|agony| @agonyreapshope - Tumblr Blog

Love, friendship, and heartbreak all come down to one thing—messy, complicated feelings for someone.

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I looove this theme new moot<33

Thank you

Since August, every passing month reminds me of the scars I’ve bled through.

#it is in both poetic and literal sense #desi dark academia #desiblr #dark academia #desi teen #spilled ink #desi academia #desi aesthetic #desi shit posting #desi tag #spilled thoughts

dayaar-e-ishq

But you told me you wouldn't leave. You begged for my truth. You said, "I want to know everything." You said, “Show me your darkness I can hold it.” So I bled for you. I cracked open every sealed memory, dragged my darkness into the light for you. I opened my chest, showed you the rot, the ruins, the bones I built myself from. And now you look at me like I’m something you regret touching. Like I’m the thing that crept in through your window, not the girl who handed you her scars. You said you'd hold me, so why do your arms feel miles away now? You said you'd never judge me, then why does your silence sting more than the things I survived? You said you'd wipe my tears then why do your eyes look like judgment now? You said I was beautiful but now your gaze feels like acid, burning through every piece of me I barely stitched together. You wanted the truth, so I gave you every chapter I never wanted to read again. I told you why I flinch. Why I can't stand locked doors Why some nights I don't sleep and still, you stare like I'm the villain in your story. No. Don't you dare. Don’t you dare look at me like that. Like I’m the one who broke everything. Like I’m the monster in your fairy tale. I was the one drowning while smiling. I was the one who needed protection. I was the one screaming into pillows for someone to come save me. Not the monster. Never the monster. And now you look at me like my pain makes me unworthy of love? You asked why I am the way I am I told you. I handed you my hurt in trembling hands, and you recoiled. Like I was dirt. Like I was diseased. I handed you the ruins. The blood. The broken. And now you're walking away? You told me you wanted me to heal. But don’t you see? The way you're looking at me now like I’m filth, like I’m wrong, like I’m too much that is breaking me more than the things that hurt me in the first place. No. Don't you dare twist this. I was the victim. I was the child who needed saving, not the villain you're now painting in your mind because reality was too ugly for your comfort. You say you love me? Then why do your eyes scream disgust? Why does your silence feel like punishment, like shame you want to scrub off? Why does your disgust feel louder than any scream? You called me beautiful an hour ago. Now I see you flinching as if knowing what made me has made me less. As if now I’m shame wrapped in skin? You say you want me to heal? Then don’t you see? Healing starts with being believed. With being held. Not with being looked at like I’m cursed. You said you wouldn’t leave. So how could you? How could you leave me right after I showed you the parts no one else dared to look at? You said you’d never walk away. You promised. But you lied with softness in your voice. And I was foolish enough to believe it. So go. Walk away. But don’t you ever tell people I was too much. Tell them the truth that you weren’t strong enough to love someone who survived.

I can’t bear these losses anymore — my life has been filled with nothing but loss since childhood.