not to be dramatic on main, but having access to an album that speaks this precisely to the grief, pain, depression, and isolation that take over your life when you get sick has been an absolute god send to me the last year. whenever i feel like i can't or don't want to keep living like this, i put on this album and experience a level of catharsis and understanding that can only come from a person who knows exactly what it feels like to have all the pain you've bottled up since childhood manifest itself in ways that feel terrifying and uncontrollable. happy 1st bday great impersonator đđ« i truly don't know what i would've done without you
Gonna post a real thing for TGI anniversary tomorrow but just winding down for sleep and thinking a lot. I want to say thank you to those of you who had patience and grace with me when I was recovering. Mostly, I want to thank you for your belief. Figuring out my new normal was a series of timid, newborn baby deer steps. It was a tremendous amount of care, not a lack of it. And now a year later, I have done the biggest tour of my career and Iâm now 5 shows into a completely different (and sold out!) SECOND tour celebrating the origin story. I know that the best of you expected nothing from me, only that I prioritize taking care of myself. And I love you dearly for that. But you must know how good and strong and beautiful it feels to return and give you EVERYTHING Iâve got instead.
am I a victim in your game? am I set of antique plates? will you pass me through your bloodline with your ornamental rage? can I take the blame for everything you hate? the punishment and crime are not the same
going through the badlands archive for anniversary celebrations and found these New Americana stills from some set ups that didnât make the final vid. I love the whiplash of moods lol little baby.
Iâve seen several people talking about how it makes them feel weird that Dog Years, a song that is explicitly about suicidal ideation, is something Halsey performs as a sexy song, and while thatâs completely fair, I personally think the performance style fits the song really well, even if itâs uncomfortable? (In fact, I think the discomfort is a purposeful, important element of the whole song)
Discussion of suicidal ideation and sex as a unenthusiastic performance below the cut
The first time I heard Dog Years I called it âevil petplayâ when explaining it to my friends because that imagery seems so deliberate. Halseyâs voice is getting all husky and low as they croon about what a good dog theyâve been and how they like a tight leash, and especially given their known love of/interest in kink, that takes your mind to a very specific and imo intentional place. But they turn it on its head â if theyâre going to be a dog, then theyâre an old, tired, weak, sickly one and they want to be put out of their misery and euthanized like you would any pet in that state, and that is very not sexy. Itâs a visceral image that can be quite upsetting and uncomfortable, all the more so when paired with the very sexually charged chorus. It makes that chorus feel like more of a reluctant performance â she doesnât feel sexy, sheâs not in the mood, but itâs whatâs expected of her and so sheâs going along with it and hey, if sheâs a good girl maybe sheâll get lucky and theyâll put her down. âIâm not here, Iâm somewhere elseâ â theyâre going through the motions of the performance and playing along with whatâs expected of them but their heart is not in it, and they feel nothing towards it.
And I feel like that plays into the entire theme of The Great Impersonator as a whole? The whole idea of the expected performance and what that experience does to a person: going through the motions because youâre an entertainer and your job is to entertain and put on a show, but the whole time youâre in the darkest place youâve ever been both physically and mentally, so sick that you truly expect you arenât going to survive it. But you still have to do the show, you still have to make it look good, you still have to be appealing to the crowd, and so you have to play the good girl who loves her tight leash because thatâs fun and sexy, and the rest of it is something you keep to yourself because people donât want to hear about that.
I really like the staging of Dog Years on the FMLT tour for that reason. There is something so visceral about Halsey sitting in sexy leather lingerie while literally chained to the stage singing about how much they want someone to just kill them. Sure, itâs sexy, but she is stuck there performing for you, even as sheâs voicing some of the darkest thoughts a person can have about themselves. How does that make you feel? Is it hot? Are you enjoying it? Should you be? That just fits the vibe I get from that song so well.
Of course, I could be fully misreading and Halsey could have had completely different intentions for this song, but thatâs just how Iâve seen it?
dog years is about getting fucked, bound, beaten, and gagged by a sadist dom/domme of a God. And begging, pleading, with all your might that it will stop if you just behave. And if it doesnât stop, at least just let me die. dog years is about being leashed to the stairwell, trapped in the house. Lighting up at the sound of the door knob jingling, hoping your Terrible Master has finally arrived home with a smile for the first time in years to ask you âwanna go for a ride in the caaaaaaar?!â but he doesnât. He tightens the leash. youâve done everything right and youâve behaved yourself. Sat when told. Ignored the mailmen. Down girl. But it doesnât matter. Youâre gonna waste away on the stairwell. Youâre gonna dream about the âfarmâ where youâve heard the other dogs get to go when their Owner God doesnât want them anymore. The fun place. You donât care if itâs a really just a bullet in the head. Your keeper is wicked and your body is oppressing you, you didnât ask to be kept. You used to be the sort of person who would fuck and fight and kick to your death. But youâre going to meet it like a scared and submissive animal. Eat the chocolate from the hand of your killer and wag your tail. Youâre nothing.
Lithograph, 1989, signed in pencil, dated and numbered 8/35 (total edition includes nine artist's proofs), on Rives BFK wove paper, with the blindstamp of the publisher, Hamilton Press, Venice, California, framed sheet: 686 by 916 mm 27 by 36 in
2087
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