsheets I don’t throw them out I clean them.. same for toys

Tsumei: Soap is honestly incredibly good stuff. They even use it in hospitals.

Good_Bit2989: I think this is a personal choice, as long as it is disclosed every time. I understand why you wouldn’t want the toy to go to waste because of the price. I personally have always gotten new everything when I get into a new relationship. New boxers, new strap, new lube, new everything 😅. I would be highly offended if my wife were to tell me that her strap had been used on another woman, but that’s just me. I’d say just disclose the information and go with the roll!

Onewishwillow7: Gentle soap and a dedicated cleaning solution later. Ready to be soaked in ejaculates again. Make sure the toy is fully dried after cleaning and wait at-least a day before re-use.

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Originally shared by Livid-Material-95 on r/actuallesbians on July 18th, 2026 at 6:09 PM UTC.

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Semi-lost Tumblr media: Types of Butch Lesbians

I miss the olden days of tumblr

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Originally shared by Monolaf on r/actuallesbians on July 18th, 2026 at 6:09 PM UTC.

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I was at work today and my gaydar was going off with this one girl, do yall think she also clocked me that I am gay?

What people on Reddit said:

Lovesosoft123: I would not think you’re straight lol! You’re not dressed for the male gaze. Kinda bubblegum punk femme

Haunteddaydreams: No one with eyes would ever think you're heterosexual

JellyfishDue7558: wait I'm trying to spell gorjus

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Originally shared by Confident_Mud894 on r/lesbianfashionadvice on July 18th, 2026 at 5:57 PM UTC.

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I like this. It flips the patriarchial take on its head.

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Originally shared by Cala171 on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 6:09 PM UTC.

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Woman-Centric TV Shows?

I am focusing on decentering men this year. What are some TV shows you love that have women as leads, are focused on them, and are really engaging?

Some replies worth sharing:

WanderingMinx: Killing Eve Hacks Deadloch! Ponies [sadly canceled after 1 seqson, but so good] A League of Their Own How To Get to Heaven from Belfast Derry Girls Blue Eyed Samurai Arcane The Class of '07 Agatha All Along Kleo The Queen's Gambit Yellowjackets

Crazyhobbitz: Hacks 💯💯💯

Low-Meeting1858: I absolutely love the cartoon Carmen Sandiego!! ✨

Sweetfemme3: Call the midwife, Golden Girls, Derry Girls (haven't watched the whole series). Now I will say there are men in these shows and relationships are present, though the plot generally doesn't revolve around men or a relationship to a man.

Yggdrasil-: Somebody Somewhere, Work in Progress, Shrill, Good Girls, Kevin Can F**k Himself, Carol and the End of the World, Undone, Dead to Me

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Originally shared by Final_Trifle2565 on r/actuallesbians on July 18th, 2026 at 3:43 PM UTC.

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Anyone else who is actually more "lowkey" about being lesbian/sapphic?

Like they don't make it a super big part of who they are is what I mean. Because I'm that way and I feel like most people are way more visible about it but that may be only because I'm seeing the visible ones and not the ones like me who are more lowkey about it.

I just consider myself a woman who has relationships with other women instead of men, like its more what I do and not necessarily a major identity of mine if that makes sense

A few notable replies:

AccomplishedRoom3887: I think the rhetoric of "not making being gay your whole personality" mirrors the same kind of rhetoric that homophobic people use. So I don't subscribe to it. Nobody ever accuses straight people of being too visibly straight. No, being a lesbian is not the entirety of who I am. But it's a huge part of who I am, what I believe, my moral compass, how I love and show up for my community. Everything is connected, and being a lesbian necessarily colors how I see and interact with the world. It's not "just a label" to me. It informs the core of who I am.

Weirdoinchains: Yeah I get what you mean, being a lesbian is just who I am. I live my life as is and I don’t really mention it until I say “I have a gf”, or “I like women” in context.

DaisyChained427: I don’t make “being a lesbian” my whole identity but it’s still a big part of who I am and how I understand myself. I have a girlfriend and I love my gf, I’m not going to hold myself back from talking about her but I also know when it is or isn’t appropriate to do so. I also just look queer in general—my hair, my style, my jewelry. It’s pretty easy for other queer people to clock me (and straight women) but men tend to not notice.

Poodlelover2005: I only really “flaunt” my lesbianism online, in real life it just doesn’t come up very often. I’m simply just a same sex attracted woman, the same way I have brown eyes or curly hair, it just is. Best way I can describe it lol

Internetgirl98105: same! of course I don’t keep it a secret that I‘m lesbian. however, it’s not all I am.

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Originally shared by Jaelynaspera on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 3:46 PM UTC.

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Guys are delusional as fuck. Trying to pass off this shit like it actually exists.

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Originally shared by NoYak8654 on r/actuallesbians on July 18th, 2026 at 5:36 PM UTC.

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Is this wrong? Is it discrimination?

I went to an event for only saphhics and was very excited, since I'm a lesbian I thought it was a great way to build community and enjoy some time among people who are similar to me and understand me. I thought it was a great idea but when I told my parents they said that this is discrimination against men and straight women. Technically theyre(the people organizing the event) saying that these kinds of people are unwelcome and aren't allowed to come to this event.

So is it really discrimination? Is it ok to build community in this way and isn't it hypocritical? That we ask for equality and fight for it only to then do the same thing?, but maybe it's just a way to help this minority find each other?

What do you think? I'm very confused.

From the comments:

Roseonaglaive: This is a common tactic by homophobes. We're told we're unwelcome in society in so many ways and then when we make a space for ourselves to feel welcome we're accused of discrimination. They should be working to make society welcome us more, not work to eliminate the spaces where we do feel welcome.

Lflippz: I don’t know do YOU go to speed dating for straight men and women? Is that discrimination when they host it? Like what? Are women only trains in India discriminatory ? Like… Be secure in yourself. I think your parents just want something to bitch about

Flashy_Count4561: Não existe discriminação contra pessoas heterossexuais.

Sensitive-Memory: No. People are allowed to have lesbian events to meet other queer people if they want. Tell your parents to go search online for straight groups or they can host one.

Aboostofsarahtonin: To the majority, equity feels like discrimination. Because they’re used to being the default and being accommodated for at all times

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Originally shared by _human_woman_ on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 3:39 PM UTC.

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Just started watching WWE & found a million new crushes 😩

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Originally shared by Level_Safe3451 on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 4:43 PM UTC.

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When you orgasm do you feel it throughout your entire body ?

What people on Reddit said:

JustLittleMe73: The best ones, yes. Not all of them. There's several different kinds that I experience.

N7twitch: Sometimes? There is orgasms and orgasms and orgasms, some are just ‘meh’, some are full body, some are mind, body and soul melting.

Lazy_bonzi: It truly depends. Some only hit me down there, some kinda work their way up to my boobs, and then some are so mind blowing powerful that they rock my entire body and I transcend to a higher plane of existence.

Head_Salad_9011: Not yet :(( hopefully in the future, yes :'))

EasyExperience8463: Sometimes. Rarely. I would say all of my orgasms feel amazing, but there have been a handful of times where I literally feel it from my head to my toes and I just feel like … a caterpillar in a cocoon while also blacking out at the same time lol

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Originally shared by Secure_Raspberry6598 on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 3:02 PM UTC.

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When your spouse comes home from work what are you wearing that almost guarantees your going to get lucky that night ?

What people on Reddit said:

PanicAtTheUHaul: One of her shirts and the audacity.😝

Candid_Cucumber_2440: Anything from the corporate side of my career. A pencil skirt and a white button up is basically bait for her. I’ll up the ante and lose the bra, and unbutton the top 3-4.

Popdemtitz: js wear nothing 🤷🏾‍♀️ or almost nothing

Princelyprincessboy: Well mine works overnight and we have a toddler so at the moment I'm out of luck there 😭 If the little one were with her grandparents or something though? I have a pretty good collection of body rage lingerie (thank you Spencer's in our last town closing!) so one of those pieces likely.

Dead_neptune: I’m about to start pharmacy school so I’m currently buying tons of business clothes (pants suits, blazers, pencil skirts). I never knew I looked so good in professional clothing and now I’ve learned I have a new kink! I would 100% wear business attire with lingerie underneath. 💅🏼

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Originally shared by Secure_Raspberry6598 on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 12:59 PM UTC.

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I’ve lost 60 lbs since mid-March, and my confidence and dating life have definitely changed for the better. 🥰

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Originally shared by Overcomesthedarkness on r/LesbianActually on July 18th, 2026 at 3:50 PM UTC.

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What are the best second chance books in your opinion?

A few notable replies:

CaterpillarWorking72: Midnight Rain by Haley Cass. I was a blubbering fool and loved every second of it.

Katfapper: Poppy Jenkins by Clare Ashton The mistake was real. The misunderstanding was real. The work put in to make amends was real.

AnteaterIdealisk: Midnight Rain, Strawberry Summer, Anderson In Bloom, Take Two, Choose Me (book 1) & Choose Us (book 2), You Had Me at Merlot, The Last Lavender Sister, To Be With You, Right Where You Left Me, Count Your Lucky Stars, Everything We Never Said, Home Again, On the Same Page, Dream a Little Dream, The Runway Affair, The Anchor, Second Chances This is my favorite trope and I read a lot of it! I haven't read Ribbonwood yet.

Jaslyn--: ordinary love - Marie Rutkoski Almost life - Kiran Hargrave (not really a second chance, more like, third fourth fifth, idk how many chances they need god these two women can't get over each other)

Ambitious-Let-9585: Flight Risk by Macon Leigh

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Originally shared by Werkyreads123 on r/LesbianBookClub on July 18th, 2026 at 3:16 AM UTC.

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Needing to vent

I’m so tired of hitting it off with someone and then when I mention I have kids, I immediately get ghosted or blocked. Is it that bad/scary that I have kids? It’s not like they are little. They are grown or nearly grown. I’m so close to just saying fffff it and staying single.

Some replies that stood out:

OrangePresto: Childfree person here. It would be a hard no for me to date someone with kids. Not because there’s anything wrong with them or wrong with their kids. I just don’t like kids. It’s on the absolute non-negotiable list for me. It’s a preference. Also no Republicans or extremely religious people for me. Better to get those core things figured out sooner rather than later. TBH, having a kid WILL significantly impact who is willing to be in a relationship with you because it completely changes the dynamic of everything from eating out to travel to how time is spent on evenings and weekends. I’m too selfish to be willing to share that much time.

Natnguyen: I would not mind it, but it’s also fair if it’s not something people want to get roped into. Ofc in that case I would tell you literally that instead of ghosting you or blocking you, which is childish behavior. You’ll find the right person!

Sliceofcheesecake-: Not everyone wants kids. I think it’s definitely something that you should discuss fairly early on. Ghosting over this is wild, but to each their own. Your best bet is to date others who have children as well. Good luck - it’s rough out there.

Scififan1971: I think it's absolutely awful the way people act on apps. I had several people ghost me in the middle of a text thread. It was so weird. I just left. The kids: it's strange that they left because of that. If you don't want to be around kids then end it. Don't disappear. Be an adult. As we get older it's harder to find someone without kids. I personally dont want to raise anymore but I am not saying I wouldnt date someone with older kids.

Liability475: If it's in your bio they should just ignore you!!! I mean if they don't want kids around fine but if it's in the bio they know you do! Anyway. If you're over 30 9 times out of 10 you'll have kids!!! (Generalizing!!!!!). Technically I've got a kid, but she's 27 and lives with her long term partner!!! But even then I put in my bio I have an adult kid.

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Originally shared by QueenExRasputia on r/latebloomerlesbians on July 17th, 2026 at 6:29 PM UTC.

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Why is there so much more gay content than lesbian content?

If you search for two minutes online, you'll find tons of webtoons, series, stories, podcasts, videos, porn, and cartoons about gay men, often of good quality and varied. Why is it so much harder to find quality lesbian content? Three-quarters of it sounds fake, forced, and unrealistic...

A few notable replies:

Vestayekta: Straight women consume gay content.

Abridragon: Misogyny

Devoiselle: We're a tiny niche compared to gay male content, which can be targeted towards gay men and straight women.

Fuzzy_Exam4009: people want things to always be about men, and lesbianism is kind of the opposite of that

Dran_K: no men included so patriarchal society hates it

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Originally shared by Icy_Dig_3691 on r/actuallesbians on July 18th, 2026 at 3:29 PM UTC.

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Dumped for saying I love you

Have you ever been dumped for confessing your feelings?

She's avoidant and pretended everything was fine until it wasn't. I said it last Friday, flew home from her place on Saturday and she broke up with me on sunday. Claiming she dosen't know if she can love or even know if she could love me. She said the pressure was too much. She wants to be friends.

She had just introduced me to some of her friends and her parent who we cooked dinner for and told two of our mutual friends. All of these were actions her own volition, I never asked or pressured her for this. I was excited and happy to be more integrated into her world.

We were seeing eachother about 7 months, the first 3 months was build up. So 10 months altogether, I know her almost two years. We talked/video called everyday, we were LDR.

I F32, her F30.

What people on Reddit said:

RavenholdIV: Oof. Block. Dont be her friend.

Tres_sore_fores: Her loss, your win. Dodged a bullet. No to being friends and go no contact.

SapphosLemonBarEnvoy: Hugs, been there, felt that pain. Avoidants deal so much damage.

Concrete_hugger: Ouch, yeah, avoidant people will make you feel special for letting you close until they don't, 7 months in with so much happening it's insane to just dump you like that.

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Originally shared by UndefinedSexDrug on r/ActualLesbiansOver25 on July 18th, 2026 at 3:04 PM UTC.