This, is my last day in my home, my apartment, this hell I chose to call home. There is much packing, even more throwing away of the old and gone. I keep finding so much regret, and pain within things that I had sat away, so I would not have to deal with them in my ever present mask of psycho-motor retardation. I chose this, I put myself here, every heavy regret that I have brought along the way.
“No sympathy for the devil; keep that in mind. Buy the ticket, take the ride...and if it occasionally gets a little heavier than what you had in mind, well...maybe chalk it up to forced consciousness expansion: Tune in, freak out, get beaten.” So I may be homeless by the end of this day, I have had a lot going through my mind in the last few days, much of what is on my mind is my fear of the unknown in what may happen to me and my best friend, Nero. Somehow I find the strength to muster on, keep packing and sorting, tossing away what has become dead weight.
Though in my deep surprise, is in every little now and then, when I come across something... unexpected... and piece by piece I began to reassemble, my simple inspirations of the past, my previous passions and fires... and even some of my dreams, pieces of who I was, or hoped to become, long though passed and gone forever, an immeasurable solitude and quiet yet desperate solace.
So what does it all mean, what now, what comes next, I see my foundation becoming whole, the basic core of every fundamental straw of who I am or who I was to become, regaining ground, as every tiny piece of strength I hold in my hand, placed into the pockets which once held burdens and sorrows, what next?... Well who really ever knows... but into that dark night I will walk, a little taller, and more secure, without ever really knowing if it will be okay. I think the thing is, we have to do our best, to secure that future, and make every little thing be as okay as we can, because if we don’t... then tell me, in the end, who will?
