a soft, silent smile settles on her lips as he seems to take the notion into serious consideration ( breaking the bones of lee jaehyun is a feat yet to be accomplished, and definitely not one she is willing to attempt. surely today’s events would be considered a simple mishap when compared to the times of his prime, though it is all based off her own supposition ), and the comedic weight of the words is less dwelt upon than the way with which he receives them. after all, laughter is a seldom visitor, and more often than not it is desperately sought to occupy the bare shadows of her home, emptiness flung in all directions. in retrospect, it’s always their mismatched differences and manifest similitude which has created such an impregnable bond, and hell –just at the thought of harm, she’d rather have her flesh burned and bones splintered before ever allowing anyone to pain him ( and not just in the physical sense ). thriving off mutual protection and mutual trust, other proffers secured upon materialistic exchanges are found to be petty.
trouble – he speaks of it like it’s a bad thing, like trouble is the aftereffect of unspooled chaos. perhaps to many the connotation is obvious, a clear correspondence to madness and mayhem, yet time and time again she’s appreciative toward whatever trouble may bring their way – however selfish. it means the meeting of dexterous hands upon warm, golden skin; nights spent sober occupied by slurred words; the splutter of oil as he makes their late-night dinners, filling the cavities of the midnight sonata; two broken individuals who have learned to fall in love with the enchanting darkness, sprawled across unforgiving floors and lured to sleep by the sirens of their own thoughts. so much is roused from such encounters with ‘trouble’ and it is pitiful that misfortune is their only gateway to solace, despite the coincidences, despite the greed. time is dismal, life unwelcoming – their time spent together through the excuse of a spare key, a second home, is a distraction from the loneliness.
the weight of his head sinks into her shoulder, and she finds herself relaxing not from the heaviness but rather the comfort he provides; her hand travels instinctively up along his back to find a resting position at the nape of his neck, and almost absentmindedly, her fingers brush along the bristles of his hair as she feels his body slope against hers, heart beating beside her own. awkwardness is a stranger to this place when she embraces him like a brother and a comrade she values more than her own life. the collapse of seconds is stretched into eons of interstellar space, and she can never even dream of letting this go, no matter much less she truly deserves. exhausted from the oddity the universe seems to forever expend, she’s brought back to it’s harshness only by the force of his words, unaware that her eyes had begun to fall shut until his lips press against her skin, an innocent intimacy so vulnerable and frail.
“you are too good to me,” she responds, whispering, timid, the fleeting presence of sound once again passing between them. her hands fall from his neck and she finishes fastening the bandages, a fractional lingering of pallid fingers before she sways away, ever fearful of receiving his concern for too long. her gaze shifts and now dark, marble eyes stare at him like he’s her own reflection, and they see only her hideousness, the warped sounds of her voice which seems to leak from her lips. noticing a smear of dirt still stubbornly dusting his cheek, she uses the other hand to wipe it clean, reminiscing yet again the collision of her touch upon his complexion.
“are you going back?” please stay. behind him, the moonlight scavenges the folds in the towels, gliding off scarlet-tinged water. “i couldn’t even feed you” – not that neither of them likely has much of an appetite anyway, but it is another feeble attempt. “and…if you experience trauma in the middle of the night i won’t be able to save you.” pathetic, really, how she’s so afraid of shaping two small words, instead building a tower of excuses just to escape a night like so many others which have preceded long before.
They stared at one another like lovers would do; fondness, tenderness, and consideration rising to the surface of features that would mirror the sadness in the others face, would copy the smiles and the laughter shared on better days. They held one another like close siblings, an oppa and his dongsaeng vowing to stick by the others side through thick and thin; no incident ever awful enough to erase the familial bond shared between man and woman, born from different wombs, but intertwined by blood. And they whispered malign and meaningless statements, neither believing they were deserving of the impregnable relationship. However there may have been truth to their thoughts, perhaps he didn’t deserve her, and perhaps she didn’t deserve him, and they were both afraid to give up the addictive comfort that had sprouted, when somebody else could come along to provide relations they deemed themselves worthy of.
Love was quite a difficult word to swallow, and Jaehyun would have been a fool to think himself in love with the neighbor he desired to embrace for as long as humanely possible, he didn’t know himself well enough to make assumptions like that, and given his track record with pouring his heart and soul into the wrong relationships, he couldn’t exactly trust the goosebumps and butterflies that would relentlessly attack his spirit whenever their skin would meet, but he was foolish enough to admit he loved her.
Lowering his gaze to follow the movement of the hand across his warm tinted cheek, before closing heavy eyes for a moment, precariously content in his position with the woman’s touch brushing against his bone like a tender kiss. The thought of walking away from this, from no longer being able to unlock that door to step into the home away from home, from no longer standing in the females presence, threw melancholy into his peaceful posture. How could she whisper such shameful words as she controlled his interest? The fact she’d needed to ask his plans for the rest of the night, was upsetting.
Had the pair not nurtured such an intimate relationship, Jaehyun might have understood the purpose behind her questioning. But as his vision returned to the only thing worth admiring in the almost barren apartment, his expression fell. Any other man would have left the second the nurse had fixed up painful injuries, her usefulness ending with stitched cuts — but they weren’t like that, and Jaehyun had thought Soojin would know that by now. “No.” he replied, pain drowning his typical vocal tone, as his pupils became restless. He searched her expression in a panicked silence as she continued to expand upon her hurtful question, the comments beating those butterflies to a pulp as they registered. She wanted him to stay, he could gather that much, but she didn’t need to put so much effort in to convince him.
Extending his battered and stitched right hand toward her, Jaehyun gingerly caresses the top of her cheekbone, brushing a thin and loose strand of hair so he can guide it behind her ear, to which his hand traces down her neck. “I’m not going anywhere. I need you, Soojin-ah. I need you to take care of me.” He confirms gently, his expression unflinching as his lower lip tugs back between teeth. “And I need to take care of you.” He concedes with a light sigh and the fall of his hand down her arm, taking her hand under curled and unique fingertips, begging to hold onto her for a longer period of time.
“Can I stay?” The question comes out of formality, despite already having decided he would stay under the woman's ceiling. Jaehyun needed her permission, wanted to hear her admit that she didn’t want to kick him out into the halls. He wanted her to express her own desperation, her own fragility. Soojin was a strong person, a lot of people who’d not been given the chance to sneak a peek at her vulnerability, often cited her as an intimidating and grumpy girl — but she was so much more than that, and despite her efforts to hide the typical human emotions with her seriousness, Jaehyun knew she couldn’t hide the hurt forever.
