carpe noctem

seize the night

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Percy: I'm gonna play a song for you right now

Percy: It's called 'my life so far'

Percy: *Takes a deep breath, plays a chord*

Percy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

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Nico di Angelo: *Realizes he likes Will Solace*

Nico di Angelo: Who in the fuck authorized this

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Our perfect love exists in a broken reality, and even then, we still seek for validation.

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Nico: I'm going to go talk to Will!

Jason: Good luck.

Nico: *comes back after 10 seconds.*

Jason: So?

Nico: He smiled at me and I froze up!!

Jason: YOU CANT BE SERIOUS!

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He told me to grow up. And I did. And what I've become was a totally different person.

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You can't put a limit to creativity.

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All I wanted was to become your favorite person.

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I don't know when this hatred for you began. It might have been there ever since we met; and for every bad thing that I learned about you, the drop of poison in my head continues plaguing my entire being. And up until now, it consumes me. The thought of you makes me want to throw up. The sight of you makes me want to punch a wall. Your voice and every time it addresses me it takes a lot of self-control not to roll my eyes. Every time your name appears in the notifications of my phone I scowl and purposely ignore them—ignore them because I still think that you have no idea of how much I loathe your existence. I guess I'm just so good at acting that I fooled you into thinking that I still like you. But I guess the hatred runs deep in me if now I can't even fool myself.

// ad-dex

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The first and last genuine thing that he said was good bye. The rest were just lies.

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How can one immediately forget about happiness, but remember heartbreak like it was only yesterday?

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I created the perfect story for both of us. We were best friends, the kind that was inseparable, the kind that understood each other even with just the faintest shadow of a frown. We were like lovers, but sort of not there. Of course, I wanted some drama. So, I created her, the one you're falsely infatuated with before you could eventually realize where your heart belonged - to me. I got lost between realizing what was real and what was not. The idea of a perfect fairy tale blinded me into thinking that we were meant to be. I made up situations; I made up conversations; I made up all these songs that translated our love perfectly. Except, none of these were real. You weren't planning on singing to me so I could forgive you after a mistake. You weren't planning on buying me snacks (your treat!) whenever I get too busy and forget to eat. You weren't interested on laying my head on your shoulder when I was tired enough to function. You weren't planning on boasting to everyone else how we met up until how close we've become. But it was all so addicting. Even though I am aware of the fact that these events couldn't be any more possible than unicorns gliding on rainbows, I still hold on to them as if they were facts. And with the way I cling to that false perception of reality, I generate hope that one day - even without those perfect scenarios earlier - we could be together.

ad-dex

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You know in retrospect, I always looked at you with the vision that was so ideal it was already impossible. It was intoxicating.  And yet today, when I look at you with the same ideal vision of what we could become, I get slapped by the harsh reality that these ideal fantasies can never be translated to facts. But I'm still drowning, drowning in the idea of us.

// ad-dex

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In the end, I just became another subject of your broken poetry.

// ad-dex

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log entry #004

DATE: 04/10/17 STATUS: Writing

But I’m writing other stuff now. Before updating, I posted two thought pieces, and they’re divided by two different tags (one is #ad; and the second is #dex). Expect more of them coming soon, as I see myself writing these kind of posts since I finally have the time to face them.

The blog’s name is dedicated for two people, but that’s a story that I’m not willing to share just yet. It’s still too painful, but at the same time remains nonexistent.

My ships and my other projects, however, shall not be abandoned. I will continue reading fanfics, treasure them inside my heart, and my original characters shall develop and grow soon enough.

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I always thought that this story will be written by us. Instead, I wrote it alone.

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Every blank page has a story that does not want to be written.

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You wanna know about the best thing about being withdrawn?

You don’t get involved with other people’s shit.