いちばん。

Please forget that this tumblr account exists.

[thedevilsfamiliar]

This is for the ao3 users who enjoy color or prefer non-white backgrounds

There is a TikTok user who made a tutorial of how to make your ao3 colorful, I’ll link her profile down below cuz she has MANY diff skin tutorials

Here is her tutorial, here is her link to her page.

These are two that caught my attention, but that’s cuz I need darker colors, she has a lot of pretty and colorful themes for y’all to check out!

Enjoy!

And thank you @cloudysao3 (her TikTok and Instagram handle)

[vestadragon]

For anyone finding this in 2025, the creator of the skins changed their handle and the original link to Tiktok doesn't work, so here are the new links:

Handle: @ cloudybakugou on Bluesky | Tiktok | Instagram (Lemon8 as well but I don't have an account so I can't link)

Both Insta and Bluesky have all their skins easily accessible, tho I recommend their post thread on Bluesky for quick and easy viewing

For anyone looking into not just color changes but different fonts, changes to the buttons and placement of titles/headers, check out @ao3skin and their collection of various easy to apply skins

These two I found first and I really like them, will check out them out soon!

A clean minimalistic site skin called Tide (light/dark, desktop/mobile versions available)

Dyslexia friendly site skin (light/dark, desktop/mobile versions available)

Follow the peeps who do all this for us to have a better experience on ao3, and thank them for their hard work!

[ahundredandten]

damn my wrist lookin pretty neat, i want draw on them

[ahundredandten]

I knew it.

People ought to get tired with me. Pretty easily. I knew it.

Yes, I’m the problem.

I’m so tired. Do people really expect me to be okay in spite of everything that’s happening to me lately? Do people really think I can forget that easily? Do people really think I’m THAT strong?

I’m not strong. I can’t even fight.

In fact, I keep losing to myself every single fucking damn time.

“No, you’re a fighter— because you’re still alive.”

Do y’all think I wanted this? Do y’all really think I’m thankful I’m still alive? I don’t even know if I deserve to live— or to even d이e. I don’t know where I should belong anymore. I can’t fucking fit in.

People always tell me to always tell them what’s on my mind but when I do, they get confused and messed up and didn’t know what to do or what to say. People often think that if I just tell them my problem, they’ll magically disappear. No, they don’t.

The problem is still there, it doesn’t disappear. Telling them to other people just makes everything worst. The fact that people knew about them just adds more burden to the one that bears them because of the fact that they’re helpless. It’s an endless cycle.

You know what helps? Releasing it— physically.

Ever since I was in high school I had this hobby of mine. Growing up, I never really felt any kind of love and affection from my parents so I guess I never really knew what receiving them felt like. Looking back, I remember them making me kneel on a bunch of salt for several hours with two to three books places in my hands while they’re stretched out on both sides whenever I commit a mistake. I also remember getting hit by hanger or a even a broomstick every time I try to speak up and defend myself. I remember not getting supported by them on the things I want to do. They don’t even know what kind of person I wanted to be when I grew up because they never really bothered to ask me about it. I hardly remember them saying they love me or even care for me not even once.

-

[ahundredandten]

-

I guess I never really feel loved at all. Never.

Growing up was such a hard time—fucking stressful which is why I learned to release my stress in a different way.

And I find it very effective.

Someone asked me once, why do I h우rt myself? Why did I c우t both my arms so many times? Why did I c우t my wrist, so deep it almost hit a nerve? Why did I c우t my legs? What do I get from them?

Let me tell you what I get from them:

Firstly and I think it’s the most important, they’re warm. Every c우t h우rt and it stings your flesh for a certain amount of time. Afterwards, you’ll get that warm feeling as if your c우ts are getting caught on a fire.

It stings and it h우rts but they’re warm. That’s the first.

Second is it gives you that feeling of satisfaction. Satisfaction from what? That, I dunno. I just feel satisfied whenever I do that.

Third is that I always believe that if you can’t think if a way to solve your problem, you can pretend to solve them by replacing them with something new. Something that is rather easier to deal with. When I have those wounds, they’re all that I can think of— not my problems, not anything. They’re all that I can feel.

Every one has their own way of dealing with their problems. This is my way. Now everyone would probably think this is all wrong, but I can’t think of anything else that I could do. I always imagine doing it other way, like how people normally does but I think I’ll fucking go insane instead.

Or maybe I am really insane.

[ahundredandten]

Again, the words didn’t hurt— but the person that said them did.

[ahundredandten]

Then again maybe I don’t really know everyone. Heck I don’t even know myself. I feel like there’s 64 versions of myself living inside my body.

[ahundredandten]

My mind and me, we don't get along sometimes.

[ahundredandten]

maybe the reason why people often feel like i don’t try enough for them is because i unconsciously and unknowingly gave up on myself. like, if you’re gonna stay then good and if you’re not then it’s fine. i’m okay with that and i’ll be okay with people walking away even in the future bec i believe that’s how life was designed for me. keeping up to everyone’s expectations is hard when you know yourself that you’re not strong. you don’t have that main character vibes within you because you know damn well that main characters always have happy endings. and you already know you’re not destined for those kind of thing.

things aren’t bound to get better because it’ll never be. it never did.

[ahundredandten]

たぶん、多分、私たちが本当に幸せである別の宇宙があります。

[ahundredandten]

I’m in pain, so much pain that I don’t think I can handle it anymore. I’ve been clean for months now, and I don’t want to relapse. I already promise I’m not gonna hurt myself, but I can’t think of any way to release it.

I feel like I’m going to explode.

Nevermind. I’ll just take a deep breath, and then turn them off. Again. I’ll be okay.

[ahundredandten]

Maybe I was just too foolish to think I’m bound to experience great things, too. Not now, but someday.

I was too foolish.

[ahundredandten]

I miss myself so much.

I dont even fucking remember how I was before all this shit and how I’ve been originally.

[ahundredandten]

Great things have yet to come. Great things have yet to come.

[ahundredandten]

how nice would it be to live without any worries? How nice would it be to live doing whatever you like?

Free from people, free from trouble, free from any types of burden, free from stress.

Free from all things.

[ahundredandten]

Drew this last night while listening to I’m so sad by gnash.

One thing I love about Dazai is because he loves the word ‘s*icide’ so much. The way he wanted to d*e so hard but doesn’t want to suffer is so relatable to me.

[ahundredandten]

It sucks when you have to change yourself just so people wouldn’t leave you.

It’s as if you don’t have the right to be wrong, weak and afraid at the same time.

[ahundredandten]

I’ve been crying a lot in secret recently.

I dunno. Maybe the reason why I do is because I haven’t been able to release my stress the way I used to. I haven’t been able to cut lately. I miss doing it so much.

[ahundredandten]

I Miss My Ironman

It's been a year without you, Pa. Time passed by like a blur and it's still so surreal for me.

I remember singing along with you even if I didn't really know any lyrics of the song you were singing back then whenever we get a chance to come home together. I remember you laughing at my dumbness when I told you I took the wrong jeep on my way home. I remember you annoying the hell out of Mom whenever you take whatever she says LITERALLY and I, having to hear the two of you argue about such silly thing, will just laugh it off. I remember you cooking or buying meals for me and waking me up to eat just so I wouldn't skip lunch. I remember you bringing me a glass of cold water whenever I wake up exhausted in the middle of the day.

Most of all, I still remember that day. When you told me and Mom that you're fine, even if you're not because you're badly sick , just so she wouldn't skip her work and I would be able to take a nap because I just got home from night shift. That day, for me, was one of the most unforgettable days of my life— one of the moments where I totally hate myself. I woke up only to see my older sister crying at your lifeless figure laying down beside me. Until now, I still blame myself. I should've stayed up for a little longer. I should've realized at that certain moment that you needed me more than I needed rest. I shouldn't have been so stupid enough to only think of myself. If only... if only I was there to take care of you, you wouldn't have left us just like that.

None of us was even able to say goodbye. It was painful.

Excruiciating.

A complete torture.

Life has never been easy since then. Random moments where the sudden thought of you will hit me. Random thoughts that ask me 'What if I wasn't asleep that day, would you still be alive?', 'What would you look like if you're still here?', 'Are you proud of me?' and a lot more will suddenly invade my brain in the middle of the night. Every day, I am forcing myself to wake up and deal with the tormenting reality that you're not there to support me anymore. It's still hurts to think that I will never be able to see your face again. It's hard. Surviving without you is hard.

I cannot verbalize how much I miss you. My heart aches with simultaneous numbness each time I think of you. I miss seeing you. I miss hearing your voice. I miss your signature paksiw and my favorite adobo. I miss everything about you, Papa. The world goes on but I'm still stuck in the middle. This unexplainable pain in my chest has sat for a year and I don't think it'll ever leave but I will remain strong. For you, I will.

You were my original Ironman and you always will be. My superhero, my safe haven, my home. Thank you for doing your best, Papa. I love you and you will always have a special place in my heart.