Natsu is very aware of his feelings for Lucy and here’s why:
so, I’ve been re-reading fairy tail and I couldn’t help but notice the sheer impact Natsu’s bond with Lucy has on him and WHY he realizes or atleast acknowledges his feelings for Lucy are very different than feelings for others. (Also if anyone’s already done this, I’m very sorry! I’m not on tumblr too often but I wanted to share my thoughts)
I’ll highlight it with three crucial moments a.k.a two moments where Natsu could’ve turned into E.N.D. And one where he did.
First, we have future Lucy’s death (which imo foreshadows EXACTLY how Natsu turns into E.N.D.)
The reason I believe he didn’t turn into E.N.D. here is because his Lucy is still alive in this scene. He is fully aware his Lucy isn’t dead (and future Lucy’s makes sure to reiterate that) but that doesn’t mean this didn’t change almost everything about his friendship/relationship with Lucy. He is physically reacting in such a way that he is speechless and swearing and shaking. He’s knows now, even if it’s just a small feeling, what it’s like to lose her. And he is aware, he doesn’t want it to happen again. That doesn’t happen to Natsu often.
Now, I believe this scene foreshadows what happens to Lucy because of these few panels. Yes, it could just be his hair covering his eyes, but usually Mashima just draws no eyes, rather than dark, almost black shading (and he is also shaking, maybe having the feeling of something overtaking him. But because it’s not HIS Lucy, he doesn’t turn). Natsus eyes in this scene are exactly why I believe Mashima foreshadowed what will make Natsu turn into E.N.D.
We know what happens after this. Natsu acts on pure instinct, and tries to end future Rogue, almost as if he is not in control. He is livid because he was shown something he never knew he didn’t want to see. Of course, he never wants any of his friends to die. But to him, as long as he was around, nothing could hurt them. That belief was shattered when future rogue easily took future Lucy’s life.
Might I add the emphasis Mashima puts on Natsu during this scene. Not anyone else, even though Wendy and loke and happy and Charle are there. Natsu was intentionally put in the spotlight and his emotions intentionally shown to everyone. Even the flashback is just painful to see.
Next, igneels death. Which, is just plain brutal.
But what’s important to note about this is that: his eyes aren’t shaded black like they were with future Lucy’s death. Guys, this is his DAD. His fucking dad. I really believed if anything would set off Natsu, like really push him over the edge, it would be this. Natsu has been searching for the man he created such a strong bond with for YEARS and that bond, might I add, never wavered. Even after being apart, his bond with his dad never once weakened. And when he finally finds him, igneel dies.
Rather than rampage, we see that Natsu is devestated. He is how he should be after the death of his dad. But even this, even how unimaginably painful this was for Natsu, it didn’t change him into E.N.D. It showed Natsu yet again, how utterly useless he is when he can’t save a life. Natsu is very aware of the weight of lives and especially the lives of his friends. But this doesn’t completely and utterly destroy him as the next ‘death’ and that’s Lucy’s death.
Lucy’s ‘death’ is exactly where I believe we see Natsus feelings for Lucy (and I just want to clarify I’m not talking about love. Natsu knows his feelings for Lucy are strong and different, but I don’t think he can fully label it yet as love, because he doesn’t know the different between romantic love and platonic love. But what he DOES know is the difference in feelings between he has for everyone else, and Lucy). We’ve seen before their interactions, everyone knows that they have some semblance of feeling for each other (except the two idiots themselves who don’t realize their love for each other).
Natsu, has never reacted like this in a fight. Not once, has Natsu ever fought a fight as driven by emotion as this. He, cannot he stopped. He knows it. He is not in control. I mean look at the emphasis on his eyes and how clear it is that he’s been crying. And his eyes.
The black, dark, shading is back. And this time, it’s there to stay as he’s finally turned into E.N.D. Lucy’s ‘death’ literally pushed his soul and mind to the point of no return (but obviously our girl Erza knocks some sense into them heh).
This reaction is very similar to future Lucy’s death, the biggest difference being, his Lucy is dead. I believe if rogue had actually accomplished killing the real Lucy instead of future Lucy, Natsu could have very well turned into E.N.D.
The death of his own dad didn’t do this to him. The death of his partner, his best friend, and the girl he holds so much emotion for, did.
This is why I believe Natsu is very aware of his feelings, because of what it does to him when he is in a situation where Lucy’s life is on the line. I couldn’t even count the number of times Natsus emotions go bezerk when he’s put in a situation where he can’t save her. He is ALWAYS aware of Lucy’s physical being when she’s around and what is happening to her (emotional as well, but he mentally probably cannot handle that yet cause he’s still a bit immature and a baby but we love him regardless heh).
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