Agents of S.L.A.Y.

The Agents take a trip through Sunnydale

[agentsofslay]

Giles: You have responsibilities that other girls do not. Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah blah biddy blah, I’m so stuffy, give me a scone. Giles: It’s as if you know me.

[agentsofslay]

Willow: I’m good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time. Xander: No, she’s being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn’t have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong. Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor? Buffy: I… never have.

[agentsofslay]

Giles: Cordelia, have you actually ever heard of tact? Cordelia: Tact is just not saying true stuff. I’ll pass.

[agentsofslay]

Angel: Still, not every dream you have comes true. I mean, what else did you dream last night? Can you remember? Buffy: I dreamt … I dreamt that Giles and I opened an office supply warehouse in Vegas. Angel: You see my point?

[agentsofslay]

Angelus: No weapons, no friends, no hope. Take all that away, and what’s left? Buffy: Me.

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?! Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers! Buffy: On the hood of a police car?! Joyce: [goes to leave, glances back] I’ll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better! Buffy: Twice!?

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: Okay, you get Fangs, I’ll get Horny. I mean…

[punmasterbrett]

[agentsofslay]

Angel: You can be a rainbow [hits him] and not a "painbow"!

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: [about Spike] It's different. He's different. He has a soul now... What? Angel: That's great! Everyone's got a soul now. Buffy: He'll make a difference. Angel: You know, I started it. The whole having-a-soul. Before it was... all the cool new thing. Buffy: Oh my god, are you twelve? Angel: I'm getting the brush-off for Captain Peroxide. It doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me. Buffy: You're not getting the brush off. Are you just gonna come here and go all Dawson on me every time I have a boyfriend? Angel: Aha! [points] Boyfriend!

[agentsofslay]

Xander: Sometimes I think about two women doing a spell, and...then I do a spell by myself.

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: Okay, you get Fangs, I'll get Horny. I mean...

[agentsofslay]

Riley: Buffy. When I saw you stop the world from, you know, ending, I just assumed that was a big week for you. Turns out I suddenly find myself needing to know the plural of "apocalypse". Buffy: [Light-heartedly] Look, if you were fighting since you were fifteen, you'd have a hefty resume too! Riley: Fifteen?!

[agentsofslay]

Willow: Giles, I just talked to Buffy and, yeah, I think she's feeling a little... insane. [pause] No, not bitchy crazy, more like... homicidal maniac crazy. So I told her to come see you, OK?

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: Looks like a job for Wiccan girl. What do you say, Will? Big-time danger. Willow: Hey, I eat danger for breakfast. Xander: But oddly enough, she panics in the face of breakfast foods.

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: You had sex with Giles? You had sex with Giles?! Joyce: It was the candy! We were teenagers! Buffy: On the hood of a police car?! Joyce: [goes to leave, glances back] I'll be downstairs. [exits] You feel better! Buffy: Twice!?

[agentsofslay]

Buffy: I know this. It's down by the bus station. Not the nicest part of town. Giles: Again. See, no standards. I mean, any self-respecting demon should be living in a pit of filth or a nice crypt.