[aikaveli-blog]

[whining under cut.]

I can’t find the strength to roleplay here lately. I’ve had much less fun and more a desperate struggle to keep people in this social game socializing and working together because that’s what co-authorship is. Most times it’s more like dragging someone by the hand than a real feel of cooperation. Maybe I’m coming on too strong. Maybe I’m not as appealing to people.

Maybe.

What I know is that, on this platform, it doesn’t quite do for me or my character the good things I want for her and myself. People who were truly worth every minute we’ve planned and plotted together, most of them have my Skype, or my mail, or we talk in IMs regularly. I’m sure most of them won’t mind if we continue there if my loathing towards this resource grows any more dire.

I came here to have fun, construct characters, plots and events within a setting, NOT to solve anyone’s anxieties. I’ve got plenty of my own, thankyouverymuch, and I fucking live with them. Last Thursday, I had my grandfather die in the next room to me, I heard the reanimation attempts, I saw his dead body and in the following days I had to calm the endless hysterical relatives in their circle jerk of nerve-wrecking and sleep 5 hours a day without shedding a tear. After this, if anyone is scared to talk to me, I don’t fucking care any longer. People who want to roleplay with me, will talk to me. I will not tap dance around the others.

This place is strangling me and my creative potential, because I waste a lot of time trying to get contact with a lot of people, nine of ten of which will not stay for various reasons, instead of what I should be doing - working with a partner to construct a convoluted plan to take over the world.

I want to write. I want to draw a comic. I want to express myself.

I want to play the interesting plots that I have.

I need a break from here.

[aikaveli-blog]

okay, I’m back, sitting here on drafts. will do them in random order and post in portions of 2-3 not to spam.

If I owe you a starter and you would still like one (or would like a new one), please, like this message or let me know.

[aikaveli-blog]

okay, timeout till weekend. relative died 4 hours ago.

[aikaveli-blog]

Okay. Tomorrow is the glorious return. ^_^”

[aikaveli-blog]

Something very unpleasant happened and kept happening for a while now. I need to take a week more to sort things out.

I ain’t gonna disappear from here without a warning, and that’s gonna be a worst case scenario in any case, but yeah. Gotta be out for a week. Sorry.

[aikaveli-blog]

I’ll take a weekend off Tumblr to finish work and whatnot. ^_^

Miss me.

[aikaveli-blog]

What would your muse put into a flower crown for mine?

Apple Blossom: A promise

Pink carnation: Gratitude

Red carnation: Flashy

Striped carnation: Refusal

White carnation: Remembrance

Yellow carnation: Cheerful

Bronze chrysanthemum: Excitement

White chrysanthemum: Truth

Red chrysanthemum: Sharing

Yellow chrysanthemum: Secret admirer

Crocus: Foresight

Daffodil: Chivalry

Daisy: Innocence

Forget-Me-Not: Remember me forever

Geranium : Comfort

Heather: Solitude

Hibiscus: Delicate beauty

Holly: Domestic happiness

Hyacinth: Sincerity

Iris: Inspiration

Ivy: Fidelity

Jasmine: Grace and elegance

Lavender: Distrust

Lilac: First love

Magnolia: Dignity

Marigold: Desire for riches

Orchid: Delicate beauty

Pansy: Loving thoughts

Peony: Healing

Poppy: Consolation

Rhododendron: Beware

Pink rose: Admiration/appreciation

Red rose: Passionate love

Red & white rose: Unity

White rose: Purity

Yellow rose: Friendship

Snapdragon: Presumptuous

Sunflower: Adoration

Sweetpea: Shyness

Pink tulip: Caring

Purple tulip: Royalty

Red tulip: Declaration of love

White tulip: Forgiveness

Yellow tulip: Hopelessly in love

Violet: Faithfulness

Wisteria: Steadfast

[wishes-and-fools]

[roleplayermemes]

“Everlost” sentence starters

“Your hair looks funny.”

“Monster only had the power that you gave them.”

“That… Is totally uncalled for.“

“Don’t do that again. Ever.”

“Are we clear on the subject?”

“Your screaming days are over.”

“Can I scream a little?”

“Darn.”

This book is so interesting. I always wonder what’s going to happen next.”

“This game’s stupid. Who the heck is Zelda, anyway?”

“Maybe we’re standing like coins on the edge?”

“We might be able to shake things up a little, and find a way to come up heads.”

“What are you talking about?”

“There are mysteries in _______. Some of them are wonderful, and others are scary.”

“Perhaps that’s why we’re here: to experience the good and the bad that _____ has to offer.”  

“This is not going to be easy.”

“I’m good at being bad, but I’m bad at being good.”

“I don’t know the first thing about good deeds.”

“What? Were you born stupid, or did you just die that way?”

“Think of it this way…”

“We’re not ghosts.”

“But we can’t choose what we forget.”

“The more we try to forget something, the more we end up remembering it.”

“Sorry, you just caught me off-guard.”

“No person in the world ever lost anything by being nice to me.“

“Nobody ever lost money taking a profit.“

[misspjane]

RIP Alan Rickman

[voidshrieker-blog]

“Falkreath burned…”  His voice was quiet.  His spines flat against his scales in an instant.  He came all this way for nothing.  The last Sanctuary was gone - but.  That couldn’t have been right.  The One’s ‘voice’ was like a terrible echo in his head.  The taste of their sap on his sickened tongue.  “No.  You mistaking.  Hist talks riddle - but no lie.  Say ‘snow.’ ‘Home.’  Say ‘Seth call.’  Comes to serve.  Gives no choice.” His nostrils flared.  Eyes fixed coldly on her.  The Hist mentioned nothing of fires or he would have been there sooner.  But it had given him a chance to turn the questions back on her.  Something wasn’t right here.  If there was no Sanctuary to go to, he would have never been sent away from the trees.   But he kept his voice level.  “Sister speak one, Hist speak another.  Say speak Mother will?  Why Sanctuary fall?”

[aikaveli-blog]

He’s saying that I am mistaken. How much does he know, exactly? Definitely, he knows what Sanctuary I am going about. Did he know Astrid? Yet, the information seems new. He knew about the last Sanctuary, and he did not come to aid... why? There was one more problem to be worried about. Someone dead who seemed to subtly know things about every new Brother, was fond of expressing his disapproval, and had a blade on him. I’ll worry about him later.

“I speak for our Unholy Matron, else I would not be standing here. But the blood bond you’ve once sealed with the Brotherhood did not bring you back to us,” ...for good or bad... “when the time came for judgement of worth.” She remained impassive, with eyes peering into the assassin’s. “That is why I want you to know: when the bond is rekindled, you shall not leave us again, not until you draw your last dying breath.”

She broke the stare between them. “We shall travel to your target. It is not far from here.”

[voidshrieker-blog]

His slitted eyes narrowed as he leaned backwards.  His spines lifting slowly in thought.  The thoughts of a Mer were hard to understand.  Why would she not simply give him his order and judge his performance?  Or…  Was this the order…?  This was his test but… “Make specific.”  If he could manage a frown, he would be doing it now.  His mind trying to turn and process this alien word and the bizarre notion of time that it created. “Hides in shadows - assassin.  Named brother.“  His tail dragged heavily across the frozen dirt.  “What mean ‘before’?”

[aikaveli-blog]

Aha. Her lids sunk a bit lower, and the half-blood shifted from one foot to another. Sadness begun to fill her heart. Not a gentle sadness that a sister would have for a brother failing - a cruel, cold sadness that could be melted away only by blood. They were alike, it felt alike. But he wasn’t there. He didn’t go through blazing fires and icy waters and all the wrong, wrong spilled blood to earn forgiveness. We cannot lose a Brother right now. But I cannot afford a potential traitor to simply walk into the halls of the Sanctuary.  “You must choose your ‘before’ on your own. Before you’d left Family? Before you’d made a decision to return, perhaps? Before Falkreath burned and you weren’t there? Always, the choice is yours.”

Her thin-lipped smile was sweet, but her eyes were dark. Two wells with a green rim. A break-neck fall. Perhaps, it could enlighten me in this dilemma. Face - but not the name, skill - but not whom it was turned against. “Why return now?” her voice sank almost to a whisper, a crooning murmur. “It is easy to tell that you are far away from home... wherever home is.”

[aikaveli-blog]

To me it is a solid grade of creepy when a character is being homely/amiable, but I know they can start peeling fingernails the next second if they decide that they’ve been betrayed. Like, with my choice of character, literally the best thing if she ever reaches the point. When Kay acts aloof, she is the most sincere in what she is saying and less likely to truly harm until she’s weighted the action out. A version of ‘a barking dog doesn’t bite’, maybe. Doesn’t mean she can’t delegate injuring someone to somebody else but her.

[fyp-philosophy]

Only passions, great passions can elevate the soul to great things.

Denis Diderot (via fyp-philosophy)

[voidshrieker-blog]

The reptile’s tongue flicked out between his lips.  This was why he traveled all the way from the Marsh and into the cold and inhospitable lands of Skyrim.  A chance to re-join the Family.  To where he belonged.  But he hesitated.  His body still stiff, and not just from the chill that soaked through his skin. “Cyrodiil fine.”  He muttered, his spines lowering slowly in submission to the womer.  He had become an assassin once, done their test to gain their approval.  But that was more than a lifetime ago, and times had changed.  The Brotherhood might have too.  What would it take to be allowed in a new Sanctuary now?  “Who I kill?”

[aikaveli-blog]

The cog’s in her head were spinning fast. Mother’s will, desertion, could it be forgiven, or was She testing if her daughter followed the path of Astrid? Now it was not the will, now She could make it almost personal, as She id before. What could be done? Do I keep him out of the Sanctuary? Can I even consider him trustworthy? Her riddle only clued that he was someone from the past. That means that I am dealing with a killer. But what kind of one? There were so many Shadowscales in the years long ago...

She shook her head slowly, eyes never leaving the Argonian’s head. “No. First, I need you to answer a question.” The woman’s hands unfolded, presumably hanging limp along her body under the cloak’s fabric. There were too many questions she wanted answered, right there, at that moment. But some inner instinct limited her to a single one. “Do you remember what you were, before?” And then, she would watch, silently, almost unblinking, to how he would answer, to what he would answer.

[scenesfromtamriel]

[spirit-of-trochilidae-deactivat]

Misty Oaks by wentloog on Flickr.