something something about killer automatically practicing his expressions whenever he passes a mirrorā¦ā¦ā¦.
not even consciously half the time. any reflective surface catches his attention for a second too long and boom - heās adjusting.
the tilt of his grin, the sharpness of his eyelights, his posture, shoulders, where his hands rest, how approachable he looks, how dangerous, how tired, how unaffected.
again. and again. and again.
and it's so deeply devastating to me that killer is so good at shifting himself depending on who stands in front of him. humor here. carelessness there. cruelty when necessary. charm when useful. he understands presentation almost obsessively because somewhere along the line he learned that appearance dictated worth. that people saw, judged, and discarded first. that carelessness made you undesirable, and undesirable things were not kept.
i think after enough time, that kind of performance stops feeling separate from the self. the line blurs. expression becomes calculation. body language becomes maintenance.
so every reflection turns into a small dissection.
is the smile convincing enough? no, that's too sharp...fuck, not sharp enough. wait, do my movements match the image in my head? ...do i look unstable? do i look weak? do i look like myself at all?
if the answer is no, i can see it spiraling very quickly into frustration. paranoia, even. that horrible feeling of body and mind failing to align correctly, of something being wrong in ways he cannot fully articulate but immediately feels beneath his bones.
and honestly, killer being deeply insecure about his body adds something so tragic to all of this :( i can imagine him standing there for far too long, trying expression after expression until disgust starts creeping in. until every gesture feels artificial. until he leaves the mirror more dissatisfied with himself than when he first looked.
...wait! hold on...there...YES, there...mhm...yeah, now i look like someone actually worth staying for, huh?
stormborns
origamiaround
titsay
ellievsbear
snowghoul
dededos
prguitarman
