Fii

ranting and random thoughts

[afibhi]

Meri zindagi ki backchodi shuru ho gaie hai, and that is because of me.

Anxiety , mom dad will leave by the end of August

Divorced

Living in village

[afibhi]

Apnay hi dukh daytay hain..

[julaibib]

[afibhi]

humain us but, us idol ko tor kay dil main Sirf Allah kay liye jagah banai hai....

[afibhi]

ego bhi aik idol ( but) hai... hum kabhi kabhi us but ki pooja kartay hain...

P.S : me to me : baby you are smart :P

[afibhi]

kabhi kabhi humain apna ego scarifice karna hota hai Allah ki rah main

[afibhi]

kabhi kabhi suicide letter likhnay ka bhi dil nahi karta ...

what has life become ??

why has life become like that ?

why am i lazy ?

why do i dislike zubair ?

i want to set myself and him free and my family free by doing suicide

is that a good alternative ?

why cant i make decision ?

where does this dark angry feeling come from ?

and why does it come from ?

i just want to pack my stuff and live else where ...

where is happiness?

i wont go to therapist again ..

I have ego ...

therapist says to go and live with him...

atee says it is a dead end ....

i only want to go because Imam Mehndi will come to MAkkah

I dont like him...

I do love pondering over quran

I do have love of quran

Allah has placed inside me the thirst of learning

Allah has given me good voice and good english accent ...

Afifa sometimes feel left out

Afifa you are smart and intelligent...

lol its like i have to do self talk ,,, hehehe :)

cute ...

you have gone through it once , you can go through it again... and you have done alot better... just figure out where does this feeling stems from and why does it come ?

dont let it destroy you..

may be it is your own shar... the shar within you ... which harms me...

[afibhi]

December 2023

a cold winter night ,

thoughts and feelings running like stream / water

i think i should do literature course, i alsways loved reading and wanted to be a writer, I have thoughts coming and going like flies, Idk i resembles my thoughts as flies... any way , Its almost december, end of 2023, ... 2022 and 2023 went better than 2021... did lots of crazy and wrong things in 2021....

2022 was better ., yeah i did wrong things, but i got a job at english o clock as english instructor, .. my mental health got betterin 2022 but i stopped taking med, which i shouldnt have... fast forward to 2023 feb .. z came , i was getting those anxious feelings from him.... it didnt work out in the early months of the year ... rn i m not in the mood of giving details ... well by the Alright let me say things straight away... i get distracted most of the time, ever since i ve started teaching at school,.. I got super excited to teach at school/... but school gives me stress and it makes me tired... the admin gives stress... tbh... i will write thr rest later,

i got enrolled in tcf dastak training online course, and creative writing course by awias khan , a pakistani author..

[afibhi]

Accept yourself and accept others the way they are

[afibhi]

Janay kaisay , kab aur kahan iqrar ho gaya ,

Hum sochtay he reh gayay aur pyar hogaya :D

[afibhi]

I will love you in all the ways that haven't been invented yet

[afibhi]

I do want to get intimate but with someone else...

But i have fears around intimacy. Fear getting close to people

[afibhi]

Kabhi kabhi dil karta hai keh yeh dil dharkna band ho jaie.

[afibhi]

.... vent

[afibhi]

Don't marry someone thinking you will start liking him after marriage.

I am struggling to link him ..

[afibhi]

During any hardship

Instead of going to weaklings

beesch, Implore the most powerful one , the creator , cherisher , maintains , owner of the universe

Allah azzawajal

[afibhi]

I went through spiritual identity crisis in 2021